PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

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DragonKhan
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by DragonKhan »

Been a bit of a manic couple of weeks. I triggered myself by listening to the voicemail recording I left for my boys the night I was sectioned and escorted off the Humber bridge and my behaviour and switch where I want to run away from my entire life when I am over whelmed by my own feelings kicked in. It resulted in my missus (who is generally very anxious and officially diagnosed with PTSD) having a breakdown and me being out with the police trying to find her after I had been a dickhead. So I am giving up booze for a bit as it massively amplifies my dickheadishness

Thankfully she is ok and I am ok now too. We both are getting integrated CBT. Mine to try find ways of dealing with feelings and having an outlet when I want to cut and run from my problems and hers is called EMDR. Basically a form of light therapy to trigger and distract you from Trauma to rewire your brain to not get so overwhelmed by it. So it has been shit but I am also happy that we are both sorting our own issues out
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AND-y
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by AND-y »

DragonKhan wrote:Been a bit of a manic couple of weeks. I triggered myself by listening to the voicemail recording I left for my boys the night I was sectioned and escorted off the Humber bridge and my behaviour and switch where I want to run away from my entire life when I am over whelmed by my own feelings kicked in. It resulted in my missus (who is generally very anxious and officially diagnosed with PTSD) having a breakdown and me being out with the police trying to find her after I had been a dickhead. So I am giving up booze for a bit as it massively amplifies my dickheadishness

Thankfully she is ok and I am ok now too. We both are getting integrated CBT. Mine to try find ways of dealing with feelings and having an outlet when I want to cut and run from my problems and hers is called EMDR. Basically a form of light therapy to trigger and distract you from Trauma to rewire your brain to not get so overwhelmed by it. So it has been shit but I am also happy that we are both sorting our own issues out
All the best man. I get all that only too well and if you ever want to talk one to one on phone or email or whatever I'm sure we can sort it. :thumbup:
themaddog
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by themaddog »

iarmhiman wrote:
themaddog wrote:Someone I know well threw himself under a train recently. It has really knocked the stuffing out of everyone who knew him. Extremely talented, highly respected and a loving family. Sometimes life is just shit.
In Mullingar? I know a man who did that last week. Same person?
Yeah that's him.

Hope things work out for TB and DK. Remember there's a shower of wankers here always prepared to listen.
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AND-y
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by AND-y »

.
Last edited by AND-y on Wed Mar 04, 2020 8:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
iarmhiman
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by iarmhiman »

themaddog wrote:
iarmhiman wrote:
themaddog wrote:Someone I know well threw himself under a train recently. It has really knocked the stuffing out of everyone who knew him. Extremely talented, highly respected and a loving family. Sometimes life is just shit.
In Mullingar? I know a man who did that last week. Same person?
Yeah that's him.

Hope things work out for TB and DK. Remember there's a shower of wankers here always prepared to listen.
He was a lovely man and taught me geography in my primary school back in 1994. He eventually went on to be the principle of the school.

He was a very good singer. He sang in the Mullingar cathedral choir and Mullingar choral society. He also played the basoon and saxophone. He was a man of many talents.

When mam and dad told me of his passing last week i was devastated. He was very good to me and very good to my little sister, who he taught in 6th class.

Were you friend or a family relation?
iarmhiman
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by iarmhiman »

AND-y wrote:.
Youre a good lad Andy. Get out for a walk and get sone fresh air. Exercise can help get the endorphins going. They can help .

Talk to your mates or family.
themaddog
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by themaddog »

iarmhiman wrote:
themaddog wrote:
iarmhiman wrote:
themaddog wrote:Someone I know well threw himself under a train recently. It has really knocked the stuffing out of everyone who knew him. Extremely talented, highly respected and a loving family. Sometimes life is just shit.
In Mullingar? I know a man who did that last week. Same person?
Yeah that's him.

Hope things work out for TB and DK. Remember there's a shower of wankers here always prepared to listen.
He was a lovely man and taught me geography in my primary school back in 1994. He eventually went on to be the principle of the school.

He was a very good singer. He sang in the Mullingar cathedral choir and Mullingar choral society. He also played the basoon and saxophone. He was a man of many talents.

When mam and dad told me of his passing last week i was devastated. He was very good to me and very good to my little sister, who he taught in 6th class.

Were you friend or a family relation?
He clearly didn't teach you how to spell :blush:
He was also a member of the Irish Woodwind Orchestra.
He's someone I've known for many years. He was one of these characters who made an impression on people. I would also have socialised with himself and his wife on occasion. I knew he wasn't in a good place for a while but, clearly, didn't see this coming.
iarmhiman
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by iarmhiman »

themaddog wrote:
iarmhiman wrote:
themaddog wrote:
iarmhiman wrote:
themaddog wrote:Someone I know well threw himself under a train recently. It has really knocked the stuffing out of everyone who knew him. Extremely talented, highly respected and a loving family. Sometimes life is just shit.
In Mullingar? I know a man who did that last week. Same person?
Yeah that's him.

Hope things work out for TB and DK. Remember there's a shower of wankers here always prepared to listen.
He was a lovely man and taught me geography in my primary school back in 1994. He eventually went on to be the principle of the school.

He was a very good singer. He sang in the Mullingar cathedral choir and Mullingar choral society. He also played the basoon and saxophone. He was a man of many talents.

When mam and dad told me of his passing last week i was devastated. He was very good to me and very good to my little sister, who he taught in 6th class.

Were you friend or a family relation?
He clearly didn't teach you how to spell :blush:
He was also a member of the Irish Woodwind Orchestra.
He's someone I've known for many years. He was one of these characters who made an impression on people. I would also have socialised with himself and his wife on occasion. I knew he wasn't in a good place for a while but, clearly, didn't see this coming.
4 kids he had was it?
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AND-y
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by AND-y »

iarmhiman wrote:
AND-y wrote:.
Youre a good lad Andy.
no im not
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AND-y
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by AND-y »

Sorry, long old flashback. I'm going home to see my family. Watch the rugby with my dad, so don't worry if anyone is.

I'd just like a bit of land to work and live off. I think I'd like that.
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Kiwias
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Kiwias »

DragonKhan wrote:Been a bit of a manic couple of weeks. I triggered myself by listening to the voicemail recording I left for my boys the night I was sectioned and escorted off the Humber bridge and my behaviour and switch where I want to run away from my entire life when I am over whelmed by my own feelings kicked in. It resulted in my missus (who is generally very anxious and officially diagnosed with PTSD) having a breakdown and me being out with the police trying to find her after I had been a dickhead. So I am giving up booze for a bit as it massively amplifies my dickheadishness

Thankfully she is ok and I am ok now too. We both are getting integrated CBT. Mine to try find ways of dealing with feelings and having an outlet when I want to cut and run from my problems and hers is called EMDR. Basically a form of light therapy to trigger and distract you from Trauma to rewire your brain to not get so overwhelmed by it. So it has been shit but I am also happy that we are both sorting our own issues out
Tough going but good to hear you are both working on it.
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DragonKhan
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by DragonKhan »

Cheers and hope you feel better in yourself And-y. I've always low-key had a bit of a self sabotaging streak that manifests itself and ends up hurting those around me. But I am in a hell of a lot of a better place than I was a year and a half ago. It was tough hearing my own voice in that message though, like reliving all the pain I was feeling at the time. But it is ok now, I am in a lot healthier a relationship than I was back then too. It sounds weird to me and I still struggle to recognise it but apparently I was in an emotionally abusive and on occasion physically abusive relationship. Like full on punched twice in the face in front of all my friends at a house party we had thrown. At the time I called her punches weak and said I barely felt them :lol: and she had to be restrained by people as that incited her more. I had a bit of stockholm syndrome after her
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AND-y
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by AND-y »

DragonKhan wrote: I had a bit of stockholm syndrome after her
Well that's it isn't it? No-one is a cartoon villain and most people are capable of love and remorse and a desire to change. But that's something they have to work on themselves, it's nobodies job to put up with an abusive relationship, it doesn't help anyone in the long run but it is incredibly tough to see that when you love a person. Glad that you can see things more clearly and life is improving for you.
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DragonKhan
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by DragonKhan »

AND-y wrote:
DragonKhan wrote: I had a bit of stockholm syndrome after her
Well that's it isn't it? No-one is a cartoon villain and most people are capable of love and remorse and a desire to change. But that's something they have to work on themselves, it's nobodies job to put up with an abusive relationship, it doesn't help anyone in the long run but it is incredibly tough to see that when you love a person. Glad that you can see things more clearly and life is improving for you.
Yeah it is. It all just takes time, a lot more than I thought but my life is nicely balanced (my little wobble aside)
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kiwinoz
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by kiwinoz »

Had someone talk to us at work on Intl Womans day about wellbeing. A lot of it came down to how you responded to the person who is suffering. They may or may not want to talk and even if they do it may not be about the issue. From the listeners side it was about empathy and not bringing a solution to a problem (let me fix it) or interrogation style. In short it was about the person knowing that you are there to listen and if wanted, to help. Much like this thread.
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AND-y
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by AND-y »

kiwinoz wrote:Had someone talk to us at work on Intl Womans day about wellbeing. A lot of it came down to how you responded to the person who is suffering. They may or may not want to talk and even if they do it may not be about the issue. From the listeners side it was about empathy and not bringing a solution to a problem (let me fix it) or interrogation style. In short it was about the person knowing that you are there to listen and if wanted, to help. Much like this thread.
Yes. It is human nature to want to find a solution to problems particularly when someone is suffering but the fact is the person most likely will be aware of what someone is suggesting and is not in a place to do.anything about it and secondly it can come across as dismissive or simply not "getting it". This is important to understand if you do not want someone to retreat back into their shell.
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Floppykid
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Floppykid »

I'm in a bit of a grit my teeth and bear it/bizarre/horrific time in my life too.

Mother's lung cancer has spread all over really it seems, it was "just" a metastasis on the brain that they resected and treated with radiation, only for it to come back again very quickly and for her to get it treated with a fairly severe localised radiation.
She's still there as a person but out of focus, her body is breaking down from everything and I'm spending most of my day carrying her around the house, trying not to break down myself. I'm pretty much working 12-14 hour a day between taking care of her and remote work. There are times I get so frustrated I almost want to scream in her face (I never let my frustration boil over) because of how she cant respond or move right or needs almost everything done for her. I cant focus on anything, I'm always exhausted, I have no motivation and I'm gaining huge amounts of weight.

Then I remember what unimaginable terror she's facing, who she is and the pain she's experiencing and I feel shame and guilt and dread.

It's also in her spine now too, which makes the pain unbearable and it's only getting worse.

She still holds on to her dignity in any way she can, has moments/behaviors of denial of what's going to happen which makes it so much harder.

She still likes to buy nice things for herself whenever she can and when she still takes the time to put them on and look her best, she spends her time looking through her new purchases for the things shes going to wear. It's so sad I struggle not to break down as it's happening.

My partner needs me to return to Canada and I need to to keep my job. I was going to go and come back at semi regular intervals, regardless of the cost. I cant break her heart by leaving until she's bound for the deathbed, I've been with her in the ambulance during pulmonary oedema, I've heard the rattle and I don't want that to be the next thing I see of her. Part of me even felt slight relief that I may miss the next horrible acute medical event, as shameful as I feel saying that.

f**king Coronavirus has shat all over that and now I feel completely paralysed and trapped. She gets that and it's over far sooner and I'd feel responsible potentially bringing it back. But I also risk so much staying here.

It's also why I find some people's comments about the coronavirus being "whatever, it'll only kill the weak/old" online (and here it seems) horrifyingly callous, I hope it's ignorance.
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AND-y
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by AND-y »

Shit man. That's a ridiculous amount of stress you must be under along with all the other emotions that are going to go along with it. Vent away on here and feel free to troll the shit out of me elsewhere if you ever need an outlet!

You're clearly a strong guy and I've nothing but respect for what you're doing. Hopefully you're managing to find time here and there to get support for you in whatever way as well.
Nolanator
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Nolanator »

That's awful, Floppy. Stay strong, you're doing Trojan work. Can't imagine what is like.
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YOYO
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by YOYO »

That is an extremely tough situation Floppy. Being a career is very tough so they say. Your poor mother too. Both of you in a very tough situation. Best to lean on other family if you are able too. You need support too.
Good luck.
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Kiwias
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Kiwias »

Floppy

I hope you have got good specialist care for your mother, as there is a limit to what you can do. I'm sure you know that in those lucid moments, your mother knows how much you love her. Please find some moments to vent, no-one here will judge you for it.
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Floppykid »

It always makes me laugh when people preface their heart felt solidarity with "Floppy". :lol:

I really picked a stupid username.

Thank you everyone, this thread has been there for me and helped in the past.
Reading other stories helps.
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EverReady
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by EverReady »

Hard lines Floppy. You got much going on outside all that to keep you measured?
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YOYO
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by YOYO »

Floppy, I concur with trolling the fuçk out of AND-y.
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camroc1
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by camroc1 »

Keep the faith, Floppy.

When all else goes to dust, you only have one mother.
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Floppykid
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Floppykid »

EverReady wrote:Hard lines Floppy. You got much going on outside all that to keep you measured?
Uhhh. This? ......twitter.
Started reading Nat Geo.
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Floppykid
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Floppykid »

We've all faced things like this and different.

At least I'll probably get to enjoy seeing all the music festivals this year be cancelled and enjoy he SU shinners losing their minds.
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EverReady
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by EverReady »

Floppykid wrote:
EverReady wrote:Hard lines Floppy. You got much going on outside all that to keep you measured?
Uhhh. This? ......twitter.
Started reading Nat Geo.
Nat Geo is class. Try and be with people. I have a nerve recommending this as I am a terrible man for not making an effort
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booji boy
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by booji boy »

Thoughts are with you Floppykid. That sounds like a really tough situation and I tip my hat to you for the support you are providing your mother. How old is she, if you don't mind me asking?
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assfly
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by assfly »

Thanks for sharing Floppykid. I can't imagine going through something like that, but I guess you must just tap into some inner strength when it happens to you. Enjoy your time with her, it sounds like you're doing an incredible job.
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by DragsterDriver »

It makes you appreciate how strong women are floppykid, most of us get to palm that stuff off on the women in the family. With this coronavirus you may get a travel ban anyway?
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happyhooker
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by happyhooker »

Jesus floppy (happy's not too much better fwiw), that's one hell of a lot on your plate.

I went through my dad's battle with pancreatic cancer for 5 months last year. There's really not muchi can say on a practical front, it's mostly about stuff you can do for yourself.

As you said, maintaining dignity is very important for them. It's bloody difficult not to over tend to them, but maintaining doing small tasks is very important to them for as long as possible.

You really must make sure that you manage to have some time to look after yourself. Its very easy to completely absorb yourself in this, but stepping back every now and then, even for a brief time, is very important.

Best of luck with all
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Nolanator »

Have you other immediate family, Floppy?
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Floppykid
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Floppykid »

Thank you everyone, welled up a few times reading your messages.
Nolanator wrote:Have you other immediate family, Floppy?
I do, two sisters and my dad.
My mom has gotten quite heavy with fluid retention and a distended stomach from the painkillers, so I am the main person to do lifting really. My dad is getting very old and very small with everything.
booji boy wrote:Thoughts are with you Floppykid. That sounds like a really tough situation and I tip my hat to you for the support you are providing your mother. How old is she, if you don't mind me asking?
63 tomorrow.
As a general note,
Smoking, it will get you and I advise everyone to quit now, don't care if I'm being a nag.
Being sanguine about it while you're younger is easy, quitting is easy to put out of mind.
I promise when the consequences roll around you'll quit if you even have a slight chance and you'll regret every cigarette.
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Nolanator »

:thumbup: Hopefully you can all share the emotional load as best you can.

Fair enough if you're stuck with the heavy lifting. Do you get any kind of home help? Are your folks entitled to it or willing to pay (or willing to have a stranger in the house)?
Having someone to do basic chores and housekeeping can be very helpful in lessening the practical burden. You've all enough going on as it is.
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YOYO
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by YOYO »

You should see if the family can get a mobility hoist. Like this particle type.
https://www.mobilitydirect.ie/hospital- ... ental.html

It comes with an easy to use sling that you wrap around the individual. It can be used for getting in and out of bed, toileting, moving from chairs etc.

The HSE might provide You with one due to your mothers situation. Your family should check that out.
Also see if you can get an electric wheelchair for your mother if she’s immobile.

This type of equipment helps everyone involved.
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Sandstorm »

HardKid, you really need to do a bit of exercise. Jog around the block for 1/2 hour each day. Great for the mind and the weight should drop off you again. Good luck :thumbup:
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by bimboman »

Floppy kid, you’re much stronger than most.

Best wishes.
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Winnie
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by Winnie »

That was a hard read Floppy
Wishing you all the very best
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Re: PR Depression, Anxiety and Suicidal

Post by de_Selby »

I can't imagine what you're going through Floppy, I have nothing constructive to add, all I can say is stay strong and keep up the good fight taking down shinners!

The advice of making sure to take some time for yourself if at all possible is good, it's a safe bet that your mother would be the first to agree with it.
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