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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 6:06 pm 
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Trostan wrote:
Well done for caring but : -

You can't lose your own shape, trying to help him to find his.
Probably needs professional help beyond your scope to give.

Thanks for the help on my Highlands trip..


He does. My only part is to try and nudge him in that direction


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 6:09 pm 
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I'm part of a group of friends who all enjoy the occasional binge, but it's really very infrequent now we're all no longer in our 20s - a handful of occasions a year, at most. So I can't directly relate from experience about the mental health side of things. However, for such a large group to be doing it so frequently suggests something inherently dysfunctional about the personalities and relationships.

It's definitely worth exploring your relationship with them in detail.
Are they really friends, or are they the only people left who are still OK to do this around/with (because they presumably have lifestyles which enable it)? Are they all happy with their lives, or is this some sort of escapism-codependency thing?
If you're the only non-user among the group (presumably), what is it that actually binds you to them if they are doing it every time you're together? I couldn't think of anything worse than spending a load of time around coked-up folk when I was sober.

On the mental health side of things, prolonged use of cocaine is linked to a number of (and can trigger underlying) mental health issues.
If you really care about him, and want to try and avoid any permanent issues, then you need to intervene hard. That might involve other people, including members of his family. Anyone close to him is doubtless noticing the same things, so I'm sure it won't come as a surprise.


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 8:56 pm 
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slick wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:
Well fudge me if a mate didn’t die Saturday night aged 46 from partying too hard.


Christ, sorry to hear that. Heart attack?


No surprisingly! He’d been drinking hard recently and his organs shut down in hospital- I guess there will be a post Mortem. One of those things that spiralled out of control, hopefully be a wake up call for some of the others. His nickname was Slick in a cruel twist of fate :uhoh:


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 9:08 pm 
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Sandstorm wrote:
backrow wrote:
stop being friends with all of them


Fixed. Especially based on your own desire to clean up.


This. F*ck the lot of them. I have no sympathy for druggies.


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 9:49 pm 
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DragsterDriver wrote:
slick wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:
Well fudge me if a mate didn’t die Saturday night aged 46 from partying too hard.


Christ, sorry to hear that. Heart attack?


No surprisingly! He’d been drinking hard recently and his organs shut down in hospital- I guess there will be a post Mortem. One of those things that spiralled out of control, hopefully be a wake up call for some of the others. His nickname was Slick in a cruel twist of fate :uhoh:


Same age as well... sorry again mate


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 9:50 pm 
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Varsity Way wrote:
Sandstorm wrote:
backrow wrote:
stop being friends with all of them


Fixed. Especially based on your own desire to clean up.


This. F*ck the lot of them. I have no sympathy for druggies.


Yeah, well. OK


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 10:01 pm 
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I don't really have an advice, but as an addict myself (not coke thought) I can tell you its a bitch to stop.

Congrats on taking care of your friend though, top class. :thumbup:


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 10:26 pm 
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Coke is a nasty dangerous iredeemable insidious substance. Mixed with Alcohol the health effects are magnified.


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 10:47 pm 
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Heymans wrote:
I don't really have an advice, but as an addict myself (not coke thought) I can tell you its a bitch to stop.

Congrats on taking care of your friend though, top class. :thumbup:


I know mate, I’m not underestimating it. And thanks, good to hear from you


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 10:54 pm 
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waguser wrote:
Coke is a nasty irredeemable substance.

I've left in where you're wrong.

(Ps, I'm not talking about how it gets here)

But your and varsity way's reactions are a major problem when it comes to dealing with addicts.

And you'd both be surprised how many people you know take it.


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 11:05 pm 
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slick wrote:
Heymans wrote:
I don't really have an advice, but as an addict myself (not coke thought) I can tell you its a bitch to stop.

Congrats on taking care of your friend though, top class. :thumbup:


I know mate, I’m not underestimating it. And thanks, good to hear from you


Cheers.

You coming along for the game I believe?


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2019 11:37 pm 
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Heymans wrote:
slick wrote:
Heymans wrote:
I don't really have an advice, but as an addict myself (not coke thought) I can tell you its a bitch to stop.

Congrats on taking care of your friend though, top class. :thumbup:


I know mate, I’m not underestimating it. And thanks, good to hear from you


Cheers.

You coming along for the game I believe?


Unfortunately had to cancel as the baby is still breastfeeding, but hoping to do a trip to Paris later in the year with the kids. Would be good to meet up


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 12:30 am 
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happyhooker wrote:
waguser wrote:
Coke is a nasty irredeemable substance.

I've left in where you're wrong.

(Ps, I'm not talking about how it gets here)

But your and varsity way's reactions are a major problem when it comes to dealing with addicts.

And you'd both be surprised how many people you know take it.


I was referring to the substance. Not the people.

People always redeemable.
Coke is a scummy drug


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 12:36 am 
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slick wrote:
pjm1 wrote:
slick wrote:
Womack wrote:
It's a helluva drug...

I think contacting someone's wife would be a step too far for me, there are no guarantees that it would help but it's near certain that it would lead to major recriminations from this guy and others. If you can live with the latter in the hope that it does help, then you're a better man than me.

From your OP there are others in the group who do see a problem even if the majority don't, so is it worth just contacting these people to try and co-ordinate an 'intervention' of sorts? I think from your point of view, before you give it up as a lost cause you need to try talking to the guy even if you suspeit won't work, so some support might help.

I'm always amazed when I encounter heavy coke users, it just seems so self-evidently a bad idea to me but I suppose that's the nature of addiction.


I spoke with the wife. I came at it from the angle of dementia and the reason for my concern being the history of it in my family and the tell tale signs I thought I had seen. I didn't mention the drugs, she did, although I don't think she knows the extent of it. She said the wives had been together the weekend we were away and all were really worried that it had got out of control amongst the group. I didn't get in to his drug use at all, I'm hoping that will come from her.

She was very grateful for the call and is going to keep an eye on him and report back in strictest confidence.


Well done. That was the right thing to do as a friend, IMO.

Unfortunately, it's still quite likely at some point (probably during an argument about this) that she'll wheel out the, "your friends are worried about you and they've spoken to me about it" line... so be prepared for some shit from your pal on that.


Yup, think that's inevitable unfortunately. Spent 3 days and nights thinking about it and just decided I had to do it. Even if there is a blow up, the hope is that with time it will be seen for what it is.

Thanks all.


slick

Good on you, mate, and as others have said, be forewarned for a blowup when your mate learns of your actions. One day, hopefully, he will realise what a true friend you are being to him.


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 2:12 am 
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waguser wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
waguser wrote:
Coke is a nasty irredeemable substance.

I've left in where you're wrong.

(Ps, I'm not talking about how it gets here)

But your and varsity way's reactions are a major problem when it comes to dealing with addicts.

And you'd both be surprised how many people you know take it.


I was referring to the substance. Not the people.

People always redeemable.
Coke is a scummy drug

My third and fourth lines ring louder after that response.


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 7:26 am 
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happyhooker wrote:
waguser wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
waguser wrote:
Coke is a nasty irredeemable substance.

I've left in where you're wrong.

(Ps, I'm not talking about how it gets here)

But your and varsity way's reactions are a major problem when it comes to dealing with addicts.

And you'd both be surprised how many people you know take it.


I was referring to the substance. Not the people.

People always redeemable.
Coke is a scummy drug

My third and fourth lines ring louder after that response.



I won't be surprised how many people who take it.

I am militantly anti coke, yet would still support decriminalisation of users. Hiwever as fsr as I am concerned taking Coke at all is as socially aceeptable to me as taking a shit on the table in a restaurant.

The change that is required is cultural not law enforcement driven.

It makes an arsehole out of people and casual middle class users are enabling their mates to fvck themselves up by pretending it is ok as well as fueling levels of violence in the communities where it is produced and sold.

As far as I am concerned unlike alcohol weed pills it has no redeemable features.

It is more as serious and as dangerous and arguabley more socially detrimental than heroin and yet the same people who happily snort a line would recoil in horror of someone pulled out a bit of foil and suggested a smoke.

I believe a huge amount of the damaging socipathic business and political decisions made are influenced by coke culture.

I know coke.culture better than you think and have no time.for it.

The best thing anyone can do is to absolutely not tolerate its use in your presence.

Spot a group who use coke and you csn see instant pricks. Even among normally decent people. You


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 9:02 am 
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A bit OTT and not really true in my experience. It doesn't magically turn nice people into arseholes - but of course if people have dickish tendencies then it can amplify these. I don't approve much of it either as it is obvious to me how easily a lot of people become de facto dependent/addicted to it (ie it has to be part of a night out even in relatively inappropriate settings) and it is clearly not good for health or (with the law as it is) society, in particular society in coke producing and exporting countries. I agree that users of all sorts (Not just 'middle class', why are they more or less culpable for anything?) should give some thought to what the fark they are doing, but I'm not seeing this widespread effect on culture at large because a proportion of people sniff coke.

Quote:
My third and fourth lines ring louder after that response.


Jesus, four lines on a Tuesday night - we need to talk mate. ;)


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 10:11 am 
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just to stick up for the Coke brigade, not everyone turns into addicts or pricks - I never touched the stuff myself but plenty of pals did, and they didn't all turn into addicts or arseholes as a result.

I find it very strange when people try to rank drugs or addictions, like 'Coke is horrible but weed or booze is fine' - all depends on the circumstances and people involved, am fairly sure plenty of lives & families have been destroyed by every kind of addiction. I know several functioning alchoholics, as well as people who bet dozens of times a week - but manage to keep their lives in order, unlike another chap who is an occasional dope smoker but each time he ends up off the rails for several days. how he still has a wife and job I honestly do not know. (I suspect he does steroids as well)


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 11:45 am 
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waguser wrote:

The change that is required is cultural not law enforcement driven.


It is more as serious and as dangerous and arguabley more socially detrimental than heroin and yet the same people who happily snort a line would recoil in horror of someone pulled out a bit of foil and suggested a smoke.



A couple of points I agree with.

Without a change to the law (remove prohibition of drugs), what people ignore (however casual their use of cocaine is) is what they are funding. It's not just the misery in Mexico/Colombia, but the stabbings in your local town and the massive organised crime syndicates in London/Birmingham/Manchester etc.


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 1:01 pm 
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It's a tough one, I had an old school mate who for want of a better expression 'fell in with a bad crowd' and his once very occasional coke habit escalated massively. The crowd he was mixing it with were very much the Kings Road 'Made in Chelsea' set (quite literally in some cases) who generally had money to burn and not much in the way of actual day to day responsibilities. While he was not on a bad income he certainly could not keep up with their spending habits and soon went into debt and soon started asking for loans from us. While a few of us indulged in these early requests we never saw the money again and his increasingly fantastical excuses as to why he was skint just became wearisome and a few of pointed out that getting coked up with millionaires and boozing an eating in uber expensive bars/restaurants every night is not a sustainable long term life plan. He also looked like shit, lost his job and ended up dossing on various sofas while owing some seriously unpleasant characters a lot of money. It was not nice telling a distraught 'mate' you have known from the age of 13 that you are not going to bail them out (again) just so he can carry on his glam party lifestyle. Eventually he had to fall on his sword and ask his parents for help who only agreed if he went into some kind of rehab. As has been mentioned often addicts need to want to change and often that requires them to hit rock bottom before finally a moment of clarity descends on them.


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 5:41 pm 
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slick wrote:
Heymans wrote:
slick wrote:
Heymans wrote:
I don't really have an advice, but as an addict myself (not coke thought) I can tell you its a bitch to stop.

Congrats on taking care of your friend though, top class. :thumbup:


I know mate, I’m not underestimating it. And thanks, good to hear from you


Cheers.

You coming along for the game I believe?


Unfortunately had to cancel as the baby is still breastfeeding, but hoping to do a trip to Paris later in the year with the kids. Would be good to meet up


Ah thats too bad it might be a good game for Scotland.

Yeah for sure :thumbup: Keep me updated :)


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 6:01 pm 
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waguser wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
waguser wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
waguser wrote:
Coke is a nasty irredeemable substance.

I've left in where you're wrong.

(Ps, I'm not talking about how it gets here)

But your and varsity way's reactions are a major problem when it comes to dealing with addicts.

And you'd both be surprised how many people you know take it.


I was referring to the substance. Not the people.

People always redeemable.
Coke is a scummy drug

My third and fourth lines ring louder after that response.



I won't be surprised how many people who take it.

I am militantly anti coke, yet would still support decriminalisation of users. Hiwever as fsr as I am concerned taking Coke at all is as socially aceeptable to me as taking a shit on the table in a restaurant.

The change that is required is cultural not law enforcement driven.

It makes an arsehole out of people and casual middle class users are enabling their mates to fvck themselves up by pretending it is ok as well as fueling levels of violence in the communities where it is produced and sold.

As far as I am concerned unlike alcohol weed pills it has no redeemable features.

It is more as serious and as dangerous and arguabley more socially detrimental than heroin and yet the same people who happily snort a line would recoil in horror of someone pulled out a bit of foil and suggested a smoke.

I believe a huge amount of the damaging socipathic business and political decisions made are influenced by coke culture.

I know coke.culture better than you think and have no time.for it.

The best thing anyone can do is to absolutely not tolerate its use in your presence.

Spot a group who use coke and you csn see instant pricks. Even among normally decent people. You


You're just showing your ignorance. Now if you had said that coke is irredeemably dull, you would have had a very valid point.


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 7:16 pm 
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Womack wrote:
A bit OTT and not really true in my experience. It doesn't magically turn nice people into arseholes - but of course if people have dickish tendencies then it can amplify these. I don't approve much of it either as it is obvious to me how easily a lot of people become de facto dependent/addicted to it (ie it has to be part of a night out even in relatively inappropriate settings) and it is clearly not good for health or (with the law as it is) society, in particular society in coke producing and exporting countries. I agree that users of all sorts (Not just 'middle class', why are they more or less culpable for anything?) should give some thought to what the fark they are doing, but I'm not seeing this widespread effect on culture at large because a proportion of people sniff coke.

Quote:
My third and fourth lines ring louder after that response.


Jesus, four lines on a Tuesday night - we need to talk mate. ;)

Very good.


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 Post subject: Re: Bored Advice Needed
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 7:28 pm 
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waguser wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
waguser wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
waguser wrote:
Coke is a nasty irredeemable substance.

I've left in where you're wrong.

(Ps, I'm not talking about how it gets here)

But your and varsity way's reactions are a major problem when it comes to dealing with addicts.

And you'd both be surprised how many people you know take it.


I was referring to the substance. Not the people.

People always redeemable.
Coke is a scummy drug

My third and fourth lines ring louder after that response.



I won't be surprised how many people who take it.

I am militantly anti coke, yet would still support decriminalisation of users. Hiwever as fsr as I am concerned taking Coke at all is as socially aceeptable to me as taking a shit on the table in a restaurant.

The change that is required is cultural not law enforcement driven.

It makes an arsehole out of people and casual middle class users are enabling their mates to fvck themselves up by pretending it is ok as well as fueling levels of violence in the communities where it is produced and sold.

As far as I am concerned unlike alcohol weed pills it has no redeemable features.

It is more as serious and as dangerous and arguabley more socially detrimental than heroin and yet the same people who happily snort a line would recoil in horror of someone pulled out a bit of foil and suggested a smoke.

I believe a huge amount of the damaging socipathic business and political decisions made are influenced by coke culture.

I know coke.culture better than you think and have no time.for it.

The best thing anyone can do is to absolutely not tolerate its use in your presence.

Spot a group who use coke and you csn see instant pricks. Even among normally decent people. You

And up yours too. You seem very angry about this, if it has affected you personally, I apologise for pouring salt in the sound, if your issue is political, as it seems above, you're ridiculous.

Ignorance seeps out of pretty much every line (yes I know) that you've written above.

To check a few things. I hate the drugs trade and the misery it causes, both here and abroad. I'm a strong advocate for decrimilisation as I've explained on here before, but this rabid reaction to users makes it very difficult to actually deal with the problem we have in our society. I've worked on the mental health side of addiction and with charities trying to rehabilitate ex addicts (c.f. one particular thread on here)

I find your 'beliefs' and the position you hold damaging.


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