PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

[YOYO]

Fogs regarding your own head space you should give the mindful app Headspace a try. It’s useful for helping reduce stress and anxiety type stuff. It might all seem a bit silly but worth a try. Might be free for a trial period.
Find a quiet space for 15 minutes, stick the earphones in and follow the instructions. After a few goes you might feel the vibe and find it helpful as a daily exercise.

[alliswell]

Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

Sorry to hear that chief. We had our 2nd back in early lockdown. It is a very shit time for it as there's little prospect of a night off. The walls get very close. Try and leave the house as much as possible. You, your partner and the baby. Just walk around a bit. It helps a lot to get outside and it is one of the rare occasions you'll have to chat to her about something that isn't baby related.
Maybe try taking turns at nights too. Like night on, night off. We've just started doing that with ours and it has helped.

[Zico]

Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

Thank you for being human. Good luck man, you're stronger than you know,

[DragsterDriver]

I think the problem is if people told you how shit parenting can be at times, the stress on your relationship etc- humans wouldn’t reproduce. It’s no accident women are programmed to forget the horror of childbirth and repeat it

My son wasn’t a sleeper, I used to drive him around which made him sleep a bit, and oddly infront of the tumble dryer. I kind of remember the small baby era as a blur of ‘just hanging in there’.

[de_Selby]

I think the problem is if people told you how shit parenting can be at times, the stress on your relationship etc- humans wouldn’t reproduce. It’s no accident women are programmed to forget the horror of childbirth and repeat it

My son wasn’t a sleeper, I used to drive him around which made him sleep a bit, and oddly infront of the tumble dryer. I kind of remember the small baby era as a blur of ‘just hanging in there’.

It's funny how other women talked about childbirth to my wife before she had our son vs afterwards. It's like there's an agreement between all women never to mention how difficult the process is to another woman who's never given birth.

On the point of lack of sleep though, it was 6 months before our son slept well, and my wife in particular was really struggling with the lack of sleep. Her opinion was that the 3 months after giving birth was by far the worst part of the whole experience. Sleep deprivation just builds up and up and really fucks with your head.

From our experience though, soon after the 6 month point he did start to sleep through the night and things got much better, so I think you are probably almost through the most difficult part

[DragsterDriver]

I think the problem is if people told you how shit parenting can be at times, the stress on your relationship etc- humans wouldn’t reproduce. It’s no accident women are programmed to forget the horror of childbirth and repeat it

My son wasn’t a sleeper, I used to drive him around which made him sleep a bit, and oddly infront of the tumble dryer. I kind of remember the small baby era as a blur of ‘just hanging in there’.

It's funny how other women talked about childbirth to my wife before she had our son vs afterwards. It's like there's an agreement between all women never to mention how difficult the process is to another woman who's never given birth.

On the point of lack of sleep though, it was 6 months before our son slept well, and my wife in particular was really struggling with the lack of sleep. Her opinion was that the 3 months after giving birth was by far the worst part of the whole experience. Sleep deprivation just builds up and up and really fucks with your head.

From our experience though, soon after the 6 month point he did start to sleep through the night and things got much better, so I think you are probably almost through the most difficult part

Yeah, the “witches coven”!

And yep- hang in there, it will get better.

[AND-y]

Yalright people?

[Kiwias]

My second son woke at least a dozen times a night, every night without fail, till he was two years old. Then suddenly, one day, he slept through the night and we woke in absolute panic thinking that he must have died during the night .

[jambanja]

So I think I may have posted on this thread before but sometime ago. I'm not sure if this is going to help or take me further down the rabbit hole but here goes
I've suffered from depression for quite a while now but for the most part have had a handle on it with the help of medication.
Two years ago my father was diagnosed with colon cancer and was operated on, my wife and I were out in Zim within 4 days to help look after him and my mum who suffers really badly from Alzheimer's, anyway they got all the cancer and he was told he was in remission
Fast forward to early December and he collapsed at a breakfast they go to every week, he went to the Doc who said it could be a number of things including that the cancer could be back. My brother went up (they live 3.5 hrs away) and collected them and took them home.
In the mean time I started, the impossible task of trying to get back over there, firstly I had to book a room in isolation for when I returned and the soonest available room was in March, but after sitting on the website for ages I managed to find a room in early Feb, which I booked, then got hold of the travel agents and asked them to get me over there straight away but they had to get my return date for the 10th of Feb, they phoned me back 3.5hrs later to inform me it was impossible to get me back from that part of the world on that date.
So I kept going on the MIQ website, found another 6 rooms that suited but every time I tried to book it would get halfway through the process and then get dumped of the site, such is the pressure for rooms.
My next step was to apply for emergency allocation on compassionate grounds, being a NZ citizen etc.
They replied and said that because I had applied outside of 7 days of my intended return to NZ, they couldn't grant it, so that avenue was shut down, because I couldn't just book tickets, go over there and hope like hell that 7 days before I was due to come back they would be able to find me a room on the day I needed it.
So I figured that once he's been before the specialist and we had a better idea of hw bad he was etc I could make some longer term plans, anyway on Christmas eve I was at the golf club having a beer after golf when I got a message from my brother that he's had another turn and that they'd called an ambulance, I left the club and by the time I got home 5mins away, my phone went and he had gone, it was that sudden, for which I am grateful.
A day or so later my mother tripped over one of my brothers dogs and broke her hip, so she is now in hospital having had a hip operation, very confused, I don't think she's even aware that Dad died, when my sister(stuck in England) was speaking to her, she kept telling my Dad to go and get everyone a drink It really is an awful disease.
As if all this wasn't enough, we had a Zoom funeral/service for my Dad the other day, Zim was in lockdown so only 30 people were allowed to physically be there, we had 50 odd from around the world from over 10 different countries, sadly Zimbabwe's internet is ok but not great and it was pretty tough to hear everything. I had had to record a eulogy earlier, which was one of the toughest things I've had to do. Anyway it turns out that the person we'd organized, to conduct the service, an ex neighbour, from the farming days, had COVID, unknowingly of course, so now everyone who was there has had to go into isolation and get tested etc. You couldn't make this shit up!!
This means my brother now can't go to the hospital and see my mum (who thinks he's my dad anyway) and we're having to get a friend to go and look after her.
The worst part of all of this, well apart from my dad dying, is that I'm stuck and can't do anything about it. Lots of people don't get to say goodbye to their loved ones because because of the suddenness of their deaths, I knew and still couldn't So fuck you COVID and thank you guys for listening. Rant over

[EverReady]

That's a shit story. The loneliness of not being able to be there would be an absolute kick in the nuts. Rant away as it's well deserved and RIP to your oul fella and best of luck with your mum

[lemonhead]

ER's spot on, Jam.

24hrs away from getting back when my call came through. Know he'd have said get on with your life but never quite forgave myself. I should and will one day.

Being there for family and them for you's a huge part of it, whatever way you can. So much is out of our hands right now and don't forget to be kind to yourself as well. RIP.

[jambanja]

That's a shit story. The loneliness of not being able to be there would be an absolute kick in the nuts. Rant away as it's well deserved and RIP to your oul fella and best of luck with your mum

Thanks

ER's spot on, Jam.

24hrs away from getting back when my call came through. Know he'd have said get on with your life but never quite forgave myself. I should and will one day.

Being there for family and them for you's a huge part of it, whatever way you can. So much is out of our hands right now and don't forget to be kind to yourself as well. RIP.

Cheers, I'm very lucky that my brother is still over there, although I do feel really bad for not being there for him, I know my sister feels the same way

[mr bungle]

As hard as it is for all of you, you tried your absolute best in what are the most difficult of conditions with regards to international travel. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope your mum is free from hip pain soon. Kia kaha.

[Kiwias]

jambanja

That is a tough one for you. Kia kaha.

[jambanja]

Cheers guys

[Pat the Ex Mat]

Cheers guys

Vent on!

I'm currently talking daily with a mate in DC who is suicidal again (Mentioned previously). He's managed to torpedo his entire local support network via his anxiety issues.

I'm working hard to keep him going - he's attempted suicide before.

Grim

[Kiwias]

mat

One day he will thank you.

[Tehui]

Geez Jamanja, I really feel for you, my bro. I hope you and your family keep communicating with each other through this tough time.

[jambanja]

Geez Jamanja, I really feel for you, my bro. I hope you and your family keep communicating with each other through this tough time.

Cheers mate, yep we speak most day, although we’re across three continents, the internet has made it possible to have great comms and it helps we all get on really well and for the most part always have

[Pat the Ex Mat]

mat

One day he will thank you.

He is a good friend. We made a pact and I won't give up on him

[feckwanker]

Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

Any update? Hopefully things have eased up.

[backrow]

Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

Any update? Hopefully things have eased up.

I was in that position too. My coping mechanism was a couple of months later, to get my wife pregnant again with #2


Having a new born baby and a 15 month old , was interesting...
Unsure if I learnt much though because after a slightly bigger gap, we had #3 so had at one stage a newborn, a 26 month old, and a 41 month old.

A Coping mechanism I found helpful, was instead of dreading coming back from work , when you get home you out the baby in a harness on your chest and let your wife get some kip. Baby should sleep, you can watch telly or PlayStation, and after your wife has some rest she will be better able to do the night shift and feeding. You get w bit of A gym workout too if you do some chores whilst carrying the baby, I used to do laundry and dishwasher and sterilise the bottles.

Oh, and regarding the steriliser - don’t do what my bird did and put your gumshield in there, bloody thing ended up curled flat like a bent washer and I couldn’t use it any more, it was a proper dentist fitted job at £80 or whatever !!

[Munster-fogs]

Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

Any update? Hopefully things have eased up.

Thanks for asking. Things have actually improved considerably in the last few weeks. We had a good Christmas and he appears to have come out of the leap he was in (which lasted 5 weeks and was miserable) and the colic seems to have disappeared too which is fantastic. Now that I'm at home all day because of lockdown we're in a routine and for the first time since he was born I'm genuinely happy with things. He's a different baby to even just a few weeks ago and is full of smiles which makes things easier too.

He still has issues self soothing at night but we've started sleep training (the timed interval method) and we've seen steady progress every night so hopefully that'll continue. It's amazing how things can turn around in such a short space of time. I honestly couldn't see it a few weeks ago.

[feckwanker]

Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

Any update? Hopefully things have eased up.

Thanks for asking. Things have actually improved considerably in the last few weeks. We had a good Christmas and he appears to have come out of the leap he was in (which lasted 5 weeks and was miserable) and the colic seems to have disappeared too which is fantastic. Now that I'm at home all day because of lockdown we're in a routine and for the first time since he was born I'm genuinely happy with things. He's a different baby to even just a few weeks ago and is full of smiles which makes things easier too.

He still has issues self soothing at night but we've started sleep training (the timed interval method) and we've seen steady progress every night so hopefully that'll continue. It's amazing how things can turn around in such a short space of time. I honestly couldn't see it a few weeks ago.

Delighted for you!

[He Man Rugger Pints]

Colic sounds like hell. Had our first in October and the first few weeks are like nothing I've ever experienced, I felt utterly inept and the lack of sleep does nothing for anyone's general demeanor. It's gotten waayyyy better since then and we're in a nice routine (touch wood) but I totally get how sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture now.

[Kiwias]

mat

One day he will thank you.

He is a good friend. We made a pact and I won't give up on him

[booji boy]

Geez Jamanja, I really feel for you, my bro. I hope you and your family keep communicating with each other through this tough time.

Cheers mate, yep we speak most day, although we’re across three continents, the internet has made it possible to have great comms and it helps we all get on really well and for the most part always have

Sorry for your loss mate. Tough situation at any time but the covid travel restrictions make it that much worse. All the best to you and your family.

[True Blue]

My second daughter was born at 27w 5d, 8 days ago. So definitely feeling anxious as hell as she fights in the hospital. She's doing well though, 29w tomorrow and breathing well and has a nice strong cry. Obviously has a road ahead of her (hopefully!) but she's a fighter.

[jambanja]

My second daughter was born at 27w 5d, 8 days ago. So definitely feeling anxious as hell as she fights in the hospital. She's doing well though, 29w tomorrow and breathing well and has a nice strong cry. Obviously has a road ahead of her (hopefully!) but she's a fighter.

I’m sure she’s going to be great, hope it all goes well

[Kiwias]

My second daughter was born at 27w 5d, 8 days ago. So definitely feeling anxious as hell as she fights in the hospital. She's doing well though, 29w tomorrow and breathing well and has a nice strong cry. Obviously has a road ahead of her (hopefully!) but she's a fighter.

Congratulations

[mr bungle]

mat

One day he will thank you.

He is a good friend. We made a pact and I won't give up on him

He’s got the best bloke in his corner, but it must be tough on you.

[mr bungle]

Nice one, TB. Friend had one recently at 26 weeks during lockdown who is doing very well. All the best.

[Pat the Ex Mat]

mat

One day he will thank you.

He is a good friend. We made a pact and I won't give up on him

He’s got the best bloke in his corner, but it must be tough on you.

I'm letting him vent at me via messenger. It's rough but it helps him

Cheers

[Munster-fogs]

My second daughter was born at 27w 5d, 8 days ago. So definitely feeling anxious as hell as she fights in the hospital. She's doing well though, 29w tomorrow and breathing well and has a nice strong cry. Obviously has a road ahead of her (hopefully!) but she's a fighter.

Congrats!