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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 3:32 am 
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I had been meaning to this thread for a while but after my Harambe thing on bad parenting, I decided to lay low, then I got busy with work. I want to create a catch-all since I have seen threads by guys regarding if they plan on more kids, one guy asking about daughters since he had two girls but no boy and lastly someone just posted a thread about their first kid.

As for me, fatherhood is staring me in the face. My first one is due Sept 22. I am a kinda numb, but in a good way. I am the youngest of 3 boys and I have no babysitting or child care experience at all. I feel like this is how Beaver Donald must have felt after being called into the RWC final. Like just do what comes natural and figure it out. I also feel a bit like a when I started reffing. I will blow some calls but as long as I don't ruin the game, it will be fine. I won't be perfect but as long as I do my best and she doesn't end up in porn or stripping and with a good job then, I did my job. It will be a girl too, btw.

So this thread is for anyone who wants to share their ups, downs, adventures good or bad on being a parent. So far there only a couple of rules.
1. The cost of childcare in London is higher the anywhere else is an accepted fact.
2. When a baby wants its mommy, it wants its mommy and there is nothing that the dad can do or provide.
3. If your kid should fall in a gorilla pit at the zoo, expect some Ghana born, American raised guy to start a thread calling you a bad parent.
4. These are people's kids so careful with the punches.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 4:46 am 
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No idea if it's the same for every new dad, however I know at least one guy in my office really appreciated me saying it since he did experience it. Around 4 months (and my timing could be off here, this just seems about right), my boy decided that mummy was the only thing he wanted. Now normally mummy is of course best, but daddy was good for laughing with, relaxing with, playing with etc, but for about a month I believe, my boy decided that daddy wasn't great. So whilst when with his mum he'd laugh, have fun etc, the moment I'd take him he'd be miserable, whining and upset, trying to get away. It's rather a kick in the teeth and certainly quite depressing when the most amazing thing in your life decides you are a negative rather than a positive, and you can no longer console them if they're upset etc, only making it worse, then you hand them to their mum and suddenly everything is sunshine and rainbows.

So, as said I've no idea if it's the same for everyone, but even if it's just percentage that experience it, I guess it's nice to know that you're not the only one it happened to, and it does end! Just stick it through.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 4:55 am 
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Raggs wrote:
No idea if it's the same for every new dad, however I know at least one guy in my office really appreciated me saying it since he did experience it. Around 4 months (and my timing could be off here, this just seems about right), my boy decided that mummy was the only thing he wanted. Now normally mummy is of course best, but daddy was good for laughing with, relaxing with, playing with etc, but for about a month I believe, my boy decided that daddy wasn't great. So whilst when with his mum he'd laugh, have fun etc, the moment I'd take him he'd be miserable, whining and upset, trying to get away. It's rather a kick in the teeth and certainly quite depressing when the most amazing thing in your life decides you are a negative rather than a positive, and you can no longer console them if they're upset etc, only making it worse, then you hand them to their mum and suddenly everything is sunshine and rainbows.

So, as said I've no idea if it's the same for everyone, but even if it's just percentage that experience it, I guess it's nice to know that you're not the only one it happened to, and it does end! Just stick it through.


Have you considered the possibility that your kid is an excellent judge of character and you're just a plum? No judgment, just asking.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 5:28 am 
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Congrats on the upcoming big event DT.
Just go with the flow - it's one of the most natural things in the world.
Im a selfish bugger and was really petrified of the lack of sleep, responsibilities etc. But if you're reasonably together you adapt without even realizing and it all just seems to happen naturally.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 6:55 am 
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I post very infrequently, but this thread really resonates with me. We are also expecting our first child, due on 21 Sep and a girl as well. I am equal parts excited and nervous, although the nerves will probably outstrip the excitement by the time labour comes. Every week we absorb more information from antenatal class and I think my poor wife is getting very worried about the labour itself.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:02 am 
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Good news is the the first one's easy for a while, as you only have to look after just that one (presumably). The day to day shit like changing nappies, bathing etc, isn't exactly complicated to learn.

Currently no. 2 is 6 weeks old, and no. 1 is a 2-year old wrecking machine that lays waste to anything in his reach, including the cats and no. 2. Certainly challanging, but lots of fun.


Last edited by Bindi on Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:07 am 
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All the best DT and MB, I didn't have a paternal bone in my body until my first was born and then an internal switch flicked to on and I love every minute of it.

The best bit of advice I can give (which isn't relevant to new borns) is that kids don't care when you're not around but they massively care when you are around. Spend every possible moment doing something with your kids when you are present.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:17 am 
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If it's at all possible, stop at 2. As hard as you think looking after 1 or 2 kids is, once the odds are in their favour and the kids outnumber the parents, you're really in deep shit.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:20 am 
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mr blonde wrote:
I post very infrequently, but this thread really resonates with me. We are also expecting our first child, due on 21 Sep and a girl as well. I am equal parts excited and nervous, although the nerves will probably outstrip the excitement by the time labour comes. Every week we absorb more information from antenatal class and I think my poor wife is getting very worried about the labour itself.


In the UK at least, through health professionals and any classes/groups you attend, there seem to be a massive emphasis on the birth; location, pain relief, very immediate aftermath etc.

This is all well and good but to an extent others are at least partly in control of all that, such as midwives or doctors.

But then you go home and think "erm, now what?"

Unless you are pretty chilled or have a very trusted support network you then spend the next few weeks googling the fudge out of "how many poos should a newborn have per day" "how many wees", "how much weight gain", "how much sleep", "how much milk" etc

The birth by then is a distant memory


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:31 am 
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Poos vary per child, lots of wee is key!

You will get pissed on. You may, if lucky, not get shit on.

EDIT - A nipple guard (one of those cotton wool pad type things) can make a great willy hood for guarding against showers, just make it into a pointy hat shape with your thumb and pop it over the little man's little man at changing time.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:38 am 
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Nothing will prepare you.
Enjoy every minute.
Take photos every day.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:41 am 
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My son pissed in my mouth once. He was 23 when it happened but it goes to show that surprises always happen when you're a parent.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:45 am 
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Thomas wrote:
My son pissed in my mouth once. He was 23 when it happened but it goes to show that surprises always happen when you're a parent.

Don't take pictures of that!


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:54 am 
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Hangovers are even more shit when you have young ones.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:57 am 
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Bindi wrote:
Hangovers are even more shit when you have young ones.


Hangovers can be suicidal. But everyone's got to make that mistake once.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:59 am 
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assfly wrote:
Bindi wrote:
Hangovers are even more shit when you have young ones.


Hangovers can be suicidal. But everyone's got to make that mistake once.


Once?


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:05 am 
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Thomas wrote:
assfly wrote:
Bindi wrote:
Hangovers are even more shit when you have young ones.


Hangovers can be suicidal. But everyone's got to make that mistake once.


Once?


A week.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:12 am 
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Change into casual clothes as soon as you walk in from work as you'll spend most of the first couple of years covered in waste matter.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:20 am 
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Raggs wrote:
Poos vary per child, lots of wee is key!

You will get pissed on. You may, if lucky, not get shit on.

EDIT - A nipple guard (one of those cotton wool pad type things) can make a great willy hood for guarding against showers, just make it into a pointy hat shape with your thumb and pop it over the little man's little man at changing time.


:thumbup: I'm going to try this on my little guy. cheers!

(in reality this means introducing a bill to the House for Mrs Auckman to approve or decline)


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:33 am 
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You can handle everything - kids shitt1ng on you, puking on you, covering you in snot so you look like a victim of Slimer's in Ghostbusters, covering you in dirt etc... it's the lack of sleep that really is the killer.
First 2-3 months was just an absolute hell on earth with each of our two kids. I almost thought it was worse the second time around because I was so petrified our second kid would wake our first one up with all the crying but it turns out from about 2 onwards, not even a nuke will wake a sleeping toddler! :lol:
Unfortunately, that's not the case for a parent and you spend months at a time feeling like a zombie. Still, the good times far outweigh that bad side and it's actually amazing how you can function with so little sleep. After a year or so, 6 hours a night is a pretty good sleep!
Teething can be tough because it makes them so cranky and they find it difficult to sleep but once the magic number of 20 teeth is reached (anywhere from 18 months to 3 years), you're on "easy street" (relatively speaking) for a while until the next big landmark is reached.

No such thing as "Terrible Twos" either. It's terrible twos, terrible troublesome threes, feisty fours... neverending.

I have two girls, one four and the other 18 months. They're both deadly. I've found it really tough at times, really really tough particularly when the second one was younger and I just couldn't divide myself between the two at all. Now it's getting much easier and they're starting to play with each other but also want me to be involved as well.
I've now reached the stage where I'd do anything to go home straight after work so I can make the most of the two hours before their bedtime after I collect them from creche. Going out really doesn't interest me anymore. I still head out the odd time to meet the mates but even in the last month or two, that desire is lessening. It's all about my girls now. :nod:


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:42 am 
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If you can at all help it, whatever you do, don't have kids with my ex-wife.

Well, do, because they'll be the most amazing, gorgeous, happy, loving girls, but be prepared to have your heart ripped out - firstly by her changing into a hybrid of every frothing psychopath that ever lived, and then again when you realise the only way to not to deprive your children of a mother by bludgeoning the demented harpy and burying her under the patio, is to move out via, oh, about 7 different marriage counsellors, and give her everything you own, because her dementedness renders her incapable of keeping a job down.

*cough* Er, wrong meeting!


Last edited by Benthos on Thu Aug 25, 2016 9:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:46 am 
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Don't be that Dad who's a throwback to the 1950's, don't change diapers, don't know how to bathe of dress the baby - we're all clueless and we all learn best on the job.

Other than that, don't over-think things. You know that saying people have about kids, that "they're so adaptable?" - well, turns out we all are when it comes to our own kids. So even if you have never in your life before had to supress an automatic inane grin when you saw someone else's kid do something cute; even if you would go out of your way to avoid meeting up with pals when they had their kids in tow etc - your own will be different.

A non-baby specific piece of advice if it's relevant - keep the affection going for/with your Mrs. May just be the quick hug, steal a kiss variety, bringing her a cup of her favourite tea without her asking sort of stuff; make sure to keep that going, because it's HUGELY easy for you both to get stuck into showing affection for the baby and forgetting to do the same to one another.

Enjoy. I'm sending my firstborn, daughter, away to college in a week's time and I can still remember changing her for the first time and having her wee all over me in the process, with my wife and my mother-in-law rolling around the place laughing at me like it was only yesterday and not actually over a fortnight ago. It's that fresh in the mind, it's bloody uncanny. Weird to think she'll more than likely never be living 'at home' with us anymore. Probably just as well though.

Enjoy & roll with it - and Frankie is right about the casual clothes fast thing.


Last edited by redderneck on Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:48 am 
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Don't compare your child to others either. Some will start walking early, some late, some will be afraid of everything some will be bold and brash. Plenty will come across as little shits. Try and give them all the help you can to give them their best chance in life, but don't worry about it if someone elses kid seems to be better at something, that kid will have troubles too.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:53 am 
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On a slightly more constructive note:

1) If - after the 114th successive iteration of Humpty Dumpty - you start to find that the only way to maintain a grip on your sanity is to question where all these daft fucking songs come from (spoiler alert: 'he' was a large cannon used during the English Civil War), take this to the bog:

Image

2) Choose your reading material carefully, as those trips will become oases of calm and tranquillity. Providing, of course, the Mrs has the kids when you go... hungover, post-curry shits when you are the sole caretaker of a v little one that can't be left alone are the absolute opposites.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:54 am 
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Thomas wrote:
My son pissed in my mouth once. He was 23 when it happened but it goes to show that surprises always happen when you're a parent.


Finally, PR throws up something decent to masturbate to.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 9:09 am 
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redderneck wrote:
Don't be that Dad who's a throwback to the 1950's, don't change diapers, don't know how to bathe of dress the baby - we're all clueless and we all learn best on the job.
It's amazing how - in the UK, can't speak for anywhere that's culturally v different - the relationship between a father and his kids has probably changed in one or two generations more than (probably - no expert here) in the entire recorded history of fatherhood. That might be different in different social strata, but I'm talking here about 'normal' upper working / lower middle class families.

Getting stuck into changing nappies and other traditionally female roles may not seem like a joy, but they give you opportunities to bond with your kids that my father certainly never had. And it's cool to show your emotions now, so you can keep a grip on your man card and show public (and if you're me, incessant) affection for your little ones. It's farken fabulous.

I know my old man (mining stock, South Yorkshire) loves me, but he's certainly never said it (come to think of it, neither has the old girl - maybe I was raised in an emotional desert generally and this isn't a gender thing, it's a repressed English thing!), and when I introduced non-erotic body contact to the family after discovering it at university, he didn't know what to do with it. I instinctively hugged him after coming back after my 1st term and he went stiff as a board and asked me if I was 'on the turn'.

None of that bollocks for me - "Dad! Get off!" is music to the ears, especially when delivered by squeals of little girls' joy.* **

* A bit weirder when it's your grown-up son, granted
** I might need to think about how that comes across


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 9:19 am 
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Yeah. Definitely on the turn...

:P

It is amazing though. Similar enough in Ireland in my experience.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 9:21 am 
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assfly wrote:
Bindi wrote:
Hangovers are even more shit when you have young ones.


Hangovers can be suicidal. But everyone's got to make that mistake once.


I was up in Auckland catching up with mates of mine last weekend. Met my good mate at lunchtime on Friday for our first beer. Finished up about midnight after a big evening, including some success for my mate on the gambling front (to the tune of $400).

He had promised his wife he would look after the kids for the Saturday morning until about 11am. After waking up at 5.30am for the kids, he started to fade around 8am and offered his wife $100 to look after the kids for an hour so he could get some more sleep.

After 15 minutes, both kids (aged 5 & 2) had a meltdown, so the wife woke him up and got him back downstairs, advising him along the way there were no refunds. :lol:


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 9:26 am 
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Look up 'Colic hold baby'.

Perfect it.

Sorted!

Don't be bothered by the 'colic' part. It's just a really comfortable way to carry your baby when they're young and they love it. Obviously every baby is different but it worked with most of ours.

Babies, presuming they're healthy, are much harder to break than you might think. And to be honest, you're more likely to break them if you're trying to be ultra careful rather than confident.

You will spend a lot of time talking about poo. Accept it, deal with it, it'll pass!

I read a couple of 'so you're going to be a dad' books (I think that was the actual title of one). Get a decent humorous one that doesn't take itself too seriously and it helps.

Start as you mean to go on. For example, if you think you're not the type who'll swear around their children at 2 then don't at 0. It makes it easier when they get to 2 and they understand a lot more than you think from an early age. Particularly girls who develop a little quicker.

On your first, they're ultra portable and they usually sleep easily anywhere when they're young. You can still have a life on your first.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 9:33 am 
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CM11 wrote:
Look up 'Colic hold baby'.
'Tiger in the tree', please. Or maybe, in honour of the bored, 'snow leopard in the tree'. Hm, but then you'd keep losing the little bugger, I guess...


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 9:51 am 
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CM11 wrote:
Look up 'Colic hold baby'.

Perfect it.

Sorted!

Don't be bothered by the 'colic' part. It's just a really comfortable way to carry your baby when they're young and they love it. Obviously every baby is different but it worked with most of ours.


Sleeping leopard hold. Wonderfully useful. I changed bedsheets whilst carrying my little one on one arm like that.

Always found talking to a baby always helped it sleep too, worked on a fair few (even helped strangers out on planes). Just low tones, and keep talking, especially if their head is on you it seems to help.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:02 am 
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Don't post that often on the bored but ....

When they are small use a sling / harness for carrying them around town if you can. The baby at the front & a rucksack on your back for all of their essentials. It's so much easier to get around a city when you are carrying them and one gripe I've had for years is the number of people who will not hold a door open for someone with a buggy.

Biccie pegs for when they are teething. Basically digestive fingers on a string but they work wonders.

Buy a decent tympanic thermometer. Once their sick use calpol. If their temperature goes over 38.5C go to the doctor. If it goes over 40C go straight to the hospital.

Get Netflix. TV at 5am is dire and you will be up at 5am a lot more than is healthy.

Nothing you do will ever beat having the kids running to the door to welcome you home from work.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:02 am 
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I'll add my tuppence to this.
It's f**king great mostly. Y
ou don't know fear though, until the first hospital visit.
My now 20 month old girl, had a serious bout of gastro-enteritis when she was 9 months old. Couldn't keep food down for 3 days, agony when shitting, and spent a day in the hospital. The most horrible time of my life.
Amazing little creatures though.
I'm currently flavour of the month in my house. She wants nothing to do with Mammy Average. I almost feel guilty for all the fun I'm having with her.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:13 am 
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Chilky wrote:
Don't post that often on the bored but ....

When they are small use a sling / harness for carrying them around town if you can. The baby at the front & a rucksack on your back for all of their essentials. It's so much easier to get around a city when you are carrying them and one gripe I've had for years is the number of people who will not hold a door open for someone with a buggy.

Biccie pegs for when they are teething. Basically digestive fingers on a string but they work wonders.

Buy a decent tympanic thermometer. Once their sick use calpol. If their temperature goes over 38.5C go to the doctor. If it goes over 40C go straight to the hospital.

Get Netflix. TV at 5am is dire and you will be up at 5am a lot more than is healthy.

Nothing you do will ever beat having the kids running to the door to welcome you home from work.


I'm not going to say don't go when a kid hits 40C but we'd have spent a good few months in A&E if we applied that to one of our sons. Every kid can handle a different temp, he just seems to need to go over 40 to kill off the infection. One of the main things you are advised is to go with symptoms not temp. You can have a very sick child at 39C or even under and a healthy child just fighting a basic virus at 40C. Of course all these centigrade figures mean nothing to DT!

Quote:
Tiger in the tree'


Quote:
Sleeping leopard hold


Hadn't heard either name, better than 'colic hold' alright!


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:16 am 
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Captain Average wrote:
I'll add my tuppence to this.
It's f**k great mostly. Y
ou don't know fear though, until the first hospital visit.
My now 20 month old girl, had a serious bout of gastro-enteritis when she was 9 months old. Couldn't keep food down for 3 days, agony when shitting, and spent a day in the hospital. The most horrible time of my life.
Amazing little creatures though.
I'm currently flavour of the month in my house. She wants nothing to do with Mammy Average. I almost feel guilty for all the fun I'm having with her.


Had two of ours in hospital for gastro. Both for a couple of days. Horrible feeling when you're not quite sure it's definitely just a bug they need to get through. A drip hooked up to a baby is never a good look. The first time they eat and start being playful again is fantastic.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:20 am 
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CM11 wrote:
I'm not going to say don't go when a kid hits 40C but we'd have spent a good few months in A&E if we applied that to one of our sons. Every kid can handle a different temp, he just seems to need to go over 40 to kill off the infection. One of the main things you are advised is to go with symptoms not temp. You can have a very sick child at 39C or even under and a healthy child just fighting a basic virus at 40C. Of course all these centigrade figures mean nothing to DT!



I'd be in the same boat as you regarding this.
Anything over 38C, we start with the Calpol or Nurofen to bring the temperature down.
If the temperature hits 40 though and alternating the Calpol or Nurofen doesn't bring it down afetr 4-8 hours, that's when our GP said we should get the child to a hospital.
It hasn't happened us yet though and we've been very lucky insofar as I've only had to bring #1 to the hospital once which was last year when she fell down the stairs and banged her head.
Nothing wrong with her in the end but they kept us there for 8 hours to keep an eye for concussion. 8 fcuking hours of Finger Family on the phone. x(


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:22 am 
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The Ginger Jedi wrote:
All the best DT and MB, I didn't have a paternal bone in my body until my first was born and then an internal switch flicked to on and I love every minute of it.

The best bit of advice I can give (which isn't relevant to new borns) is that kids don't care when you're not around but they massively care when you are around. Spend every possible moment doing something with your kids when you are present.


Good advice.

Plus its fun. We have fantastic Hot Wheels tournaments!


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:23 am 
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Right, who here with kids under 6 DOESN'T watch Paw Patrol?


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:28 am 
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Wouldn't dream of bothering the doctor with anything under 39, probably closer to 40. But as said, different children react differently. A friends baby/toddler started fitting when he hit a high temp, from now on whenever he goes above 38.5 they need to start acting fast.

My boy when he was around 3 at a guess, and a fever of around 39. Image


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:34 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Posts: 2034
Chilky wrote:
Don't post that often on the bored but ....

When they are small use a sling / harness for carrying them around town if you can. The baby at the front & a rucksack on your back for all of their essentials. It's so much easier to get around a city when you are carrying them and one gripe I've had for years is the number of people who will not hold a door open for someone with a buggy.



This. Don't be that cnut trying to push a fukcing stroller around in a crowd. Christ that's annoying and inconsiderate.

Get one of these. Or something like it, there's bound to be some copy available locally or get someone to make one. I adapted a spring and door frame attachment from one of those harness baby-bouncer things so I could use it everywhere. This puts infants to sleep, practically instantly and a quick bounce of the spring keeps the rocking motion going.
http://www.naturessway.co.nz/shop/Baby+Hammocks.html


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