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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 5:05 pm 
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Very sorry to hear about your loss HK.

RIP to your dad.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 5:06 pm 
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Condolences to you.
RIP your father.



Went through the same a few years ago.

My only advice: write your own eulogy - it did me a power of good.
Was an emotional wreck struggling throught the early drafts - until I worked out those things I wanted or needed to say.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 5:13 pm 
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Sorry for your loss HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 6:16 pm 
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Location: Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right...
Sorry for your loss - it’s a huge moment in your life. As one who arrived too late, I would think that being there at the end will prove to be a real comfort to you over the years. Go well.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 8:07 pm 
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Location: End of the road, turn right and first house on the left
Duff Paddy wrote:
Well that’s shit. Get yourself a good bottle of Irish whiskey.


Don't listen to him mate - now is not the time for suicide.

Condolences. The good part is that your dad will not get any older and you will hold him in your mind at the age where you remember him most. My mum is still this lovely grey-haired lady cooking us a roast for lunch when she was about 70.

My dad is a bit older but sitting in his favourite chair and telling us all about the war in Tobruk (finally; took him about 50 years to do it).

Treasure the special moments and make sure you recall them often.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 8:14 pm 
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Tough journey HK.

It's a weird place to get to, isn't it... the grief and confusion that comes up. I found myself replaying episodes of family times in my head a lot. My sisters and I are closer now than ever, we're all just very grateful for everything, a bit more gentle with each other than before, perhaps.

Condolences mate. Take it slow and get some sleep fercryinoutloud.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 8:19 pm 
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Hong Kong wrote:
Morgan14 wrote:
It's a little dusty in here ffs. But my condolences HK, RIP. To paraphrase the Hound, getting old's a c*nt. Hope you're wife's father takes a turn for the better too.


Could it be his touching your cheek was a reminder of that black marker penis that was drawn on it all those years ago before your flight that the made the stewardess give pause to serve you on the flight?? (I hope i'm recalling correctly that that epic story was yours!!! Apols if not)

😂 my mum is looking at me very strangely now alas it was not I

Edit - oh and thanks for the wishes from other posters. Trust me, it does help (for those who may face a similar situation soon)

It was HKCJ

Condolences HK, I fear I've got the same situation approaching rapidly. Well done for getting bedside


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 8:19 pm 
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~Genuinely sorry HK ... this happens. Take care, having lost several parents In-laws of recent, I''m sure you'll be strong fella.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 8:20 pm 
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My sympathies on your loss HK. Nicely written words too, and I hope that process helps you in managing your grief over the next while


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 8:32 pm 
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Sorry to hear about your loss HK.

I never made it back in time for my dad. Still cuts a year on and will for many more yet. Small consolation but it's something to be thankful for that you were all together and with him. RIP.

PS - what YM said. Really makes a difference.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 8:36 pm 
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Really sorry for your loss.

My Dad is dead eight weeks now.
Totally unexpected and sudden.
No goodbyes and so many things left unsaid.
I’ve actually taken my phone out of my pocket to ring him a few times before I catch myself on it.

I don’t want to thread jack so I’ll leave this here if you want to read it.

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=89557&hilit=Leinster+are+a+player+short

I’m really glad that you got the chance to be there with your Dad in his final moments.
I hope he’s at peace.

Nothing really can prepare you for something like this.
I’m feeling that I’m half way to really being a grown up.
The heartache and loneliness that my mother is going through is really hard to bear also.

One of my sisters is already talking about contesting wills.
I don’t think we even had a death certificate with that kind of talk already taking place.
Siblings who can’t be in the same room as each other forced to attend the funeral together.

I can really identify with what you have posted, though I’m guessing with your family that there was a sense of relief that he was out of discomfort by the end.

You have my deepest sympathy and sincerest best wishes.
It’s a tough time. Stay strong and remember the good times.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 8:50 pm 
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Hong Kong wrote:
My father passed away this morning and I feel the need to express myself. Strap yourselves in fellas, this could be an emotional ride...

He was 79 and had had a number of medical issues over the years: high blood pressure, diabetes, had prostrate cancer, a stroke, suffered a stroke 4 1/2 years ago, had a couple of falls, one requiring a hip replacement and was having dialysis 3 times a week. He was in hospital up until last week having suffered another fall earlier last month. So, the epitome of health!

On Wednesday last week, the consultant doctor said that there was nothing more that could be done and he was being discharged for palliative care. I was still in HK and made arrangements for a flight which arrived Sunday evening, with precious little sleep on the 12 hour flight.

He’d had a particularly violent vomiting session before I arrived and as a result was not eating at all. I stayed with him all through that night and did so on each other night, allowing my mum and sister time to rest. During one night, he woke up and looked at me and I held on to my hand and then kept on touching my cheek, then taking our hands to his cheek - he was not speaking by this stage. I had no idea what he was trying to say, if anything or if he was simply being loving - I know what memory I’ll keep.

A couple of times ding the week, he gave us all a scare by appearing to stop breathing, only to continue after a couple of seconds - the utter bastard was toying with us!

By Wednesday evening he was struggling with his breathing and although my mum had signed a DNR form last year, the nurses came and gave him medication to help, which worked a treat.

Come this morning, we were about to have breakfast when the care assistant told us we needed to come through. We did so and I watched, with my mum and sister, my father take his last breath....

So here I am now, shell-shocked and a bit confused (“no change there then” - I know) having cried a bit, laughed a bit and informed relatives (by the way, to complicate matters, we have a brother who’s been estranged from me and my sister for the last 10 years - but that's another story! Plus, did I mention that my wife is currently with her father, who’s none the too flash either?) and trying to get my head around the situation. I reckon in the 6 days I have been travelling and staying here I’ve had less than 6 hours sleep, so if I react poorly, sue me (“no change there then”).

So please feel free to comfort me, abuse me, use dark humour or sneer at me. I promise not to ban anyone*.

Got to pop out now to collect the death certificate, so I’ll not be able to respond immediately but will do so when I return.


(*this statement may not be 100% true)

Edit: thanks nardol - TLDR dad died, I’m upset


Condolences HK that's heavy.

In the fullness of time once the shock and grief has worn off you'll be glad you were able to be there for him in his final days and able to say goodbye. He would've been as well. No better way to go really than peacefully in bed surrounded by family. My wife had a similar experience with her Dad and treasures the last days with him.

Hope I can have the same when it's my time.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 9:20 pm 
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Sorry to hear. Condolences. I know how tough it is on everyone.

Lost my own dad this January. I was super close to him all my life. He was 85 years old and had long wonderful life full of travels and adventures.

I put losing him out of mind for a few days.... but the memories and thinking of him just keep popping into my head.

I wonder if over time it will get easier.... or if i am just a mental case..... but yah i am also struggling a bit with it.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 9:37 pm 
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Condolences HK very sad news, but I’m glad for your sake that you managed to get there to spend some time with him at the end

It is something that’s on my mind, considering I live in NZ and the folks are still in Zim, both 78. I dread the phone ringing at odd hours

Stay strong


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 10:23 pm 
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Sounds pretty traumatic HK. Look after yourself


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 10:45 pm 
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So sorry to hear that HK. Grief is a terrible roller coaster ride. Just remember to take care of yourself and if you need to go out in shout at the sky, don't let anyone stop you.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 10:50 pm 
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Fat Old Git wrote:
So sorry to hear that HK. Grief is a terrible roller coaster ride. Just remember to take care of yourself and if you need to go out in shout at the sky, don't let anyone stop you.



Image


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2019 11:33 pm 
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Sorry for your loss. Been through it two with both parents. It’s horrible but natural too: much worse the other way round. I was on good terms with both, nothing unresolved. Much harder for my brother who had bad blood with my Dad and never had a chance to fix it. Sincerely hope you’re not in that position.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 12:49 am 
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Condolences mate, glad you made it back in time, that's very important, getting to spend what time you can. Thoughts with you and your family.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 1:09 am 
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I've heard it said a few times that a parent's wish is to be buried by their child/ren; not the other way round.

Maybe when he held your hands to his face, your father was checking whether your hands were up to the job. :nod:

Condolences again mate. It was good you were able to make it bedside for the final breath.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 1:22 am 
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Sorry to hear about your loss HK. I went through something similar 3 years ago.

Consider my post to be a virtual 'my hand on your shoulder' moment.

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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 1:25 am 
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Condolences HK


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 1:39 am 
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DragonKhan wrote:
You were there with him at the end. Any father would have been happy to have his son there, showing you love and care for him. Sorry for your loss HK, hope you and your family find comfort in each other in this awful time

Cant put it any better than that
Condolences on your loss HK


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 3:06 am 
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Condolences Honkers


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 3:19 am 
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Sorry for your troubles.
Hopefully the rift with your brother starts to heal.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 3:41 am 
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Sorry to hear that HK. Have been going through a similar situation with my farthers emphysema for over 18 months, had holes in his lungs and was so weak from not eating that they couldn’t operate, we thought we lost him several times but the bastard kept bouncing back. It is only a matter of time now through.

Grateful I’ve had him as long as I have.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 4:32 am 
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My condolences to you and your family at this sad time.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 5:15 am 
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HK

You fucking prick!!!!! Just when I thought I had got over my father's death 18 months ago, you have just dragged me back to the massive emotional turmoil I went through.

But seriously now, you will treasure those last days, hours, minutes, and the experiences you shared with your Dad. My elder brother went through much the same, being at my Dad's side as he moved inexorably closer to death with every passing hour, and he speaks now of how he would not give up a second of it.

You have done your father proud.

Grieve for him as much as you like and treasure that process to.

Deepest condolences.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 5:56 am 
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Very sorry for your loss HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 5:58 am 
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My sincerest condolences, HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 6:02 am 
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Ah that's tough. My deepest condolences to you and yours HK.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 6:33 am 
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Condolences to you and the family HK. Hope you all get through this tough time.

Usually give you a lot of stick because you are a ref. So apologies for that as well.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 12:39 pm 
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Not sure how to take your post there HK. I was attempting that dark humour you mentioned in your post. I wasn't genuinely trying to cause offence. My genuine sympathies (as per the post almost immediately after ).


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 12:57 pm 
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nardol wrote:
Not sure how to take your post there HK. I was attempting that dark humour you mentioned in your post. I wasn't genuinely trying to cause offence. My genuine sympathies (as per the post almost immediately after ).


I think you’re OK


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 1:51 pm 
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slick wrote:
nardol wrote:
Not sure how to take your post there HK. I was attempting that dark humour you mentioned in your post. I wasn't genuinely trying to cause offence. My genuine sympathies (as per the post almost immediately after ).


I think you’re OK

Absolutely. It was a good dark humorous post that made me smile, as did a few others, including k.

And another shout out to all those who have sent condolences - it really does help...


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 1:52 pm 
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HK, very sorry to read that. All the best to you and your family during this tough time and I hope the coming days are filled with shared loving memories of your Dad.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 1:54 pm 
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Not much anyone can say mate, HK, but I do understand your 'all over the shop' thoughts and feelings.

My Dad's 87, and got three forms of cancer, and of course they don't treat it much if you're so old. I went home and spent time with him, and he made me promise not to rush back "when I'm on my last legs, coz you can't save me son." He said that what he wanted was to, "say goodbye now, properly, go for a nice roast meal somewhere, have a beer and a bet and chat about the 'good old days." He had it worked out, so that's what we did and had a great few hours. I wouldn't swap it for anything! His idea, his rules, his way, exactly how he lived his life.

A couple of times my sister has called and said the doctors didn't think he would last the night, but he has fought off the reaper so far. I spoke to him last week, as I do most weeks, and what concerned him most was that I might fly home to see him, breaking my promise, but I reassured him I would stay true to my word.

I know I'm gonna bawl like a kid with a skinned knee when it happens, but it can't be about me, but him.

Someone wrote: "You write his obituary," and that will help you remember all he did accomplish, and 'all the good bits,' which is what Dad and I did that day in Timaru. It won't make the pain go away, but will make it better.


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 1:56 pm 
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Sorry to hear that mate

:(


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 7:01 pm 
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Sorry for your loss HK


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 Post subject: Re: This is emotional
PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2019 7:28 pm 
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Sorry for your loss HK.


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