Opposite sex friendships

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True Blue
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Opposite sex friendships

Post by True Blue »

Question. Is it appropriate for a married guy to be friends with a single woman? I share an office at work (just the two of us) with a female ten years my junior. I like her, she has my type of personality. I'm still somewhat new to the US so don't have any real friends over here, I think she'd make a good one despite the age difference. Problem is I think it may be seen as weird/inappropriate by certain people?

I'm happily married by the way so don't think I'm using this as an excuse to cheat or anything, I legit think she'd make a good buddy.
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Winnie
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Winnie »

There are rules on this bored
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Pat the Ex Mat
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Pat the Ex Mat »

If you're married, what's the problem?

*TB is Mike Pence and I claim my $5
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AND-y
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by AND-y »

Intellectually - no problem

Practically - the old 'would you be cool with it if the roles were reversed' idea should probably be taken into account.
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Jim Lahey
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Jim Lahey »

Are you physically attracted to her or not?
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Zakar
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Zakar »

Sounds like a question you should ask your wife.
BBB
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by BBB »

Depends how hot your wife thinks your friend is.
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Thomas
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Thomas »

I've had a work wife before but she essentially looked like Al Baxter in drag so my wife didn't have any concerns. Plus she was a card carrying rug-muncher who shagged more women than anyone I know.

I currently work with a coastal engineer who is ridiculously hot and we're pretty chummy (she's married to some sort of surfing demi-god so it'd be a serious downgrade if she hooked up with me). My wife would probably have some concerns with her though.
C69
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by C69 »

Not an issue at all.
This is the 21st Century ffs.
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deadduck
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by deadduck »

It's quite normal to have a "work wife".

And let's face it, unless you quit you're going to have to find a way to work together without it being weird and the best way to do that is just relax and let the friendship develop.
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Ali's Choice
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Ali's Choice »

True Blue wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 6:38 am Question. Is it appropriate for a married guy to be friends with a single woman? I share an office at work (just the two of us) with a female ten years my junior. I like her, she has my type of personality. I'm still somewhat new to the US so don't have any real friends over here, I think she'd make a good one despite the age difference. Problem is I think it may be seen as weird/inappropriate by certain people?

I'm happily married by the way so don't think I'm using this as an excuse to cheat or anything, I legit think she'd make a good buddy.
It's a tough question, because the 'sex' thing will always be there. Maybe not all the time, but it will be there. Even the happiest and strongest of relationship can be threatened when a 3rd party starts to establish an emotional relationship with one of the people involved.

The obvious question is 'Would you be happy if the roles were reversed and your wife was hanging it with a single guy who was 10 years younger than her?'

Another question is 'Would you be comfortable spending time with this female friend in the same way that you would a male friend?'. The answer to that depends on what you do with your male friends.

Overall, as someone who will have been married 18 years next April, my advice is to tread carefully. Even if your intentions are completely innocent, the fact that she is single, female and younger than you will be a series of red flags for your spouse. The fact that you're new to the USA and don't have many friends yet would suggest that your wife might also be in the same boat? She might be lonely too. And you catching up with your work-hottie for after work beers ever other day might not help her feelings of loneliness.

In my sector approximately 80% of employees are female. I've worked with some absolute stunners, some of whom have also been great people who I could have been great friends with. But I decided early on that that simply wasn't going to be compatible with being a happily married man. So I'm friendly with them, and will occasionally socialise with them in group scenarios or chat with them on the phone, but all my close 'friendships' are with males.
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Ali's Choice
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Ali's Choice »

deadduck wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:25 am It's quite normal to have a "work wife".

And let's face it, unless you quit you're going to have to find a way to work together without it being weird and the best way to do that is just relax and let the friendship develop.
My impression is that the OP isn't after a work wife, he's after an after-hours friend.
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Duff Paddy
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Duff Paddy »

C69 wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:22 am Not an issue at all.
This is the 21st Century ffs.
:lol:
flashman
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by flashman »

Seven Pints.
Stationary Cupboard.
Office Christmas Party!
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Duff Paddy
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Duff Paddy »

flashman wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:55 am Seven Pints.
Stationary Cupboard.
Office Christmas Party!
Solicitors office
Divorce
Living in a rented flat
Weekend access to kids
Alimony payments

Yeah great idea
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deadduck
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by deadduck »

Ali's Choice wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:44 am
deadduck wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:25 am It's quite normal to have a "work wife".

And let's face it, unless you quit you're going to have to find a way to work together without it being weird and the best way to do that is just relax and let the friendship develop.
My impression is that the OP isn't after a work wife, he's after an after-hours friend.
No reason it can't be both
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Ali's Choice
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Ali's Choice »

deadduck wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 9:06 am
Ali's Choice wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:44 am
deadduck wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:25 am It's quite normal to have a "work wife".

And let's face it, unless you quit you're going to have to find a way to work together without it being weird and the best way to do that is just relax and let the friendship develop.
My impression is that the OP isn't after a work wife, he's after an after-hours friend.
No reason it can't be both
Does your wife encourage you to socialise with younger, single women outside work?
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CrazyIslander
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by CrazyIslander »

Think of her as a work sister.
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LandOTurk
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by LandOTurk »

Duff Paddy wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 9:05 am
flashman wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:55 am Seven Pints.
Stationary Cupboard.
Office Christmas Party!
Solicitors office
Divorce
Living in a rented flat
Weekend access to kids
Alimony payments

Yeah great idea
Keep it distant.
grievous
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by grievous »

CrazyIslander wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 9:20 am Think of her as a work sister.
Or a trans friend
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CrazyIslander
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by CrazyIslander »

grievous wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 9:25 am
CrazyIslander wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 9:20 am Think of her as a work sister.
Or a trans friend
Too much sexual tension in the office, the electricity would make the copier pump out blank sheets.
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Pat the Ex Mat
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Pat the Ex Mat »

Ali's Choice wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 9:10 am
deadduck wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 9:06 am
Ali's Choice wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:44 am
deadduck wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:25 am It's quite normal to have a "work wife".

And let's face it, unless you quit you're going to have to find a way to work together without it being weird and the best way to do that is just relax and let the friendship develop.
My impression is that the OP isn't after a work wife, he's after an after-hours friend.
No reason it can't be both
Does your wife encourage you to socialise with younger, single women outside work?
That is quite old-fashioned Ali.

I'm surprised all you married sorts have so little trust
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EverReady
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by EverReady »

I find it appropriate every time until I am riding them in the back of their 7 seater with the kids toys squashed under my arse
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Ali's Choice
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Ali's Choice »

Pat the Ex Mat wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 9:41 am That is quite old-fashioned Ali.

I'm surprised all you married sorts have so little trust
I agree it's old fashioned. I don't know many married folk, male or female, who have many close, exclusive opposite sex friends. We have females in our various friendship groups, and a few are single, but i don't socialise with any of them on my own.
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Blackrock Bullet »

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Zakar
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Zakar »

Introduce her to your Mrs so she can be friends with her as well.
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Luciano
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Luciano »

Yes you can, but meet with her in a group environment to avoid confusions (even for her) after you finish working hours. As others mentioned before, think how you would feel if you were viewing the situation from the point of your wife -including asking her-, and I would add from your friend's too.
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Flametop
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Flametop »

Has she got a friend?
backrow
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by backrow »

Pfffft being friends with a woman ! :lol:
Zero point unless they are relatives, partners of your mates, or parents of your kids friends.

To the OP - if you are not interested in her, then she will be in you, or at least your wife will think so perhaps. Either shag her or cut her off and save yourself ballache later on. Blokes won’t think it weird that you have a female friend, but women will / might. There was a simpsons episode on this very subject, Marge turned into a vicious nest of vipers , tampax and handbags.
Last edited by backrow on Wed Nov 11, 2020 11:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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anonymous_joe
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by anonymous_joe »

True Blue wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 6:38 am Question. Is it appropriate for a married guy to be friends with a single woman? I share an office at work (just the two of us) with a female ten years my junior. I like her, she has my type of personality. I'm still somewhat new to the US so don't have any real friends over here, I think she'd make a good one despite the age difference. Problem is I think it may be seen as weird/inappropriate by certain people?

I'm happily married by the way so don't think I'm using this as an excuse to cheat or anything, I legit think she'd make a good buddy.
The thing of it is, you need to move your assets outside of the marriage quite some time before the divorce. I can't speak for NZ law (or American) but you really want to make your plans a long time in advance.
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lilyw
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by lilyw »

The question was about opposite-sex friendships, not just married vs single.

I have only a few (8-10) very close friends - people that I have known for between 35 years (the least) & 43 years (the most) & with whom I can discuss essentially anything. 2 of them are women - as it happens both of them are married to people that were friends of mine before they were a couple. I have only known my wife for 33 years & we are married for 29.

Both of my female close friends live abroad but my wife has no problem with me meeting them alone when they are in Ireland, or even staying with them if I am in their cities. She knows them (they aren't particularly close because they are just too different as people) & there is absolutely no concern on anybody's part that any boundaries will be crossed.

Similarly my wife has 3 very close long-term male friends (2 married, 1 divorced) & I have no issues with her meeting them any time. She has actually been on holiday to one of their 2nd houses in Spain with 2 of them & some other female friends. Another was a work colleague of hers for more than 10 years - they are really close & often meet for dinner, but it is just a very good friendship. He & I get along but aren't particularly compatible - for one thing he is a mad Dub football fan & has his spot on the Hill.

It's all about trust.
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MrDominator
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by MrDominator »

It's never worked for me.

Any woman who works in close proximity to me wants a piece of the Dom after one month, max.

I have to make it very clear where the boundaries lie.
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by MungoMan »

MrDominator wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 12:03 pm It's never worked for me.

Any woman who works in close proximity to me wants a piece of the Dom after one month, max.

I have to make it very clear where the boundaries lie.
That was a knee-slapper.

Time to call time on this novelty account.
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Sandstorm
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Sandstorm »

Take a selfie with her at work, then show it to your wife. Tell her you're going to be buddies. It'll be fine.
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Mr Mike
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Mr Mike »

Not in the US, the “When Harry Met Sally” conventional wisdom is too prevalent. It will get repeated to you so often you will lose the will to continue.

Image
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by danny_fitz »

Duff Paddy wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 9:05 am
flashman wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:55 am Seven Pints.
Stationary Cupboard.
Office Christmas Party!
Solicitors office
Divorce
Living in a rented flat
Weekend access to kids
Alimony payments

Yeah great idea
Your stationary cupboard at work is more interesting then mine :thumbup:
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MrJonno
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by MrJonno »

Luciano wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 10:50 am Yes you can, but meet with her in a group environment to avoid confusions (even for her) after you finish working hours. As others mentioned before, think how you would feel if you were viewing the situation from the point of your wife -including asking her-, and I would add from your friend's too.
So an orgy.... but that can be even more confusing.
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sorCrer
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by sorCrer »

Duff Paddy wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 9:05 am
flashman wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:55 am Seven Pints.
Stationary Cupboard.
Office Christmas Party!
Solicitors office
Divorce
Living in a rented flat
Weekend access to kids
Alimony payments

Yeah great idea
Exactly this just happened to a mate of mine who hooked up with one of his employees 18 years his junior.
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globus
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by globus »

No problem for me, I've loads of girlfriends who aren't gold diggers. I have a very happy marriage and The Management has a string of boyfriends who would be in a large queue if I popped my clogs.

We both find it quite funny but rather nice.
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Leinsterman
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Re: Opposite sex friendships

Post by Leinsterman »

Thomas wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 8:21 am I've had a work wife before but she essentially looked like Al Baxter in drag so my wife didn't have any concerns. Plus she was a card carrying rug-muncher who shagged more women than anyone I know.

I currently work with a coastal engineer who is ridiculously hot and we're pretty chummy (she's married to some sort of surfing demi-god so it'd be a serious downgrade if she hooked up with me). My wife would probably have some concerns with her though.
It's not all about looks though. Make a woman laugh and...

Actually, never mind
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