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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:43 am 
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Your petrol cap is the perfect size to wedge under the nozzle lever when filling up so you don't have to hold it in manually. :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:48 am 
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Chips wrote:
Your petrol cap is the perfect size to wedge under the nozzle lever when filling up so you don't have to hold it in manually. :thumbup:


Make sure to touch metal on the car to ground any static electrical charge you might have built up while driving if you’re going to do that.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:52 am 
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avoid joining sports forums if you want to boost productivity in the workplace


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:15 pm 
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For the chaps amongst us, a surprising amount of pleasure is available by way of clasping one's male member in one's hand and pretending to polish a candlestick.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:25 pm 
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Avoid hiring unlucky people by simply throwing half of the CVs in the bin without reading them.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:27 pm 
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earl the beaver wrote:
Avoid hiring unlucky people by simply throwing half of the CVs in the bin without reading them.


this

plus if you can't pronounce & spell their name, into the bin they go


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:28 pm 
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Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:33 pm 
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MungoMan wrote:
For the chaps amongst us, a surprising amount of pleasure is available by way of clasping one's male member in one's hand and pretending to polish a candlestick.


With Brasso?


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:33 pm 
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earl the beaver wrote:
Avoid hiring unlucky people by simply throwing half of the CVs in the bin without reading them.

viz 1988 at a guess


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:33 pm 
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Never loan anyone money.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:34 pm 
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Avoid being banned again from chat forums by posting like a cunt that you got zapped in the first place


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:35 pm 
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A ladder turned upside down can be used for climbing down things.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:36 pm 
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handyman wrote:
Never loan anyone money.

+1


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:36 pm 
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Ignore all left and right signs as they are just political slogans.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:37 pm 
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globus wrote:
handyman wrote:
Never loan anyone money.

+1


hang on - fairly sure you said you arranged mortgages and helped out family members.

more lies !

:P


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:39 pm 
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crash 669 wrote:
MungoMan wrote:
For the chaps amongst us, a surprising amount of pleasure is available by way of clasping one's male member in one's hand and pretending to polish a candlestick.


With Brasso?

Silvo, you pleb :x

Image


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:40 pm 
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Like chat forums? Become a moderator and use your banning tools with capricious randomness.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:40 pm 
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earl the beaver wrote:
Avoid hiring unlucky people by simply throwing half of the CVs in the bin without reading them.

:lol: :lol: :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:41 pm 
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Chips wrote:
Like chat forums? Become a moderator and use your banning tools with capricious randomness.

Wot a shame u have no wins to share, pusnuts


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:42 pm 
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Whether you think you can or can't; you're right.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:45 pm 
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Spaghetti Bolognese makes the perfect intestines for a badly wounded action man.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:47 pm 
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If you want to capture a horse on film, tape a bunch of cats together.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:48 pm 
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backrow wrote:
globus wrote:
handyman wrote:
Never loan anyone money.

+1


hang on - fairly sure you said you arranged mortgages and helped out family members.

more lies !

:P

That's exactly what I did. Not always a good idea when you lend a cousin a bob or two and she pisses it up the wall insead of buying the caravan she wanted.

Plus other family misdemeanours.

I also "lent" funds to this fellow in Luton airport when the Icelandic Eyjafjallajökull went boom and not a plane moved for three days.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Buffery


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:48 pm 
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Fool distant drivers into thinking you own a Volvo by turning your headlights on during daytime driving.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:52 pm 
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feckwanker wrote:
If you want to capture a horse on film, tape a bunch of cats together.


I don't get it. :(


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:53 pm 
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Easy and inexpensive way to feel really good is to start hitting yourself on the head with a hammer.

It will feel really good when you stop.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:53 pm 
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Avoid being punched in the face next time you insult someone by simply adding "no disrespect but" at the start of the sentence. It never fails to bamboozle the victim


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:54 pm 
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globus wrote:
backrow wrote:
globus wrote:
handyman wrote:
Never loan anyone money.

+1


hang on - fairly sure you said you arranged mortgages and helped out family members.

more lies !

:P

That's exactly what I did. Not always a good idea when you lend a cousin a bob or two and she pisses it up the wall insead of buying the caravan she wanted.

Plus other family misdemeanours.

I also "lent" funds to this fellow in Luton airport when the Icelandic Eyjafjallajökull went boom and not a plane moved for three days.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Buffery


presume this cousin also met an untimely end, and you were disappointed you didn't inherit a caravan like you had planned ?


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 12:57 pm 
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earl the beaver wrote:
Avoid being punched in the face next time you insult someone by simply adding "no disrespect but" at the start of the sentence. It never fails to bamboozle the victim



Also, add the precursor "by all accounts..." before telling somebody your personal and extremely biased recollection of an event.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 1:00 pm 
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A pair off angry bumblebees in a cigar tube make an inexpensive yet highly effective vibrator for the that special lady in your life


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 1:06 pm 
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Nieghorn wrote:
Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.

See MungoMan ^^^ ?


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 1:08 pm 
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Poshprop wrote:
A pair off angry bumblebees in a cigar tube make an inexpensive yet highly effective vibrator for the that special lady in your life

:lol:


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 1:10 pm 
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ok lets be serious for a moment, and not regurgitate old Viz tips

I mentioned this on the 'what have you done to save money' thread - challenge your council tax to get it lowered perhaps !

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/recla ... nds-change

I would add that if you can explain why a change to your property would have decreased the property value, then do so (in my case back in 1991 there was a garage on site, it since got knocked down as had asbestos).

I managed to get my house band lowered in this way, and has saved me thousands in the ten years or so I've been on a lower band than nearly all my neighbours. nothing would please me more than prompting a uk based poster to do this and save money :proud:


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 1:12 pm 
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Hong Kong wrote:
Avoid being banned again from chat forums by posting like a cunt that you got zapped in the first place


What. A. Dick.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 1:31 pm 
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backrow wrote:
globus wrote:
backrow wrote:
globus wrote:
handyman wrote:
Never loan anyone money.

+1


hang on - fairly sure you said you arranged mortgages and helped out family members.

more lies !

:P

That's exactly what I did. Not always a good idea when you lend a cousin a bob or two and she pisses it up the wall insead of buying the caravan she wanted.

Plus other family misdemeanours.

I also "lent" funds to this fellow in Luton airport when the Icelandic Eyjafjallajökull went boom and not a plane moved for three days.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Buffery


presume this cousin also met an untimely end, and you were disappointed you didn't inherit a caravan like you had planned ?

J is still about. The good news is that her son D has got a good job and is contributing to her family.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 1:55 pm 
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MungoMan wrote:
crash 669 wrote:
MungoMan wrote:
For the chaps amongst us, a surprising amount of pleasure is available by way of clasping one's male member in one's hand and pretending to polish a candlestick.


With Brasso?

Silvo, you pleb :x


crash; I think your Derek & Clive reference was missed.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 4:40 pm 
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If you're going for a big night out prepare by putting a roll of toilet paper in the fridge.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 4:42 pm 
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Don't go to Australia if you are brown


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 4:44 pm 
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Use the metal buckle of your setbelt to open beer bottles whilst driving


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 4:45 pm 
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paddyor wrote:
If you're going for a big night out prepare by putting a roll of toilet paper in the fridge.

I remember using blotting paper once. The old greaseproof just smeared everything, everywhere.

In my youth the paper had "Now wash your hands" in red on every individual tissue.


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