Planet Rugby Forum

Short Man Syndrome wrote:

HKCJ wrote:Hey HH

Just found this after reading Bimbos condolences. Just like to add mine. Cheers

Hi HH,

What HKCJ said.

I had a similar experience with my dad, my heart genuinely goes out to you, fella.

SMS

Need a codebreaker asap.

happyhooker wrote:

moosehead wrote:HH

Sorry to hear abour your dad.

Lost my dad earlier this year... it was a slow and steady fade out by him. Last few days.... I saw the end near.
He was not the man i knew and i was happy the night he passed.

Life goes by way too quickly . Hug the ones you love and tell them how much you love them.

Take care and remember your good times / memories of your dad. You all live on from him... his legacy goes on.

Yup. Finally died this evening. I was going over anyway to visit, but made it bedside 6 minutes before he went.

I'm obviously upset, but there is an undercurrent of a massive feeling of relief. The slide over 5 months has been dramatic, but the last month he was hardly present and definitely nowhere over the last 10 days.

As ever, he has the last laugh. He always hated Christmas (his next birthday would have been Christmas eve) and being the obdurate cúnt he was and hanging on so long means that we can't burn him till after the holidays, according to the undertakers. Asking if they'd let us know if there was a cancellation was a nice unthinking moment from me earlier.

Anyway, good luck to anyone else going through this shit, treasure what you have when you can.

And oh, fúck cancer.

Ah shit!
Sorry to hear HH

happyhooker wrote:As ever, he has the last laugh. He always hated Christmas (his next birthday would have been Christmas eve) and being the obdurate cúnt he was and hanging on so long means that we can't burn him till after the holidays, according to the undertakers. Asking if they'd let us know if there was a cancellation was a nice unthinking moment from me earlier.

Sorry for your loss HH but I’d be very proud if one of my boys managed to come up with that when I shuffle off, as I expect your Dad would have been of you.

All the best

So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

Tussock wrote:So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

Welcome to the club Tussock (though obviously sorry to hear this).

As a basic tip I'd say try to plan some good things over the festive period, seeing a friend or a kind relative, going to a game or a film or a show/concert. Christmas Day may suck, but it helps having some positive things to look forward to (even if they don't bring as much joy as they normally would, they will still be a positive distraction).

Tussock wrote:So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

Don’t be shy to keep posting if you want anything.

Take care.

Salanya wrote:

Tussock wrote:So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

Welcome to the club Tussock (though obviously sorry to hear this).

As a basic tip I'd say try to plan some good things over the festive period, seeing a friend or a kind relative, going to a game or a film or a show/concert. Christmas Day may suck, but it helps having some positive things to look forward to (even if they don't bring as much joy as they normally would, they will still be a positive distraction).

Cheers Salanya. Just needed to post... for my own sake. Will hopefully be catching up with family.

Tussock wrote:

Salanya wrote:

Tussock wrote:So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

Welcome to the club Tussock (though obviously sorry to hear this).

As a basic tip I'd say try to plan some good things over the festive period, seeing a friend or a kind relative, going to a game or a film or a show/concert. Christmas Day may suck, but it helps having some positive things to look forward to (even if they don't bring as much joy as they normally would, they will still be a positive distraction).

Cheers Salanya. Just needed to post... for my own sake. Will hopefully be catching up with family.

Rule 1 the ex ?

backrow wrote:

Tussock wrote:

Salanya wrote:

Tussock wrote:So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

Welcome to the club Tussock (though obviously sorry to hear this).

As a basic tip I'd say try to plan some good things over the festive period, seeing a friend or a kind relative, going to a game or a film or a show/concert. Christmas Day may suck, but it helps having some positive things to look forward to (even if they don't bring as much joy as they normally would, they will still be a positive distraction).

Cheers Salanya. Just needed to post... for my own sake. Will hopefully be catching up with family.

Rule 1 the ex ?

Haha... sorry, couldn't bring myself to fuel PR's masturbatory bank.

Tussock wrote:

backrow wrote:

Tussock wrote:

Salanya wrote:

Tussock wrote:So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

Welcome to the club Tussock (though obviously sorry to hear this).

As a basic tip I'd say try to plan some good things over the festive period, seeing a friend or a kind relative, going to a game or a film or a show/concert. Christmas Day may suck, but it helps having some positive things to look forward to (even if they don't bring as much joy as they normally would, they will still be a positive distraction).

Cheers Salanya. Just needed to post... for my own sake. Will hopefully be catching up with family.

Rule 1 the ex ?

Haha... sorry, couldn't bring myself to fuel PR's masturbatory bank.

Don’t worry about that - just skimmed your post history, saw you are from Nz...

backrow wrote:
Don’t worry about that - just skimmed your post history, saw you are from Nz...

Look after yourself Tussock
Dont be shy to let your thoughts go in here

I'm in a dark place at the moment myself with the old health anxiety, going back to the Dr on Friday its always therapeutic to share with the people in this thread even if its just typing things out for your own mental health

Tussock wrote:So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

where are you based tussock?

Winnie wrote:

backrow wrote:
Don’t worry about that - just skimmed your post history, saw you are from Nz...

Look after yourself Tussock
Dont be shy to let your thoughts go in here

I'm in a dark place at the moment myself with the old health anxiety, going back to the Dr on Friday its always therapeutic to share with the people in this thread even if its just typing things out for your own mental health

Cheers Winnie. Take care.

happyhooker wrote:

Tussock wrote:So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

where are you based tussock?

Out of Melbourne

We're here anytime mate

Pat the Ex Mat wrote:We're here anytime mate

Thanks Pat

Tussock wrote:So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

Hope you're doing alright. It can be a very tough time of year in the best of circumstances. Career changes can really fudge with your mojo (happened to me) and you lose all sense of normal with everything else going on with your life right now.

I struggled with loneliness for years and didn't really talk to people about it so you're already ahead of me in that regard! Lol


Hope everyone has a great Xmas and appreciates the ones they have around them (even the annoying ones) as you never know what will happen in life

I'm feeling a bit sad but not for me, my uncle and 4 cousins are all about to have their first Xmas with their aunt (my mum's sister). It was a very sudden and unexpected death and one of the girls is meant to be sitting her leaving cert and I am just so sad for all of them. I want to help but feel a little helpless as they're all back home in Ireland and I am stuck in Hull this Xmas.

Jesus. There was stories, and then there's this

DragonKhan wrote: and I am stuck in Hull this Xmas.

My deepest sympathies.

Nolanator wrote:Jesus. There was stories, and then there's this

DragonKhan wrote: and I am stuck in Hull this Xmas.

My deepest sympathies.

I did walk right into that one. Merry Christmas Nolanator

DragonKhan wrote:

Tussock wrote:So... I haven't been a prolific poster... but I've been stalking the forum for about 10+ years...

Fallen into a bit of a dark hole recently... marriage breakdown... career change... lack of a clear pathway... brought on by Xmas period... usually surrounded by family... this year... feeling alone. Trying to work through with a few contacts.

Hope you're doing alright. It can be a very tough time of year in the best of circumstances. Career changes can really fudge with your mojo (happened to me) and you lose all sense of normal with everything else going on with your life right now.

I struggled with loneliness for years and didn't really talk to people about it so you're already ahead of me in that regard! Lol


Hope everyone has a great Xmas and appreciates the ones they have around them (even the annoying ones) as you never know what will happen in life

I'm feeling a bit sad but not for me, my uncle and 4 cousins are all about to have their first Xmas with their aunt (my mum's sister). It was a very sudden and unexpected death and one of the girls is meant to be sitting her leaving cert and I am just so sad for all of them. I want to help but feel a little helpless as they're all back home in Ireland and I am stuck in Hull this Xmas.

Thanks DragonKhan. Well said. Take care.

DragonKhan wrote:

Nolanator wrote:Jesus. There was stories, and then there's this

DragonKhan wrote: and I am stuck in Hull this Xmas.

My deepest sympathies.

I did walk right into that one. Merry Christmas Nolanator

Have a good one.

Keeping this thread on the first page, as the coming week will be tricky for some...

...especially for those living in Hull, Skegness, Luton etc. etc.

Luton is fine , had a cracking 4 years there which considering I’d just lost my mum, was pretty good.
It’s extremely cheap and near to London

This will be my 2nd Christmas without my kids. It sucks... it really sucks balls.
It's actually made me dreading the festive period and just willing it to be over.

Sydvicious wrote:This will be my 2nd Christmas without my kids. It sucks... it really sucks balls.
It's actually made me dreading the festive period and just willing it to be over.

My first

My ex idea of splitting the holidays is for her to have the kids over Christmas and I have them over New Year. Lol

Still better than being married to her though

Best wishes to all here

Best wishes for Christmas everyone

Not moaning, just taking the opportunity to get it off my chest. I will be so glad to see Christmas over, as my wife`s memory deteriorates even faster.We have made up bags of presents for our children and grand children, but, I have had to go back and explain which parcel is for who and what we have put in each parcel, four or five times in an hour. Even though we have labelled each parcel.She will then settle down , and then a few hours later get up and when I ask her what`s the problem, She turns and says just checking, then I have to explain it all again.It is so hard knowing how intelligent and organised she has always been. Still that`s the way it is, and I know it`s It is going to get worse. I`m coping ok at the moment as I blank the future and cope with the present.

Feel better getting that out there.
MERRY XMAS ALL.

GWO2 wrote:Not moaning, just taking the opportunity to get it off my chest. I will be so glad to see Christmas over, as my wife`s memory deteriorates even faster.We have made up bags of presents for our children and grand children, but, I have had to go back and explain which parcel is for who and what we have put in each parcel, four or five times in an hour. Even though we have labelled each parcel.She will then settle down , and then a few hours later get up and when I ask her what`s the problem, She turns and says just checking, then I have to explain it all again.It is so hard knowing how intelligent and organised she has always been. Still that`s the way it is, and I know it`s It is going to get worse. I`m coping ok at the moment as I blank the future and cope with the present.

Feel better getting that out there.
MERRY XMAS ALL.

f**king sucks dude. Ca't imagine going through that.

Fair play for getting it out there.

GWO2 wrote:Not moaning, just taking the opportunity to get it off my chest. I will be so glad to see Christmas over, as my wife`s memory deteriorates even faster.We have made up bags of presents for our children and grand children, but, I have had to go back and explain which parcel is for who and what we have put in each parcel, four or five times in an hour. Even though we have labelled each parcel.She will then settle down , and then a few hours later get up and when I ask her what`s the problem, She turns and says just checking, then I have to explain it all again.It is so hard knowing how intelligent and organised she has always been. Still that`s the way it is, and I know it`s It is going to get worse. I`m coping ok at the moment as I blank the future and cope with the present.

Feel better getting that out there.
MERRY XMAS ALL.

Poor sod.

I wouldn't know what to say, but it's nice to see you expressing it freely.

That is the best thing about this page, it gives you the opportunity to ease the pressure and get it off your chest. Genuinely feel better for it.

Amazing how, reading other’s experiences puts ones own into perspective.
My dad died at the end of May. He’d had surgery to remove a supposedly cancerous (we never had confirmation) growth from his right lung (he never smoked) but came out of it with post surgical delirium which was horrendous. He then needed additional surgery to remove more lung as it had atrophied because instead of the usual two veins taking depleted blood away from the lung he only had one so the used blood was just lingering. Then he needed a pacemaker inserted as he’d had some ‘incident’ on the operating table (never found out what that was all about either). All the while he was still suffering the delirium, being violent to nursing staff etc. pulling out tubes and suchlike, had to have restraints which was awful to see. He was then stabilised sufficiently to be moved to a more local hospital where my mom could visit more frequently and eventually, after a couple of months in critical care, he was moved onto a general ward (should have gone to a high dependency unit but somehow didn’t?). The delirium had subsided a bit and he was responding to physio well and seemed to be recovering but then he just died one morning.

So that was that.

Then my mother-in-law started needing medical treatment for repeated UTI’s or related issues. This is particularly irksome as we have been imploring her to increase her fluid intake, as did the docs but she’s loathed to get up off her arse to go for a pee! She now has a catheter, that’ll teach her.

The one thing all these experiences have taught us is to get our shit in order. I’ve already started both the medical and financial power of attorney stuff for myself. My mum is still sorting out paperwork (she’s a bit of a hoarder so it’s a long process!) but everything is ‘on hold’ now until after Christmas. This is not ideal and I want to get everything sorted because none of us know when the inevitable will happen but I’ve already been accused of bullying so have to let others go at their own pace...

I guess doing all the practical stuff is my coping mechanism. The new year will hopefully reignite momentum!

Aitch, sorry to here that. You're damn right about getting paperwork in order.

I buried my dad yesterday and always felt a bit of a fraud using this page to vent on, but it did help massively, so apologies and thanks for the intrusion

happyhooker wrote:Aitch, sorry to here that. You're damn right about getting paperwork in order.

I buried my dad yesterday and always felt a bit of a fraud using this page to vent on, but it did help massively, so apologies and thanks for the intrusion

No apologies necessary but thanks all the same. Watch out for bastard solicitors fees etc when it comes to your father’s estate (assuming there is one), the solicitor my father named in his will tried to charge my mom extortionate amounts for not doing much at all (twas all pretty straightforward) so we kicked them into touch pdq.
One resource we found particularly useful was the government’s Tell us Once service, worth checking out.

There is so much that needs doing following a death and we really should be taught these things in school (with updates for legal issues).

Condolences...

aitch

Condolences and your comments about getting stuff in order rings a bell. WHen my dad died a couple of years back, we were lucky that my older brother spend heaps of time with Dad in the last year or so going over stuff and getting it sorted. Even then we had a whole lot of things to get done after he died.

GWO2 wrote:Not moaning, just taking the opportunity to get it off my chest. I will be so glad to see Christmas over, as my wife`s memory deteriorates even faster.We have made up bags of presents for our children and grand children, but, I have had to go back and explain which parcel is for who and what we have put in each parcel, four or five times in an hour. Even though we have labelled each parcel.She will then settle down , and then a few hours later get up and when I ask her what`s the problem, She turns and says just checking, then I have to explain it all again.It is so hard knowing how intelligent and organised she has always been. Still that`s the way it is, and I know it`s It is going to get worse. I`m coping ok at the moment as I blank the future and cope with the present.

Feel better getting that out there.
MERRY XMAS ALL.

Well buddy that is proper shit. My mother is in early ish stages of Alzheimer's and on her bad days she struggles with things as simple as making a cup of tea. It is horrible to see bits of her falling away like a wet cake.

I know that you have said in the past that you don't want to say anything to your kids but they need to know how hard it is on you so you can share the load a little bit at least. In saying that I am a massive hypocrite because I have never discussed anything about 'feelings' with my father but I really wish one of us had the balls to be honest about how shit the situation is.

aitch@wasps wrote:

happyhooker wrote:Aitch, sorry to here that. You're damn right about getting paperwork in order.

I buried my dad yesterday and always felt a bit of a fraud using this page to vent on, but it did help massively, so apologies and thanks for the intrusion

No apologies necessary but thanks all the same. Watch out for bastard solicitors fees etc when it comes to your father’s estate (assuming there is one), the solicitor my father named in his will tried to charge my mom extortionate amounts for not doing much at all (twas all pretty straightforward) so we kicked them into touch pdq.
One resource we found particularly useful was the government’s Tell us Once service, worth checking out.

There is so much that needs doing following a death and we really should be taught these things in school (with updates for legal issues).

Condolences...

Tell us once is indeed excellent.

Fortunately one of my sisters is a lawyer, so we avoided many of the pitfalls there and my mum is still going, which simplifies things.

Shit like this really sucks eh?
I've been avoiding the thread to just compartmentalise and focus on other things but I thought I'd pop in anyway.
You turn on the tap and it's hard to turn off again.

I'm in a similar boat with my mom, though she doesn't have dementia or anything like that.
This Christmas is going to be bittersweet and very odd for all of us.

My Aunt, who's in the early-mid stages of Dementia will be attended, so I know what a terrible disease it is.

Do your best at Christmas guys, hope it goes as well as it can.

So I have some good news from my post earlier on a couple of pages back with regards to my old man.

So, long story short, he has very few to no symptoms since the fall (or attack.. I haven't decided which). The main issue is slightly odd, where by when he lies down his blood pressure is 165, when he stands up it's only 120. That seems very peculiar.. can't imagine what causes that. He also appears to have lost a slight sense of taste and has to monitor his water/fluid intake. However, from a personal perspective, he's essentially normal.

Just chuffed to bits he's still around really, but that's the second time in his life he's had a life threatening injury, a second time he's gone in the medical journal for a miraculous recovery in a couple of days or so due to self healing (first time was lung issues) and the second time he's completely injury free and no different than prior (or 99%).

Good to hear.

Nolanator wrote: Good to hear.

Thanks Nolan. Hope you have a good time in Southampton for christmas tomorrow