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 Post subject: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:34 pm 
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My father passed away this morning and I feel the need to express myself. Strap yourselves in fellas, this could be an emotional ride...

He was 79 and had had a number of medical issues over the years: high blood pressure, diabetes, had prostrate cancer, a stroke, suffered a stroke 4 1/2 years ago, had a couple of falls, one requiring a hip replacement and was having dialysis 3 times a week. He was in hospital up until last week having suffered another fall earlier last month. So, the epitome of health!

On Wednesday last week, the consultant doctor said that there was nothing more that could be done and he was being discharged for palliative care. I was still in HK and made arrangements for a flight which arrived Sunday evening, with precious little sleep on the 12 hour flight.

He’d had a particularly violent vomiting session before I arrived and as a result was not eating at all. I stayed with him all through that night and did so on each other night, allowing my mum and sister time to rest. During one night, he woke up and looked at me and I held on to my hand and then kept on touching my cheek, then taking our hands to his cheek - he was not speaking by this stage. I had no idea what he was trying to say, if anything or if he was simply being loving - I know what memory I’ll keep.

A couple of times ding the week, he gave us all a scare by appearing to stop breathing, only to continue after a couple of seconds - the utter bastard was toying with us!

By Wednesday evening he was struggling with his breathing and although my mum had signed a DNR form last year, the nurses came and gave him medication to help, which worked a treat.

Come this morning, we were about to have breakfast when the care assistant told us we needed to come through. We did so and I watched, with my mum and sister, my father take his last breath....

So here I am now, shell-shocked and a bit confused (“no change there then” - I know) having cried a bit, laughed a bit and informed relatives (by the way, to complicate matters, we have a brother who’s been estranged from me and my sister for the last 10 years - but that's another story! Plus, did I mention that my wife is currently with her father, who’s none the too flash either?) and trying to get my head around the situation. I reckon in the 6 days I have been travelling and staying here I’ve had less than 6 hours sleep, so if I react poorly, sue me (“no change there then”).

So please feel free to comfort me, abuse me, use dark humour or sneer at me. I promise not to ban anyone*.

Got to pop out now to collect the death certificate, so I’ll not be able to respond immediately but will do so when I return.


(*this statement may not be 100% true)

Edit: thanks nardol - TLDR dad died, I’m upset


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:36 pm 
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Been down that road myself unfortunately, look after yourself and your wife, RIP


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:37 pm 
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Really sorry to heat that, HK. Stay strong, mate.

RIP.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:39 pm 
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I think when he took your hands to his face it meant you're now Lord of House HK.


Last edited by CrazyIslander on Fri May 17, 2019 2:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:40 pm 
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Condolences RIP to your father. He raised a good mod.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:40 pm 
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Well that’s shit. Get yourself a good bottle of Irish whiskey.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:40 pm 
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RIP

It might not seem like it now, but you will treasure so much that you were able to pass these last few days with him. Sound like a tough old solider to have kept on going after so many illnesses/accidents. Best of wishes to you and your family.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:41 pm 
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Condolences mate.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:42 pm 
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Very sorry for your loss HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:43 pm 
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Sorry to hear that HK, but glad you made it back in time. Hang in there.
Sincerest condolences.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:44 pm 
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Condolences HK.

At least you were there at the end how ever painful that was to witness.

I know too many people who regret not being able to be there at the end for whatever reason.

:thumbup:


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:45 pm 
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Sorry to hear that HK. Dreading the day myself that my parents go.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:47 pm 
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Ah sorry pal. Always a tough time. These past 10 years I have seen friends and experienced personally the loss of close ones as age takes its grip. We are at that age. Sincere condolences.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:47 pm 
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You were there with him at the end. Any father would have been happy to have his son there, showing you love and care for him. Sorry for your loss HK, hope you and your family find comfort in each other in this awful time


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:50 pm 
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Condolences, hope the sibling estrangement doesn't overly complicate things in the coming days.

As someone who lives abroad I wonder about what happens when my parents depart. They are both in their mid 80s and every trip home I can see how they have aged in ways my siblings at home don't. Also on the verge of moving further afield for a few years with the in-laws also in their mid 80s. I am a bit worried about everything happening at once when we are far away.

Anyway, not trying to Globus this, be strong.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:53 pm 
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Thoughts are with you all. A tough time for you.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:58 pm 
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Deepest condolences HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 2:58 pm 
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Sorry to hear that. Can't imagine what it's like experiencing that with a parent.
Nice that you got there before the end, though.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:02 pm 
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TLDR


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:02 pm 
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Bad luck you old bugger, glad you were there for the end though.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:03 pm 
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Haven't been there yet but with my dad having just hit 80 it is something that crosses my mind from time to time. I cant even imagine the emotions you are going through. My deepest sympathies HK, stay strong.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:08 pm 
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Sincere condolences!

(This is looming large for me now - my Dad's medical issues keep coming and, at 82, are not going away.)

I'm glad you got to spend some time with him.

Line up a mate for a few chats over the next couple of months - you might need the willing ear.

Best of luck!


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:09 pm 
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DragonKhan wrote:
You were there with him at the end. Any father would have been happy to have his son there, showing you love and care for him. Sorry for your loss HK, hope you and your family find comfort in each other in this awful time


+1

Condolensces HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:17 pm 
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Sad news of your father, HK. I went through a similar situation with my mum six years ago. Until the time arrives, you sort of ignore that it's going to happen. It did change my outlook on things. Take care, mate.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:26 pm 
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Sorry to hear this mate.

Went through very similar with dad a couple of years ago and, thanks to some heartfelt advice from PR, was there for the end. To be honest I’m still not sure how I feel about it but I know I’d be beating myself up if I wasn’t.

You seem a good man and he would be proud


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:31 pm 
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I'm sorry to read that Hong Kong. I hope you and your family are okay.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:32 pm 
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A long distance hug mate. I am so sorry.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:32 pm 
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Sorry to hear that Hong Kong. Get some sleep and reflect on the good times if you can in this tough period


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:36 pm 
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Fhhd

Seeing my own pops tonight , he’s 85 and not got long left due to a number of bits going wrong. He’s down to 56kg now :?


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:40 pm 
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You were there in the end for him (and for yourself) and that is important. It is hard as I did the same thing myself. As part of grieving, posting this and letting your emotions/thoughts out like this, I think is a good thing.

Condolences to you and your family. Remember him who he was. He will never truly go away if you remember him.

Stay strong HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:43 pm 
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It's a little dusty in here ffs. But my condolences HK, RIP. To paraphrase the Hound, getting old's a c*nt. Hope you're wife's father takes a turn for the better too.


Could it be his touching your cheek was a reminder of that black marker penis that was drawn on it all those years ago before your flight that the made the stewardess give pause to serve you on the flight?? (I hope i'm recalling correctly that that epic story was yours!!! Apols if not)


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:44 pm 
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Remember the good times as much as possible, the oddest thing will set you off, just let it happen.
Being there when they take the last breath is hard but it will be a comfort to you.
RIP Daddy HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:55 pm 
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RIP heartfelt sympathy- it sounds very similar to the experience I had when my father died


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 3:55 pm 
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nardol wrote:
TLDR

Thanks for that, OP updated


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 4:03 pm 
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I'm most moved by your candid post, HK. Lost my dad at 17.

I wish you well in the coming days. Your dad got past the three score years and ten. May he rest in peace, but sure and certain of his impact upon your life and his legacy is there.

God Bless.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 4:04 pm 
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It wasn't just a case of you getting there in the end it was every bit as much about him holding on until you got there. That speaks to how much it meant to both of you.

Mind yourselves. Make time to do so especially given the troubles your Mrs is going through. Her Dad. Married to you.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 4:05 pm 
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Morgan14 wrote:
It's a little dusty in here ffs. But my condolences HK, RIP. To paraphrase the Hound, getting old's a c*nt. Hope you're wife's father takes a turn for the better too.


Could it be his touching your cheek was a reminder of that black marker penis that was drawn on it all those years ago before your flight that the made the stewardess give pause to serve you on the flight?? (I hope i'm recalling correctly that that epic story was yours!!! Apols if not)

😂 my mum is looking at me very strangely now alas it was not I

Edit - oh and thanks for the wishes from other posters. Trust me, it does help (for those who may face a similar situation soon)


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 4:43 pm 
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RIP.

Best wishes to you and your family.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 4:54 pm 
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globus wrote:
I'm most moved by your candid post, HK. Lost my dad at 17.

I wish you well in the coming days. Your dad got past the three score years and ten. May he rest in peace, but sure and certain of his impact upon your life and his legacy is there.

God Bless.

That is unfortunate
Did you forget which Flyover support you left him in ?


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 4:55 pm 
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Sorry to hear that HK, my best wishes to you.


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