Planet Rugby Forum

EverReady wrote:That's it really isn't it. Sometimes it's just keeping the show on the road

Totally. I love that bit in the Matrix when she is on the ground paralysed with fear and she's just like "Get. Up."

Obviously I know it's not always possible and if anybody reading this is unable to function they should get help and not try to force it.

EverReady wrote:

Sandstorm wrote:

EverReady wrote:That's it really isn't it. Sometimes it's just keeping the show on the road

Don’t forget or be too brave to ask someone else to take the wheel occasionally. You don’t always have to be the stoic captain.

Ah yeah I totally agree now. I think I mentioned before when my yoke kicked off I met with the radiation consultant and she is a brilliant but hard women. Also a ride by the by. Anyway she said you will see the dietician as you will lose up to 3 stone (I lost 4) and the speech and language as you will struggle swallowing and opening your mouth and the psycho-oncologist as you will need support through the treatment. I asked what they were and told the psychologist. I wasn't into it but she told me I was and that was that. She has that way. Anyway the psycho-oncologist, also a ride by the by, became absolutely essential to me getting through it. I was reticent for about three weeks but then let go. Hence the fücking emotions

Have you met any health professionals you didn’t want to ride?!

A year ago today my dad went to sleep for the last time and never woke up.

Dementia is a bastard and I wasn't there for him.

YOYO wrote:

AND-y wrote:

c69 wrote:Don't ftequent this thread much but it is a gem.
My dog died and I can not cope. Ffs a few years ago I would have said it is a dog.
I am an emotional mess and not in control..
Not a clue wtf to do

Troll the shit out of some assholes.


I am told I have cPTSD from finding a body of a loved one who took their own life. Come at me.

Sorry to hear AND-y. You don’t seem as harsh or negative as you were a year or two ago.
c69, just remember you have a bigger schlong than all of Ireland.

I will say lads, you could have done with a Welsh victory this weekend. As we know, victories, especially against a great rival is a great tonic.

Thanks but it's a game, a pantomime, entertainment. If nothing else I've gained some perspective.

C69, if it's any help, whenever I see someone posting a picture and RIP text about their dog, I start crying, mostly as I then look at my dog and can't even contemplate the loss when he were to die.

The bond between humans and their dogs really can't be underestimated. Allow yourself to grieve.

c69 wrote:
My teenage daughter has been so considerate and empathic whilst dealing with her own emotions.

That's a compliment to how you raised her.

Armchair_Superstar wrote:

EverReady wrote:

Sandstorm wrote:

EverReady wrote:That's it really isn't it. Sometimes it's just keeping the show on the road

Don’t forget or be too brave to ask someone else to take the wheel occasionally. You don’t always have to be the stoic captain.

Ah yeah I totally agree now. I think I mentioned before when my yoke kicked off I met with the radiation consultant and she is a brilliant but hard women. Also a ride by the by. Anyway she said you will see the dietician as you will lose up to 3 stone (I lost 4) and the speech and language as you will struggle swallowing and opening your mouth and the psycho-oncologist as you will need support through the treatment. I asked what they were and told the psychologist. I wasn't into it but she told me I was and that was that. She has that way. Anyway the psycho-oncologist, also a ride by the by, became absolutely essential to me getting through it. I was reticent for about three weeks but then let go. Hence the fücking emotions

Have you met any health professionals you didn’t want to ride?!

The bloke who managed my recent heart attack was resistible, tbf.

AND-y wrote:

EverReady wrote:You wouldn't get trolled on it. Are you linked in with community mental health services or do they do it like that there?

Yeah man, I also work and study in mental health. :lol:I keep very busy most of the time. I am getting treatment and improving maybe shrugs
I'm also a piece of shit in that I have hurt people I care a lot about in that time but whatever I guess you just got to pick yourself up and try do better tomorrow or whatever.

Yeah, you are right. You can’t do anything about yesterday, but tomorrow? Maybe you can. Or maybe the day after that. And hurting people you care about is part of the human condition. We all do it. Doesn’t make it feel any better but it does mean you’re not the first, won’t be the last, and you’re probably not a piece of shit, really.

Everybody thinks they’re tough until they have a dog put down. I was upset when my dad died but toughed it out. When I took the dog to the vets I couldn’t even speak, it was horrendous.

AND-y wrote:

nuffsaid wrote:

AND-y wrote:

c69 wrote:Don't ftequent this thread much but it is a gem.
My dog died and I can not cope. Ffs a few years ago I would have said it is a dog.
I am an emotional mess and not in control..
Not a clue wtf to do

Troll the shit out of some assholes.


I am told I have cPTSD from finding a body of a loved one who took their own life. Come at me.

Hey guys, we are not natural allies in the big knockabout world of PR, but I understand where you are at and know you can / will emerge from the other side of this stuff. Go well.

Thanks. I've learned to live with constant exhaustion and flashbacks but just feeling guilt, anger etc is harder. I have suicidal thoughts myself almost every day for years and fairly regularly that will push over into ultimate hopelessness where I start making plans. I've not tried to go through with anything though, it would kill my mother for a start. I'm just screaming into the void, I don't really want sympathy I'm just lonely right now and have nowhere to unload, I don't care if I'm trolled over it. I wouldn't put it up here if I did.

Hey AND_y, we have had our differences on here but I’m really sorry to hear of your troubles. You will get trolled over many things on this bored but this thread is a safe space and we are all here to support you in any way we can. Unload your problems. You are not alone and you have somewhere to unload.

Winnie wrote:

AND-y wrote:

nuffsaid wrote:

AND-y wrote:

c69 wrote:Don't ftequent this thread much but it is a gem.
My dog died and I can not cope. Ffs a few years ago I would have said it is a dog.
I am an emotional mess and not in control..
Not a clue wtf to do

Troll the shit out of some assholes.


I am told I have cPTSD from finding a body of a loved one who took their own life. Come at me.

Hey guys, we are not natural allies in the big knockabout world of PR, but I understand where you are at and know you can / will emerge from the other side of this stuff. Go well.

Thanks. I've learned to live with constant exhaustion and flashbacks but just feeling guilt, anger etc is harder. I have suicidal thoughts myself almost every day for years and fairly regularly that will push over into ultimate hopelessness where I start making plans. I've not tried to go through with anything though, it would kill my mother for a start. I'm just screaming into the void, I don't really want sympathy I'm just lonely right now and have nowhere to unload, I don't care if I'm trolled over it. I wouldn't put it up here if I did.

Hey AND_y, we have had our differences on here but I’m really sorry to hear of your troubles. You will get trolled over many things on this bored but this thread is a safe space and we are all here to support you in any way we can. Unload your problems. You are not alone and you have somewhere to unload.

Y'know what Winnie there isn't actually anything anyone can say to me on here that would hurt me so seeing as you're willing to let me use you as a punching bag you can do the same right back to me.

AND-y wrote:Y'know what Winnie there isn't actually anything anyone can say to me on here that would hurt me so seeing as you're willing to let me use you as a punching bag you can do the same right back to me.

Got yr back Andy.

c69 wrote:

DragsterDriver wrote:Everybody thinks they’re tough until they have a dog put down. I was upset when my dad died but toughed it out. When I took the dog to the vets I couldn’t even speak, it was horrendous.

My dog passed away before my eyes, she had a massive heart attack.
Thank God it was me not the wife or child.
I am heart broken

I held my dog while the vet injected her and she died in my arms. The vet let me leave by the back door, as I was crying my eyes out. Still brings a tear to my eye if I think about it and that was twelve years ago.

c69 wrote:

DragsterDriver wrote:Everybody thinks they’re tough until they have a dog put down. I was upset when my dad died but toughed it out. When I took the dog to the vets I couldn’t even speak, it was horrendous.

My dog passed away before my eyes, she had a massive heart attack.
Thank God it was me not the wife or child.
I am heart broken

She took yesterday’s loss even harder than Jeff

GWO2 wrote:

c69 wrote:

DragsterDriver wrote:Everybody thinks they’re tough until they have a dog put down. I was upset when my dad died but toughed it out. When I took the dog to the vets I couldn’t even speak, it was horrendous.

My dog passed away before my eyes, she had a massive heart attack.
Thank God it was me not the wife or child.
I am heart broken

I held my dog while the vet injected her and she died in my arms. The vet let me leave by the back door, as I was crying my eyes out. Still brings a tear to my eye if I think about it and that was twelve years ago.

Same here but it was my usually cool, calm, reserved wife who was howling her eyes out

Winnie wrote:

AND-y wrote:

nuffsaid wrote:

AND-y wrote:

c69 wrote:Don't ftequent this thread much but it is a gem.
My dog died and I can not cope. Ffs a few years ago I would have said it is a dog.
I am an emotional mess and not in control..
Not a clue wtf to do

Troll the shit out of some assholes.


I am told I have cPTSD from finding a body of a loved one who took their own life. Come at me.

Hey guys, we are not natural allies in the big knockabout world of PR, but I understand where you are at and know you can / will emerge from the other side of this stuff. Go well.

Thanks. I've learned to live with constant exhaustion and flashbacks but just feeling guilt, anger etc is harder. I have suicidal thoughts myself almost every day for years and fairly regularly that will push over into ultimate hopelessness where I start making plans. I've not tried to go through with anything though, it would kill my mother for a start. I'm just screaming into the void, I don't really want sympathy I'm just lonely right now and have nowhere to unload, I don't care if I'm trolled over it. I wouldn't put it up here if I did.

Hey AND_y, we have had our differences on here but I’m really sorry to hear of your troubles. You will get trolled over many things on this bored but this thread is a safe space and we are all here to support you in any way we can. Unload your problems. You are not alone and you have somewhere to unload.

Ditto AND-y; if you ever need to just have a Skype chat, or whatever, just don't think dude, just reach out

Thanks people.

AND-y wrote:Thanks people.

Starting place with PTSD if it creeps up is that it’s just a chemical thing going on and it will pass/wash out.

AND-y wrote:

EverReady wrote:You wouldn't get trolled on it. Are you linked in with community mental health services or do they do it like that there?

Yeah man, I also work and study in mental health. :lol:I keep very busy most of the time. I am getting treatment and improving maybe shrugs
I'm also a piece of shit in that I have hurt people I care a lot about in that time but whatever I guess you just got to pick yourself up and try do better tomorrow or whatever.

AND-y

You are definitely not alone in this, my friend, but if my journey into alcoholism and the ongoing recovery has taught me anything, it is this: there is no hurt you have inflicted on people you love that can not be undone through honesty and love. My three grandchildren are a living testimony to that. Please try to stop beating yourself up this way.

Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

No apologies, mate. We’re here for you.

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

Jesus mate, vent away. It's what this thread is for.

However, I'm going to disagree with a few on the previous page. I held my dog when the vet injected him. I held my dad's hand during his death rattle (fúck, didn't think that was actually a thing).

Dad affected me far worse

I had a shit day in Saturday as I was over-tired - the depression always gets.worse with fatigue.

Much better day yesterday and having a dog has certainly got me through a lot of tough times recently

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

That sucks man. When you live with someone for many years you almost become one person. I wish you all the best and hope you have people around you that can help ease your own pain.

I myself may have liver cancer and am waiting on a diagnosis, I will know later this week most likely. My own wife has been a rock but I heard her crying in the shower yesterday and it killed me. Killed me. Sometimes I wish we were all cold logical robots but then what would be the point of life right? At least that's what I think.

All the best.

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

No apologies, please.

True Blue wrote:

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

That sucks man. When you live with someone for many years you almost become one person. I wish you all the best and hope you have people around you that can help ease your own pain.

I myself may have liver cancer and am waiting on a diagnosis, I will know later this week most likely. My own wife has been a rock but I heard her crying in the shower yesterday and it killed me. Killed me. Sometimes I wish we were all cold logical robots but then what would be the point of life right? At least that's what I think.

All the best.

Fingers crossed for you chief.

feckwanker wrote:

True Blue wrote:

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

That sucks man. When you live with someone for many years you almost become one person. I wish you all the best and hope you have people around you that can help ease your own pain.

I myself may have liver cancer and am waiting on a diagnosis, I will know later this week most likely. My own wife has been a rock but I heard her crying in the shower yesterday and it killed me. Killed me. Sometimes I wish we were all cold logical robots but then what would be the point of life right? At least that's what I think.

All the best.

Fingers crossed for you chief.

Likewise. All the best to you, True Blue and GWO2.

mr bungle wrote:

feckwanker wrote:

True Blue wrote:

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

That sucks man. When you live with someone for many years you almost become one person. I wish you all the best and hope you have people around you that can help ease your own pain.

I myself may have liver cancer and am waiting on a diagnosis, I will know later this week most likely. My own wife has been a rock but I heard her crying in the shower yesterday and it killed me. Killed me. Sometimes I wish we were all cold logical robots but then what would be the point of life right? At least that's what I think.

All the best.

Fingers crossed for you chief.

Likewise. All the best to you, True Blue and GWO2.

Indeed - vent all you need in here

True Blue wrote:

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

That sucks man. When you live with someone for many years you almost become one person. I wish you all the best and hope you have people around you that can help ease your own pain.

I myself may have liver cancer and am waiting on a diagnosis, I will know later this week most likely. My own wife has been a rock but I heard her crying in the shower yesterday and it killed me. Killed me. Sometimes I wish we were all cold logical robots but then what would be the point of life right? At least that's what I think.

All the best.

Hoping for a good result, mate.

True Blue wrote:I myself may have liver cancer and am waiting on a diagnosis, I will know later this week most likely. My own wife has been a rock but I heard her crying in the shower yesterday and it killed me. Killed me. Sometimes I wish we were all cold logical robots but then what would be the point of life right? At least that's what I think.

Thoughts are with you guys. Hope for a good outcome.

GWO2 / True Blue - thoughts/prayers are with you both in these difficult times. Talking and chatting to others (even online) helps so unload/share anytime you need to.

True Blue wrote:

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

That sucks man. When you live with someone for many years you almost become one person. I wish you all the best and hope you have people around you that can help ease your own pain.

I myself may have liver cancer and am waiting on a diagnosis, I will know later this week most likely. My own wife has been a rock but I heard her crying in the shower yesterday and it killed me. Killed me. Sometimes I wish we were all cold logical robots but then what would be the point of life right? At least that's what I think.

All the best.

It's not quite real is it, when you get that first notice that you may have cancer.

Then, if confirmed, it becomes horrifyingly real and yet you still don't know quite how to process it.

For me the period between the confirmed diagnosis and learning the treatment plan were...surreal. I reached anxiety levels I didn't know existed.

Once the plan was agreed though, for me at least, it all became a lot more manageable. "This is what we are going to do, this is what it involves, this is how long it will take, etc etc".

I can deal with a process much easier than just a piece of information. Typing/speaking everything in a safe place or with a person who you can unburden to, can get you through so much. Now that we have it behind us my wife recently admitted how much it terrified her, especially at the start, but she hung in there and drew some strength and a lot of solace from the fact that she was providing genuine support to someone she loves.

Its going to be hard on those around you True Blue - but don't underestimate them. They can take it if it means supporting you. Lean on them - they want you to and you will need it.

Kia kaha

happyhooker wrote:

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

Jesus mate, vent away. It's what this thread is for.

However, I'm going to disagree with a few on the previous page. I held my dog when the vet injected him. I held my dad's hand during his death rattle (fúck, didn't think that was actually a thing).

Dad affected me far worse

I was the opposite holding onto my beloved pooch as she slipped away left me in bits.

GW02 - Really sorry to hear that, I am no expert in these matters but concentrating on the 52 great years would seem to be the way to go.

happyhooker wrote:However, I'm going to disagree with a few on the previous page. I held my dog when the vet injected him. I held my dad's hand during his death rattle (fúck, didn't think that was actually a thing).

Dad affected me far worse

I was in the room a few minutes before my grandad passed away from cancer last year. The death rattle is very real. Horrible.
I flew back home and my mum picked me up to bring me to my grandparent's place and I got there about 30 minutes before he passed. Was given fair warning that he didn't look great and I'd prepared myself for him looking gaunt (though that still shook me), but the sound of him breathing wasn't something I was ready for.


GW, that sounds awful. Nothing constructive to say other than best wishes from this internet stranger.
Best of luck, TB.

True Blue wrote:

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

That sucks man. When you live with someone for many years you almost become one person. I wish you all the best and hope you have people around you that can help ease your own pain.

I myself may have liver cancer and am waiting on a diagnosis, I will know later this week most likely. My own wife has been a rock but I heard her crying in the shower yesterday and it killed me. Killed me. Sometimes I wish we were all cold logical robots but then what would be the point of life right? At least that's what I think.

All the best.

Wishing you the best outcome.

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

Don't apologe GW02, this is what this thread has been created for.
And it's a very difficult thing you're going through. As said before: make sure there is someone to help you to help your wife.
Whether that's children, friends, neighbours, GP, specialised support groups etc.
And if it helps, keep sharing here.

Salanya wrote:

GWO2 wrote:Sorry for coming on here and writing my feelings again, but, it does help to get it out. Wife is in bed and I`m by myself, Burst into tears again after thinking about yesterday, when my wife asked me what coins are these? She didn`t know the difference between a pound coin and a two pound coin, bearing in mind that she has handled our finances all our 52 years of married life. It really is shit to watch her slipping away. Apologies again for unloading my feelings again.

Don't apologe GW02, this is what this thread has been created for.
And it's a very difficult thing you're going through. As said before: make sure there is someone to help you to help your wife.
Whether that's children, friends, neighbours, GP, specialised support groups etc.
And if it helps, keep sharing here.

This

THanks for the well wishes. I really hope it's a benign tumor which is somewhat common on livers. Ultrasound showed characteristics of both benign and malignant hence the more definitive MRI. Definitely not great for my already high anxiety levels. Being "only" 40 and a non-drinker probably helps my odds i hope.

True Blue wrote:THanks for the well wishes. I really hope it's a benign tumor which is somewhat common on livers. Ultrasound showed characteristics of both benign and malignant hence the more definitive MRI. Definitely not great for my already high anxiety levels. Being "only" 40 and a non-drinker probably helps my odds i hope.

Best wishes on this sir.