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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:17 pm 
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Winnie wrote:
Wendigo7 wrote:
Checked myself into counselling this week. Guess it's been coming for about 15-17 years ish, so it's never too late I guess.

Good luck Wendigo hope it all goes well for you

Thank you Winnie, Bimboman and Ramming Speed.

Ramming Speed - I thankfully have a sister who's perceptive enough and knows I'll listen to her. It's down to the individual to get reflective on their life and understand why things are going wrong. For X, Y or Z. The subject is material if the effect is perilous.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:23 am 
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Wendigo7 wrote:
Checked myself into counselling this week. Guess it's been coming for about 15-17 years ish, so it's never too late I guess.

Look if it doesn't work first time around, you don't feel a connection with the person you're talking about, you can go to someone else. That happens. And you need to be okay with who you're talking to.

I think they explain this to people a lot now but first person I went to was a wagon who took my moeny and told me to go back to my doctor.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:24 am 
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EverReady wrote:
Week something or other but nearly there. Felt good during the week but then got my chemo infection. Same as last time about 10-14 days after chemo you are vulnerable and I have a rake of snotty kids. Temp up to 39.1, puking face off and off into Lukes. Rang them and they tried to send me to James as per weekend protocols and myself and the SHO had a frank discussion about how that wasn't happening. Turns out nurses told him there was no beds when there was two. Not sure what they were at. Anyway nearly there 8/35 radio fractions left and one big bang of chemo. Skin around neck and back quite burnt now so would imagine next week and the week after will be ouchy. Throat still not that sore so not using much morphine. They think I am being a brave little soldier as they say it looks very sore but it genuinely isn't that bad. Totally soft diet now which means soup but it's fine. They wanted to put in the feeding tube at one point but I persuaded them against it as I thought I could do without. So far so goodish. Cancer last night 8 this morning a lowly 4

Only drop in here from time to time. You seem like you've got it under control :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 2:04 am 
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eugenius wrote:
I can’t quite get my head around how crap I feel after losing a mate to suicide a couple of weeks ago .

A dose of the flu soon after didn’t help , but I feel as weak as a kitten .

It’s very hard not to obsess about mortality and the sheer unblinking pointlessness of it all .

Thank goodness my new jobs been fantastic and I’ve been able to have the time off .

Get counselling, it'll really help. Speaking from experience.

Some of what you're experiencing is grief(even after so much time) and some if it is depression brought on by the grief. You'll still grieve long after he's gone particularly for events/stuff you used to do together and you just have to let that happen. Counselling will help you identify that stuff and help you work thru the rest. There's light at the end, sometimes it's a train and you need to let it pass.

It wasn't pointless. It was real, everything you shared with them, it was real and brilliant. That's why you'll always remember the best parts. It was mutual too and in time you'll realize that.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 6:27 am 
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as much for the art as the information...(from r/PenmanshipPorn)
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:36 am 
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I think we can all agree Râguebi has taken it next level. Any way I might as well finish this off between this and next week. Discovered on Thursday I was getting 220mg of cisplatin not 100mg. No wonder I f**king puked for Ireland. Bloods were a bit shitty as had ended up in hospital with fever again and after intially saying no chemo today they went ahead. Was delighted as that finish line is not for extending. So ropey as fudge now
Had to give my self an injection in the belly last night called Neulasta. €1100 a pop. Cause of all the Infections they have me on loads of mad expensive anti biotics leading into each other up to about day 18 post chemo. I would like to note again I injected myself like Jason Bourne. So three more radio and then the 3-4 month wait to see if I am clear. Pretty sure I am as I drank a lot of peppermint tea


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:59 am 
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EverReady wrote:
I think we can all agree Râguebi has taken it next level. Any way I might as well finish this off between this and next week. Discovered on Thursday I was getting 220mg of cisplatin not 100mg. No wonder I f**king puked for Ireland. Bloods were a bit shitty as had ended up in hospital with fever again and after intially saying no chemo today they went ahead. Was delighted as that finish line is not for extending. So ropey as fudge now
Had to give my self an injection in the belly last night called Neulasta. €1100 a pop. Cause of all the Infections they have me on loads of mad expensive anti biotics leading into each other up to about day 18 post chemo. I would like to note again I injected myself like Jason Bourne. So three more radio and then the 3-4 month wait to see if I am clear. Pretty sure I am as I drank a lot of peppermint tea


Keep fighting the good fight ER. Ah peppermint tea.. reminds me of the time MissI chastised F2V for not trying her aunties bonafide herbal remedy for cancer and then got all indignant when people told her to wind her neck in.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 10:09 am 
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HKCJ wrote:
EverReady wrote:
I think we can all agree Râguebi has taken it next level. Any way I might as well finish this off between this and next week. Discovered on Thursday I was getting 220mg of cisplatin not 100mg. No wonder I f**king puked for Ireland. Bloods were a bit shitty as had ended up in hospital with fever again and after intially saying no chemo today they went ahead. Was delighted as that finish line is not for extending. So ropey as fudge now
Had to give my self an injection in the belly last night called Neulasta. €1100 a pop. Cause of all the Infections they have me on loads of mad expensive anti biotics leading into each other up to about day 18 post chemo. I would like to note again I injected myself like Jason Bourne. So three more radio and then the 3-4 month wait to see if I am clear. Pretty sure I am as I drank a lot of peppermint tea


Keep fighting the good fight ER. Ah peppermint tea.. reminds me of the time MissI chastised F2V for not trying her aunties bonafide herbal remedy for cancer and then got all indignant when people told her to wind her neck in.


MissI: had forgotten about her. Hope she’s getting the treatment she deserves, wherever she is.

Much love to all on this thread, too.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:34 am 
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Just heard I’ve lost another mate !!!


That’s two in the last 2 weeks to suicide .

Both lovely guys and both by hanging .

Reluctant to politicise this but ...


Thank goodness this government is finally acknowledging the problem .

It’s too much .


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:38 am 
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eugenius wrote:
Just heard I’ve lost another mate !!!


That’s two in the last 2 weeks to suicide .

Both lovely guys and both by hanging .

Reluctant to politicise this but ...


Thank goodness this government is finally acknowledging the problem .

It’s too much .


Jeezus, that is rough. Be strong, mate.
EDITED for major :blush: :blush:


Last edited by Kiwias on Sun Jun 23, 2019 10:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:40 am 
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eugenius wrote:
Just heard I’ve lost another mate !!!


That’s two in the last 2 weeks to suicide .

Both lovely guys and both by hanging .

Reluctant to politicise this but ...


Thank goodness this government is finally acknowledging the problem .

It’s too much .


It's rough mate.

I lost a really close friend when I was 25 and still think about him all the time.

Helping a friend in DC via Messenger is not ideal but he has only one other person he trusts nearby. His family don't care but he had to live with them to qualify for his therapy under their health coverage :(

Very draining and it's making my depression flare up.

Keep posting!


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:43 am 
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Kiwias wrote:
eugenius wrote:
Just heard I’ve lost another mate !!!


That’s two in the last 2 weeks to suicide .

Both lovely guys and both by hanging .

Reluctant to politicise this but ...


Thank goodness this government is finally acknowledging the problem .

It’s too much .


Jeezus, that is rough. Hang in there, mate.


:|


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 10:18 am 
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mr bungle wrote:
:|


:blush: :blush:
Retires to garden to give self huge uppercut


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:23 pm 
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You’re all good bro.



Another f**king funeral !

I’m not 80 ffs .


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:28 pm 
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.wrong thrD


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:50 pm 
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eugenius wrote:
You’re all good bro.



Another f**king funeral !

I’m not 80 ffs .


Thanks, eug.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:17 am 
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Truth is I’m now worried about my own mood.

I feel extremely flat .

Unusually.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:37 am 
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eugenius wrote:
Truth is I’m now worried about my own mood.

I feel extremely flat .

Unusually.


Sit down with a friend and talk about it. Bottling your feelings up won't help.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 10:20 pm 
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eugenius wrote:
Truth is I’m now worried about my own mood.

I feel extremely flat .

Unusually.

What do you mean extremely flat?

That's a key question. Flat as in meh, flat as in a feeling of nothing, flat as in detachment. How do you mean?


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 10:36 pm 
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My first trip.


Wow.


Best of luck and loads of strength to you all.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:28 pm 
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Wendigo7 wrote:
eugenius wrote:
Truth is I’m now worried about my own mood.

I feel extremely flat .

Unusually.

What do you mean extremely flat?

That's a key question. Flat as in meh, flat as in a feeling of nothing, flat as in detachment. How do you mean?


All of the above , but improving .

New work place has been brilliant and I’m going in for a 1/2 day referesher before I go down south for the funeral .

Going to stay at Moeraki for two nights and hang with my old mate Fluer .

Always a good plan .

Thanks guys, didn’t mean to make this all about me , but I’m in uncharted territory here.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2019 12:20 am 
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Wendigo7 wrote:
Winnie wrote:
Wendigo7 wrote:
Checked myself into counselling this week. Guess it's been coming for about 15-17 years ish, so it's never too late I guess.

Good luck Wendigo hope it all goes well for you

Thank you Winnie, Bimboman and Ramming Speed.

Ramming Speed - I thankfully have a sister who's perceptive enough and knows I'll listen to her. It's down to the individual to get reflective on their life and understand why things are going wrong. For X, Y or Z. The subject is material if the effect is perilous.


Good to know.

Btw have you been talking to old ex-gf's of mine? They're the only ones who called me Ramming Speed. ;)


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:15 am 
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35/35 radio and 3/3 Cisplatin chemo done. Finished up Wednesday and as warned the pain has got worse each morning. The pain is mainly throat, tongue and mouth but drugs sort it out after about 20 mins so all sound. You sort of choke on this chewing gum mucous for about 20 mins after getting up. I do not recommend this part of the treatment and hopefully globus has some ideas. The radio stays working for 12 days so I have a few left to go. Unusually I have kept a good bit of my taste so had a quiche out with a mate yesterday. Burny but well edible. I am told 85% of patients would either be in hospital, tube fed or total soft diet so I am very grateful for that. That taste thing is what drives most patients crazy for often years so yeah thank fück. Overall a mental journey this far. They are doing my pet scan in two rather than four months as they don't like how long it took the tumour to respond. I think I mentioned before but they will just do a neck dissection then and I will look hard with a capital H.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:32 am 
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Nice piece by Greg Bateman on twitter/Instagram.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:39 am 
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DragsterDriver wrote:
Nice piece by Greg Bateman on twitter/Instagram.


Could have done with a PRO casting their eye over it a bit


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:46 am 
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https://www.instagram.com/p/BzQuhueHyo3 ... j8ksodto48


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 24, 2019 1:46 pm 
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Not have a great time of it presently. :|

Probably not a good idea to keep seeking out stressful Jobs :blush:


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2019 12:18 pm 
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eugenius wrote:
Wendigo7 wrote:
eugenius wrote:
Truth is I’m now worried about my own mood.

I feel extremely flat .

Unusually.

What do you mean extremely flat?

That's a key question. Flat as in meh, flat as in a feeling of nothing, flat as in detachment. How do you mean?


All of the above , but improving .

New work place has been brilliant and I’m going in for a 1/2 day referesher before I go down south for the funeral .

Going to stay at Moeraki for two nights and hang with my old mate Fluer .

Always a good plan .

Thanks guys, didn’t mean to make this all about me , but I’m in uncharted territory here.


You sound like you're in grief. Perfectly understandable given what you've experienced.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2019 12:20 pm 
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Pat the Ex Mat wrote:
Not have a great time of it presently. :|

Probably not a good idea to keep seeking out stressful Jobs :blush:


Imagine being a professional rugby coach?

Seriously though, I hope you're listening to your body.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2019 11:16 pm 
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Take a few days off if you can and try and get centred. Fûck work is my recent motto


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2019 11:21 pm 
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Pat the Ex Mat wrote:
Not have a great time of it presently. :|

Probably not a good idea to keep seeking out stressful Jobs :blush:

Having experience with this personally, if you need to go to a more relaxed position for a better mental state. Do it. Just do it.

It may end up being boring and mundane but you can deal with that later, put your mental health first. :D


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2019 11:23 pm 
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Also an update that my mind is currently in a much better state. Still seeing a councillor but going well.

Little changes can make a big difference. There's more things I want to work on, but progress is being made. :)

Less negative thoughts.

Note: Everyone in here, use the Headspace app. It's fantastic, readily available and good for you.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2019 11:30 pm 
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EverReady wrote:
35/35 radio and 3/3 Cisplatin chemo done. Finished up Wednesday and as warned the pain has got worse each morning. The pain is mainly throat, tongue and mouth but drugs sort it out after about 20 mins so all sound. You sort of choke on this chewing gum mucous for about 20 mins after getting up. I do not recommend this part of the treatment and hopefully globus has some ideas. The radio stays working for 12 days so I have a few left to go. Unusually I have kept a good bit of my taste so had a quiche out with a mate yesterday. Burny but well edible. I am told 85% of patients would either be in hospital, tube fed or total soft diet so I am very grateful for that. That taste thing is what drives most patients crazy for often years so yeah thank fück. Overall a mental journey this far. They are doing my pet scan in two rather than four months as they don't like how long it took the tumour to respond. I think I mentioned before but they will just do a neck dissection then and I will look hard with a capital H.


Just catching up on this. You have a great attitude about it all but I know from seeing family members go through it this shit ain’t easy. Luckily most made it through and it sounds like you are on your way.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 25, 2019 11:39 pm 
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Wendigo7 wrote:
Also an update that my mind is currently in a much better state. Still seeing a councillor but going well.

Little changes can make a big difference. There's more things I want to work on, but progress is being made. :)

Less negative thoughts.

Note: Everyone in here, use the Headspace app. It's fantastic, readily available and good for you.

Myself and my colleagues recommend this app to patients :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2019 10:00 am 
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Bowens wrote:
EverReady wrote:
35/35 radio and 3/3 Cisplatin chemo done. Finished up Wednesday and as warned the pain has got worse each morning. The pain is mainly throat, tongue and mouth but drugs sort it out after about 20 mins so all sound. You sort of choke on this chewing gum mucous for about 20 mins after getting up. I do not recommend this part of the treatment and hopefully globus has some ideas. The radio stays working for 12 days so I have a few left to go. Unusually I have kept a good bit of my taste so had a quiche out with a mate yesterday. Burny but well edible. I am told 85% of patients would either be in hospital, tube fed or total soft diet so I am very grateful for that. That taste thing is what drives most patients crazy for often years so yeah thank fück. Overall a mental journey this far. They are doing my pet scan in two rather than four months as they don't like how long it took the tumour to respond. I think I mentioned before but they will just do a neck dissection then and I will look hard with a capital H.


Just catching up on this. You have a great attitude about it all but I know from seeing family members go through it this shit ain’t easy. Luckily most made it through and it sounds like you are on your way.


Yeah tipping along. It is the gift that keeps on giving though. I have dry mouth now which will apparently last an age. Sounds alright but be assured ones mouth is only meant to be dry after a session on the whiskey not 24/7. Surgery pretty much a done deal now. ENT consultant had a look and said he ain't happy with the lumps and bumps and is going in whether or not scan shows up anything. Was pissed off on the day but I think my beautiful face got a decent run at it.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2019 1:33 pm 
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Wendigo7 wrote:
Pat the Ex Mat wrote:
Not have a great time of it presently. :|

Probably not a good idea to keep seeking out stressful Jobs :blush:

Having experience with this personally, if you need to go to a more relaxed position for a better mental state. Do it. Just do it.

It may end up being boring and mundane but you can deal with that later, put your mental health first. :D


No, it's a.very valid point, I have plenty of interests outside of work

Sitting on Magnetic Island this weekend puts a bit of distance and perspective on it

It isn't helped by having my third new boss in 9 months.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2019 11:48 pm 
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So, I've been on the bored awhile I feel like sharing my weekend and last week because it's... I don't really know what to say. :(

My bank weekend - week in general has been shocking. Had my last counselling session, at least for now. Partially I led the sessions and didn't feel she was... apart from CBD and letting me talk off my chest, giving direction to what I was doing... helping. I did it myself. Maybe in fact it's a good thing I'm not entirely sure how to answer.

So on friday, I decided I was sick of work and took a day off and asked my family to go to Wareham down the river for a drink at the pub. All had time off, sister couldn't go due to work load but we nabbed the train, had a nice day. Avoided the car crash of cricket at least till I got back and watched the recording. I nip back home having had a good day, old man decides he wants to go for a few drinks (he'd drink you under the table) to the pub in Poole and that's that.

Next morning (saturday), get a text from my sister saying she's gone round and it seems like my old man is all drugged up (he hates drugs of all kinds so that's totally rubbish from the start). There was poo inside the house, in the kitchen, on the floor, in the bathroom.. everywhere. There's blood outside the house in a pool on the floor, about 10 feet from the back entrance... the bbq and inside the house. A lot of blood. My old man says he's been in half an hour. They then discover a massive hole/cut in the back of his head, top to bottom, which is humongous. They call 111 and he's taken to Poole hospital whilst I was ironically in hospital for something much less at the time. Found out he was then rushed to A&E and put on life support and was critical. He'd lost consciousness as well within 30 minutes. Doctors called the family in, notifying us he'd had a bleed on the brain, bruised brain and large swelling at the back of his head. A cracked skull, broken neck bones and spinal issues due to his "fall". He also has a bleed in the neck. My mother had found him outside our backdoor on the floor in a pool of blood and presumed he'd had a fall, the bbq is close to the door, there are stairs to the garden near but there's nothing really to cause this kind of impact. The back garden was also looked so no one could get in. At this point I'm completely lost/dumbfounded slightly/shellshocked and yet being me, totally positive he'd be fine. Horrifying seeing him with tubes and a bed sit, looking the state he is. It was scary to see my mum and sisters faces crying knowing the possibility that my father might die. We stay there an hour, he's recuperating and they then notify us that the injuries are luckily not bad enough to be operated on and they don't want to do any operation. Within 30 minutes he then gets moved to Southampton as a precaution for the neurology unit in case they need to act quickly and they don't want to have issues if they moved later with bank holiday traffic.

I chose to stay at home, look after the family cats whilst watching the sport. It's in my opinion the only way I would have dealt with that situation. Sitting in a locked room, stewing over not being there and why I couldn't help overnight would have made my mind poisonous. Old man's in a bedsit and all I could do is wait. Finally, by some miracle, they initially were going to be doing an operation to relieve the pressure on my dads head but, chose to do a scan to make sure and found the most startling thing. My dads swelling had spontaneously removed the bleed on the brain, there were no signs of clots, or blood flow issues on the brain. In a sense he had fixed himself completely by luck. Started to come to on Saturday evening but was in a lot of pain. Supposedly as you grow older (no I didn't know this) your brain shrinks. He had an absurd stroke of luck in that the brain had enough room to cater the swelling and it had dealt with the bleed as well. So shocked were the medical staff, that he is now in a medical journal or will be for what they've described as a freak of nature. They'd never seen it recorded before.

Thankfully, they discharged him yesterday and he came home :D . Never felt so relieved to see him back, was like something was missing in the family household. He's still suffering from concussive symptoms... sickness, light head, lack of concentration. However, I still have plenty of questions behind the incident though. When he became conscious he was found outside at about 7am on the floor outside the back entrance. His friend states they were dropped back in a taxi at 2:30am at the end of our road, they've had a chat and he's walked home (30 second walk max). So by the friends reckoning he's been outside knocked out for 4 hours. My old man thinks he's been dropped off at 11:30pm the previous evening because the pub did shut then, he'd only had 3-4 pints and told everyone he wasn't drinking much. He also only goes to that particular pub. Which means he's been outside roughly 7 hours and isn't drunk whatsoever. Once he gets back he goes to bed. He's walked in the house, locked up the house and for some reason, he's walked outside and fallen. This doesn't make sense because there's nothing to really fall on. Nor are there any dangerous objects in the garden, nothing's been moved (even today everything is where it should be), there is no blood outside the house except for the bbq and the area where he lay. I'm adamant he's been there a while because he has bleed from the cut once he's got in the house, so it's had time for the impact to dry around the flesh wound. He's been there ages.

Friends of his think he may have been attacked with a club outside the house. Couple of problems with that. The garden is 2 tiered. House back entrance is the lower part and it goes to an upper section. If he was hit from behind, the guy would have had to have had extraordinarily large arms and not make a sound to reach my old man because the gap between the 2 parts is quite large. Secondly, the doctors did notify us he received 2 impacts to the brain, causing the large gash but in separate incidents. Right well that makes to me no sense if he's been clubbed with 1 large hit on the brain, because we have covers on the BBQ and there was a blood stain on that and only on the pool of blood where he laid. More importantly with the attack idea, is my dad had the house keys on him. If they attacked him and he was prone, they could have just searched him and wanted to get inside, used the keys and they could have. They didn't. No one came in, no ones taken any wallets or anything. Nothing's gone and nothing's moved, there's no foot prints either. There's no motive because he didn't have anything on him either and he doesn't upset anyone. I can only assume he's hit is head on the covering of the BBQ going backwards, landed on his bum and bumped his head for whatever reason and then laid there for hours.

Just wanted to get that off the chest. Partially in total shock, nothing has ever happened in my family like this and also because I've so many questions. The cause of impact makes no sense with any theory I can think of. Too far for an attack, no motive or reason and there's nothing to trip him up. I don't understand. I just don't understand why this has happened. Took the week off work to go over and watch over him. I'm a bit speechless tbh.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 29, 2019 11:56 pm 
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Jesus. He's on the mend now? That's the main thing. :thumbup:

He's not in the hospital any more is he?


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 30, 2019 9:04 am 
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Just the normal stress free weekend then :lol:

But seriously though, what a strange stroke of fortune and glad he is on the mend!


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 30, 2019 9:37 am 
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There was poo inside the house, in the kitchen, on the floor, in the bathroom.. everywhere


Who the fück did the massive poo and who cleaned it up!!!!!


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