Does anyone remember this classic thread from the good old days? I think Gary was the landlord. Given what’s going on we might need it again if we can’t get to a real one.

Mine’s a Guinness and I’m gonna put a few songs on the old jukebox.

Don’t Stand so Close to Me - The Police
Stayin Alive - BeeGees
Harder to Breath - Maroon 5

For any non drinkers Kiwias is holding an AA meeting upstairs if you’re interested.

Nobody is eating the bar nuts

And some bastard has pinched the bog roll from the gents!

Double brandy and Coke for me.

I’ll have an ale please.

Now this could be fun. Can we ask the mods to be doormen and bar any anti-social posters from the bar if they kick off?

Also, can you turn over to the rugby please, Gary?

Been cancelled. Showing repeats of 'Survivors'

Our meetings are open to all but please leave your glass outside.

You'll hear our song "Do you Believe in Magic?" by Loving Spoonful

Thought that was on Scrum.com
The Hookers Arms
Gary was the nutter who played for Canvey Island

What's your craft selection like?

Can we turn the jukebox off or is there a saloon bar for us real pub goers to sit in surly silence?

If no, I put on Too Drunk to fudge by Dead Kennedys.

I hope you have both brandy and coke

Any chance of a lemsip? Can't get it in the stores at the moment.

Can we call the pub The World's End?

I want a game of darts and a fight over the pool table.

Brandy and Babycham please guv'nor

A large Ardbeg please. Can I have a larger ashtray as I have this fine Montecristo to smoke.

Rum and Coke. Bundy, of course.

Who's up for a game of pool? I will fuck you up.

Please make sure the pub bore is barred.

Mine's a Pineapple Pizza Space Cookie IPA please........

I put my dollar on the side of the table first

Call it by its real name: Charge Office Coffee, or GTFO of this pub mate.

Lime juice and lemonade, choked with ice, please.

And tell those drunken sots to keep their voices down.

Etherspoons?

Yeeb has spewed on someone's back in the pool room.

Karate Water

I'm in if I can set my PS up to one of the spare TV's and you turn a blind eye to me eating these brownies I brought in (there's enough to go around) in return for buying a pint of coke and pack of crisps every 30 mins.

Any pub that needs more than a 50p piece for the pool table is too expensive.

Jeff bin in?

It’s contactless these days, somewhat suitably...

Has Bimbo popped in this morning yet? I want to discuss Brexit, virology and epidemiology with someone knowledgeable...over a thick rum and coke.

Pint of Bass and 1/2 lager and lime for Zappaman. .

Breathe by Pink Floyd on the jukebox please..

Pub quiz anyone?

Shirely we can just watch a selection of the greatest games.

Scotland v England 1990 first, in fact just put it on a loop please barman.

Pint of Innes & Gunn with a Highland Park 18 on the side and get one for yourself.

I’ll have a lime and soda, sorry virology and epidemics aren’t anything I know much about, there’s some amazing guys in Ireland for you though. Get in early Though, I assume they’re all tontoed by 1pm.

Too many weights, not enough exchange work...

I'm in. What's the team name, any objections to Quizlamic Extremists?

I have asked Globby to be on my team, you c*nts are toast.

Anyone fancy a game of scrabble?

Mine’s an ale