Planet Rugby Forum

Floppykid wrote:I'm in a bit of a grit my teeth and bear it/bizarre/horrific time in my life too.

Mother's lung cancer has spread all over really it seems, it was "just" a metastasis on the brain that they resected and treated with radiation, only for it to come back again very quickly and for her to get it treated with a fairly severe localised radiation.
She's still there as a person but out of focus, her body is breaking down from everything and I'm spending most of my day carrying her around the house, trying not to break down myself. I'm pretty much working 12-14 hour a day between taking care of her and remote work. There are times I get so frustrated I almost want to scream in her face (I never let my frustration boil over) because of how she cant respond or move right or needs almost everything done for her. I cant focus on anything, I'm always exhausted, I have no motivation and I'm gaining huge amounts of weight.

Then I remember what unimaginable terror she's facing, who she is and the pain she's experiencing and I feel shame and guilt and dread.

It's also in her spine now too, which makes the pain unbearable and it's only getting worse.

She still holds on to her dignity in any way she can, has moments/behaviors of denial of what's going to happen which makes it so much harder.

She still likes to buy nice things for herself whenever she can and when she still takes the time to put them on and look her best, she spends her time looking through her new purchases for the things shes going to wear. It's so sad I struggle not to break down as it's happening.

My partner needs me to return to Canada and I need to to keep my job. I was going to go and come back at semi regular intervals, regardless of the cost. I cant break her heart by leaving until she's bound for the deathbed, I've been with her in the ambulance during pulmonary oedema, I've heard the rattle and I don't want that to be the next thing I see of her. Part of me even felt slight relief that I may miss the next horrible acute medical event, as shameful as I feel saying that.

f**king Coronavirus has shat all over that and now I feel completely paralysed and trapped. She gets that and it's over far sooner and I'd feel responsible potentially bringing it back. But I also risk so much staying here.

It's also why I find some people's comments about the coronavirus being "whatever, it'll only kill the weak/old" online (and here it seems) horrifyingly callous, I hope it's ignorance.

Floppykid wrote:Thanks everyone.

In many ways the worst/most pressing issue is whether or not I go back to Canada in this climate.
My job is at stake at this point (though again remote work will probably be very much in fashion as the weeks go on), and the Mrs. is incredibly anxious to get me back to Canada asap too. She's not nearly as convinced of the severity of the Coronavirus outbreak as I am.

Not going back could be the coup de grace to my job and badly strain/damage my relationship.

As you guys have probably guessed though, my mom is a walking statistic w/regards to this outbreak.
I was open to going back and forth regardless of cost, but it seems such a severe risk now.

jezzer wrote:

Floppykid wrote:Thanks everyone.

In many ways the worst/most pressing issue is whether or not I go back to Canada in this climate.
My job is at stake at this point (though again remote work will probably be very much in fashion as the weeks go on), and the Mrs. is incredibly anxious to get me back to Canada asap too. She's not nearly as convinced of the severity of the Coronavirus outbreak as I am.

Not going back could be the coup de grace to my job and badly strain/damage my relationship.

As you guys have probably guessed though, my mom is a walking statistic w/regards to this outbreak.
I was open to going back and forth regardless of cost, but it seems such a severe risk now.

Reads to me like you're doing a terrific job and prioritising the person in most need - your poor mum - over yourself and your partner and your job. I can't imagine you ever regretting that decision and I think what you're doing should be a source of calm and gratification for you - not stress. You're being a model son and citizen so don't beat yourself up.

Maybe if pressure back in Canada is building (which , just because it might be justified doesn't mean it's your fault or responsibility) would it be an idea to take a break for a short time? If finances allow, have your sisters help your mum and come back to see her in a week or two before coronavirus affects travel to Canada.

If that's not a runner, I still think you're doing what's right.

Floppykid wrote:

jezzer wrote:

Floppykid wrote:Thanks everyone.

In many ways the worst/most pressing issue is whether or not I go back to Canada in this climate.
My job is at stake at this point (though again remote work will probably be very much in fashion as the weeks go on), and the Mrs. is incredibly anxious to get me back to Canada asap too. She's not nearly as convinced of the severity of the Coronavirus outbreak as I am.

Not going back could be the coup de grace to my job and badly strain/damage my relationship.

As you guys have probably guessed though, my mom is a walking statistic w/regards to this outbreak.
I was open to going back and forth regardless of cost, but it seems such a severe risk now.

Reads to me like you're doing a terrific job and prioritising the person in most need - your poor mum - over yourself and your partner and your job. I can't imagine you ever regretting that decision and I think what you're doing should be a source of calm and gratification for you - not stress. You're being a model son and citizen so don't beat yourself up.

Maybe if pressure back in Canada is building (which , just because it might be justified doesn't mean it's your fault or responsibility) would it be an idea to take a break for a short time? If finances allow, have your sisters help your mum and come back to see her in a week or two before coronavirus affects travel to Canada.

If that's not a runner, I still think you're doing what's right.

That's what I was hoping, but I couldn't bear the idea of bringing the virus into the house if I caught it on a plane.

Also, there's some articles emerging from Italy stating even young people are being brought to ICUs.

jezzer wrote:Just watching an expert on the virus talking and he says that the influenza viruses we commonly deal with are slightly more fatal than Covid 19 in cases where complications develop and hospitalisation is needed. There are far more cases of very light flu which " dilutes" greatly the mortality rate. But serious flu which provokes pneumonia for example is apparently more aggressive than Covid 19.

happyhooker wrote:

jezzer wrote:Just watching an expert on the virus talking and he says that the influenza viruses we commonly deal with are slightly more fatal than Covid 19 in cases where complications develop and hospitalisation is needed. There are far more cases of very light flu which " dilutes" greatly the mortality rate. But serious flu which provokes pneumonia for example is apparently more aggressive than Covid 19.

More aggressive and more deadly are very different issues.

Floppy, I can't even relate to your issue when it refers to the cross continental problems you have. It was tough enough for me when me and my 3 siblings all lived within decent travelling distance.

My point about making a little space for yourself every now and then, however brief, still stands.

jezzer wrote:

happyhooker wrote:

jezzer wrote:Just watching an expert on the virus talking and he says that the influenza viruses we commonly deal with are slightly more fatal than Covid 19 in cases where complications develop and hospitalisation is needed. There are far more cases of very light flu which " dilutes" greatly the mortality rate. But serious flu which provokes pneumonia for example is apparently more aggressive than Covid 19.

More aggressive and more deadly are very different issues.

Floppy, I can't even relate to your issue when it refers to the cross continental problems you have. It was tough enough for me when me and my 3 siblings all lived within decent travelling distance.

My point about making a little space for yourself every now and then, however brief, still stands.

I meant more deadly, which is what the professor said.

happyhooker wrote:

jezzer wrote:Just watching an expert on the virus talking and he says that the influenza viruses we commonly deal with are slightly more fatal than Covid 19 in cases where complications develop and hospitalisation is needed. There are far more cases of very light flu which " dilutes" greatly the mortality rate. But serious flu which provokes pneumonia for example is apparently more aggressive than Covid 19.

More aggressive and more deadly are very different issues.

Floppy, I can't even relate to your issue when it refers to the cross continental problems you have. It was tough enough for me when me and my 3 siblings all lived within decent travelling distance.

My point about making a little space for yourself every now and then, however brief, still stands.

happyhooker wrote:Mate, you've been dealt a huge bowl of steaming shit.

Best of luck.

Nolanator wrote:I genuinely hope things work out as best they can Flops.

I've been anxious the last few days trying to sort out my GF leaving Prague and moving home. This virus has struck exactly when she's finishing her job and leaving.
Haven't slept well the last few days.

I was due to fly out on Sunday and then back with her on Monday, but Czech authorities are banning flights from several countries including the UK. She's decided to just go straight back to her folks in Dublin.

I'm so relieved to not have to travel. Feels selfish, but I really didn't want to go on a few planes and through several airports.

Floppykid wrote:

happyhooker wrote:Mate, you've been dealt a huge bowl of steaming shit.

Best of luck.

Just had a horrific call with my GF about my inability to get home this weekend and a potential lockdown/quarantine keeping me away for even longer. Followed by some overbearing full on messages to my boss in Canada about what Covid kind've means for me and what my concerns are.
Gave into panic on both way too quickly, but what can ya do now.

Hope everyone stays safe during this holiday-virus season.

shabadoo wrote:

Floppykid wrote:

happyhooker wrote:Mate, you've been dealt a huge bowl of steaming shit.

Best of luck.

Just had a horrific call with my GF about my inability to get home this weekend and a potential lockdown/quarantine keeping me away for even longer. Followed by some overbearing full on messages to my boss in Canada about what Covid kind've means for me and what my concerns are.
Gave into panic on both way too quickly, but what can ya do now.

Hope everyone stays safe during this holiday-virus season.

Hey FK. Went through something similar with my Da. Really feel for ye. It's a shit place to be and there are very few right choices.

Different for everyone, but for me, priority wise, it boiled down to, take care of the old man (even though he was a total dick).

Your bird will/should understand. I know its a pain in the hole but it's also part of life. Shit gets hard in relationships and you'll need to be able to deal with it. Hopefully you will come out of all of this stronger.

Finally...fudge work. It is the lowest priority for me. Jobs come and go and I'm sure you're a competent guy.

Finally, finally: you absolutely 100% need to spend some time every day just trying to take care of yourself. It can be a struggle to do it but it's so f**king important. If you don't you WILL hit a wall and shit will start to fall apart. You won't be able to take care of your Ma or anything else.

It is ok to do it. It will help you care for everyone a lot better if you give a little time to yourself.

YOYO wrote:Don’t understand why your bird giving you a hard time. You only have one mother. You’re hardly going to want to up and leave if she is very sick. Surely your bird would understand that.

YOYO wrote:Don’t understand why your bird giving you a hard time. You only have one mother. You’re hardly going to want to up and leave if she is very sick. Surely your bird would understand that.

shabadoo wrote:Birds be crazy...but also birds be awesome.

AND-y wrote:Well I am guessing current events are really not helping peoples anxiety. I was sick and self isolating over the past week and though I am starting to feel better now I have been and am worried about having seen my parents a few days before showing any symptoms (they still seem okay right now).

This might be a better space for sharing such fears than the main thread as that has turned into the usual shit though I would remind that if you disagree with anyone on here to be pleasant about it or preferably take it to another thread.

Stevus55 wrote:Reading Floppy’s experiences has set something gnawing at the back of my mind. I am a permanent emigrant and my brother and sister are both living abroad for the next few years at the very least. The thought of one of my parents coming down with a debilitating illness and none of us being there for them is a serious downer.

I already feel pretty guilty about moving so far away. I have two nieces over here and even though they’re not my kids, I’m seriously attached to them. Can’t even imagine what it’s like to have your kids piss off to the other side of the world for good.

GWO2 wrote:My wife 72 and myself 73 have both got coughs, but believe it`s cold so we are self isolating. It does add to the worry and stress though as I know my wife has got to the stage of her Alzheimer`s where I am positive she would not be able to manage without me. It tends to drag you down if you dwell on it.

Floppykid wrote:I'm in a bit of a grit my teeth and bear it/bizarre/horrific time in my life too.

Mother's lung cancer has spread all over really it seems, it was "just" a metastasis on the brain that they resected and treated with radiation, only for it to come back again very quickly and for her to get it treated with a fairly severe localised radiation.
She's still there as a person but out of focus, her body is breaking down from everything and I'm spending most of my day carrying her around the house, trying not to break down myself. I'm pretty much working 12-14 hour a day between taking care of her and remote work. There are times I get so frustrated I almost want to scream in her face (I never let my frustration boil over) because of how she cant respond or move right or needs almost everything done for her. I cant focus on anything, I'm always exhausted, I have no motivation and I'm gaining huge amounts of weight.

Then I remember what unimaginable terror she's facing, who she is and the pain she's experiencing and I feel shame and guilt and dread.

It's also in her spine now too, which makes the pain unbearable and it's only getting worse.

She still holds on to her dignity in any way she can, has moments/behaviors of denial of what's going to happen which makes it so much harder.

She still likes to buy nice things for herself whenever she can and when she still takes the time to put them on and look her best, she spends her time looking through her new purchases for the things shes going to wear. It's so sad I struggle not to break down as it's happening.

My partner needs me to return to Canada and I need to to keep my job. I was going to go and come back at semi regular intervals, regardless of the cost. I cant break her heart by leaving until she's bound for the deathbed, I've been with her in the ambulance during pulmonary oedema, I've heard the rattle and I don't want that to be the next thing I see of her. Part of me even felt slight relief that I may miss the next horrible acute medical event, as shameful as I feel saying that.

f**king Coronavirus has shat all over that and now I feel completely paralysed and trapped. She gets that and it's over far sooner and I'd feel responsible potentially bringing it back. But I also risk so much staying here.

It's also why I find some people's comments about the coronavirus being "whatever, it'll only kill the weak/old" online (and here it seems) horrifyingly callous, I hope it's ignorance.

ovalball wrote:My anxiety levels have definitely increased considerably. I'm 67 and I have 3 sisters, 69, 71 and 73, and a brother, 60, all of whom I'm very close to, and worried about. My mum is 96 and lives in sheltered housing - 4 of us take turns to go into her twice a day. God knows what we'll do if the place she lives, goes into lockdown. 2 of my sisters are already isolating, except for visiting Mum. I've cut back on socialising and plan to isolate from this weekend - it will be extremely hard with 6 Grandkids (2 months, 3 years, 5 years, 9, 12 and 13.

ovalball wrote:My anxiety levels have definitely increased considerably. I'm 67 and I have 3 sisters, 69, 71 and 73, and a brother, 60, all of whom I'm very close to, and worried about. My mum is 96 and lives in sheltered housing - 4 of us take turns to go into her twice a day. God knows what we'll do if the place she lives, goes into lockdown. 2 of my sisters are already isolating, except for visiting Mum. I've cut back on socialising and plan to isolate from this weekend - it will be extremely hard with 6 Grandkids (2 months, 3 years, 5 years, 9, 12 and 13.

And I've started sneezing/runny nose this evening - I think it's just something that has irritated my nasal passage - but it's got me worried - felt like I was starting to have an anxiety attack earlier this evening.

On the plus side - we've just had a lovely new Garden room finished, so at least we've got a really nice place to hunker down in - hopefully summer arrives early this year.

EverReady wrote:Just isolate like a motherfücker. Use Skype and all those things to stay in touch. My best mate moved to Spain many years ago and we used to have whole nights listening to music, watching stuff, jawing, playing games and laughing our holes off. That went on for years

GWO2 wrote:My wife 72 and myself 73 have both got coughs, but believe it`s cold so we are self isolating. It does add to the worry and stress though as I know my wife has got to the stage of her Alzheimer`s where I am positive she would not be able to manage without me. It tends to drag you down if you dwell on it.

Theflier wrote:

Floppykid wrote:I'm in a bit of a grit my teeth and bear it/bizarre/horrific time in my life too.

Mother's lung cancer has spread all over really it seems, it was "just" a metastasis on the brain that they resected and treated with radiation, only for it to come back again very quickly and for her to get it treated with a fairly severe localised radiation.
She's still there as a person but out of focus, her body is breaking down from everything and I'm spending most of my day carrying her around the house, trying not to break down myself. I'm pretty much working 12-14 hour a day between taking care of her and remote work. There are times I get so frustrated I almost want to scream in her face (I never let my frustration boil over) because of how she cant respond or move right or needs almost everything done for her. I cant focus on anything, I'm always exhausted, I have no motivation and I'm gaining huge amounts of weight.

Then I remember what unimaginable terror she's facing, who she is and the pain she's experiencing and I feel shame and guilt and dread.

It's also in her spine now too, which makes the pain unbearable and it's only getting worse.

She still holds on to her dignity in any way she can, has moments/behaviors of denial of what's going to happen which makes it so much harder.

She still likes to buy nice things for herself whenever she can and when she still takes the time to put them on and look her best, she spends her time looking through her new purchases for the things shes going to wear. It's so sad I struggle not to break down as it's happening.

My partner needs me to return to Canada and I need to to keep my job. I was going to go and come back at semi regular intervals, regardless of the cost. I cant break her heart by leaving until she's bound for the deathbed, I've been with her in the ambulance during pulmonary oedema, I've heard the rattle and I don't want that to be the next thing I see of her. Part of me even felt slight relief that I may miss the next horrible acute medical event, as shameful as I feel saying that.

f**king Coronavirus has shat all over that and now I feel completely paralysed and trapped. She gets that and it's over far sooner and I'd feel responsible potentially bringing it back. But I also risk so much staying here.

It's also why I find some people's comments about the coronavirus being "whatever, it'll only kill the weak/old" online (and here it seems) horrifyingly callous, I hope it's ignorance.

My mother died when I was 20, about 8 years back now, I remember the day she came back from expecting an all clear, to its 3-4 months at best.
Luckily for her, she had about 24 hours between being cognitive to being drugged into oblivion, took some time away from her, but she didn't have to really feel that end fear which I'm thankful for.

I hated the feeling of being around and wanted out as well.

Tldr; If it helps, life goes on, it's still good, me and the GF are hoping to start popping out some kids next year, had great meal with my grandmother, uncle, aunt, sister and partner today talking our predictions of corona.

HKCJ wrote:Best wishes to all those suffering from anxieties and difficulties. My wife is feeling terribly isolated with her family on the other side of the world in NZ and SA. I’ve tried to put things in perspective to her that things like WhatsApp and Skype have made it easier but I also get that in times like these you want your family around which is what I have so also feeling terribly guilty that we made the decision to move here.