Planet Rugby Forum

I suppose that there are certain things that put your life in perspective and what I heard yesterday was one of them.

My wife's boss'es (about 35) wife (she 33) gave birth to a child last Thursday. She died from an infection two days ago.

I don't even know the man but I'm devastated for him. My wife is very very upset. Hold your loved ones dear guys - every moment is precious.

Wendigo7 wrote:

Nolanator wrote: Good to hear.

Thanks Nolan. Hope you have a good time in Southampton for christmas tomorrow

Hah, thanks. Back in Dublin this year. Had it in Southampton last year, though!

To anyone who posts on this thread ‘sorry for moaning’ or ‘forgive me for this/that/other’ - pls know that you are immediately forgiven - no apology was necessary - and welcomed warmly.

A lot of people might not want to share their troubles here, but I’ve found a great deal of help and comfort from hearing that people have/are going through similar and, sadly, worse.

No-one is alone on this thread.

Short Man Syndrome wrote:To anyone who posts on this thread ‘sorry for moaning’ or ‘forgive me for this/that/other’ - pls know that you are immediately forgiven - no apology was necessary - and welcomed warmly.

A lot of people might not want to share their troubles here, but I’ve found a great deal of help and comfort from hearing that people have/are going through similar and, sadly, worse.

No-one is alone on this thread.

Absolutely. I'm not in a best place at the moment, however without wanting to going into any detail, this forum offers a real solace. Thank you all and best wishes to everyone who is in a difficult time at the present.

Wyndham Upalot wrote:

Short Man Syndrome wrote:To anyone who posts on this thread ‘sorry for moaning’ or ‘forgive me for this/that/other’ - pls know that you are immediately forgiven - no apology was necessary - and welcomed warmly.

A lot of people might not want to share their troubles here, but I’ve found a great deal of help and comfort from hearing that people have/are going through similar and, sadly, worse.

No-one is alone on this thread.

Absolutely. I'm not in a best place at the moment, however without wanting to going into any detail, this forum offers a real solace. Thank you all and best wishes to everyone who is in a difficult time at the present.

Wendigo7 wrote:So I have some good news from my post earlier on a couple of pages back with regards to my old man.

So, long story short, he has very few to no symptoms since the fall (or attack.. I haven't decided which). The main issue is slightly odd, where by when he lies down his blood pressure is 165, when he stands up it's only 120. That seems very peculiar.. can't imagine what causes that. He also appears to have lost a slight sense of taste and has to monitor his water/fluid intake. However, from a personal perspective, he's essentially normal.

Just chuffed to bits he's still around really, but that's the second time in his life he's had a life threatening injury, a second time he's gone in the medical journal for a miraculous recovery in a couple of days or so due to self healing (first time was lung issues) and the second time he's completely injury free and no different than prior (or 99%).

What a great Xmas gift.

Merry Xmas mate. Great news.

Not this thread in particular but when my sister in law passed away a couple of years ago this place was a great place to vent and the support and sympathy really helped. This place can seem like a lunatic asylum at times but when the chips are down PR really comes through for you.

Merry Xmas to all.

feckwanker wrote:I suppose that there are certain things that put your life in perspective and what I heard yesterday was one of them.

My wife's boss'es (about 35) wife (she 33) gave birth to a child last Thursday. She died from an infection two days ago.

I don't even know the man but I'm devastated for him. My wife is very very upset. Hold your loved ones dear guys - every moment is precious.

Did the wife die? Horrific.

Wishing you all a good one, ladies and gents.

GWO2 wrote:I`m glad I can come on here and tell my feelings as there is no way I would worry my children by burdening them with them.It is getting harder each day to watch my wife`s memory slip away (she has early onset of Alzhiemers disease).I have found it is no use trying to correct her when she remembers something that is wrong, as she gets so angry. I try and keep a brave face and tell her things are not as bad as she thinks, but, I find I am close to tears for the least thing all the time. She goes up to bed early each night and I often break down into tears when she`s in bed. The slightest thing can set me off, I was just looking on F/B and someone posted a link for Andrea Botcelli and Sarah Brightman singing Time to Say Goodbye and it`s started me off again. Fortunately, I suffer from extreme coughing bouts that leave me with red tear filled eyes so on the rare time she has caught me I can just tell her I have been coughing. But it really is getting hard to cope. If I get any worse I`ll have to get medical help.
Not looking for sympathy, just need to tell someone. I feel better already just writing it down on here.

Yeah. Good thing you have those violent coughing fits....

This thread! I don’t know if I have the courage to match any of you. Blew me away.

I particularly dislike Xmas so it's always a struggle on the day.

Luckily having a new dog is helping a lot.

Last year was the first Christmas without my kids and I thought that was one of the worst experiences ever. I have limited contact with them, but the longing for them is just amplified over the festive period.
This year, in addition to not being with them, I'm actually working as well.
I made a lot of mistakes (which put me in the position I'm in), but I wouldn't wish this on my enemies.

Does...anyone have experience with this?

Lately I feel unexplained nerves and jitters, especially at night. It feels like that feeling you have when (for example) you need to give a big presentation and you're not a natural public speaker. That type of feeling. Almost like I'm on edge about something and I don't even know what. It makes me feel like shit, especially since it doesn't go away when I'm trying to sleep. Lying in bed trying to sleep when you feel nervous and jittery makes for a bad nights sleep let me tell you. I also feel...twitchy too, like random limb will just twitch which is a problem trying to sleep also. My wife has noticed something is off about me also lately but I don't really engage with her about it.

Sorry, kinda hard to explain. But I'm sitting here at 9pm with no work all week (holiday) and I should be as relaxed as hell but I feel the total opposite.

Anxiety.

I had it for the first time last year. Horrendous

Lay off the caffeinated drinks after lunch and perhaps try cannabis?

Anxiety and is very challenging to deal with.

I find excessive alcohol and lack of sleep make mine worse.

Anxiety seems to be one of the most misunderstood issues. I know a few people who have it and it affects all ages.

This thread is kinda depressing.....

So i went over to the drinking thread..... then i realized it was only about NOT drinking.... Wow, that got me pretty down in a hurry....

So i came back here...

Whats new... did i miss anything ?

moosehead wrote:Anxiety and is very challenging to deal with.

I find excessive alcohol and lack of sleep make mine worse.

Yes, exactly what triggers me too.
Problem is that i am borderline alcoholic and alcohol makes me not sleep...
Then i get anxiety which leads to depression..

So basically i am f...ed.... as there is no way i want to quit drinking....

Drinking and excercising are the only 2 hobbies ... i share with my wife...

moosehead wrote:

moosehead wrote:Anxiety and is very challenging to deal with.

I find excessive alcohol and lack of sleep make mine worse.

Yes, exactly what triggers me too.
Problem is that i am borderline alcoholic and alcohol makes me not sleep...
Then i get anxiety which leads to depression..

So basically i am f...ed.... as there is no way i want to quit drinking....

Drinking and excercising are the only 2 hobbies ... i share with my wife...

Hey moose
Is all ok?
You appear to be in a conversation with yourself
Talking about drinking/ borderline alcoholic etc
Don’t give up on the drinking thread it’s very good
Alcohol is terrible for anxiety, try to cut back on it

Winnie wrote:

moosehead wrote:

moosehead wrote:Anxiety and is very challenging to deal with.

I find excessive alcohol and lack of sleep make mine worse.

Yes, exactly what triggers me too.
Problem is that i am borderline alcoholic and alcohol makes me not sleep...
Then i get anxiety which leads to depression..

So basically i am f...ed.... as there is no way i want to quit drinking....

Drinking and excercising are the only 2 hobbies ... i share with my wife...

Hey moose
Is all ok?
You appear to be in a conversation with yourself
Talking about drinking/ borderline alcoholic etc
Don’t give up on the drinking thread it’s very good
Alcohol is terrible for anxiety, try to cut back on it

Cheers for looking out for me. I don't drink work nights... ?

When i was younger i had no clue this monster called anxiety would hit me as i got older... started approx at 40 ish.
My anxiety is pretty much 100% centred around the well being of my daughters. My daughters are doing great. Uni degrees / careers and great fiancees... But over the years i had alot of anxiety over their uni work, cars, apartments... basically about their safety...
I guess they are my little girls... Now in their mid 20's i think i can relax and trust that they are safe and capable of taking care of themeselves.... My anxiety has decreased but i get older i feel like my resiliance is way lesss. I don't handle bad days or small problems as well as did younger... Maybe that is what aging does to us all ?

Did i mention..i drink to escape my anxiety... When i get drunk i no longer feel my anxiety...
Of course the next day i wake up and it is MUCH worse...
I wonder if this how people become alchoholics...... is it caused by their anxiety..... hmmmmmm ? Am i wrong ?

OK - rant over.

Thanks winnie for listening to me. People on PR always seem to be there for each other.....

moosehead wrote:

Winnie wrote:

moosehead wrote:

moosehead wrote:Anxiety and is very challenging to deal with.

I find excessive alcohol and lack of sleep make mine worse.

Yes, exactly what triggers me too.
Problem is that i am borderline alcoholic and alcohol makes me not sleep...
Then i get anxiety which leads to depression..

So basically i am f...ed.... as there is no way i want to quit drinking....

Drinking and excercising are the only 2 hobbies ... i share with my wife...

Hey moose
Is all ok?
You appear to be in a conversation with yourself
Talking about drinking/ borderline alcoholic etc
Don’t give up on the drinking thread it’s very good
Alcohol is terrible for anxiety, try to cut back on it

Cheers for looking out for me. I don't drink work nights... ?

When i was younger i had no clue this monster called anxiety would hit me as i got older... started approx at 40 ish.
My anxiety is pretty much 100% centred around the well being of my daughters. My daughters are doing great. Uni degrees / careers and great fiancees... But over the years i had alot of anxiety over their uni work, cars, apartments... basically about their safety...
I guess they are my little girls... Now in their mid 20's i think i can relax and trust that they are safe and capable of taking care of themeselves.... My anxiety has decreased but i get older i feel like my resiliance is way lesss. I don't handle bad days or small problems as well as did younger... Maybe that is what aging does to us all ?

Did i mention..i drink to escape my anxiety... When i get drunk i no longer feel my anxiety...
Of course the next day i wake up and it is MUCH worse...
I wonder if this how people become alchoholics...... is it caused by their anxiety..... hmmmmmm ? Am i wrong ?

OK - rant over.

Thanks winnie for listening to me. People on PR always seem to be there for each other.....

I have dreadful health anxiety
Every lump bump or pain is cancer to me
I don’t drink a lot but when I do it does alleviate the thoughts about my health and I enjoy myself
But the next day my anxiety is through the stratosphere

You sound like a great dad
Take care

Hangover on anxiety is napalm.

So....

In the spirit of unburdening. I would have to say that the last five or six years have been a bit of a mare. With a bastard of a boss (We had a staff turnover over 3 years of 400%), health problems (Cancer for me, and my Brother. Remitting/relapsing MS for my wife, and a major hysterectomy for her as well) things could have gone smoother.

So now, at the end of 2019, our health problems seem to be mostly behind us. The MS is in check, the cancer is done and I am now in a great job, with great people and a great boss, and midway through December, I just tanked emotionally. I was so far down, and for no apparent reason apart from the possibility that the last 6 years took way more of a toll than I thought. So I saw a counsellor (Which my new job paid for!), who referred me to my GP. Turns out, I'm depressed. Clinically. Who would have thought as I seem like a happy go lucky guy!

Anyway, I am now on antidepressants. Low Dose, 1/2 a tab a day. Have been since Xmas Eve. The change has been huge. The anxiety has dropped, I'm more sociable, more assertive. After a week, My tastebuds seemed to reboot. I was tasting food again and I hadn't realized I had stopped tasting food. I don't explode at the kids. We laugh, smile. Honestly, it has been a revelation.

Having to turn to this sort of solution was something I never thought I would do. We try to be staunch and power our way through, but I have to say, that even though I am at the start of this process, I should have done it long ago. I am starting to realise what an immense strain I must have been for my family. It feels good to be able to do right by them as well.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. It could be the best thing you can do for yourself, and for those around you.

feckwanker wrote:I suppose that there are certain things that put your life in perspective and what I heard yesterday was one of them.

My wife's boss'es (about 35) wife (she 33) gave birth to a child last Thursday. She died from an infection two days ago.

I don't even know the man but I'm devastated for him. My wife is very very upset. Hold your loved ones dear guys - every moment is precious.

fudge me. I became a parent last year, stuff like this just rips the heart out of me now. Can't even imagine.

kiwidutchie wrote:So....

In the spirit of unburdening. I would have to say that the last five or six years have been a bit of a mare. With a bastard of a boss (We had a staff turnover over 3 years of 400%), health problems (Cancer for me, and my Brother. Remitting/relapsing MS for my wife, and a major hysterectomy for her as well) things could have gone smoother.

So now, at the end of 2019, our health problems seem to be mostly behind us. The MS is in check, the cancer is done and I am now in a great job, with great people and a great boss, and midway through December, I just tanked emotionally. I was so far down, and for no apparent reason apart from the possibility that the last 6 years took way more of a toll than I thought. So I saw a counsellor (Which my new job paid for!), who referred me to my GP. Turns out, I'm depressed. Clinically. Who would have thought as I seem like a happy go lucky guy!

Anyway, I am now on antidepressants. Low Dose, 1/2 a tab a day. Have been since Xmas Eve. The change has been huge. The anxiety has dropped, I'm more sociable, more assertive. After a week, My tastebuds seemed to reboot. I was tasting food again and I hadn't realized I had stopped tasting food. I don't explode at the kids. We laugh, smile. Honestly, it has been a revelation.

Having to turn to this sort of solution was something I never thought I would do. We try to be staunch and power our way through, but I have to say, that even though I am at the start of this process, I should have done it long ago. I am starting to realise what an immense strain I must have been for my family. It feels good to be able to do right by them as well.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. It could be the best thing you can do for yourself, and for those around you.

That is awesome KD. Thanks for sharing. Glad the meds are helping. I know a good few people who could really do with exploring that option.

I go to group councelling, which I find great, has really helped with just keeping my shit together and improving my mental health. There is a woman there who had a depressive breakdown a number of years ago, coupled with anxiety. Long story short, she had been on meds ever since, had been lowering the dosage over the last year and about two months ago finished with them entirely. I don't know enough about them but there does seem to be a stigma associated with them. But from what I have seen they can be really effective.

Hope things work out for you, sounds like you have taken some great steps in the right direction.

moosehead wrote:
. My anxiety has decreased but i get older i feel like my resiliance is way lesss. I don't handle bad days or small problems as well as did younger... Maybe that is what aging does to us all ?
....

For me, and I would have thought for most people, the opposite is true. As I've got older I've gained better perspective and can put so called major problems in their proper context. FWIW you appear to have an extremely unhealthy relationship with alcohol and I don't think your mental problems, never mind any physical issues the alcohol might cause, will much improve without you tackling your drinking first.

kiwidutchie wrote:So....

In the spirit of unburdening. I would have to say that the last five or six years have been a bit of a mare. With a bastard of a boss (We had a staff turnover over 3 years of 400%), health problems (Cancer for me, and my Brother. Remitting/relapsing MS for my wife, and a major hysterectomy for her as well) things could have gone smoother.

So now, at the end of 2019, our health problems seem to be mostly behind us. The MS is in check, the cancer is done and I am now in a great job, with great people and a great boss, and midway through December, I just tanked emotionally. I was so far down, and for no apparent reason apart from the possibility that the last 6 years took way more of a toll than I thought. So I saw a counsellor (Which my new job paid for!), who referred me to my GP. Turns out, I'm depressed. Clinically. Who would have thought as I seem like a happy go lucky guy!

Anyway, I am now on antidepressants. Low Dose, 1/2 a tab a day. Have been since Xmas Eve. The change has been huge. The anxiety has dropped, I'm more sociable, more assertive. After a week, My tastebuds seemed to reboot. I was tasting food again and I hadn't realized I had stopped tasting food. I don't explode at the kids. We laugh, smile. Honestly, it has been a revelation.

Having to turn to this sort of solution was something I never thought I would do. We try to be staunch and power our way through, but I have to say, that even though I am at the start of this process, I should have done it long ago. I am starting to realise what an immense strain I must have been for my family. It feels good to be able to do right by them as well.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. It could be the best thing you can do for yourself, and for those around you.

Glad you're getting help, and that it's working. That first step of asking for help is difficult. I always feel that the line people draw between physical and mental health is something we all need to break down - if your body wasn't producing enough of a certain chemical that made your kidneys work properly, you'd have no problem seeking help and taking medicine, so when your body isn't producing enough seratonin to make your brain function correctly, what's the difference?

I always struggle a bit this time of year, a bit of low grade depression. Lot of it based around the fact I'm pushing fifty, no wife, no kids, and in the run up to xmas, tv and advertising seems designed to designate someone like me a failure in life. Most of the time I know that's not the case and I have good friends and family, but it can still get to me. Lack of daylight and miserable weather in Scotland might also be a factor of course...

Biffer29 wrote: Glad you're getting help, and that it's working. That first step of asking for help is difficult. I always feel that the line people draw between physical and mental health is something we all need to break down - if your body wasn't producing enough of a certain chemical that made your kidneys work properly, you'd have no problem seeking help and taking medicine, so when your body isn't producing enough seratonin to make your brain function correctly, what's the difference?

Yep.

My depression is chronic and caused by pain.

It's a symptom of that and is treated as such.

I was on prozac for anxiety for a couple of years, I found it did help. I regret going off them, I will mention that to the doc when I see him next month.

kiwidutchie wrote:So....

In the spirit of unburdening. I would have to say that the last five or six years have been a bit of a mare. With a bastard of a boss (We had a staff turnover over 3 years of 400%), health problems (Cancer for me, and my Brother. Remitting/relapsing MS for my wife, and a major hysterectomy for her as well) things could have gone smoother.

So now, at the end of 2019, our health problems seem to be mostly behind us. The MS is in check, the cancer is done and I am now in a great job, with great people and a great boss, and midway through December, I just tanked emotionally. I was so far down, and for no apparent reason apart from the possibility that the last 6 years took way more of a toll than I thought. So I saw a counsellor (Which my new job paid for!), who referred me to my GP. Turns out, I'm depressed. Clinically. Who would have thought as I seem like a happy go lucky guy!

Anyway, I am now on antidepressants. Low Dose, 1/2 a tab a day. Have been since Xmas Eve. The change has been huge. The anxiety has dropped, I'm more sociable, more assertive. After a week, My tastebuds seemed to reboot. I was tasting food again and I hadn't realized I had stopped tasting food. I don't explode at the kids. We laugh, smile. Honestly, it has been a revelation.

Having to turn to this sort of solution was something I never thought I would do. We try to be staunch and power our way through, but I have to say, that even though I am at the start of this process, I should have done it long ago. I am starting to realise what an immense strain I must have been for my family. It feels good to be able to do right by them as well.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. It could be the best thing you can do for yourself, and for those around you.

A highly impressive post. Well done and all the best

True Blue wrote:I was on prozac for anxiety for a couple of years, I found it did help. I regret going off them, I will mention that to the doc when I see him next month.

I held off resuming it for too long. Wasn't pleasant

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/business- ... ng-burnout

For those feeling low due to burnout. Though I'm not sure the suggested 'remedies' will help much: there's only so much water one can drink

But the note on getting support is important.

Sydvicious wrote:Last year was the first Christmas without my kids and I thought that was one of the worst experiences ever. I have limited contact with them, but the longing for them is just amplified over the festive period.
This year, in addition to not being with them, I'm actually working as well.
I made a lot of mistakes (which put me in the position I'm in), but I wouldn't wish this on my enemies.

Hey Siddie, sorry to hear this Boet. Hope it is getting better now.

Divorce?

c69 wrote:Don't ftequent this thread much but it is a gem.
My dog died and I can not cope. Ffs a few years ago I would have said it is a dog.
I am an emotional mess and not in control..
Not a clue wtf to do

Troll the shit out of some assholes.


I am told I have cPTSD from finding a body of a loved one who took their own life. Come at me.

c69 wrote:Don't ftequent this thread much but it is a gem.
My dog died and I can not cope. Ffs a few years ago I would have said it is a dog.
I am an emotional mess and not in control..
Not a clue wtf to do

Sorry to hear that. Like you I would never have thought I could get so attached to our furry friends - they take over the household!

Mine is ticking by in years now and I dread the day. All the best

AND-y wrote:

c69 wrote:Don't ftequent this thread much but it is a gem.
My dog died and I can not cope. Ffs a few years ago I would have said it is a dog.
I am an emotional mess and not in control..
Not a clue wtf to do

Troll the shit out of some assholes.


I am told I have cPTSD from finding a body of a loved one who took their own life. Come at me.

Hey guys, we are not natural allies in the big knockabout world of PR, but I understand where you are at and know you can / will emerge from the other side of this stuff. Go well.

nuffsaid wrote:

AND-y wrote:

c69 wrote:Don't ftequent this thread much but it is a gem.
My dog died and I can not cope. Ffs a few years ago I would have said it is a dog.
I am an emotional mess and not in control..
Not a clue wtf to do

Troll the shit out of some assholes.


I am told I have cPTSD from finding a body of a loved one who took their own life. Come at me.

Hey guys, we are not natural allies in the big knockabout world of PR, but I understand where you are at and know you can / will emerge from the other side of this stuff. Go well.

Thanks. I've learned to live with constant exhaustion and flashbacks but just feeling guilt, anger etc is harder. I have suicidal thoughts myself almost every day for years and fairly regularly that will push over into ultimate hopelessness where I start making plans. I've not tried to go through with anything though, it would kill my mother for a start. I'm just screaming into the void, I don't really want sympathy I'm just lonely right now and have nowhere to unload, I don't care if I'm trolled over it. I wouldn't put it up here if I did.

EverReady wrote:You wouldn't get trolled on it. Are you linked in with community mental health services or do they do it like that there?

Yeah man, I also work and study in mental health. :lol:I keep very busy most of the time. I am getting treatment and improving maybe shrugs
I'm also a piece of shit in that I have hurt people I care a lot about in that time but whatever I guess you just got to pick yourself up and try do better tomorrow or whatever.

AND-y wrote: Thanks. I've learned to live with constant exhaustion and flashbacks but just feeling guilt, anger etc is harder. I have suicidal thoughts myself almost every day for years and fairly regularly that will push over into ultimate hopelessness where I start making plans. I've not tried to go through with anything though, it would kill my mother for a start. I'm just screaming into the void, I don't really want sympathy I'm just lonely right now and have nowhere to unload, I don't care if I'm trolled over it. I wouldn't put it up here if I did.

Don't try and do it all alone. Sounds tough and more than anyone can just live with without it dragging them down. Hope things get better for you.

EverReady wrote:That's it really isn't it. Sometimes it's just keeping the show on the road

Don’t forget or be too brave to ask someone else to take the wheel occasionally. You don’t always have to be the stoic captain.