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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 12:57 pm 
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Location: We'll Never Forget You Geordan D'Arcy
Sandstorm wrote:
Big Nipper wrote:
When does it actually become full blown depression?

I have had a terrible 2 months, in what should have been very exciting times. Received a promotion, but to a new city. Got engaged at end of last year and we had discussed the chance of a move to this particular city, and all had been positive. Once I made the announcement my fiance reacted in a very negative manner, and basically took a stance of its the job or her. Then an ex of mine sent a whatsapp at the least opportune time, to which i replied, but in a very cordial manner and said adios. Turns out my fiance had been trawling through my whatsapps for some time, and came upon this. She kicked me out of the room for a week and gave me back the ring. We had a trip to London a month later and made a decision to give it a proper go again. 2 weeks ago she started lashing out again and I would wake up with her on my phone going through all sorts of private info and making the worst of nothing.

Since then I cannot focus at work, am constantly barraged with msgs of how I betrayed her and how all is my fault and I have been using her. We saw a psychologist together last week, and again things seemed ok, but right after the barrage continued as if the meeting had not taken place at all. I am really struggling to cope and my work and personal life is struggling to the point where I have become a recluse for fear of her suspecting me of sleeping around (she found a hairclip belonging to my mother in the spareroom, and accused me of bringing someone home during work for sex).

Is psychology a good way to get to terms with myself? I feel like I am getting close to proper depression


Mate, sorry to hear about your issues. I don't think you need psychology, you need a new woman in your life. She sounds like an absolute nightmare & is holding you back from a new exciting job and a happy life.


What you need isn't a psychological interventions. What you need is an ex-fiancé.

Rapidoooo.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 1:44 pm 
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Yep

Rule one the fiancée first though, then dump her mental ass forever, preferably for the saner ex you are on cordial terms with who clearly still wants to ride you like Seabiscuit


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 2:00 pm 
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BN when you are in a dark hole it can be hard to get a good perspective on life. If you're fiance is giving you serious grief over imaginary bs it's not a healthy relationship. I'd suggest go see a psychologist on your own, or at least talk to a trusted mate who's opinion you respect. Prima facie you've got to give some serious thoughts to bailing out and looking for someone with less issues.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 2:09 pm 
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I agree with the above BN. Doesn't sound like you're the right fit, especially if it's happening the way you described it. Some women love the drama, but I sure as hell don't. If it doesn't feel right during your engagement, that's a big red flag.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 2:11 pm 
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Ban, remember there's such an thing as "realistic depression" which is real but situational , you may have this. Be careful though as the chemistry can stick around and cause depression chronically.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 2:11 pm 
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If you keep getting into shit for NOT sleeping with another woman, you might as well go out and do something to deserve the grief when you get home. :twisted:


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 2:41 pm 
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Big Nipper wrote:
When does it actually become full blown depression?

I have had a terrible 2 months, in what should have been very exciting times. Received a promotion, but to a new city. Got engaged at end of last year and we had discussed the chance of a move to this particular city, and all had been positive. Once I made the announcement my fiance reacted in a very negative manner, and basically took a stance of its the job or her. Then an ex of mine sent a whatsapp at the least opportune time, to which i replied, but in a very cordial manner and said adios. Turns out my fiance had been trawling through my whatsapps for some time, and came upon this. She kicked me out of the room for a week and gave me back the ring. We had a trip to London a month later and made a decision to give it a proper go again. 2 weeks ago she started lashing out again and I would wake up with her on my phone going through all sorts of private info and making the worst of nothing.

Since then I cannot focus at work, am constantly barraged with msgs of how I betrayed her and how all is my fault and I have been using her. We saw a psychologist together last week, and again things seemed ok, but right after the barrage continued as if the meeting had not taken place at all. I am really struggling to cope and my work and personal life is struggling to the point where I have become a recluse for fear of her suspecting me of sleeping around (she found a hairclip belonging to my mother in the spareroom, and accused me of bringing someone home during work for sex).

Is psychology a good way to get to terms with myself? I feel like I am getting close to proper depression

Nipper jy het nie n kop dokter vir daai een nodig nie. As jy nou toegee op dit wil ek nie weet waar jy gaan eindig met jou loopbaan (wat op die einde van die dag sorg dat jy en jou familie n dak oor jul kop het en kos om te eet). V O K haar.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 3:44 pm 
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Thanks for all the advice fellas

I think I have known what to do for some time now, just been terrified to make the call

Life is too short for this BS


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 3:55 pm 
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Big Nipper wrote:
Thanks for all the advice fellas

I think I have known what to do for some time now, just been terrified to make the call

Life is too short for this BS

:thumbup: Good Luck Nipper. You are in the position to have many options. Once the ring is on the finger and the kids are there, thats when the real life issues starts.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 4:04 pm 
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OomPB wrote:
Big Nipper wrote:
Thanks for all the advice fellas

I think I have known what to do for some time now, just been terrified to make the call

Life is too short for this BS

:thumbup: Good Luck Nipper. You are in the position to have many options. Once the ring is on the finger and the kids are there, thats when the real life issues starts.

Dankie vir daai raad Oom, soms weet ons jong manne nie altyd wat om te doen nie.

:thumbup:


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 4:11 pm 
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Big Nipper wrote:
OomPB wrote:
Big Nipper wrote:
Thanks for all the advice fellas

I think I have known what to do for some time now, just been terrified to make the call

Life is too short for this BS

:thumbup: Good Luck Nipper. You are in the position to have many options. Once the ring is on the finger and the kids are there, thats when the real life issues starts.

Dankie vir daai raad Oom, soms weet ons jong manne nie altyd wat om te doen nie.

:thumbup:

Dis n plesier. Ek en my vrou is om die blok n paar keer. 33 jaar getroud en as ek n keuse weer het, so ek dinge presies weer dieselfde doen. As dit goed gaan is daar niks beter as die getroude lewe nie, maar as dit kak gaan , is niks kakker nie.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 4:56 pm 
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Didn’t know nipper was a Saffa !
BN is your soon to be ex fiancée a Saffa too ?


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 7:20 pm 
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Bernies; I'm not sure what councelling if any you had post your bereavement but you need again to find help to deal with Guilt. It's a horrible thing to carry on your own.

Keep your head up and possibly speak bereavement services about some help.


Thanks Bimboman, yes I have had some counselling.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 7:44 pm 
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Bernies Corner wrote:
Quote:
Bernies; I'm not sure what councelling if any you had post your bereavement but you need again to find help to deal with Guilt. It's a horrible thing to carry on your own.

Keep your head up and possibly speak bereavement services about some help.


Thanks Bimboman, yes I have had some counselling.



Good luck , I hope you can find some peace.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 10:27 pm 
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Don't put a lot of msgs on this board, so bare with me. My mother is suffering from Alzheimer's which in the last 6 months has progressed rapidly. Its at a stage where she questions at times who we (my siblings & i) are, how its possible we can have kids - in her mind we're still kids and lately asking my dad to confirm he's her husband. I am finding this unbelievably tough. To compound it, my father needs 5 hours of oxygen since his 5th open-heart surgery 3 years ago and he has pretty much defied medical science to be here. Then, a little under a year ago, my uncle whom I was very close to passed away and my aunt is going through her 3rd bout of treatment for cancer. Thankfully I have 2 beautiful kids and a wife that give me reason. Excuse the grammar.

At times it can get too much, stress can be unreal and I end up with stomach cramps which last for a day. After they go away I am so physically drained but I need to go on.

Unfortunately, the Alzheimer's does run in the family and I have memories of how it goes - which can be heplful but soemtimes ignorance would be nice.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2018 10:33 pm 
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Tough times RB. My dad is undergoing cancer treatment at present and the stress is bad for me too. Talk to your wife and focus on your wonderful family. YOU don’t have Alzheimer’s at present or are even likely to get it in 30 years. So try to relax. :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 9:38 am 
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RB81 wrote:
Don't put a lot of msgs on this board, so bare with me. My mother is suffering from Alzheimer's which in the last 6 months has progressed rapidly. Its at a stage where she questions at times who we (my siblings & i) are, how its possible we can have kids - in her mind we're still kids and lately asking my dad to confirm he's her husband. I am finding this unbelievably tough. To compound it, my father needs 5 hours of oxygen since his 5th open-heart surgery 3 years ago and he has pretty much defied medical science to be here. Then, a little under a year ago, my uncle whom I was very close to passed away and my aunt is going through her 3rd bout of treatment for cancer. Thankfully I have 2 beautiful kids and a wife that give me reason. Excuse the grammar.

At times it can get too much, stress can be unreal and I end up with stomach cramps which last for a day. After they go away I am so physically drained but I need to go on.

Unfortunately, the Alzheimer's does run in the family and I have memories of how it goes - which can be heplful but soemtimes ignorance would be nice.

Vokof nOOp !


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 9:43 am 
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Big Nipper wrote:
When does it actually become full blown depression?

I have had a terrible 2 months, in what should have been very exciting times. Received a promotion, but to a new city. Got engaged at end of last year and we had discussed the chance of a move to this particular city, and all had been positive. Once I made the announcement my fiance reacted in a very negative manner, and basically took a stance of its the job or her. Then an ex of mine sent a whatsapp at the least opportune time, to which i replied, but in a very cordial manner and said adios. Turns out my fiance had been trawling through my whatsapps for some time, and came upon this. She kicked me out of the room for a week and gave me back the ring. We had a trip to London a month later and made a decision to give it a proper go again. 2 weeks ago she started lashing out again and I would wake up with her on my phone going through all sorts of private info and making the worst of nothing.

Since then I cannot focus at work, am constantly barraged with msgs of how I betrayed her and how all is my fault and I have been using her. We saw a psychologist together last week, and again things seemed ok, but right after the barrage continued as if the meeting had not taken place at all. I am really struggling to cope and my work and personal life is struggling to the point where I have become a recluse for fear of her suspecting me of sleeping around (she found a hairclip belonging to my mother in the spareroom, and accused me of bringing someone home during work for sex).

Is psychology a good way to get to terms with myself? I feel like I am getting close to proper depression



Dump her pronto, she'll destroy your life if you get married/have kids together.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 9:51 am 
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Dumped her this morning.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:05 am 
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Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.


Yay !

You contacted the ex yet ? as the quicker you lose your dirty water, the better


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:23 am 
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Sandstorm wrote:
Quote:
And I left my wife to live with her.


How does she feel these days?


It's been horrible for a year. Tried my best to support, but it is very difficult to support when you are the main cause of pain.

She is strong though and has picked herself up and is moving forward.


This is one of the worst experience you can find yourself in. Having to chose between someone you love, and the woman with whom you've shared 20 years of your life, had children, built a life.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:33 am 
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Best move Nips!
I imagine your wassap messages to her looked like this?
Spoiler: show
Image

Image

Image


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 11:55 am 
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Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.


:thumbup: :thumbup:

Delete her number from your phone and block her. Defriend on FB if you use it. Twitter too.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 1:37 pm 
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Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.

Decisive action - well played, sir :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 1:53 pm 
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Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.

Well done
She was dragging you down and at times like that you need to cut the dead weight loose


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 5:22 pm 
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Kiwias wrote:
Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.


:thumbup: :thumbup:

Delete her number from your phone and block her. Defriend on FB if you use it. Twitter too.

He needs to rule 1 her on here first though


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 5:24 pm 
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Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.



Well done.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2018 9:43 pm 
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Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.


Now, THAT is a proper psychological intervention!

Well played.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 2:16 am 
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backrow wrote:
Kiwias wrote:
Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.


:thumbup: :thumbup:

Delete her number from your phone and block her. Defriend on FB if you use it. Twitter too.

He needs to rule 1 her on here first though


That is a given.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 5:24 am 
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Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.

:thumbup:

Hopefully after she had cooked you breakfast.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 6:02 am 
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The Native wrote:
Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.

:thumbup:

Hopefully after she had cooked you breakfast.


Haven't been following this thread but jesus christ :lol:


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 11:06 am 
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Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.


Good man, had to be done. :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 1:54 pm 
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*logs on for the rule 1*



*leaves dejected*


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2018 11:13 pm 
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Has this now become another thread where Yeeb campaigns his objectification? :?


I'm struggling at the moment. My cyclothymia normally gives me strong ups and down, which I can work with. But the ups and downs have become quite short, sometimes only lasting hours, and the additional time seems to be filled with dullness, irritability and blank depression.
I wonder if amongst other things I'm missing the regular rhythm of the rugby season.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 11:30 am 
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I’m obviously a fairly new poster but I just need somewhere to vent. A good friend who lives at the other end of the country was diagnosed with Cancer in one of his kidneys 6 months ago. Straight in and removed it and onto three months of chemo. Three weeks ago they found it had already spread to lungs and liver. An online fund was setup to raise money for the Keytruda cancer drug which isint government funded in NZ. A three month course costs around $70,000, Sadly this only prolongs things a little.

I’ve been informed tonight he’s been moved into palliative care and has days to live. He’s only 34 with an 18 month old daughter and a wife of 2 years. I cannot get my head around the fact he was perfectly fit and active 12 months ago when I last saw him.

People are not supposed to pass away at 34 :((


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 1:26 pm 
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JPNZ

That is really shitty news.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 1:33 pm 
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Salanya wrote:
Has this now become another thread where Yeeb campaigns his objectification? :?


I'm struggling at the moment. My cyclothymia normally gives me strong ups and down, which I can work with. But the ups and downs have become quite short, sometimes only lasting hours, and the additional time seems to be filled with dullness, irritability and blank depression.
I wonder if amongst other things I'm missing the regular rhythm of the rugby season.


I was trying to cheer him up with some ‘Bro’s before Ho’s’ words of kindness , compassion and sage advice. Saffas like black humour usually (interpret that as you will)



*looks up what objectification means*


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 3:47 pm 
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Just leave the thread alone yeeb unless you have anything useful to say.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 3:51 pm 
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Diego wrote:
Just leave the thread alone yeeb unless you have anything useful to say.

:thumbup:


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 6:41 pm 
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Big Nipper wrote:
Dumped her this morning.


Great move. She sounded like a creepy gaslighting wanker


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