Planet Rugby Forum

jolindien wrote:With all the wealthy (but only the fùcking babyboomers maybe !?), intelligent (surely not babyboomers ?) and executive-type guys we have in here, i am pretty amazed that quite some (many ?) are affected with depression and anxiety, and i am really wondering what you guys think is dragging people into such problems ? work, family, love ? ... i'd go for work + familly/love.

Was there that many depression problems back in the babyboomers good years ?

I really think we are living shitty times with almost no-future labelled on everything, and that it is putting us in such a state of mind (or not helping at all).



PS : audi (cars of the boomers !), fùck off noob.

With respect Jolin we tend not to address the "whys" on this thread unless they're relevant to helping people. By all means start a thread on it but this ones for help and support.

jolindien wrote:With all the wealthy (but only the fùcking babyboomers maybe !?), intelligent (surely not babyboomers ?) and executive-type guys we have in here, i am pretty amazed that quite some (many ?) are affected with depression and anxiety, and i am really wondering what you guys think is dragging people into such problems ? work, family, love ? ... i'd go for work + familly/love.

Was there that many depression problems back in the babyboomers good years ?

I really think we are living shitty times with almost no-future labelled on everything, and that it is putting us in such a state of mind (or not helping at all).



PS : audi (cars of the boomers !), fùck off noob.

Depression doesn't care how rich you are, how successful you are, or how good your family is.

What HAS changed is how people view mental illness, including depression, and how it's less likely to be hidden. While there may be societal factors leading to an increase in depression, it's also understood that "back in the day" nobody talked about it, nobody acknowledged it, and nobody treated it.

bimboman wrote:

jolindien wrote:With all the wealthy (but only the fùcking babyboomers maybe !?), intelligent (surely not babyboomers ?) and executive-type guys we have in here, i am pretty amazed that quite some (many ?) are affected with depression and anxiety, and i am really wondering what you guys think is dragging people into such problems ? work, family, love ? ... i'd go for work + familly/love.

Was there that many depression problems back in the babyboomers good years ?

I really think we are living shitty times with almost no-future labelled on everything, and that it is putting us in such a state of mind (or not helping at all).



PS : audi (cars of the boomers !), fùck off noob.

With respect Jolin we tend not to address the "whys" on this thread unless they're relevant to helping people. By all means start a thread on it but this ones for help and support.

ok, i hear you, but i did not want to address the "whys", just to know what they could be from the perspective of those into such troubles.

I thought that sharing the "whys" would be helpful, at least i'm feeling it this way, because if you are quite looking for some meaning in life, or looking for a life in which you think you will feel better, then the whys might be important on what situation you should avoid to be in big trouble.

I see the "whys" not like reasons to work onn, but more as things to avoid if you are able to project yourself into such situations and then feel like it is something to avoid. It is more about understanding what kind of situation of life could be so harmful that it could drag you into depression.

It's not easy to find a life that can be good for you, so that why i was wondering about the possible "whys" to avoid or at least pay a great attention so find some peace in life.

JM2K6 wrote:

jolindien wrote:With all the wealthy (but only the fùcking babyboomers maybe !?), intelligent (surely not babyboomers ?) and executive-type guys we have in here, i am pretty amazed that quite some (many ?) are affected with depression and anxiety, and i am really wondering what you guys think is dragging people into such problems ? work, family, love ? ... i'd go for work + familly/love.

Was there that many depression problems back in the babyboomers good years ?

I really think we are living shitty times with almost no-future labelled on everything, and that it is putting us in such a state of mind (or not helping at all).



PS : audi (cars of the boomers !), fùck off noob.

Depression doesn't care how rich you are, how successful you are, or how good your family is.

What HAS changed is how people view mental illness, including depression, and how it's less likely to be hidden. While there may be societal factors leading to an increase in depression, it's also understood that "back in the day" nobody talked about it, nobody acknowledged it, and nobody treated it.

yeap, but i have also seen people led to suicide due to insane work pressure and even "mental torture". And i think today's work life is pretty toxic in that respect.

I didn't meant about being rich, successful or having a good family (what is it by the way), i was thinking about how society, work, family more or less "worked" back then, and how it is now, and how all that is affecting us.

chosing a way in life that suits you and helps you find some peace isn't a straight forward thing, at least for me, and having experimented wrong choices and their consequences on my mind, feelings and life, i am quite sure that there are things that would put me into some big mental/anxiety trouble (as they did in the past).

jolindien wrote:

JM2K6 wrote:

jolindien wrote:With all the wealthy (but only the fùcking babyboomers maybe !?), intelligent (surely not babyboomers ?) and executive-type guys we have in here, i am pretty amazed that quite some (many ?) are affected with depression and anxiety, and i am really wondering what you guys think is dragging people into such problems ? work, family, love ? ... i'd go for work + familly/love.

Was there that many depression problems back in the babyboomers good years ?

I really think we are living shitty times with almost no-future labelled on everything, and that it is putting us in such a state of mind (or not helping at all).



PS : audi (cars of the boomers !), fùck off noob.

Depression doesn't care how rich you are, how successful you are, or how good your family is.

What HAS changed is how people view mental illness, including depression, and how it's less likely to be hidden. While there may be societal factors leading to an increase in depression, it's also understood that "back in the day" nobody talked about it, nobody acknowledged it, and nobody treated it.

yeap, but i have also seen people led to suicide due to insane work pressure and even "mental torture". And i think today's work life is pretty toxic in that respect.

I didn't meant about being rich, successful or having a good family (what is it by the way), i was thinking about how society, work, family more or less "worked" back then, and how it is now, and how all that is affecting us.

See while it's worth discussing (and I still don't think is is best thread), your point in my case is nonsense , I worked with insane hours and daily pressure ; during that time I wasn't an anxiety sufferer at all.

The anxiety I have now is apprantly a result of the adrenaline and life style, but I have panic attacks when everything goes quite.

years ago people were often put in the nuthouse, self medicated with booze or topped themselves.

Me? I’ve got a wiring problem in my brain, other than that my life is grand.

ok bimbo, thanks for sharing that, really.

see, quite some years ago, i've been through some depression (i think i can call it this way) for 6 to 8 months, only stopped (while feeling "bit" better), by a cancer.

And i know all this came from a very wrong and unwanted (deep in me) choice in life, location and work, which came from my personal history and mental/emotional construction since my very young years.

So i paid the price, pretty expensive, but i am still here, so i guess that's fine enough. Still, i am yet to find what really suits me and what kind of life, work and environnement would bring me enough peace to live "a good life".

YOYO wrote:Jolindien makes a valid point about hectic chaotic worklife impacting on people’s mental health.

bimbo, it’s not right to compare your situation only as the defacto case point for why people might suffer mental health issues.

Edit: ok, you are only talking about your personal situation. Fair enough.

My point was rather the other stereo type. People are all differant.

jolindien wrote:ok bimbo, thanks for sharing that, really.

see, quite some years ago, i've been through some depression (i think i can call it this way) for 6 to 8 months, only stopped (while feeling "bit" better), by a cancer.

And i know all this came from a very wrong and unwanted (deep in me) choice in life, location and work, which came from my personal history and mental/emotional construction since my very young years.

So i paid the price, pretty expensive, but i am still here, so i guess that's fine enough. Still, i am yet to find what really suits me and what kind of life, work and environnement would bring me enough peace to live "a good life".

That's not as strange as you might think, after the start of the troubles in NI the suicide rate dropped only to rise again since the their 'end'.

With regard to causes, some circumstances/events may be responsible for the onset of depression but often such circumstances/events would already be considered stressful anyway and the coping mechanism that people engage and stages they go through as a response are similar to the symptoms of depression. It is thought that in many cases where a cause can be identified it merely served as a trigger for an underlying condition.

no problem bimbo, i won't discuss it here anymore if people think it is not the right place, but personally, i always find the experiences of individuals very interesting, even if all different, and i often (always ?) find some things that may help my pesonal case, including in your own experience.

It's not about comparing or whatever, it's about listening the stories of the people and then having things coming to my mind as a new light on my own story.

MrJonno wrote:

jolindien wrote:ok bimbo, thanks for sharing that, really.

see, quite some years ago, i've been through some depression (i think i can call it this way) for 6 to 8 months, only stopped (while feeling "bit" better), by a cancer.

And i know all this came from a very wrong and unwanted (deep in me) choice in life, location and work, which came from my personal history and mental/emotional construction since my very young years.

So i paid the price, pretty expensive, but i am still here, so i guess that's fine enough. Still, i am yet to find what really suits me and what kind of life, work and environnement would bring me enough peace to live "a good life".

That's not as strange as you might think, after the start of the troubles in NI the suicide rate dropped only to rise again since the their 'end'.

With regard to causes, some circumstances/events may be responsible for the onset of depression but often such circumstances/events would already be considered stressful anyway and the coping mechanism that people engage and stages they go through as a response are similar to the symptoms of depression. It is thought that in many cases where a cause can be identified it merely served as a trigger for an underlying condition.

Sure, i hear that, and also, as said, my story is not different... i've been there due to my personal psychological construction. Clearly. I paid some price for not knowing me enough tho and not listening to me and my feelings enough too.

But while it is not easy to change your mental construction, even if you have identified what's "wrong", i now feel that i have to look for the right life conditions (including work) that would help me solve all that peacefully in the long term. I think, for me, there is a matter of not piling wrong elements that would lead me to big problems.

jolindien wrote:no problem bimbo, i won't discuss it here anymore if people think it is not the right place, but personally, i always find the experiences of individuals very interesting, even if all different, and i often (always ?) find some things that may help my pesonal case, including in your own experience.

It's not about comparing or whatever, it's about listening the stories of the people and then having things coming to my mind as a new light on my own story.

No worries, I honestly though think you can over look at it unless there's a councelling session occurring and the triggers are wrapped up in those beginnings.

Much of it is chemical as well.

I do hope you get some support in France for the issues , do you get CBT or similar ?

DragsterDriver wrote:Me? I’ve got a wiring problem in my brain, other than that my life is grand.

I'm the opposite. Wiring in the brain is fine, life circumstances could be a lot better. Having to do rostered work makes any sort of social life difficult.

J Man wrote:

DragsterDriver wrote:Me? I’ve got a wiring problem in my brain, other than that my life is grand.

I'm the opposite. Wiring in the brain is fine, life circumstances could be a lot better. Having to do rostered work makes any sort of social life difficult.

And the lack of sleep !!!!

I’ve had to take a couple of weeks off work ( which can be very emotionally demanding ) to regather .

Selling the family home , setting my brother up in flat and watching over him , getting Mum settled into her new retirement home ( the cancers back ) and then a workmate tried out of desperation to throw me outta the bus .

He might be getting fired now , but I’m exhausted.

Honestly felt I was having a breakdown , yelling for no real reason and having terrible sleep patterns .

eugenius wrote:I’ve had to take a couple of weeks off work ( which can be very emotionally demanding ) to regather .

Selling the family home , setting my brother up in flat and watching over him , getting Mum settled into her new retirement home ( the cancers back ) and then a workmate tried out of desperation to throw me outta the bus .

He might be getting fired now , but I’m exhausted.

Honestly felt I was having a breakdown , yelling for no real reason and having terrible sleep patterns .

Hope things are getting back into order now.

Seeing the doc tomorrow - I'm only on 25Mg (half a tab) of Sertraline but the last time I tried a full tab regime, I was overseas and had an adverse reaction.

It needed to be done but jacking in the old gig and the stress of finding a new one is getting a bit much.

Couple that with the cloudy head brought on by RA flare-ups and I'm second guessing myself on taking another stressful role..

Arsebiscuits!

jolindien wrote:

bimboman wrote:

jolindien wrote:With all the wealthy (but only the fùcking babyboomers maybe !?), intelligent (surely not babyboomers ?) and executive-type guys we have in here, i am pretty amazed that quite some (many ?) are affected with depression and anxiety, and i am really wondering what you guys think is dragging people into such problems ? work, family, love ? ... i'd go for work + familly/love.

Was there that many depression problems back in the babyboomers good years ?

I really think we are living shitty times with almost no-future labelled on everything, and that it is putting us in such a state of mind (or not helping at all).



PS : audi (cars of the boomers !), fùck off noob.

With respect Jolin we tend not to address the "whys" on this thread unless they're relevant to helping people. By all means start a thread on it but this ones for help and support.

ok, i hear you, but i did not want to address the "whys", just to know what they could be from the perspective of those into such troubles.

I thought that sharing the "whys" would be helpful, at least i'm feeling it this way, because if you are quite looking for some meaning in life, or looking for a life in which you think you will feel better, then the whys might be important on what situation you should avoid to be in big trouble.

I see the "whys" not like reasons to work onn, but more as things to avoid if you are able to project yourself into such situations and then feel like it is something to avoid. It is more about understanding what kind of situation of life could be so harmful that it could drag you into depression.

It's not easy to find a life that can be good for you, so that why i was wondering about the possible "whys" to avoid or at least pay a great attention so find some peace in life.

Just thoughts on recent posts. I don't know how to quantify the chemical side of things. Adrenaline, testosterone, etc. I think for some people, depression is "simply" someone concluding the effort they put into their life isn't rewarded by the situation they have or are now predicting they will have. A bet gone wrong. Maybe they have put in a huge effort and not improved. Maybe they put in no effort but believed the reward would be big anyway.

So if you wine and dine a woman, act very chivalrous, follow all the things you feel are "right" and she ends up f**king someone she met at the bar, or you train for 6 months for a marathon and have to drop out half way through, the result isn't the rewarding "upgrade" in circumstances what you feel you deserve. I acknowledge these examples are dumb, simplified and open to many external factors, but they both are an example of the person not receiving the morale-boosting reward they felt they were working towards / were entitled to. Pair this example with the refugee who moves to the worst part of town in London/Paris/Frankfurt etc, from his war-torn homeland.

So one guy has a great job, paid-up mortgage and has recently sat at a table in a restaurant with a hot chick. The other guy is jobless, sleeping on a mattress on the floor for an undefined period of time, can't see any time in the near future where he can afford to cook himself a good meal and hasn't spoken to a woman in days. The former is upset, the latter happy.

I just don't think people's position in a materialistic prospect-driven social-hierarchy scale defines their likelihood of getting depression. If the guy who can't land the chick or bails out the marathon gets depression, the issues are more deeply-engrained because sadness effects everyone. Maybe the important issues that aren't being addressed are how people deal with sadness to avoid it spiralling into depression. If someone works all the time to get their business up and running and competing, and their 10-year support-mechanism is beer and kebabs, where does that leave them if the business fails? A guy struggling for cash who suddenly realises his reward for a decade of effort is an obese man looking back at him in the mirror? Where does it leave him if he succeeds? A millionnaire diabetic? He fails either way because his support mechanism was wrong.

The experience I had was where that man looking back didn't have a brain that was functioning properly. It wasn't the fact that the effort didn't result in the reward I wanted. It was because the support mechanism I put in place to get me through that effort was inneffective and not able to work long term.

I think alot of people wait until they have definitely been proved wrong to seek help. Thats a shame. If I had eaten properly for that decade of stress and taken a sports programme seriously, maybe I could have avoided my issues. I defeinitely found a sports programme which distacted me from my issues, rugby, but was it a programme which actually made my brain and body function correctly, burning off as many calories as I was consuming? No. And were the calories I was consuming healthy calories? No, they were feel-good calories. 1000 calories of cake or beer will give you a different feeling of relaxation from 1000 calories of fruit. It feels nicer but it is not sustainable as a 10 year solution. I feel sad that I made the wrong decision and to try so hard to correct it, but it no longer "depresses" me.

Sorry if what I type is largely irrelevant and I'm bad at getting my point across. I hope people can share this experience or can tell me what they feel on this subject to help me clarify my thoughts and get something off their chest. Its interesting but very confusing. Must get to work!

Audi wrote:

jolindien wrote:

bimboman wrote:

jolindien wrote:With all the wealthy (but only the fùcking babyboomers maybe !?), intelligent (surely not babyboomers ?) and executive-type guys we have in here, i am pretty amazed that quite some (many ?) are affected with depression and anxiety, and i am really wondering what you guys think is dragging people into such problems ? work, family, love ? ... i'd go for work + familly/love.

Was there that many depression problems back in the babyboomers good years ?

I really think we are living shitty times with almost no-future labelled on everything, and that it is putting us in such a state of mind (or not helping at all).



PS : audi (cars of the boomers !), fùck off noob.

With respect Jolin we tend not to address the "whys" on this thread unless they're relevant to helping people. By all means start a thread on it but this ones for help and support.

ok, i hear you, but i did not want to address the "whys", just to know what they could be from the perspective of those into such troubles.

I thought that sharing the "whys" would be helpful, at least i'm feeling it this way, because if you are quite looking for some meaning in life, or looking for a life in which you think you will feel better, then the whys might be important on what situation you should avoid to be in big trouble.

I see the "whys" not like reasons to work onn, but more as things to avoid if you are able to project yourself into such situations and then feel like it is something to avoid. It is more about understanding what kind of situation of life could be so harmful that it could drag you into depression.

It's not easy to find a life that can be good for you, so that why i was wondering about the possible "whys" to avoid or at least pay a great attention so find some peace in life.

Just thoughts on recent posts. I don't know how to quantify the chemical side of things. Adrenaline, testosterone, etc. I think for some people, depression is "simply" someone concluding the effort they put into their life isn't rewarded by the situation they have or are now predicting they will have. A bet gone wrong. Maybe they have put in a huge effort and not improved. Maybe they put in no effort but believed the reward would be big anyway.

So if you wine and dine a woman, act very chivalrous, follow all the things you feel are "right" and she ends up f**king someone she met at the bar, or you train for 6 months for a marathon and have to drop out half way through, the result isn't the rewarding "upgrade" in circumstances what you feel you deserve. I acknowledge these examples are dumb, simplified and open to many external factors, but they both are an example of the person not receiving the morale-boosting reward they felt they were working towards / were entitled to. Pair this example with the refugee who moves to the worst part of town in London/Paris/Frankfurt etc, from his war-torn homeland.

So one guy has a great job, paid-up mortgage and has recently sat at a table in a restaurant with a hot chick. The other guy is jobless, sleeping on a mattress on the floor for an undefined period of time, can't see any time in the near future where he can afford to cook himself a good meal and hasn't spoken to a woman in days. The former is upset, the latter happy.

I just don't think people's position in a materialistic prospect-driven social-hierarchy scale defines their likelihood of getting depression. If the guy who can't land the chick or bails out the marathon gets depression, the issues are more deeply-engrained because sadness effects everyone. Maybe the important issues that aren't being addressed are how people deal with sadness to avoid it spiralling into depression. If someone works all the time to get their business up and running and competing, and their 10-year support-mechanism is beer and kebabs, where does that leave them if the business fails? A guy struggling for cash who suddenly realises his reward for a decade of effort is an obese man looking back at him in the mirror? Where does it leave him if he succeeds? A millionnaire diabetic? He fails either way because his support mechanism was wrong.

The experience I had was where that man looking back didn't have a brain that was functioning properly. It wasn't the fact that the effort didn't result in the reward I wanted. It was because the support mechanism I put in place to get me through that effort was inneffective and not able to work long term.

I think alot of people wait until they have definitely been proved wrong to seek help. Thats a shame. If I had eaten properly for that decade of stress and taken a sports programme seriously, maybe I could have avoided my issues. I defeinitely found a sports programme which distacted me from my issues, rugby, but was it a programme which actually made my brain and body function correctly, burning off as many calories as I was consuming? No. And were the calories I was consuming healthy calories? No, they were feel-good calories. 1000 calories of cake or beer will give you a different feeling of relaxation from 1000 calories of fruit. It feels nicer but it is not sustainable as a 10 year solution. I feel sad that I made the wrong decision and to try so hard to correct it, but it no longer "depresses" me.

Sorry if what I type is largely irrelevant and I'm bad at getting my point across. I hope people can share this experience or can tell me what they feel on this subject to help me clarify my thoughts and get something off their chest. Its interesting but very confusing. Must get to work!

that reminds, where has Chuckles been recently ?

Kiwias wrote:

The Native wrote:I haven't been following this topic at all closely so forgive the question, but how do you tell if you are suffering from depression and/or anxiety?

Personally speaking I'm beginning to think I'm in the middle of something that could be one, the other or a combination of the two. I'll list a few things that stick out.

- Can't recall the last time I was satisfied let alone happy with my life
- Wake up worried about work or something else for no real reason
- Constantly tired and sleep quality is shocking
- Diet is terrible
- Exercise is non-existent though that could be I'm out the door at 0530 and home between 1900-2000 for work and I'm always tired
- Aside form having my daughter on the weekends I generally avoid the company of others
- Drinking to take the edge off (obviously, that's a major warning sign)

There's probably more but I thought I'd stop there. Writing it down makes me realise that there's something not right.

Good on you for identifying and accepting there is something wrong. That is a huge step in the right direction.

Absolutely. The next step should be making a trip to his doctor to talk about treatment options and such.

https://twitter.com/samirmadi01/status/ ... 6849165317

This is pretty interesting

One guy in the comments saying its bollocks though...

Working Class Rugger wrote:

Kiwias wrote:

The Native wrote:I haven't been following this topic at all closely so forgive the question, but how do you tell if you are suffering from depression and/or anxiety?

Personally speaking I'm beginning to think I'm in the middle of something that could be one, the other or a combination of the two. I'll list a few things that stick out.

- Can't recall the last time I was satisfied let alone happy with my life
- Wake up worried about work or something else for no real reason
- Constantly tired and sleep quality is shocking
- Diet is terrible
- Exercise is non-existent though that could be I'm out the door at 0530 and home between 1900-2000 for work and I'm always tired
- Aside form having my daughter on the weekends I generally avoid the company of others
- Drinking to take the edge off (obviously, that's a major warning sign)

There's probably more but I thought I'd stop there. Writing it down makes me realise that there's something not right.

Good on you for identifying and accepting there is something wrong. That is a huge step in the right direction.

Absolutely. The next step should be making a trip to his doctor to talk about treatment options and such.

Went to the Doctor yesterday - have been bedridden since Sunday with a virus. Don't have a regular physician so booked in with my daughters Doctor. He was in hospital... so saw a locum instead.

She was pretty good, though I have limited experience. Aside from my physical illness asked if there was anything else I was concerned about so I told her - I wonder if I had of said anything unless I was asked. Suggested lifestyle changes by way of exercise and diet, laying off the booze, cutting out anything that does not add to my satisfaction or happiness. Suggested revisiting my choice of career - which I found quite surprising to be honest. Talked about trying a low dose anti-depressant but I said I wasn't interested at this stage.

Easter coming up and have four days off at my folks place at the beach so looking forward to having my daughter and some deep thought.

The Native wrote:

Working Class Rugger wrote:

Kiwias wrote:

The Native wrote:I haven't been following this topic at all closely so forgive the question, but how do you tell if you are suffering from depression and/or anxiety?

Personally speaking I'm beginning to think I'm in the middle of something that could be one, the other or a combination of the two. I'll list a few things that stick out.

- Can't recall the last time I was satisfied let alone happy with my life
- Wake up worried about work or something else for no real reason
- Constantly tired and sleep quality is shocking
- Diet is terrible
- Exercise is non-existent though that could be I'm out the door at 0530 and home between 1900-2000 for work and I'm always tired
- Aside form having my daughter on the weekends I generally avoid the company of others
- Drinking to take the edge off (obviously, that's a major warning sign)

There's probably more but I thought I'd stop there. Writing it down makes me realise that there's something not right.

Good on you for identifying and accepting there is something wrong. That is a huge step in the right direction.

Absolutely. The next step should be making a trip to his doctor to talk about treatment options and such.

Went to the Doctor yesterday - have been bedridden since Sunday with a virus. Don't have a regular physician so booked in with my daughters Doctor. He was in hospital... so saw a locum instead.

She was pretty good, though I have limited experience. Aside from my physical illness asked if there was anything else I was concerned about so I told her - I wonder if I had of said anything unless I was asked. Suggested lifestyle changes by way of exercise and diet, laying off the booze, cutting out anything that does not add to my satisfaction or happiness. Suggested revisiting my choice of career - which I found quite surprising to be honest. Talked about trying a low dose anti-depressant but I said I wasn't interested at this stage.

Easter coming up and have four days off at my folks place at the beach so looking forward to having my daughter and some deep thought.

Jeez native, just caught up with this being you. Hope Easter brings some relaxation. Report back if you fell lower or make decisions.

Have any of you chaps any experience with postpartum depression? I had a baby a few days ago and thats amazing and she's amazing but I'm worried for my partner. She's spending a lot of time crying and keeps saying how much she is struggling. She's had problems with depression in the past. Even writing this down I'm getting more worried about her. Where do I go with this?

alliswell wrote:Have any of you chaps any experience with postpartum depression? I had a baby a few days ago and thats amazing and she's amazing but I'm worried for my partner. She's spending a lot of time crying and keeps saying how much she is struggling. She's had problems with depression in the past. Even writing this down I'm getting more worried about her. Where do I go with this?

You know her best, so if you're worried, get in touch with the GP or midwife. The first days and weeks can be very tough and there is little time for respite/recovery, so sound the alarm bells, time is not much of a healer in this case, support and help will be most effective.

Congrats on the baby btw!

alliswell wrote:Have any of you chaps any experience with postpartum depression? I had a baby a few days ago and thats amazing and she's amazing but I'm worried for my partner. She's spending a lot of time crying and keeps saying how much she is struggling. She's had problems with depression in the past. Even writing this down I'm getting more worried about her. Where do I go with this?

A very good friend of mine had it, speak to the health visitor asap. Very easy to balance.

In the middle of a doozey of a funk at the moment. I have been working like a trojan with double my caseload but managing it ok, just. Then a stupid bloody jogger zipped out in front of my car two weeks ago and I bowled her. She's OK; didn't get hospitalised or anything but the instant I hit her was just bloody awful.

I haven't shaken that and it's like I am in a mini PTSD state - I am waking every night around 1am in a cold sweat because I am dreaming of that moment again and I can't get back to sleep. Therefore I am getting more and more ineffective but with the high workload my stress levels are worsening.

Went to a Dr and to a counselor last week and got some good advice which I am trying to implement and I have laid off a lot of work to a colleague but not enjoying life like this at the moment. Back on the sertraline since Thursday so hoping it will kick in soon.

Enzedder wrote:In the middle of a doozey of a funk at the moment. I have been working like a trojan with double my caseload but managing it ok, just. Then a stupid bloody jogger zipped out in front of my car two weeks ago and I bowled her. She's OK; didn't get hospitalised or anything but the instant I hit her was just bloody awful.

I haven't shaken that and it's like I am in a mini PTSD state - I am waking every night around 1am in a cold sweat because I am dreaming of that moment again and I can't get back to sleep. Therefore I am getting more and more ineffective but with the high workload my stress levels are worsening.

Went to a Dr and to a counselor last week and got some good advice which I am trying to implement and I have laid off a lot of work to a colleague but not enjoying life like this at the moment. Back on the sertraline since Thursday so hoping it will kick in soon.

That's pretty tough, mate. Listen to the doc and counselor, and try to cut yourself some slack. Would it help to go and see the woman?

Salanya wrote:

alliswell wrote:Have any of you chaps any experience with postpartum depression? I had a baby a few days ago and thats amazing and she's amazing but I'm worried for my partner. She's spending a lot of time crying and keeps saying how much she is struggling. She's had problems with depression in the past. Even writing this down I'm getting more worried about her. Where do I go with this?

You know her best, so if you're worried, get in touch with the GP or midwife. The first days and weeks can be very tough and there is little time for respite/recovery, so sound the alarm bells, time is not much of a healer in this case, support and help will be most effective.

Congrats on the baby btw!

Indeed. Congrats all round.
Pregnancy and afterwards can do crazy things to hormones.
Throw in a lack of sleep, the dawning responsibility that somebody fragile is depending on you for survival is daunting. Breast or bottle feeding, endless washing and sterilizing, meals forgotten or delayed and the slow realization that none of this is going to get any easier any time soon, along with the fact that you’re not getting any sex.
Your wife is probably feeling a bit similar except for the last part.

But seriously, tell her she is doing great.
It’s a life changing moment and it takes a while for everybody including the baby to settle into a good ROUTINE, which is very important.

Don’t underestimate the effect on a parent’s central nervous system of the sound of a baby crying. We are hard wired to respond to it. Day after day, night after night, it can wear you down and it also maxes out your emotional responses to it.
There is a reason why interrogators use the sound of a baby crying to break down their subject.
Try and get somebody to help give her a break as much as possible.

Well, according to my GP, I'm actually doing really well and didn't need to up my dose from half a tab.

She reckons I am in a very good place and very ebullent!

However, I aced and Screening Interview, First interview and was due a second interview for an excellent job when I failed the cognitive test I had to do.

It's a direct result of my Rheumatoid Arthritis (Foggy head).

Knowing that has plunged me into a right black hole

Arse.

So bit of an update.

Have essentially quit my job as working 60+ hours a week doing something that offers nothing but stress and do not get any satisfaction from. Luckily it is a family business so there is a good deal of flexibility and understanding. On the flipside, being a family business there was a huge obligation and expectation which attributed to me staying far longer than I should have.

Am looking at doing an adult apprenticeship, either building, plumbing/gasfitting or cabinet maker. I like doing things with my hands that require thought. Money will be tight but fudge it, happiness and satisfaction is more important. The ex is really supportive (she bloody should be considering she moved two hours away to go back to uni and will be moving to the far North once she graduates )

Have booked a trip to Hong Kong to visit a friend of mine that moved there at the beginning of the year so really looking forward to that. So anyone in HK from the 16th to the 25th I'd be keen to catch up.

The Native wrote:So bit of an update.

Have essentially quit my job as working 60+ hours a week doing something that offers nothing but stress and do not get any satisfaction from. Luckily it is a family business so there is a good deal of flexibility and understanding. On the flipside, being a family business there was a huge obligation and expectation which attributed to me staying far longer than I should have.

Am looking at doing an adult apprenticeship, either building, plumbing/gasfitting or cabinet maker. I like doing things with my hands that require thought. Money will be tight but fudge it, happiness and satisfaction is more important. The ex is really supportive (she bloody should be considering she moved two hours away to go back to uni and will be moving to the far North once she graduates )

Have booked a trip to Hong Kong to visit a friend of mine that moved there at the beginning of the year so really looking forward to that. So anyone in HK from the 16th to the 25th I'd be keen to catch up.

Good luck with the career switch. And enjoy Hong Kong.

The Native wrote:So bit of an update.

Have essentially quit my job as working 60+ hours a week doing something that offers nothing but stress and do not get any satisfaction from. Luckily it is a family business so there is a good deal of flexibility and understanding. On the flipside, being a family business there was a huge obligation and expectation which attributed to me staying far longer than I should have.

Am looking at doing an adult apprenticeship, either building, plumbing/gasfitting or cabinet maker. I like doing things with my hands that require thought. Money will be tight but fudge it, happiness and satisfaction is more important. The ex is really supportive (she bloody should be considering she moved two hours away to go back to uni and will be moving to the far North once she graduates )

Have booked a trip to Hong Kong to visit a friend of mine that moved there at the beginning of the year so really looking forward to that. So anyone in HK from the 16th to the 25th I'd be keen to catch up.

Gutsy call and good on you for making it.

bimboman wrote:

alliswell wrote:Have any of you chaps any experience with postpartum depression? I had a baby a few days ago and thats amazing and she's amazing but I'm worried for my partner. She's spending a lot of time crying and keeps saying how much she is struggling. She's had problems with depression in the past. Even writing this down I'm getting more worried about her. Where do I go with this?

A very good friend of mine had it, speak to the health visitor asap. Very easy to balance.

Is a health visitor the same as a public health nurse and what do you mean by balance?

Salanya wrote:

alliswell wrote:Have any of you chaps any experience with postpartum depression? I had a baby a few days ago and thats amazing and she's amazing but I'm worried for my partner. She's spending a lot of time crying and keeps saying how much she is struggling. She's had problems with depression in the past. Even writing this down I'm getting more worried about her. Where do I go with this?

You know her best, so if you're worried, get in touch with the GP or midwife. The first days and weeks can be very tough and there is little time for respite/recovery, so sound the alarm bells, time is not much of a healer in this case, support and help will be most effective.

Congrats on the baby btw!

Ok, thanks. She's better today but I know she's fighting with a lot of stuff and the pain isn't helping. Just keep at it, I suppose

Flametop wrote:

Salanya wrote:

alliswell wrote:Have any of you chaps any experience with postpartum depression? I had a baby a few days ago and thats amazing and she's amazing but I'm worried for my partner. She's spending a lot of time crying and keeps saying how much she is struggling. She's had problems with depression in the past. Even writing this down I'm getting more worried about her. Where do I go with this?

You know her best, so if you're worried, get in touch with the GP or midwife. The first days and weeks can be very tough and there is little time for respite/recovery, so sound the alarm bells, time is not much of a healer in this case, support and help will be most effective.

Congrats on the baby btw!

Indeed. Congrats all round.
Pregnancy and afterwards can do crazy things to hormones.
Throw in a lack of sleep, the dawning responsibility that somebody fragile is depending on you for survival is daunting. Breast or bottle feeding, endless washing and sterilizing, meals forgotten or delayed and the slow realization that none of this is going to get any easier any time soon, along with the fact that you’re not getting any sex.
Your wife is probably feeling a bit similar except for the last part.

But seriously, tell her she is doing great.
It’s a life changing moment and it takes a while for everybody including the baby to settle into a good ROUTINE, which is very important.

Don’t underestimate the effect on a parent’s central nervous system of the sound of a baby crying. We are hard wired to respond to it. Day after day, night after night, it can wear you down and it also maxes out your emotional responses to it.
There is a reason why interrogators use the sound of a baby crying to break down their subject.
Try and get somebody to help give her a break as much as possible.

Thanks for the advice

Didn't seem worth starting its own thread but...

Do you guys cry? I haven't cried properly since 2002 when my Grandad died and am wondering how normal that is.

J Man wrote:Didn't seem worth starting its own thread but...

Do you guys cry? I haven't cried properly since 2002 when my Grandad died and am wondering how normal that is.

I hardly cry but definitely shed a few tears when my Dad died.