Planet Rugby Forum

Just wanting to get other people's opinions as to whether our family set-up is fair.

So...I work 5 or 6 days a week alternatively. My wife doesn't work. She was made redundant and decided she wanted to stay home and look after our young son. I agreed. If he woke up, I would get up during the night. His first word was 'Daddy'. I would get him up every morning and feed him and dress him before I go to work. I put him to bed every night. The garden is my responsibility, as are paying and arranging all insurances/bills/phones etc. I also do everything with both cars. I clean the kitchen. It is mostly me who fills and empties the dishwasher. I do the shopping for the house and if there's anything that needs to be gotten ie takeout or quick trip to the shops, I do it. I empty all the bins in the house and make sure the big ones are out for collection. When I come in at night after work + 1.5 hours commute, I take over looking after my son. At weekends when I'm off, he's just my responsibility. I end up looking after him all of both days. When I come home on a Tuesday from my half day, again I look after my son. My in-laws take him for a full day every Wednesday. Now he has a baby sister as of the last week. All of the above continues. Now my son goes into childcare for 5 hours on a Thursday as well. My wife gets a cleaner in to clean. The baby sleeps all day. She gets someone to do the ironing for her. She spends money which we cannot afford. I have asked her to keep to a budget. She just doesn't. She has gone on a spending spree on her credit card and doesn't know how much she has spent, nor does she want to find out. I will have to pay this back. This can be achieved by working more. She wants me to work less.

I think this is an unfair distribution of responsibility. What does anyone else think?

she's having an affair

As I thought really. Women want equality where in actual fact, they just want to do fudge all.

what does your wife do while you are at work ?

Looks after the kids. Meets her mum friends for coffee and cakes etc.

Jonny, just have the affair. No need to justify it or tell porkies to rationalise it.

argus wrote:what does your wife do while you are at work ?

Online bingo. Wait until he gets the bill for that one.

Tell your wife to go and fudge off

Seriously, you have to do it. Take away the credit card straight assay and give her a pre paid debit card. If she wants to spend money on other things tell her to get a job and tell her the kid is her responsibility. You;re working so need a good kip. And tell her to f**king well get cleaning.

What a piss take.

So many women nowadays are lazy good for nothings. Try and find a woman 20 - 35 nowadays who can or is willing to cook.

Sefton wrote:

iarmhiman wrote:So many women nowadays are lazy good for nothings. Try and find a woman 20 - 35 nowadays who can or is willing to cook.

I am a very good cook in fairness.

Sefton wrote:

iarmhiman wrote:So many women nowadays are lazy good for nothings. Try and find a woman 20 - 35 nowadays who can or is willing to cook.

That's a doozy

iarmhiman wrote:

Sefton wrote:

iarmhiman wrote:So many women nowadays are lazy good for nothings. Try and find a woman 20 - 35 nowadays who can or is willing to cook.

I am a very good cook in fairness.

Ok - so that's one.

Sefton wrote:Will you marry me?

iarmhiman wrote:So many women nowadays are lazy good for nothings. Try and find a woman 20 - 35 nowadays who can or is willing to cook.

They can't be expected to do any women's work, because that would be sexist. They can't be expected to do any man jobs either. The world is going to hell in a handcart.

Tell her you are going to resign, be very very serious about it. Then actually do it. Watch her panic.

irishjonny wrote:Just wanting to get other people's opinions as to whether our family set-up is fair.

So...I work 5 or 6 days a week alternatively. My wife doesn't work. She was made redundant and decided she wanted to stay home and look after our young son. I agreed. If he woke up, I would get up during the night. His first word was 'Daddy'. I would get him up every morning and feed him and dress him before I go to work. I put him to bed every night. The garden is my responsibility, as are paying and arranging all insurances/bills/phones etc. I also do everything with both cars. I clean the kitchen. It is mostly me who fills and empties the dishwasher. I do the shopping for the house and if there's anything that needs to be gotten ie takeout or quick trip to the shops, I do it. I empty all the bins in the house and make sure the big ones are out for collection. When I come in at night after work + 1.5 hours commute, I take over looking after my son. At weekends when I'm off, he's just my responsibility. I end up looking after him all of both days. When I come home on a Tuesday from my half day, again I look after my son. My in-laws take him for a full day every Wednesday. Now he has a baby sister as of the last week. All of the above continues. Now my son goes into childcare for 5 hours on a Thursday as well. My wife gets a cleaner in to clean. The baby sleeps all day. She gets someone to do the ironing for her. She spends money which we cannot afford. I have asked her to keep to a budget. She just doesn't. She has gone on a spending spree on her credit card and doesn't know how much she has spent, nor does she want to find out. I will have to pay this back. This can be achieved by working more. She wants me to work less.

I think this is an unfair distribution of responsibility. What does anyone else think?

Bale out. Now.

irishjonny wrote:Just wanting to get other people's opinions as to whether our family set-up is fair.

So...I work 5 or 6 days a week alternatively. My wife doesn't work. She was made redundant and decided she wanted to stay home and look after our young son. I agreed. If he woke up, I would get up during the night. His first word was 'Daddy'. I would get him up every morning and feed him and dress him before I go to work. I put him to bed every night. The garden is my responsibility, as are paying and arranging all insurances/bills/phones etc. I also do everything with both cars. I clean the kitchen. It is mostly me who fills and empties the dishwasher. I do the shopping for the house and if there's anything that needs to be gotten ie takeout or quick trip to the shops, I do it. I empty all the bins in the house and make sure the big ones are out for collection. When I come in at night after work + 1.5 hours commute, I take over looking after my son. At weekends when I'm off, he's just my responsibility. I end up looking after him all of both days. When I come home on a Tuesday from my half day, again I look after my son. My in-laws take him for a full day every Wednesday. Now he has a baby sister as of the last week. All of the above continues. Now my son goes into childcare for 5 hours on a Thursday as well. My wife gets a cleaner in to clean. The baby sleeps all day. She gets someone to do the ironing for her. She spends money which we cannot afford. I have asked her to keep to a budget. She just doesn't. She has gone on a spending spree on her credit card and doesn't know how much she has spent, nor does she want to find out. I will have to pay this back. This can be achieved by working more. She wants me to work less.

I think this is an unfair distribution of responsibility. What does anyone else think?

Are you my brother in law?
Sounds very like his story, wife at home all day,child in crèche a few days a week and they have a cleaner for a house that could be cleaned top to bottom in about 2 hours.

she won't respect or appreciate you for doing all that lot. she'll think you're a mug.

tell her to cop on or use the f**king door.

I cant believe you even have to ask this. Read back what you wrote. Shes taking you for a ride.

Take the credit cards off her and tell her you are not paying for a creche/maid. She either keeps up her side of the bargain by looking after the kids and the house, or she goes to work. Cover the bills and put food in the fridge, but tell her to get on her bike if she wants spending money.

I must admit as someon who works full time and longer hours than normal, I have been recently irked that my wife who is a nurse and works only two nights a week and even gets a full day off without the kids one day a week, does quite a bit less general house work than I do.

However after reading your thread I feel a whole lot better so cheers.

You realise he's probably not even your son.

You sound very effeminate.

If what you say is true - and I don't know you so I can't tell - you must be out of your tiny mind to have let it go this far. Just confront the woman and redress the thing.

Time to sit her down for a heart to heart and tell her how unfair you think the whole situation is. Things will get even worse if you don't do something about it ASAP.

Talk to her. Worth pointing out though people often misjudge how much the other contributes, so you think she does FA and she probably thinks you do FA. But you both might do more than each other thinks.

Boobs not Moobs wrote:Talk to her. Worth pointing out though people often misjudge how much the other contributes, so you think she does FA and she probably thinks you do FA. But you both might do more than each other thinks.

Sefton wrote:

Ireland's Call wrote:

Boobs not Moobs wrote:Talk to her. Worth pointing out though people often misjudge how much the other contributes, so you think she does FA and she probably thinks you do FA. But you both might do more than each other thinks.

iarmhiman warned us about her type.

Probably can't even do a decent Chicken Fricassee.

Ireland's Call wrote:

Sefton wrote:

Ireland's Call wrote:

Boobs not Moobs wrote:Talk to her. Worth pointing out though people often misjudge how much the other contributes, so you think she does FA and she probably thinks you do FA. But you both might do more than each other thinks.

iarmhiman warned us about her type.

Probably can't even do a decent Chicken Fricassee.

Hey you would have walked over hot broken glass just now for bowl of my hotpot.

In the interest of balance you should probably post this on Mumsnet.

irishjonny wrote:Just wanting to get other people's opinions as to whether our family set-up is fair.

So...I work 5 or 6 days a week alternatively. My wife doesn't work. She was made redundant and decided she wanted to stay home and look after our young son. I agreed. If he woke up, I would get up during the night. His first word was 'Daddy'. I would get him up every morning and feed him and dress him before I go to work. I put him to bed every night. The garden is my responsibility, as are paying and arranging all insurances/bills/phones etc. I also do everything with both cars. I clean the kitchen. It is mostly me who fills and empties the dishwasher. I do the shopping for the house and if there's anything that needs to be gotten ie takeout or quick trip to the shops, I do it. I empty all the bins in the house and make sure the big ones are out for collection. When I come in at night after work + 1.5 hours commute, I take over looking after my son. At weekends when I'm off, he's just my responsibility. I end up looking after him all of both days. When I come home on a Tuesday from my half day, again I look after my son. My in-laws take him for a full day every Wednesday. Now he has a baby sister as of the last week. All of the above continues. Now my son goes into childcare for 5 hours on a Thursday as well. My wife gets a cleaner in to clean. The baby sleeps all day. She gets someone to do the ironing for her. She spends money which we cannot afford. I have asked her to keep to a budget. She just doesn't. She has gone on a spending spree on her credit card and doesn't know how much she has spent, nor does she want to find out. I will have to pay this back. This can be achieved by working more. She wants me to work less.

I think this is an unfair distribution of responsibility. What does anyone else think?

I think you're being taken for a mug. Take the credit card away NOW. She can get another one when she starts working. Stop the cleaner & the ironing woman.
I only work 15 hours a week now (couldnt find a full time job after being made redundant last time), I do all the food shopping, most of the cooking, all the laundry/ironing etc Doog washes up each evening. I still dont feel I contribute enough and feel a bit guilty about buying stuff for myself (usually from charity shops)...

Margin_Walker wrote:In the interest of balance you should probably post this on Mumsnet.

Ireland's Call wrote:

Boobs not Moobs wrote:Talk to her. Worth pointing out though people often misjudge how much the other contributes, so you think she does FA and she probably thinks you do FA. But you both might do more than each other thinks.

Plato'sCave wrote:You realise he's probably not even your son.

Best thread since Hey Theo

Good work

What does "fair" have to do with it? Talk to your wife, but I doubt she is unaware if it is as extreme as the picture you paint. She might change. But what if she doesn't, then what do you do? Leave her (and your child in all likelihood) or carry on because you want the best for your child?

Life isn't about fairness - it is about compromise to get the best outcome. (Or at least it should be if people were rational). Striving for fairness may leave you a lot worse off.

irishjonny wrote:Just wanting to get other people's opinions as to whether our family set-up is fair.

So...I work 5 or 6 days a week alternatively. My wife doesn't work. She was made redundant and decided she wanted to stay home and look after our young son. I agreed. If he woke up, I would get up during the night. His first word was 'Daddy'. I would get him up every morning and feed him and dress him before I go to work. I put him to bed every night. The garden is my responsibility, as are paying and arranging all insurances/bills/phones etc. I also do everything with both cars. I clean the kitchen. It is mostly me who fills and empties the dishwasher. I do the shopping for the house and if there's anything that needs to be gotten ie takeout or quick trip to the shops, I do it. I empty all the bins in the house and make sure the big ones are out for collection. When I come in at night after work + 1.5 hours commute, I take over looking after my son. At weekends when I'm off, he's just my responsibility. I end up looking after him all of both days. When I come home on a Tuesday from my half day, again I look after my son. My in-laws take him for a full day every Wednesday. Now he has a baby sister as of the last week. All of the above continues. Now my son goes into childcare for 5 hours on a Thursday as well. My wife gets a cleaner in to clean. The baby sleeps all day. She gets someone to do the ironing for her. She spends money which we cannot afford. I have asked her to keep to a budget. She just doesn't. She has gone on a spending spree on her credit card and doesn't know how much she has spent, nor does she want to find out. I will have to pay this back. This can be achieved by working more. She wants me to work less.

I think this is an unfair distribution of responsibility. What does anyone else think?

you are a soft cock and your wife is taking the piss. Man up!

irishjonny wrote:Just wanting to get other people's opinions...

...yadda-yadda...

...what does anyone else think?

For starters, stop asking for other opinions and FFS start expressing yours to her. Bluntly. She doesn't wasnt a partner she wants a doormat. Sooner or later doormats get replaced. Go on as you are and your best bet is that you end up gathering dust in the garage somewhere because she's too fecking lazy to dump you properly.

I'm sure the sensible advice would be to stay calm, rationalise the divide and itemise it, then push for a meeting of minds and more equable division etc.

But you know what? Sometomes it's best to preamble the calm with a shitstorm.

Time for a strop.

How about you actually talk to your missus?