Planet Rugby Forum

booji boy wrote:Best wishes Kiwias.

Thanks, booj

Sounds like a crazy, Kiwias.

Reckon your son is better off scooping up the kids and getting TF out of there.

naki wrote:

Floppykid wrote:My Mom passed the early hours of Sunday morning.
Her death was peaceful and in her sleep, thanks to the wonderful hospice staff, but nothing prepares you to see someone you love get so small and so faint before just stopping.

I'm in a bit of a daze getting away from the wake for a bit.

Really sad news, mate. Condolences to you and your family.

Sorry for your loss, Floppykid.

jdogscoop wrote:Sounds like a crazy, Kiwias.

Reckon your son is better off scooping up the kids and getting TF out of there.

Yes. Either her parents or my ex have spare rooms and live close by, so the kids could attend school and kindy from either.

Idle hands are the devil's playground and all that so have been doing a bit of Ubering on the side. Highly recommend it due to the flexibility of going online and off when you feel like it and at least in Newy (Newcastle, NSW) have found the bulk of people great to deal with and it seems people like me with a 5 star rating after around 100 jobs and even get tipped with alcohol.

Kiwias wrote:Please forgive me but I just need to vent a bit.

I had a call from my son and it seems that my dil is in a very bad place.

Background: when she gave birth to the twins (now 3 and a half years old), they discovered a tumour at the base of her spine (they said it was ependymoma) that could cause major problems. They removed 50% by surgery about three years ago but could not take 100% because of the risk of injury to the spine. The remaining bit is not growing or expanding at all, but the continued pressure is restricting her movement and making her very easy to tire. Not to mention the anxiety of carrying this time bomb.

It had been causing mood swings for a while but the lockdown seems to have aggravated it to the stage that -- in my son's words "the aggression, the abuse, and the utter lack of gratitude is driving him crazy."

She will be loving and caring with the grandkids and the neck minit be screaming "get away from me, get out, find another family who wants you cause I don't" and the sort. The kids are suffering. If my son or her parents, who live close, attempt to moderate, she turns the anger on them. It is so bad now that several of her closest friends have discussed it with my son.

She is aware of what she does when the mood hits but serial fatigue and frustration just overwhelm her and she can't control the rage. She has bi-annual MRI checkups on the tumour and this now includes a brain scan that shows no abnormalities.

I think we are all considering an intervention with her therapist and psychiatrist, with a view that she may be bipolar. I'm so f**king far away and feel utterly helpless. When I asked my lad if there was anything I could do, he said, "just be available in case I need to chat and vent." The first thought I has was "Thank god I'm sober now".

You know, it does help to vent.

There are some parallels to what happened with my Mom here. I'll try find time to write more on how I handled it and how it might relate to your dil's and her family.
It is indeed so good you are sober for things like this.

Floppykid wrote:My Mom passed the early hours of Sunday morning.
Her death was peaceful and in her sleep, thanks to the wonderful hospice staff, but nothing prepares you to see someone you love get so small and so faint before just stopping.

I'm in a bit of a daze getting away from the wake for a bit.

Sorry to hear that Floppy. Condolences.

Floppykid wrote:My Mom passed the early hours of Sunday morning.
Her death was peaceful and in her sleep, thanks to the wonderful hospice staff, but nothing prepares you to see someone you love get so small and so faint before just stopping.

I'm in a bit of a daze getting away from the wake for a bit.

Sorry for your loss, floppy.

Kiwias wrote:Please forgive me but I just need to vent a bit.

I had a call from my son and it seems that my dil is in a very bad place.

Background: when she gave birth to the twins (now 3 and a half years old), they discovered a tumour at the base of her spine (they said it was ependymoma) that could cause major problems. They removed 50% by surgery about three years ago but could not take 100% because of the risk of injury to the spine. The remaining bit is not growing or expanding at all, but the continued pressure is restricting her movement and making her very easy to tire. Not to mention the anxiety of carrying this time bomb.

It had been causing mood swings for a while but the lockdown seems to have aggravated it to the stage that -- in my son's words "the aggression, the abuse, and the utter lack of gratitude is driving him crazy."

She will be loving and caring with the grandkids and the neck minit be screaming "get away from me, get out, find another family who wants you cause I don't" and the sort. The kids are suffering. If my son or her parents, who live close, attempt to moderate, she turns the anger on them. It is so bad now that several of her closest friends have discussed it with my son.

She is aware of what she does when the mood hits but serial fatigue and frustration just overwhelm her and she can't control the rage. She has bi-annual MRI checkups on the tumour and this now includes a brain scan that shows no abnormalities.

I think we are all considering an intervention with her therapist and psychiatrist, with a view that she may be bipolar. I'm so f**king far away and feel utterly helpless. When I asked my lad if there was anything I could do, he said, "just be available in case I need to chat and vent." The first thought I has was "Thank god I'm sober now".

You know, it does help to vent.

Mate. I’m speechless.

All the best Floppy. I’ve got no good words for you either. I’m just sorry you had to go through this.

Floppykid wrote:

Kiwias wrote:Please forgive me but I just need to vent a bit.

I had a call from my son and it seems that my dil is in a very bad place.

Background: when she gave birth to the twins (now 3 and a half years old), they discovered a tumour at the base of her spine (they said it was ependymoma) that could cause major problems. They removed 50% by surgery about three years ago but could not take 100% because of the risk of injury to the spine. The remaining bit is not growing or expanding at all, but the continued pressure is restricting her movement and making her very easy to tire. Not to mention the anxiety of carrying this time bomb.

It had been causing mood swings for a while but the lockdown seems to have aggravated it to the stage that -- in my son's words "the aggression, the abuse, and the utter lack of gratitude is driving him crazy."

She will be loving and caring with the grandkids and the neck minit be screaming "get away from me, get out, find another family who wants you cause I don't" and the sort. The kids are suffering. If my son or her parents, who live close, attempt to moderate, she turns the anger on them. It is so bad now that several of her closest friends have discussed it with my son.

She is aware of what she does when the mood hits but serial fatigue and frustration just overwhelm her and she can't control the rage. She has bi-annual MRI checkups on the tumour and this now includes a brain scan that shows no abnormalities.

I think we are all considering an intervention with her therapist and psychiatrist, with a view that she may be bipolar. I'm so f**king far away and feel utterly helpless. When I asked my lad if there was anything I could do, he said, "just be available in case I need to chat and vent." The first thought I has was "Thank god I'm sober now".

You know, it does help to vent.

There are some parallels to what happened with my Mom here. I'll try find time to write more on how I handled it and how it might relate to your dil's and her family.
It is indeed so good you are sober for things like this.

Thanks, Floppy, and condolences on your loss.

My uncle has an enormous alcohol problem and his life has gone totally off the rails. Has essentially lost his job for drinking at work, caught drink driving recently, money problems, his family at the end of their tether, latest stunt was going out and getting shit faced, stealing a bike, going over the handlebars breaking his arm, and then sleeping rough until he had sense enough to get medical attention.

Can you do anything with people in this state?



And floppy - sorry to hear. Hope you're holding up alright.

Bloody hell, I`ve been doing pretty well lately. Now seeing that Piers Morgan interviewing Vinnie Jones has really crushed me with what the future holds, seeing him breaking down and crying describing his wife`s passing has put me in floods of tears again.

Sorry to hear that Floppy. My mother died after a fairly quick illness about two months back, kinda went on autopilot as I had a kid about two weeks after but fudge me did it catch up with me the last few days. Anyone have any experience with grief counselling and thoughts on it? Need to try manage this in a way that I'm not just burying it and have it cause me to blow in a few months/years.

He Man Rugger Pints wrote: ↑Tue Nov 10, 2020 4:47 pm Sorry to hear that Floppy. My mother died after a fairly quick illness about two months back, kinda went on autopilot as I had a kid about two weeks after but fudge me did it catch up with me the last few days. Anyone have any experience with grief counselling and thoughts on it? Need to try manage this in a way that I'm not just burying it and have it cause me to blow in a few months/years.

Sorry to hear it. Not direct experience and can't give detail on it but my Mrs took advantage of an employee welfare support scheme at work a few years back to deal with some very unresolved grief over the sudden passing of her twin brother nearly 20 years ago. Found it hugely helpful.

She had mulled over making the phone call for - literally - years; but is very glad she did. We both are. Go for it.

Kiwias wrote: ↑Mon Aug 10, 2020 11:53 pm

Floppykid wrote:

Kiwias wrote:Please forgive me but I just need to vent a bit.

I had a call from my son and it seems that my dil is in a very bad place.

Background: when she gave birth to the twins (now 3 and a half years old), they discovered a tumour at the base of her spine (they said it was ependymoma) that could cause major problems. They removed 50% by surgery about three years ago but could not take 100% because of the risk of injury to the spine. The remaining bit is not growing or expanding at all, but the continued pressure is restricting her movement and making her very easy to tire. Not to mention the anxiety of carrying this time bomb.

It had been causing mood swings for a while but the lockdown seems to have aggravated it to the stage that -- in my son's words "the aggression, the abuse, and the utter lack of gratitude is driving him crazy."

She will be loving and caring with the grandkids and the neck minit be screaming "get away from me, get out, find another family who wants you cause I don't" and the sort. The kids are suffering. If my son or her parents, who live close, attempt to moderate, she turns the anger on them. It is so bad now that several of her closest friends have discussed it with my son.

She is aware of what she does when the mood hits but serial fatigue and frustration just overwhelm her and she can't control the rage. She has bi-annual MRI checkups on the tumour and this now includes a brain scan that shows no abnormalities.

I think we are all considering an intervention with her therapist and psychiatrist, with a view that she may be bipolar. I'm so f**king far away and feel utterly helpless. When I asked my lad if there was anything I could do, he said, "just be available in case I need to chat and vent." The first thought I has was "Thank god I'm sober now".

You know, it does help to vent.

There are some parallels to what happened with my Mom here. I'll try find time to write more on how I handled it and how it might relate to your dil's and her family.
It is indeed so good you are sober for things like this.

Thanks, Floppy, and condolences on your loss.

My Mom, for different reasons in a lot of respects, had similar reactions to us and the world during her illness. It's really important she gets some form of therapy, because while her close family will weather most storms intervention for the mind is just as vital as anything else.

As someone who was away for a good deal of it myself, all you can really do is make yourself as available as humanly possible for your family. Accept the circumstances really do limit what it is you can do (particularly in this awful pandemic world we live in).
Your son recognises that I'm sure.

I'm sorry if this is incredibly glib, especially after such a long time, I've just struggled to really conceptualize things. I can see the parallels of helplessness and I try to come up with something except endure and reach out to professional help, but I really can't come up with anything insightful beyond that.

He Man Rugger Pints wrote: ↑Tue Nov 10, 2020 4:47 pm Sorry to hear that Floppy. My mother died after a fairly quick illness about two months back, kinda went on autopilot as I had a kid about two weeks after but fudge me did it catch up with me the last few days. Anyone have any experience with grief counselling and thoughts on it? Need to try manage this in a way that I'm not just burying it and have it cause me to blow in a few months/years.

Yup, the autopilot and disassociation. The brain and mind has a weird and effective way of protecting itself during times of trauma. Just getting you through.

It's still catching up with me regularly, nigh on constantly really. A real sorrow that if I delve into the horror of what happened I get just as bad as I ever was about it. I am seeing a grief counsellor myself and it's important I do. I need a space to express the sorrow and learn methods to control what is probably PTSD of some sort tbh. For a long time all I've had is cancer memories really and I have to try and reconnect with my mother in some way again. If I just constantly turn away from everything and suppress everything I don't think that will happen in a safe way.

Very late here but very sorry for your loss Floppy and also HMRP.

Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

Parenthood really is an absolute kick in the face when it arrives. Colic is absolute hell. Neither of my two had it but my MiL still shudders when she talks about my BiL having it for the first few months.
As she always said "you can do anything if you just have a bit of sleep".
The fog of parenthood is just so tough. You literally crave sleep. This year has been tough for so many people and that could also be playing its part I'm making you feel worse.

"Grow a spine?" - not at all.

Do you have access to an EAP through your employer? Worth using if you do.
Stick in there though. The colic will pass.

Leinsterman wrote: ↑Tue Dec 22, 2020 9:37 pm Parenthood really is an absolute kick in the face when it arrives. Colic is absolute hell. Neither of my two had it but my MiL still shudders when she talks about my BiL having it for the first few months.
As she always said "you can do anything if you just have a bit of sleep".
The fog of parenthood is just so tough. You literally crave sleep. This year has been tough for so many people and that could also be playing its part I'm making you feel worse.

"Grow a spine?" - not at all.

Do you have access to an EAP through your employer? Worth using if you do.
Stick in there though. The colic will pass.

Thanks for the reply. I have an EAP in work and never even thought of it until you mentioned it. Will definitely use it, thanks for suggesting it.

I'd echo Leinsterman, Fogs.

Sleep is utterly essential - perhaps your wife and you can give each other time outs for naps, but sleep is simply a physiological necessity and its absence is a stonewall mood-shifter.

Try and give yourselves personal time, too. Don't use it to go to the pub but make sure you go for a long walk or a cycle once or twice a week.

Colic is a bitch - but hang in there, try not to stress, and remember that it gets much, much easier.

And get some sleep

Munster-fogs wrote: ↑Tue Dec 22, 2020 9:22 pm Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

That's bloody tough, especially in the mad situation we're in now, no real advice, just know, it will pass and they will bring you a lot more joy than pain, until they start stealing your beer and decide they like your aftershave so much they wear it and you can never wear it again.

100% on the EAP. I had half of a long post written, but it was mostly a load of useless patronising bollocks. Been there. Its a shit t-shirt.

It will pass. Grab your sleep when you can. Don't cut your mickey off.

Can you take one night off and go sleep at a friend/hotel? Then your wife does the same the next night. 1 night of good sleep for each of you will do wonders.

Very sorry to hear that Fogs. First time father myself as of end of October and while she suffers from wind, she's not colicy thankfully. Saying that, I get where ER is coming from with the irrationality thing - at times I have to have a quiet word with myself to stop over reacting to her crying and screams.

It's tough now but you're almost to the light at the end of the tunnel- at 4 months you're through the worst of it or so my friends tell me.

danthefan wrote: ↑Fri Aug 14, 2020 10:39 pm My uncle has an enormous alcohol problem and his life has gone totally off the rails. Has essentially lost his job for drinking at work, caught drink driving recently, money problems, his family at the end of their tether, latest stunt was going out and getting shit faced, stealing a bike, going over the handlebars breaking his arm, and then sleeping rough until he had sense enough to get medical attention.

Can you do anything with people in this state?



And floppy - sorry to hear. Hope you're holding up alright.

danthefan

I apologise for missing this post. How does he respond when a family member or relative points out what is happening? Has anyone actually done that?

Munster-fogs wrote: ↑Tue Dec 22, 2020 9:22 pm Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

My first born had that, f**king nightmare man. No way anyone who has had a kid with it will tell you to grow a spine. Good news for you is that you're near the end of it as they tend to outgrow it around that age.

I have a 13 year old, a 9 year old, and a pregnant wife due to too much wine so I really hope it's not a colic baby because at 41 I am getting too old for that shit.

Thanks for all the comments lads. Really appreciated.

Munster-fogs wrote: ↑Wed Dec 23, 2020 10:04 am Thanks for all the comments lads. Really appreciated.

Swaddling the baby was a huge help for us, even if it did mean taking turns to get up at 3am to iron the swaddllngs, so they were quite warm going on. Feed after naps. Plenty, plenty, plenty of fresh air - for baby and yourselves. Kids are different though, need to suss. We used to keep a diary of it all, so we could in a snatched quieter moment, read though and see if we could spot trends.

Keep the head up. Enough out there have either been through it or know someone close who has, and they WILL get it. Let work know; even if there isn't an EAP...

Munster-fogs wrote: ↑Tue Dec 22, 2020 9:22 pm Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

Sorry to hear that chief. We had our 2nd back in early lockdown. It is a very shit time for it as there's little prospect of a night off. The walls get very close. Try and leave the house as much as possible. You, your partner and the baby. Just walk around a bit. It helps a lot to get outside and it is one of the rare occasions you'll have to chat to her about something that isn't baby related.
Maybe try taking turns at nights too. Like night on, night off. We've just started doing that with ours and it has helped.

Munster-fogs wrote: ↑Tue Dec 22, 2020 9:22 pm Never posted on this thread before but I've been struggling a bit lately and don't know where or who else to talk to.

I became a father at the beginning of September and the first few weeks were intensely stressful. Nothing can prepare you. I have never before felt the overwhelming sense of constant anxiety for those initial few weeks in particular. Things have improved a bit, but unfortunately he's had a bad dose of colic and things have never really stabilized. I went through a period of acceptance and just got on with it, but lately things have just taken it's toll and I'm increasingly becoming deflated with it all and almost dread leaving work in the evening to go home to a a screaming 4 month old. I guess I thought by 4 months things would have eased up a bit.

The night's are hell. The lack of sleep is crippling. I know I should take the boards general advice and grow a spine, but i'm just struggling to at the moment. Has anyone else experienced something similar, and how or what did you do to cope?

Thank you for being human. Good luck man, you're stronger than you know,

I think the problem is if people told you how shit parenting can be at times, the stress on your relationship etc- humans wouldn’t reproduce. It’s no accident women are programmed to forget the horror of childbirth and repeat it

My son wasn’t a sleeper, I used to drive him around which made him sleep a bit, and oddly infront of the tumble dryer. I kind of remember the small baby era as a blur of ‘just hanging in there’.

DragsterDriver wrote: ↑Thu Dec 24, 2020 9:15 am I think the problem is if people told you how shit parenting can be at times, the stress on your relationship etc- humans wouldn’t reproduce. It’s no accident women are programmed to forget the horror of childbirth and repeat it

My son wasn’t a sleeper, I used to drive him around which made him sleep a bit, and oddly infront of the tumble dryer. I kind of remember the small baby era as a blur of ‘just hanging in there’.

It's funny how other women talked about childbirth to my wife before she had our son vs afterwards. It's like there's an agreement between all women never to mention how difficult the process is to another woman who's never given birth.

On the point of lack of sleep though, it was 6 months before our son slept well, and my wife in particular was really struggling with the lack of sleep. Her opinion was that the 3 months after giving birth was by far the worst part of the whole experience. Sleep deprivation just builds up and up and really fucks with your head.

From our experience though, soon after the 6 month point he did start to sleep through the night and things got much better, so I think you are probably almost through the most difficult part

de_Selby wrote: ↑Thu Dec 24, 2020 9:48 am

DragsterDriver wrote: ↑Thu Dec 24, 2020 9:15 am I think the problem is if people told you how shit parenting can be at times, the stress on your relationship etc- humans wouldn’t reproduce. It’s no accident women are programmed to forget the horror of childbirth and repeat it

My son wasn’t a sleeper, I used to drive him around which made him sleep a bit, and oddly infront of the tumble dryer. I kind of remember the small baby era as a blur of ‘just hanging in there’.

It's funny how other women talked about childbirth to my wife before she had our son vs afterwards. It's like there's an agreement between all women never to mention how difficult the process is to another woman who's never given birth.

On the point of lack of sleep though, it was 6 months before our son slept well, and my wife in particular was really struggling with the lack of sleep. Her opinion was that the 3 months after giving birth was by far the worst part of the whole experience. Sleep deprivation just builds up and up and really fucks with your head.

From our experience though, soon after the 6 month point he did start to sleep through the night and things got much better, so I think you are probably almost through the most difficult part

Yeah, the “witches coven”!

And yep- hang in there, it will get better.

Yalright people?

My second son woke at least a dozen times a night, every night without fail, till he was two years old. Then suddenly, one day, he slept through the night and we woke in absolute panic thinking that he must have died during the night .

So I think I may have posted on this thread before but sometime ago. I'm not sure if this is going to help or take me further down the rabbit hole but here goes
I've suffered from depression for quite a while now but for the most part have had a handle on it with the help of medication.
Two years ago my father was diagnosed with colon cancer and was operated on, my wife and I were out in Zim within 4 days to help look after him and my mum who suffers really badly from Alzheimer's, anyway they got all the cancer and he was told he was in remission
Fast forward to early December and he collapsed at a breakfast they go to every week, he went to the Doc who said it could be a number of things including that the cancer could be back. My brother went up (they live 3.5 hrs away) and collected them and took them home.
In the mean time I started, the impossible task of trying to get back over there, firstly I had to book a room in isolation for when I returned and the soonest available room was in March, but after sitting on the website for ages I managed to find a room in early Feb, which I booked, then got hold of the travel agents and asked them to get me over there straight away but they had to get my return date for the 10th of Feb, they phoned me back 3.5hrs later to inform me it was impossible to get me back from that part of the world on that date.
So I kept going on the MIQ website, found another 6 rooms that suited but every time I tried to book it would get halfway through the process and then get dumped of the site, such is the pressure for rooms.
My next step was to apply for emergency allocation on compassionate grounds, being a NZ citizen etc.
They replied and said that because I had applied outside of 7 days of my intended return to NZ, they couldn't grant it, so that avenue was shut down, because I couldn't just book tickets, go over there and hope like hell that 7 days before I was due to come back they would be able to find me a room on the day I needed it.
So I figured that once he's been before the specialist and we had a better idea of hw bad he was etc I could make some longer term plans, anyway on Christmas eve I was at the golf club having a beer after golf when I got a message from my brother that he's had another turn and that they'd called an ambulance, I left the club and by the time I got home 5mins away, my phone went and he had gone, it was that sudden, for which I am grateful.
A day or so later my mother tripped over one of my brothers dogs and broke her hip, so she is now in hospital having had a hip operation, very confused, I don't think she's even aware that Dad died, when my sister(stuck in England) was speaking to her, she kept telling my Dad to go and get everyone a drink It really is an awful disease.
As if all this wasn't enough, we had a Zoom funeral/service for my Dad the other day, Zim was in lockdown so only 30 people were allowed to physically be there, we had 50 odd from around the world from over 10 different countries, sadly Zimbabwe's internet is ok but not great and it was pretty tough to hear everything. I had had to record a eulogy earlier, which was one of the toughest things I've had to do. Anyway it turns out that the person we'd organized, to conduct the service, an ex neighbour, from the farming days, had COVID, unknowingly of course, so now everyone who was there has had to go into isolation and get tested etc. You couldn't make this shit up!!
This means my brother now can't go to the hospital and see my mum (who thinks he's my dad anyway) and we're having to get a friend to go and look after her.
The worst part of all of this, well apart from my dad dying, is that I'm stuck and can't do anything about it. Lots of people don't get to say goodbye to their loved ones because because of the suddenness of their deaths, I knew and still couldn't So fuck you COVID and thank you guys for listening. Rant over

ER's spot on, Jam.

24hrs away from getting back when my call came through. Know he'd have said get on with your life but never quite forgave myself. I should and will one day.

Being there for family and them for you's a huge part of it, whatever way you can. So much is out of our hands right now and don't forget to be kind to yourself as well. RIP.

That's a shit story. The loneliness of not being able to be there would be an absolute kick in the nuts. Rant away as it's well deserved and RIP to your oul fella and best of luck with your mum

Thanks

ER's spot on, Jam.

24hrs away from getting back when my call came through. Know he'd have said get on with your life but never quite forgave myself. I should and will one day.

Being there for family and them for you's a huge part of it, whatever way you can. So much is out of our hands right now and don't forget to be kind to yourself as well. RIP.

Cheers, I'm very lucky that my brother is still over there, although I do feel really bad for not being there for him, I know my sister feels the same way