Planet Rugby Forum

Man In Black wrote:Well nah, CBT is great, just not for everyone. You can’t make baseless accusations like it’s a crock just because it may not have worked for you. It was brilliant for me, for example.

We all experience our own reality

Here, we can speak out minds

Man In Black wrote:Well nah, CBT is great, just not for everyone. You can’t make baseless accusations like it’s a crock just because it may not have worked for you. It was brilliant for me, for example.

this. CBT helped me with some Bereavement induced depression that I had, and I use some of the techniques I learnt in that still to this day. different things, work for different people, in different ways, such as religion, going to the gym, taking a dog for a walk, even Lemsip & a wank. the single best thing I learnt from it, was the 'its ok to feel down' bit, once I got that bit, I stopped all the compounding issues I had of feeling bad just because I feeling upset, or letting anyone down etc.

as long as it makes the person feel better, happier, and more able to cope, and it doesn't harm anyone else, then just let them do it I say

good luck to all anyways. one thing that I found that helped, was laughing at inappropriate, repetitive crude humour.

This week I'll probably need lots of hugs - just saying

Incredible what stress can do to you. And what work can do to you, and bosses are happy to do to you.


PS: my comment on CBT was more for myself, not the process in general. If you've never really experienced or studied depression I imagine it's really helpful, explaining thought processes and links between emotions, moods, self-image and behaviours.
However, if you've had it for a long time you've probably looked into this on many occasion, read studies and websites, and understand the workings even though you may not be able to stop the thoughts and emotions. And then CBT is stating the obvious, with some diary exercises thrown in.

Jeffrey Simmons, the Mississippi State lineman, reads this poem to himself everyday: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/ ... it-through

It’s helped me to read it a few times while going through a rough patch, so I thought I’d share. Sometimes even the smallest things make a difference.

Salanya wrote:This week I'll probably need lots of hugs - just saying

Incredible what stress can do to you. And what work can do to you, and bosses are happy to do to you.


PS: my comment on CBT was more for myself, not the process in general. If you've never really experienced or studied depression I imagine it's really helpful, explaining thought processes and links between emotions, moods, self-image and behaviours.
However, if you've had it for a long time you've probably looked into this on many occasion, read studies and websites, and understand the workings even though you may not be able to stop the thoughts and emotions. And then CBT is stating the obvious, with some diary exercises thrown in.

Hope all works out for you this week Sal

Salanya wrote:This week I'll probably need lots of hugs - just saying

Incredible what stress can do to you. And what work can do to you, and bosses are happy to do to you.


PS: my comment on CBT was more for myself, not the process in general. If you've never really experienced or studied depression I imagine it's really helpful, explaining thought processes and links between emotions, moods, self-image and behaviours.
However, if you've had it for a long time you've probably looked into this on many occasion, read studies and websites, and understand the workings even though you may not be able to stop the thoughts and emotions. And then CBT is stating the obvious, with some diary exercises thrown in.

Be strong, Sal.

Hey folks – just looking for willing ear…

My 19-year old son is suffering from depression and panic attacks - he first started to feel the onset in Year 11 at school. He refuses to talk about it with me and flatly refuses to see any kind of therapist. He will only reluctantly talk to my wife about it, and even then, he’s quick to get upset/angry and closes up again.

He is on medication, which hasn’t visibly seemed to help much and he has recently switched to a different drug. He has real trouble sleeping – he spends most of the night awake and then will sleep late into the morning.

The panic attacks seem to be getting more frequent…to the point that he is increasingly finding reasons to stay either at home or at his girlfriend’s place. More often than not, he calls in sick to work (part time casual job – he’s at Uni) – although he has apparently told his boss about it, who is being really understanding.

He had a really bad day yesterday, so I took the day off work to be with him. We just hung out, watched movies and had a swim…but didn’t talk about anything. He just wants to feel ‘normal’ and talking about it just shines a light on it, I think.

My wife and I have Googled ourselves stupid – but he is so reticent, we have no real idea where to start. I send him links to things that I think might help, but I don’t think he reads them.

Like any parent, my kids are the most important things in my life - it feels wretched and heart-breaking to see your child in so much pain and be so completely useless in making it go away.

Any thoughts welcome, but I just wanted to have a bit of a download.

TQoET wrote:Hey folks – just looking for willing ear…

My 19-year old son is suffering from depression and panic attacks - he first started to feel the onset in Year 11 at school. He refuses to talk about it with me and flatly refuses to see any kind of therapist. He will only reluctantly talk to my wife about it, and even then, he’s quick to get upset/angry and closes up again.

He is on medication, which hasn’t visibly seemed to help much and he has recently switched to a different drug. He has real trouble sleeping – he spends most of the night awake and then will sleep late into the morning.

The panic attacks seem to be getting more frequent…to the point that he is increasingly finding reasons to stay either at home or at his girlfriend’s place. More often than not, he calls in sick to work (part time casual job – he’s at Uni) – although he has apparently told his boss about it, who is being really understanding.

He had a really bad day yesterday, so I took the day off work to be with him. We just hung out, watched movies and had a swim…but didn’t talk about anything. He just wants to feel ‘normal’ and talking about it just shines a light on it, I think.

My wife and I have Googled ourselves stupid – but he is so reticent, we have no real idea where to start. I send him links to things that I think might help, but I don’t think he reads them.

Like any parent, my kids are the most important things in my life - it feels wretched and heart-breaking to see your child in so much pain and be so completely useless in making it go away.

Any thoughts welcome, but I just wanted to have a bit of a download.

Im not a professional and this is just my rambling but keep encouraging him to continue speak to you or your wife, good for you hanging out with him
Let him know there is nothing that he cant tell you
When I am low I try and talk to my wife, sometimes its very hard to express how I feel, sometimes to me it seems shocking or embarrassing but when its verbalised it can sound quite silly.
Doesnt make it go away but it helps
I have often said I wish to feel normal, that is one of the big things he IS normal, he would be amazed the amount of people out there who have mental health issues, again that is much easier said than done, I can remember at my worst walking around supermarkets looking at everyone and thinking how happy they all are and none feel like me.
Thing is I had NO IDEA, half of them could have been on medication for all I knew, but I had beaten myself up that I was the only one with the problem
Encourage him to start a journal, writing stuff down can also be therapeutic.
I did something similar and now when I look back at it, its fascinating to see how my mind was working at that particular time
Hopefully the docs can find the right medication for him.

I appreciate I'm probably coming across rambling now, its more of a brain dump from me from personal experiences, apologies if it comes across that way!

Most importantly though best of luck, everyone here is rooting for you and even more so for your son

Winnie wrote:

TQoET wrote:Hey folks – just looking for willing ear…

My 19-year old son is suffering from depression and panic attacks - he first started to feel the onset in Year 11 at school. He refuses to talk about it with me and flatly refuses to see any kind of therapist. He will only reluctantly talk to my wife about it, and even then, he’s quick to get upset/angry and closes up again.

He is on medication, which hasn’t visibly seemed to help much and he has recently switched to a different drug. He has real trouble sleeping – he spends most of the night awake and then will sleep late into the morning.

The panic attacks seem to be getting more frequent…to the point that he is increasingly finding reasons to stay either at home or at his girlfriend’s place. More often than not, he calls in sick to work (part time casual job – he’s at Uni) – although he has apparently told his boss about it, who is being really understanding.

He had a really bad day yesterday, so I took the day off work to be with him. We just hung out, watched movies and had a swim…but didn’t talk about anything. He just wants to feel ‘normal’ and talking about it just shines a light on it, I think.

My wife and I have Googled ourselves stupid – but he is so reticent, we have no real idea where to start. I send him links to things that I think might help, but I don’t think he reads them.

Like any parent, my kids are the most important things in my life - it feels wretched and heart-breaking to see your child in so much pain and be so completely useless in making it go away.

Any thoughts welcome, but I just wanted to have a bit of a download.

Im not a professional and this is just my rambling but keep encouraging him to continue speak to you or your wife, good for you hanging out with him
Let him know there is nothing that he cant tell you
When I am low I try and talk to my wife, sometimes its very hard to express how I feel, sometimes to me it seems shocking or embarrassing but when its verbalised it can sound quite silly.
Doesnt make it go away but it helps
I have often said I wish to feel normal, that is one of the big things he IS normal, he would be amazed the amount of people out there who have mental health issues, again that is much easier said than done, I can remember at my worst walking around supermarkets looking at everyone and thinking how happy they all are and none feel like me.
Thing is I had NO IDEA, half of them could have been on medication for all I knew, but I had beaten myself up that I was the only one with the problem
Encourage him to start a journal, writing stuff down can also be therapeutic.
I did something similar and now when I look back at it, its fascinating to see how my mind was working at that particular time
Hopefully the docs can find the right medication for him.

I appreciate I'm probably coming across rambling now, its more of a brain dump from me from personal experiences, apologies if it comes across that way!

Most importantly though best of luck, everyone here is rooting for you and even more so for your son

Damned fine post, Winnie, and yes, TQoET, you have tons of support here.

Kiwias wrote:

Winnie wrote:

TQoET wrote:Hey folks – just looking for willing ear…

My 19-year old son is suffering from depression and panic attacks - he first started to feel the onset in Year 11 at school. He refuses to talk about it with me and flatly refuses to see any kind of therapist. He will only reluctantly talk to my wife about it, and even then, he’s quick to get upset/angry and closes up again.

He is on medication, which hasn’t visibly seemed to help much and he has recently switched to a different drug. He has real trouble sleeping – he spends most of the night awake and then will sleep late into the morning.

The panic attacks seem to be getting more frequent…to the point that he is increasingly finding reasons to stay either at home or at his girlfriend’s place. More often than not, he calls in sick to work (part time casual job – he’s at Uni) – although he has apparently told his boss about it, who is being really understanding.

He had a really bad day yesterday, so I took the day off work to be with him. We just hung out, watched movies and had a swim…but didn’t talk about anything. He just wants to feel ‘normal’ and talking about it just shines a light on it, I think.

My wife and I have Googled ourselves stupid – but he is so reticent, we have no real idea where to start. I send him links to things that I think might help, but I don’t think he reads them.

Like any parent, my kids are the most important things in my life - it feels wretched and heart-breaking to see your child in so much pain and be so completely useless in making it go away.

Any thoughts welcome, but I just wanted to have a bit of a download.

Im not a professional and this is just my rambling but keep encouraging him to continue speak to you or your wife, good for you hanging out with him
Let him know there is nothing that he cant tell you
When I am low I try and talk to my wife, sometimes its very hard to express how I feel, sometimes to me it seems shocking or embarrassing but when its verbalised it can sound quite silly.
Doesnt make it go away but it helps
I have often said I wish to feel normal, that is one of the big things he IS normal, he would be amazed the amount of people out there who have mental health issues, again that is much easier said than done, I can remember at my worst walking around supermarkets looking at everyone and thinking how happy they all are and none feel like me.
Thing is I had NO IDEA, half of them could have been on medication for all I knew, but I had beaten myself up that I was the only one with the problem
Encourage him to start a journal, writing stuff down can also be therapeutic.
I did something similar and now when I look back at it, its fascinating to see how my mind was working at that particular time
Hopefully the docs can find the right medication for him.

I appreciate I'm probably coming across rambling now, its more of a brain dump from me from personal experiences, apologies if it comes across that way!

Most importantly though best of luck, everyone here is rooting for you and even more so for your son

Damned fine post, Winnie, and yes, TQoET, you have tons of support here.

Thanks Winnie; thanks Kiwias - I really appreciate the comments. I feel quite emotional.

TQoET wrote: Thanks Winnie; thanks Kiwias - I really appreciate the comments. I feel quite emotional.

I have been awake since 4am trying to convince my wife, who has mild depression, to calm down after she woke in a panic -- her left foot was numb and she was scared that either she would need the foot amputated or she was in mid-stroke and would be paralysed. When in depression, the mind clearly works in a different way.

Kiwias wrote:

TQoET wrote: Thanks Winnie; thanks Kiwias - I really appreciate the comments. I feel quite emotional.

I have been awake since 4am trying to convince my wife, who has mild depression, to calm down after she woke in a panic -- her left foot was numb and she was scared that either she would need the foot amputated or she was in mid-stroke and would be paralysed. When in depression, the mind clearly works in a different way.

It sure does; and that is part of a problem I am coming to terms with - I cannot even begin to understand what my son is going through and I worry that he feels that he is dealing with it alone.

Sorry to hear about your wife, too.

TQoET wrote:

Kiwias wrote:

TQoET wrote: Thanks Winnie; thanks Kiwias - I really appreciate the comments. I feel quite emotional.

I have been awake since 4am trying to convince my wife, who has mild depression, to calm down after she woke in a panic -- her left foot was numb and she was scared that either she would need the foot amputated or she was in mid-stroke and would be paralysed. When in depression, the mind clearly works in a different way.

It sure does; and that is part of a problem I am coming to terms with - I cannot even begin to understand what my son is going through and I worry that he feels that he is dealing with it alone.

Sorry to hear about your wife, too.

Thanks. The good news is that her depression is only mild, she accepts it, and is cooperating in dealing with it.

Good luck with your lad.

TQoET wrote:

Kiwias wrote:

TQoET wrote: Thanks Winnie; thanks Kiwias - I really appreciate the comments. I feel quite emotional.

I have been awake since 4am trying to convince my wife, who has mild depression, to calm down after she woke in a panic -- her left foot was numb and she was scared that either she would need the foot amputated or she was in mid-stroke and would be paralysed. When in depression, the mind clearly works in a different way.

It sure does; and that is part of a problem I am coming to terms with - I cannot even begin to understand what my son is going through and I worry that he feels that he is dealing with it alone.

Sorry to hear about your wife, too.

I seem to have issues with obsessive compulsive crap.... and high anxiety.
For me i need routines.... lots of exercise.... less booze and caffeine if possible. I also write to do lists each evening that i have ready for my morning start up.... Self talk and breathing exercises....

Seems like anxiety/depression is so prevalent nowdays.. Is it to do with modern diet or is just the pace of modern life that is causing it....

Wish you and your family all the best and hopefully things get better for you all soon.

Hit a huge black hole last week and by Friday I was a bloody mess. Family and friends have been great and I am starting to climb out the other side.

Doc has put me on a drug called mirtazapine which she said would also help me to sleep. Took a half pill (so 15mgs) last night and then slept for over 9 hours and I don't feel all doped up today. Hell, if that keeps up I'll take on the freaking lot a ya,.!!!

Enzedder wrote:Hit a huge black hole last week and by Friday I was a bloody mess. Family and friends have been great and I am starting to climb out the other side.

Doc has put me on a drug called mirtazapine which she said would also help me to sleep. Took a half pill (so 15mgs) last night and then slept for over 9 hours and I don't feel all doped up today. Hell, if that keeps up I'll take on the freaking lot a ya,.!!!

Even Jeff the Bear?

Sorry to hear about your troubles.

moosehead wrote:

TQoET wrote:

Kiwias wrote:

TQoET wrote: Thanks Winnie; thanks Kiwias - I really appreciate the comments. I feel quite emotional.

I have been awake since 4am trying to convince my wife, who has mild depression, to calm down after she woke in a panic -- her left foot was numb and she was scared that either she would need the foot amputated or she was in mid-stroke and would be paralysed. When in depression, the mind clearly works in a different way.

It sure does; and that is part of a problem I am coming to terms with - I cannot even begin to understand what my son is going through and I worry that he feels that he is dealing with it alone.

Sorry to hear about your wife, too.

I seem to have issues with obsessive compulsive crap.... and high anxiety.
For me i need routines.... lots of exercise.... less booze and caffeine if possible. I also write to do lists each evening that i have ready for my morning start up.... Self talk and breathing exercises....

Seems like anxiety/depression is so prevalent nowdays.. Is it to do with modern diet or is just the pace of modern life that is causing it....

Wish you and your family all the best and hopefully things get better for you all soon.

Thanks Moosehead - you seem to have a system going that works well for you.

I agree, it does seem very prevalent - now that I am talking about this with people, I have been amazed at the number of people I know who seem to have had their own experiences; in some cases, close friends who have been dealing with it for years.

I suspect that in the past people didn't understand what was affecting them and so just coped as best the could. Being told to 'just pull yourself together.'

Kiwias wrote:

Enzedder wrote:Hit a huge black hole last week and by Friday I was a bloody mess. Family and friends have been great and I am starting to climb out the other side.

Doc has put me on a drug called mirtazapine which she said would also help me to sleep. Took a half pill (so 15mgs) last night and then slept for over 9 hours and I don't feel all doped up today. Hell, if that keeps up I'll take on the freaking lot a ya,.!!!

Even Jeff the Bear?

Nah, I don't hit pussies.

TQoET wrote:

moosehead wrote:

TQoET wrote:

Kiwias wrote:

TQoET wrote: Thanks Winnie; thanks Kiwias - I really appreciate the comments. I feel quite emotional.

I have been awake since 4am trying to convince my wife, who has mild depression, to calm down after she woke in a panic -- her left foot was numb and she was scared that either she would need the foot amputated or she was in mid-stroke and would be paralysed. When in depression, the mind clearly works in a different way.

It sure does; and that is part of a problem I am coming to terms with - I cannot even begin to understand what my son is going through and I worry that he feels that he is dealing with it alone.

Sorry to hear about your wife, too.

I seem to have issues with obsessive compulsive crap.... and high anxiety.
For me i need routines.... lots of exercise.... less booze and caffeine if possible. I also write to do lists each evening that i have ready for my morning start up.... Self talk and breathing exercises....

Seems like anxiety/depression is so prevalent nowdays.. Is it to do with modern diet or is just the pace of modern life that is causing it....

Wish you and your family all the best and hopefully things get better for you all soon.

Thanks Moosehead - you seem to have a system going that works well for you.

I agree, it does seem very prevalent - now that I am talking about this with people, I have been amazed at the number of people I know who seem to have had their own experiences; in some cases, close friends who have been dealing with it for years.

I suspect that in the past people didn't understand what was affecting them and so just coped as best the could. Being told to 'just pull yourself together.'

Your last point is insightful, I think that it's like many things we're just starting to understand a spectrum and everyone of course has some depression and anxiety, remind your boy that he having perfectly natural issues, he has more stress hormones and maybe a sharper response to them, and chemically that can over ride seretonin and make him low.

Fingers crossed he will grow out of the stage, but don't be afraid of medication nor therapy and it can be very affective.

Good luck

bimboman wrote:
Your last point is insightful, I think that it's like many things we're just starting to understand a spectrum and everyone of course has some depression and anxiety, remind your boy that he having perfectly natural issues, he has more stress hormones and maybe a sharper response to them, and chemically that can over ride seretonin and make him low.

Fingers crossed he will grow out of the stage, but don't be afraid of medication nor therapy and it can be very affective.

Good luck

Thanks, Bimbo - much appreciated.

Just read this in the Guardian, its an excellent initiative and exactly the sort of no frills approach that would appeal to many young men in particular


https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyl ... ks-for-men
http://andysmanclub.co.uk/

I just got off the phone with my family from back home.
The cancer has spread to my mother's brain without anyone realising.
Multiple masses.

I'm in shock.

Sorry to hear that. It’s a shit disease that impacts so many families. Stay strong.

Floppykid wrote:I just got off the phone with my family from back home.
The cancer has spread to my mother's brain without anyone realising.
Multiple masses.

I'm in shock.

Sorry to hear that man, keep strong

Floppykid wrote:I just got off the phone with my family from back home.
The cancer has spread to my mother's brain without anyone realising.
Multiple masses.

I'm in shock.

Damn, sorry to hear that.

F*ck cancer.

Kia kaha.

Thanks guys, having to work out emergency flights back, reaarrange everything and organise long distance with my partner.
It's been awful and it's only going to get worse.

My mom's texts have been slurred and off the past few days and I break down weeping each time I read them.
It's horrible.

That’s tough. f**king cancer

Floppykid wrote:I just got off the phone with my family from back home.
The cancer has spread to my mother's brain without anyone realising.
Multiple masses.

I'm in shock.

Go home. She might not have long left. God speed.

Floppykid wrote:I just got off the phone with my family from back home.
The cancer has spread to my mother's brain without anyone realising.
Multiple masses.

I'm in shock.

My thoughts are with you, hate that b*stard disease

Ah mate, sorry to hear that. An absolute shit of a disease and I wish your mum all the comfort possible.

To you and your family, kia kaha.

Terrible news Floppykid - make the most of the time. I lost my Mum a year ago. Came over and spent Christmas with her and planned a Christmas in July. 5 days later back on a plane to spend 10 days with her on DNR after she had a stroke. As gut wrenching as it was knowing we had spent that time at Christmas helped so much.

I wish you strength FK. Was coming here to have a rant about my shitty life. Seems irrelevant now.

Safe home. Horrible way to be traveling. Talk to/with anyone who'll listen.

Especially your Mum.

Ok, so some relatively good news.
It was one tumour and she was rushed into surgery and they seemingly got it all.

It's not a cure all because brain cancer unfortunately incredibly insidious it seems, but it's worked for now and she's still the same person she was going into surgery.

Thankful for what it's given us and thankful for the speed and skill of the surgeon. Amazing really.

Finally, for Bloutoria, please feel free to share whatever's getting you down cause I know from experience I've felt as bad/even worse from things less shocking or more "mundane" than this. It's what the thread's for.

Floppykid

That is indeed good news.

FK all the best to you and yours.

That's better news Floppy, all the best.

Got it like Michael Douglas no doubt.

In all seriousness I am sorry to hear that. I know you will fight like hell for your kids’ sake.

EverReady wrote:Floppy you sent the bad luck my way you cùnt Have been diagnosed with throat fùcking cancer in the last few weeks. Tests on going and will find out how shit next week. Must get off PR tbf and take up yoga or some shit like that

Very sorry to hear it ER.
All I can say from my experience is things can be an absolute emotional roller coaster with the big C.
The doctors and every level of medical staff have been excellent though, so I trust you'll be in good hands.

You'll be licking gee again in no time.

Sorry to hear that, ER. Wishing you all the best