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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:21 pm 
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Right handed or left handed?
Back to front or front to back?
Slip a pinky up for good luck?
Check the paper afterwards to check for ghost shits?
Scrunched paper, or folded.

We all know this is what separates us from the apes. Lets get it right!


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:24 pm 
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I Don't Believe It - Another Resurrection

Or a reserve erection.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:25 pm 
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Sitting down or standing up is the real question.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:27 pm 
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With some venom.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:37 pm 
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This is how the Romans did it:

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:38 pm 
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Location: Yemen
how can people wipe standing :?


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:41 pm 
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Akkerman wrote:
how can people wipe standing :?


I lean forward and to the left. The issue this has is that it loosens the seat over time. I have now started squatting just over the seat to wipe, and have reaped benefits in both seat durability and muscle tone.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:47 pm 
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I swallow one or more baby wipes, depending on the severity of the spill and the likelihood of a catastrophic loss of container integrity.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:58 pm 
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This is not going to reach the level of disagreement and self-righteousness of the original. Although I wish it would.

Hey hoe - here we go.

Sat down is an obvious. Back to front or vice versa is a question of choice. I use both personally.

What I don't remember being discussed before is which choice of finger?

Social for me :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:06 pm 
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Location: Above you.
I drag myself across the living room carpet.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:07 pm 
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Plato'sCave wrote:
I drag myself across the living room carpet.

I can believe that


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:25 pm 
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Plato retreats to the garden. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRxfPBhjU94


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:27 pm 
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Now sniff it.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:35 pm 
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Flack wrote:
Plato retreats to the garden. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRxfPBhjU94


:lol:


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 10:05 pm 
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I have low paid Irish to lick mine clean.

They do a good job of the floors too.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 10:14 pm 
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Torquemada 1420 wrote:
I have low paid Irish to lick mine clean.

They do a good job of the floors too.

Tbf you do come across as the sort of gay guy that is also a paraphiliac.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 10:15 pm 
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c69 wrote:
Torquemada 1420 wrote:
I have low paid Irish to lick mine clean.

They do a good job of the floors too.

Tbf you do come across as the sort of gay guy that is also a paraphiliac.

You need to get on the Crossword thread C69.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 10:23 pm 
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Thoroughly :proud:


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:22 pm 
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Whilst my wiping technique is workmanlike, I always finish with a flourish.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:35 am 
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Wiping your arse is a disgusting unhygienic act introduced by the British...why would you walk around with shit still attached to your arse? Disgusting practice. The French are far more hygienic and park a bidet next to the bog so you can wash yourself properly. Better still the Japanese have perfected it. I'm currently here now and the loos are worth visiting japan alone. You open the door and the light comes on and the toilet seat magically rises...you sit down on a lovely heated seat...make a dump then look down to the right at the controls....hit bidet and an arm comes out and blasts your blurter...if that's not enough you can have it hot, warm or cold.

Japan is how the world should be...highly recommended.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:36 am 
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I've never actually pooed so cannot answer.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:46 am 
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I have a bidet.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 1:01 am 
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Location: STRAYA PLUM
Left to right.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 2:25 am 
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Right handed or left handed? Right
Back to front or front to back? north to south
Slip a pinky up for good luck? only when wearing rubber gloves
Check the paper afterwards to check for ghost shits? of course
Scrunched paper, or folded. folded, then scrunched


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 2:46 am 
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Location: Coalfalls
Newby1 wrote:
Right handed or left handed?
Back to front or front to back?
Slip a pinky up for good luck?
Check the paper afterwards to check for ghost shits?
Scrunched paper, or folded.

We all know this is what separates us from the apes. Lets get it right!

With my hat.

Who doesn't?


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 3:16 am 
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Location: Straya, cnuts!
Torquemada 1420 wrote:
I have low paid Irish to lick mine clean.

They do a good job of the floors too.


I hope they do the floors first...

x(

insane


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 4:13 am 
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Sat down, back to front.

I tried to use a bidet in Portugal, of all places, over the summer, but I must admit, I was all at sea. Just a tap down the ass crack.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 10:30 am 
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Razor wrote:
Wiping your arse is a disgusting unhygienic act introduced by the British...why would you walk around with shit still attached to your arse? Disgusting practice. The French are far more hygienic and park a bidet next to the bog so you can wash yourself properly. Better still the Japanese have perfected it. I'm currently here now and the loos are worth visiting japan alone. You open the door and the light comes on and the toilet seat magically rises...you sit down on a lovely heated seat...make a dump then look down to the right at the controls....hit bidet and an arm comes out and blasts your blurter...if that's not enough you can have it hot, warm or cold.

Japan is how the world should be...highly recommended.


Ah you haven't experienced the pleasure of a Japanese squat toilet yet.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 10:40 am 
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No nation can consider itself as a civilized one if the use of a bidet isn't widespread into every single household. I'm honestly shocked by the lack of a such wonderful invention in some countries.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 11:03 am 
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Newby1 wrote:
Right handed or left handed?
Back to front or front to back?
Slip a pinky up for good luck?
Check the paper afterwards to check for ghost shits?
Scrunched paper, or folded.

We all know this is what separates us from the apes. Lets get it right!


How would I rattle my Daggs if I did that?


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 11:27 am 
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PumaBoot wrote:
No nation can consider itself as a civilized one if the use of a bidet isn't widespread into every single household. I'm honestly shocked by the lack of a such wonderful invention in some countries.


So would your civilizational pecking order be:

Anal hygiene
Art
Science
Culture
Rugby

or...

Anal hygiene
Rugby
Science
Art
Culture?


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:34 pm 
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I wipe my arse so that every time I shake hands with a muslim I send him to immortal damnation.


Its a simple way to beat the Musulman.

Only problem is that I havent met one in a decade.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 12:35 pm 
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6roucho wrote:
PumaBoot wrote:
No nation can consider itself as a civilized one if the use of a bidet isn't widespread into every single household. I'm honestly shocked by the lack of a such wonderful invention in some countries.


So would your civilizational pecking order be:

Anal hygiene
Art
Science
Culture
Rugby

or...

Anal hygiene
Rugby
Science
Art
Culture?


Anal
Rugby
Sex
Ecstasy

Shirley?


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 2:12 pm 
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On a swan's neck...


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 2:41 pm 
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Location: Mostly London........Mostly
Depends on where on the chart I am!

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 6:03 pm 
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PumaBoot wrote:
No nation can consider itself as a civilized one if the use of a bidet isn't widespread into every single household. I'm honestly shocked by the lack of a such wonderful invention in some countries.

You've done the bleaching bit haven't you.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 8:01 pm 
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Doesn't a bidet just wash the crap from your crack on to the back of your sack?


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 4:05 pm 
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well if it's a girl, then def front to back


the mid wife just told me



wife looked a bit puzzled when I said that "at last, Opensides vindicated"



happy xmas


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 4:12 pm 
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Glaston wrote:
I wipe my arse so that every time I shake hands with a muslim I send him to immortal damnation.


Its a simple way to beat the Musulman.

Only problem is that I havent met one in a decade.


We also wash our hands 5 times a day as a minimum.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 4:16 pm 
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Got this for C69 last christmas
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