So, a conundrum for the noted intellectual and philosophical giants of the bored. We've had a flash new coffee machine put in at work (the thing looks like one of those ones you get in coffee shops but with a digital display). However, it's so flash, it needs to be cleaned every day. One of the top coffee drinkers in the office put an email out to suggest that everyone in the office should take turns (in an effort to make sure that the cleaning doesn't just fall upon the pool of secretaries).

I instantly asked whether people (i.e. people like me) who don't drink coffee would be expected to clean it. The fella said yes. I said no chance...and now there's a split emerging within the office of those that think everyone should do their bit, and people (obviously those that don't actually drink coffee) who think that asking people who don't drink coffee to clean the coffee machine is taking the piss.

So, what is the right answer?

So you come here, a place populate heavily by reactionary conservative cnuts to have your views validated

Do only liberal people clean other peoples coffee machines?

Do you ever provide coffee for your clients when they visit (if you have them)?

If that's the case then you probably should take your part in cleaning, if not then nope.

Although, that will all be mitigated if you are a tea drinker and you drop your bags in the sink. In that case I'm on coffee cleaner's side.

You’ll probably find that your colleagues will be more than happy for you to abstain from the whole cleaning thing if you threaten to slit their throats if the topic is brought up for discussion again.

But seriously, cleaning a coffee machine that you don't even use

Just don't do it. What are they going to do?

Employ some Kiwis.
Every time you head towards it at least two will block your path.
Excuse for not doing it sorted......

So, what is the right answer?

Do what we did

Put in an on-site barista

The best way to solve this conundrum is to ask yourself, what would Jeremy Corbyn do?

The answer then is obvious; the rota should be determined on the basis of who is paid the most. Those paid more than 80K a year should clean the coffee machine for the rest of the office. Anyone paid less than 80K should never have to clean the machine. Indeed, the rich bastards should also serve the coffee to the rest to atone for their personal wealth.

If JtB is paid less than 80K, the boundary could be adjusted to make sure he is included in the group of staff responsible for cleaning the machine and serving coffees to the other downtrodden workers.

That's what I was thinking. Or just say you did, if they don't like you're cleaning methods they can take you off the roster.

They should just pay someone extra to take care of it. Everyone can put in and they look after the kitchen area in general and everyone's happy.

Yes you should.

It's a public benefit. Like public education or transport. You might not use it, but you still indirectly benefit from it (via people not being caffeine starved plum, and being more productive).

Anyway thats he best argument I can make for you to clean it.

Rubbish- if you are genuinely a non
Coffee drinker as opposed to 'not drinking enough to warrant cleaning duties'. drinker I would say over to the coffee drinkers.

You wouldn't ask a non rugby player to take turns cleaning the boots ffs

Rows about coffee machines, insisting on corner desks.

Your workplace sounds like a joy 😉

Do what we did

Put in an on-site barista