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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 7:41 pm 
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Condolences HK

My father died late last year. He'd been a miner and that work had affected him, in the last year or so of his life he was operating on 10% lung capacity or so and was in a nursing home. One of my sisters was there when he died and came down to inform us. And, I suppose it's grief being a funny thing, but all I could think about was the time my dad crept into the living room and scared the shit out of our sleeping cat who promptly jumped up and smacked him in the face cutting his chin. So I was sat in the room, in this somber moment, trying to stifle a laugh.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 7:43 pm 
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A day we all dread. :((

A moving read HK. Glad you got to spend those final few days and hours with him.

RIP to your Dad and all the best to you and your family.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 7:45 pm 
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bessantj wrote:
Condolences HK

My father died late last year. He'd been a miner and that work had affected him, in the last year or so of his life he was operating on 10% lung capacity or so and was in a nursing home. One of my sisters was there when he died and came down to inform us. And, I suppose it's grief being a funny thing, but all I could think about was the time my dad crept into the living room and scared the shit out of our sleeping cat who promptly jumped up and smacked him in the face cutting his chin. So I was sat in the room, in this somber moment, trying to stifle a laugh.


:lol: :thumbup:


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 8:15 pm 
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bessantj wrote:
Condolences HK

My father died late last year. He'd been a miner and that work had affected him, in the last year or so of his life he was operating on 10% lung capacity or so and was in a nursing home. One of my sisters was there when he died and came down to inform us. And, I suppose it's grief being a funny thing, but all I could think about was the time my dad crept into the living room and scared the shit out of our sleeping cat who promptly jumped up and smacked him in the face cutting his chin. So I was sat in the room, in this somber moment, trying to stifle a laugh.

That is a super post it’s great you could think of the good things


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 10:32 pm 
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Condolences to you and your family, HK.

It's good you managed to spend time with the old boy. He'll have received a lot of comfort from that, and obviously so will you, especially down the track a bit.

Kia kaha.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sun May 19, 2019 11:12 am 
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a sad day HK - thoughts are with you

last year i lost my brother and then my father a month later

it was only this year that i realised what a massive effect these had on me - i just wasn't functioning properly

so all i can say is work it through with people close to you


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sun May 19, 2019 11:26 am 
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Sorry for your loss, Hong Kong.

This thread is a great example of the awesome global rugby community.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sun May 19, 2019 12:47 pm 
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My condolences HK. Sorry for your kids, all the best mate.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sun May 19, 2019 3:44 pm 
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jdogscoop wrote:
Sorry for your loss, Hong Kong.

This thread is a great example of the awesome global rugby community.


Thanks bro and 100% agree.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sun May 19, 2019 4:34 pm 
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Sorry for you loss HK, sincere condolences.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sun May 19, 2019 11:54 pm 
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bessantj wrote:
Condolences HK

My father died late last year. He'd been a miner and that work had affected him, in the last year or so of his life he was operating on 10% lung capacity or so and was in a nursing home. One of my sisters was there when he died and came down to inform us. And, I suppose it's grief being a funny thing, but all I could think about was the time my dad crept into the living room and scared the shit out of our sleeping cat who promptly jumped up and smacked him in the face cutting his chin. So I was sat in the room, in this somber moment, trying to stifle a laugh.


Condolences. That is a lovely memory you have of your dad.

My first comment in my eulogy at my dad's funeral was about my Dad's response when a friend asked him why he had bought a second-hand fridge and not a new one on his move from ChCh to Wgn (he was 86 at the time).

"Well, I'm only going to be using it for a couple of years at most".

It got a lot of laughs.


Last edited by Kiwias on Mon May 20, 2019 9:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 8:10 am 
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Condolences and best wishes to you and your family HK


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 8:29 am 
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Condolences HK, your first post was incredibly touching.

I lost my Dad 3 years ago. He died whilst I was on the plane out to say goodbye to him, and it's something I'm still struggling to deal with. Be grateful you were there by his side.

My only advice at this time it to keep talking and don't be afraid to show your emotions. It's a long journey from hereon in.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 8:44 am 
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Deepest sympathies on your loss HK. I am glad you got home in time to say goodbye.
Both my parents are in their late 80's so I know I will face a similar situation in the coming years.

Ar dheis Dé go raibh a anam uasal.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 10:03 am 
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Only saw this now.

Condolences HK. Sterkte ou maat.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 10:37 am 
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Peteray wrote:
Not much anyone can say mate, HK, but I do understand your 'all over the shop' thoughts and feelings.

My Dad's 87, and got three forms of cancer, and of course they don't treat it much if you're so old. I went home and spent time with him, and he made me promise not to rush back "when I'm on my last legs, coz you can't save me son." He said that what he wanted was to, "say goodbye now, properly, go for a nice roast meal somewhere, have a beer and a bet and chat about the 'good old days." He had it worked out, so that's what we did and had a great few hours. I wouldn't swap it for anything! His idea, his rules, his way, exactly how he lived his life.

A couple of times my sister has called and said the doctors didn't think he would last the night, but he has fought off the reaper so far. I spoke to him last week, as I do most weeks, and what concerned him most was that I might fly home to see him, breaking my promise, but I reassured him I would stay true to my word.

I know I'm gonna bawl like a kid with a skinned knee when it happens, but it can't be about me, but him.

Someone wrote: "You write his obituary," and that will help you remember all he did accomplish, and 'all the good bits,' which is what Dad and I did that day in Timaru. It won't make the pain go away, but will make it better.

Richard Pearse Tavern for the beer and bet or the Old Bank, perhaps? Assuming either of those are still there...


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 10:39 am 
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Sorry to hear that. Hope you are doing ok.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 11:41 am 
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My condolences HK, I lost my father 17 years ago, shortly after moving to the UK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 12:12 pm 
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houtkabouter wrote:
My condolences HK, I lost my father 17 years ago, shortly after moving to the UK.

Is there anything we don't get blamed for?


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 12:57 pm 
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happyhooker wrote:
houtkabouter wrote:
My condolences HK, I lost my father 17 years ago, shortly after moving to the UK.

Is there anything we don't get blamed for?


:lol: was a direct result of Brexit.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Mon May 20, 2019 1:39 pm 
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Kiwias wrote:
bessantj wrote:
Condolences HK

My father died late last year. He'd been a miner and that work had affected him, in the last year or so of his life he was operating on 10% lung capacity or so and was in a nursing home. One of my sisters was there when he died and came down to inform us. And, I suppose it's grief being a funny thing, but all I could think about was the time my dad crept into the living room and scared the shit out of our sleeping cat who promptly jumped up and smacked him in the face cutting his chin. So I was sat in the room, in this somber moment, trying to stifle a laugh.


Condolences. That is a lovely memory you have of your dad.

My first comment in my eulogy at my dad's funeral was about my Dad's response when a friend asked him why he had bought a second-hand fridge and not a new one on his move from ChCh to Wgn (he was 86 at the time).

"Well, I'm only going to be using it for a couple of years at most".

It got a lot of laughs.

8) :lol: like a boss :thumbup:


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2019 3:18 pm 
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Kiwias wrote:
bessantj wrote:
Condolences HK

My father died late last year. He'd been a miner and that work had affected him, in the last year or so of his life he was operating on 10% lung capacity or so and was in a nursing home. One of my sisters was there when he died and came down to inform us. And, I suppose it's grief being a funny thing, but all I could think about was the time my dad crept into the living room and scared the shit out of our sleeping cat who promptly jumped up and smacked him in the face cutting his chin. So I was sat in the room, in this somber moment, trying to stifle a laugh.


Condolences. That is a lovely memory you have of your dad.

My first comment in my eulogy at my dad's funeral was about my Dad's response when a friend asked him why he had bought a second-hand fridge and not a new one on his move from ChCh to Wgn (he was 86 at the time).

"Well, I'm only going to be using it for a couple of years at most".

It got a lot of laughs.

That is some good wisdom.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2019 3:31 pm 
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SOrry for your loss HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2019 3:40 pm 
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Ghost-Of-Nepia wrote:
Peteray wrote:
Not much anyone can say mate, HK, but I do understand your 'all over the shop' thoughts and feelings.

My Dad's 87, and got three forms of cancer, and of course they don't treat it much if you're so old. I went home and spent time with him, and he made me promise not to rush back "when I'm on my last legs, coz you can't save me son." He said that what he wanted was to, "say goodbye now, properly, go for a nice roast meal somewhere, have a beer and a bet and chat about the 'good old days." He had it worked out, so that's what we did and had a great few hours. I wouldn't swap it for anything! His idea, his rules, his way, exactly how he lived his life.

A couple of times my sister has called and said the doctors didn't think he would last the night, but he has fought off the reaper so far. I spoke to him last week, as I do most weeks, and what concerned him most was that I might fly home to see him, breaking my promise, but I reassured him I would stay true to my word.

I know I'm gonna bawl like a kid with a skinned knee when it happens, but it can't be about me, but him.

Someone wrote: "You write his obituary," and that will help you remember all he did accomplish, and 'all the good bits,' which is what Dad and I did that day in Timaru. It won't make the pain go away, but will make it better.

Richard Pearse Tavern for the beer and bet or the Old Bank, perhaps? Assuming either of those are still there...


It was a place out at Washdyke. Robbies maybe?


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Tue May 21, 2019 9:24 pm 
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My Dad is 78 and in good health. I visited Mum and Dad at the weekend in Auckland. This thread made me decide to stay an extra day and have a game of golf with Dad on Sunday rather than rushing home Sunday morning.

Gotta make the most of the good times. :thumbup:


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2019 5:22 am 
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I lost my Father when I was 6, my stepfather when I was 31 and my mum nearly 16 years ago now when I was in my late 30s.

Now that I have kids of my own, the loss has hit me harder, and as my kids get older, the loss of time with my father hits a little deeper. I came to terms with it long ago. I am sad that my kids never got to meet any of my parents, but I don’t let it bring me down.

HK, you’ll be going on adrenaline and caffeine at the moment. There will come a time when all this has died down, and you will have time to reflect. I found that to be a comfort. This may be a struggle with your wife going through something similar, and the emotional roller coaster of dealing with your own feelings while simultaneously being there for each other could be draining. Just make sure that, now your father has passed, take a moment to look after yourself, and don’t crash and burn.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2019 6:34 am 
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One of the toughest times to be an expat is when a parent or other loved one approaches the end. We regret the time that we did not spend at home. My deepest condolences on your loss.


It is said that we are never truly a man until our father passes on. It sounds as though you had a great relationship with him, that is something that every boy needs above everything else.


You will go through a long period of mourning. The pain, the wounds, never go, they do heal slowly, but never totally.


Peace.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2019 7:41 am 
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Sorry for your loss HK, I know how difficult it is to lose your dad. Take care.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2019 4:01 pm 
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Quote:
Now that I have kids of my own, the loss has hit me harder, and as my kids get older, the loss of time with my father hits a little deeper. I came to terms with it long ago. I am sad that my kids never got to meet any of my parents


This is the thing that gets me sad, furious and everything in between. My father in law is a total arse, has zero interest in the kids, never played with them barely says hello. My dad was desperate for grandkids and would have been amazing with them. I'm sad for them and him.

Sorry to thread hijack, but just been out in mums garden playing with them and got a bit emotional.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2019 9:00 pm 
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slick wrote:
Quote:
Now that I have kids of my own, the loss has hit me harder, and as my kids get older, the loss of time with my father hits a little deeper. I came to terms with it long ago. I am sad that my kids never got to meet any of my parents


This is the thing that gets me sad, furious and everything in between. My father in law is a total arse, has zero interest in the kids, never played with them barely says hello. My dad was desperate for grandkids and would have been amazing with them. I'm sad for them and him.

Sorry to thread hijack, but just been out in mums garden playing with them and got a bit emotional.


My own dad has limited interest in my kids or, to be truthful, me. My mum would have been an amazing gran, and it is at times hard when my kids ask about her, which is getting to be quite often now they are getting older. They don’t really ask questions about my dad but just last week, my middle one comes out with “Daddy, why did your mum die? Was it because she had illness in her tummy ? You must have been really sad daddy, let me give you a hug”

Hard to keep calm at that point - but I do feel sad for them they will never get to meet.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2019 2:06 am 
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Condolences mate.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2019 6:41 am 
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Sorry for you loss HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2019 7:24 am 
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How's it going HK? We are rooting for you in a difficult time.

Things to do, relations to support, mourning to relieve the loss.

This place is a fine example of understanding and knowing that we will go there at some time.

I'm sure you will remember the good times. That's important.

The "celebration of a life lived" is the modern theme. It's not a bad way to think about.

You will pull through and make sure others, who are involved, will do so as well.

I fervently hope that this difficult time for you will pass and you will understand the legacy left behind.

I am of faith. It often pulls through at the most difficult time but is a comfort for me, if not for others.

Had a word with "Him upstairs" for you. Hang on and do keep posting.


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