The guy in the cubicle next to me is wiping his ass like he is sanding a piece of wood (not a hard cock). One piece of paper and scrubbing away profusely.

Have I been doing it wrong? I thought it was one wipe and done.... Maybe fold to get a 2nd but that really is the max.

Im so shocked.

I suppose it depends on the, er, consistency and whether it's a "clean" offload.

Get off your phone.

In our workplace there are no cubicles free because everyone's on their phones. So annoying. Get in, shit and get out.

I vary the three in our house. We went to visit friends recently. They had no lav brushes.

This is a sin.

I just don't understand people who read or take calls whilst they are having a poo. chances are you are getting poo fragments on your hands and therefore phones, books, magazines etc.

get in, lay cable, wipe, clean hands, then get back to whatever you are doing.

re wiping, if its a 'Roughage McCleanie" then I'm strictly a fold 2 sheets, one wipe north to south, and one more folded 2 sheets to polish of kind of guy. any more and it gets a bit gay.
if its a Misclench up the sides job, then I do a couple of dabbers to take the worst of the clag off, then do a Up down left right folded pair to clean on each side, with one or two more to get the bum hairs clean.

but if its Guinness & Curry behemoth, I just use as many sheets as it takes, will get into double figures easily - and if I'm at someones house and I've sprayed their pan with my bum-mud, then I also use paper to get the bits of turd off the WC.

Anyone we know?

4 toilets on my house. LOL.

Willie dropping some subtle "im a prod" again

I don't know about one wipe and done sometimes it's like wiping a felt-tip pen

you'd need at least that many to cope with the amount of crap you come out with

Blatant park and rec theft

Why are your toilets ON your house? You have an outside shitter?

Does the shit not land directly on to your house if youre shitting on your house?

Shit thread

Lav brushes are for cleaning the actual toilet and not your arse.

switched to wet wipes a while ago, massive difference
healthier too, apparently

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-styl ... 28906.html

You're a rum sort, Falloon. I also have 4

1 for me with added bidet!
1 for the GF
1 for our housekeeper
1 for guests

Sometimes when no-ones around I take a shit in one that isn't my own

Bidet, mate. Thank me later.

well yes, bidets are a delight whenever available

i move around the world for work a lot (humanitarian), so usually don't get too much luxury, sometimes squat toilets are all there is

in the middle east the do put a shower head next to the pit for easy cleaning, works well too

Lucky bastard. Manual bidet and free hoes paid for by donor monies

Worse for the plumbing and environment though.

What does Folau say about it though?

After uni I moved into a basement flat with my girlfriend at the time. The flat had on toilet that was attached to some kind of pump arrangement. She spent weeks stupidly flushing wipes down the toilet that she used for her make up.

Naturally the pump gave up and the whole bathroom flooded in shit at 3am on a Sunday that backed up from the sewer. Emergency plumber charged us plenty for that and it remains a pretty disturbing memory.

Wet wipes are useful if you shit all over the place like a baby - otherwise an environmental disaster. Hated by all the poor buggers who clean sewer drains and unable to be used by those with septic tanks.

Excessive, pompous and polluting.

Must be fooking cold and yechie - like pulling a snake through your arse..

I've no frame of reference, sorry.

The 147: "clean break" (from snooker)

Where you wipe, inspect the damage and its (visibly) clean. Because of the good diet and constitution required for this rare event, its often the highlight of the day.

The ghost poo always leaves one a little disconcerted. A little sort of out of sync for the rest of the day.

At least I now know who was on his phone in the next cubicle. Dirty bastard.

Otherwise known as drawing an ace!

What an outstanding story

Anyways, I tend not to have anything to poo with. i'ma front to back wiper and a recent wet wipe convert for less 'regular' poo's. Also at home I have got a squatty potty. Squatting is the natural way of pooing and healthier for your body.

Poo fragments? How the fudge do you take a shit you animal?

A hole in the ground?

Um, well, what we are talking about in privy terms is the latest in front wall fresh air orifices combined with a wide capacity gutter installation below

Who the phuck folds shit tickets to get a second wipe, it is a one use system.

Wipe and flush.

You mean you crap out of the window?

Send that to Charlie Brooker for the next series of Black Mirror!

Not good for the plumbing / waste system, surely?

I'll buy it, I can't stand these modern devices