Remarkable underacheivements

All things Rugby
User avatar
Benthos
Posts: 1047
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Benthos »

I was just about to post the following on JJR's thread, but realised that being spectacularly and consistently fucking useless isn't really an achievement...

Anyway, I would 'kick' this thread off, but instead, in its true spirit, this is my rubbish miss-kick which sprained my ankle, making the whole PE class laugh at me. Again:
- I was stripped of my Sixer's rank as a Cub Scout
- Got kicked out of proper Scouts
- I was stripped of my Prefect's badge at upper school (no idea why I had one in the first place as I'd already been suspended twice)
- I was twice demoted as an Air Cadet
- Got kicked out of my first university

And if we're including sporting spasticity, I was bottom of my year for athletics points (what was that all about anyway??) for every year of upper school. I was sooooooo bad I could actually step over a higher bar than I could officially high jump over.

Come on you fellow useless carnts - confess!

Can't wait to see globus' contribution to this one....
User avatar
CrazyIslander
Posts: 19828
Joined: Sun Sep 16, 2012 5:34 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by CrazyIslander »

I was suspended from high school once for being drunk. Only a couple of beers night before but was still dizzy the next day and smell in my breathe.
User avatar
Benthos
Posts: 1047
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Benthos »

...to which list it looks like I can add 'this thread'.

I'm going for a beer.
User avatar
globus
Posts: 52689
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Oundle

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by globus »

<Sniff>

I built my brother a kart. A cracker. Unfortunately I did not pay attention to the braking side of things.

He hit a tree and lost both front teeth, and fractured his shoulder.

Mother was not amused.
eugenefraxby
Posts: 2488
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2015 3:03 pm

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by eugenefraxby »

My history Master had a good stab on my report comments circa 1982
'David sets himself his own remarkably low standards, then fails to achieve them'.

Appraisal opening line from my ex boss circa 2002
'You know, this is difficult, because I think of you as a son.
A son I never wanted'.
User avatar
Yourmother
Posts: 12257
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Yourmother »

eugenefraxby wrote:My history Master had a good stab on my report comments circa 1982
'David sets himself his own remarkably low standards, then fails to achieve them'.

Appraisal opening line from my ex boss circa 2002
'You know, this is difficult, because I think of you as a son.
A son I never wanted'.
:lol: :lol:
eugenefraxby
Posts: 2488
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2015 3:03 pm

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by eugenefraxby »

Benthos wrote:I was just about to post the following on JJR's thread, but realised that being spectacularly and consistently fucking useless isn't really an achievement...

Anyway, I would 'kick' this thread off, but instead, in its true spirit, this is my rubbish miss-kick which sprained my ankle, making the whole PE class laugh at me. Again:
- I was stripped of my Sixer's rank as a Cub Scout
- Got kicked out of proper Scouts
- I was stripped of my Prefect's badge at upper school (no idea why I had one in the first place as I'd already been suspended twice)
- I was twice demoted as an Air Cadet
- Got kicked out of my first university

And if we're including sporting spasticity, I was bottom of my year for athletics points (what was that all about anyway??) for every year of upper school. I was sooooooo bad I could actually step over a higher bar than I could officially high jump over.

Come on you fellow useless carnts - confess!

Can't wait to see globus' contribution to this one....
One learns feck all from success Benthos. Hence your subsequent success in the muffing/vomiting ampitheatres of life 8)

Incidentally you can add the not ever learning "I before E except after C" to that list ๐Ÿ˜›
User avatar
tabascoboy
Posts: 10801
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: ๆ›‡ใ‚Šใฎ่ก—

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by tabascoboy »

IIRC I got an E grade CSE for Technical Drawing, since the standard for even an A was low to begin with I think it signifies only that you know how to hold a pencil with the point to paper and can make some kind of mark with it.
C69
Posts: 39697
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:44 pm
Location: For Wales the Welsh and aproppriate pronouns

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by C69 »

tabascoboy wrote:IIRC I got an E grade CSE for Technical Drawing, since the standard for even an A was low to begin with I think it signifies only that you know how to hold a pencil with the point to paper and can make some kind of mark with it.
The only exam I ever failed in school was technical drawing iirc correctly I got about 13.
I remember handing in a crumpled smudged piece of paper, I was so bad that it looked like a 5 year old had drawn it free hand.
I sat there in the exam after 5 minutes not having a fecking clue what I was doing and stared out of the window for the reaming 2 hours after my abortion of an attempt.
I had absolutely no artistic ability whatsoever then and even less now.
Which is great when the missus attempts to ask me about colour schemes etc and how I think things will look when we decorate.
She still has to ask me even though she knows I have no creativity in respects of colours etc :lol:
Flyin Ryan
Posts: 10368
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Indiana

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Flyin Ryan »

Missed a turn at the state meet in cross country my senior year, ran an extra couple hundred yards and had to stop when I came up on a crowd getting me completely out of my rhythm. Took 129th out of 129 at a time of 21:59 for a 5k when I was on-track for under 20 minutes. Almost caught 128th but it was right before the final sprint.
Last edited by Flyin Ryan on Thu Nov 03, 2016 9:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
A5D5E5
Posts: 11258
Joined: Tue Jul 30, 2013 8:57 pm

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by A5D5E5 »

My one and only time on a skateboard: top of a hill in a park, start rolling. Start rolling faster. Start rolling very fucking fast indeed. Corner approaches and I have no idea how what to do. So I just keep going straight on into a patch of nettles, thorns and other vicious plants.

My legs, back, front, neck, face, hands, arms and were scratched and stung so much I was basically red all over.
User avatar
badmannotinjapan
Posts: 5795
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by badmannotinjapan »

Just went through TSA and passport control. The officer told me off for not reading the huge lit up sign WAIT. I'm dumber than a Yank.
Jay Cee Gee
Posts: 18290
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Jay Cee Gee »

When I was in form 1 & 2 (ie aged about 11 or 12) we'd do 'manual' classes for an hour once a week. Either Woodwork, Sewing or Cooking depending on which term it was.

I was fine with woodwork & cooking but was the shittest seamstress in existence. I couldn't even thread the bobbin on the sewing machine. In the first couple of weeks we were supposed to make a 'hussif' which was a super basic sewing kit. It was literally just a couple of pieces of rectangular material sewn together with some fluffy cotton in between for sticking pins into and a couple of pockets sewn on.

It took me an entire term to complete the hussif while other pupils were making rip wallets & bum bags etc.
User avatar
JJR
Posts: 1229
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2016 8:49 am
Location: ๐Ÿ‰๐Ÿ‰๐Ÿ‰

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by JJR »

Jay Cee Gee wrote:When I was in form 1 & 2 (ie aged about 11 or 12) we'd do 'manual' classes for an hour once a week. Either Woodwork, Sewing or Cooking depending on which term it was.

I was fine with woodwork & cooking but was the shittest seamstress in existence. I couldn't even thread the bobbin on the sewing machine. In the first couple of weeks we were supposed to make a 'hussif' which was a super basic sewing kit. It was literally just a couple of pieces of rectangular material sewn together with some fluffy cotton in between for sticking pins into and a couple of pockets sewn on.

It took me an entire term to complete the hussif while other pupils were making rip wallets & bum bags etc.


Was similarly shite in the same class at the same age but I actually managed to sow the patch to the back of my hand. :((
User avatar
jambanja
Posts: 4870
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: The other side of midnight

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by jambanja »

Got a U in O level French, actually the whole class bar one person got U's, so perhaps this should be about the teachers remarkable underacheivements
argus
Posts: 5689
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Florida

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by argus »

I got 9% in my statistics I exam in my first year.

As the exam was multiple choice with a,b,c,d options , and I guessed them all, statistically I should have got more than 9%.
User avatar
Red Chopper
Posts: 2387
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 8:47 pm

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Red Chopper »

A5D5E5 wrote:My one and only time on a skateboard: top of a hill in a park, start rolling. Start rolling faster. Start rolling very fucking fast indeed. Corner approaches and I have no idea how what to do. So I just keep going straight on into a patch of nettles, thorns and other vicious plants.

My legs, back, front, neck, face, hands, arms and were scratched and stung so much I was basically red all over.
:lol: I had exactly the same experience aged 10, on my first 'adult' bike - went down a hill, only to realise that the brakes didn't work. Gained speed at a phenomenal rate, shot past my mates, only able to stop by hitting the hedge on a corner - which, in summer, was obviously covered in brambles and nettles. :uhoh:
User avatar
fatcat
Posts: 14488
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by fatcat »

The school tales have reminded me -

Drama report aged around 13: "Matthew delights in ridiculing those who are prepared to make the effort"

Horticulture? Why the f*ck did we have to take horticulture for a year or two?
Exam question: What is mulching?
My answer: the sound the farmer's wellies make when he walks across his field
User avatar
Wyndham Upalot
Posts: 2823
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Wyndham Upalot »

I took O Level Art, however my exam was so bad, I was awarded a Grade 5 CSE - drawing stick people and 2D army tanks wasn't fully appreciated in the 80s.
User avatar
jambanja
Posts: 4870
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: The other side of midnight

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by jambanja »

fatcat wrote:The school tales have reminded me -

Drama report aged around 13: "Matthew delights in ridiculing those who are prepared to make the effort"

Horticulture? Why the f*ck did we have to take horticulture for a year or two?
Exam question: What is mulching?
My answer: the sound the farmer's wellies make when he walks across his field
..and a rotary hoe is not a loose woman in a Mazda Rx7
User avatar
Benthos
Posts: 1047
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Benthos »

eugenefraxby wrote:
Benthos wrote:I was just about to post the following on JJR's thread, but realised that being spectacularly and consistently fucking useless isn't really an achievement...

Anyway, I would 'kick' this thread off, but instead, in its true spirit, this is my rubbish miss-kick which sprained my ankle, making the whole PE class laugh at me. Again:
- I was stripped of my Sixer's rank as a Cub Scout
- Got kicked out of proper Scouts
- I was stripped of my Prefect's badge at upper school (no idea why I had one in the first place as I'd already been suspended twice)
- I was twice demoted as an Air Cadet
- Got kicked out of my first university

And if we're including sporting spasticity, I was bottom of my year for athletics points (what was that all about anyway??) for every year of upper school. I was sooooooo bad I could actually step over a higher bar than I could officially high jump over.

Come on you fellow useless carnts - confess!

Can't wait to see globus' contribution to this one....
One learns feck all from success Benthos. Hence your subsequent success in the muffing/vomiting ampitheatres of life 8)

Incidentally you can add the not ever learning "I before E except after C" to that list ๐Ÿ˜›
Evenin', Fraxster. So true, so true. However, where is my i-before-e solecism..? If I have thus sinned, you have no idea the shame I shall feel, and the determination with which I shall seek a revolver, a bottle and a moment of privacy. Been a long day/life/eternal spewing into corporeal form of this dysfunctional puff of ectoplasm, so I might be missing a sitter,

Or are youse gettin all snow leopard on my, er, ass..?
User avatar
Bokkom
Posts: 4299
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Bokkom »

argus wrote:I got 9% in my statistics I exam in my first year.

As the exam was multiple choice with a,b,c,d options , and I guessed them all, statistically I should have got more than 9%.
:lol:
User avatar
Taranaki Snapper
Posts: 17306
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Adelaide via Sydney and Patea

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Taranaki Snapper »

User avatar
Kiwias
Posts: 41260
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Kiwias »

Benthos wrote:
eugenefraxby wrote:
Benthos wrote:I was just about to post the following on JJR's thread, but realised that being spectacularly and consistently fucking useless isn't really an achievement...

Anyway, I would 'kick' this thread off, but instead, in its true spirit, this is my rubbish miss-kick which sprained my ankle, making the whole PE class laugh at me. Again:
- I was stripped of my Sixer's rank as a Cub Scout
- Got kicked out of proper Scouts
- I was stripped of my Prefect's badge at upper school (no idea why I had one in the first place as I'd already been suspended twice)
- I was twice demoted as an Air Cadet
- Got kicked out of my first university

And if we're including sporting spasticity, I was bottom of my year for athletics points (what was that all about anyway??) for every year of upper school. I was sooooooo bad I could actually step over a higher bar than I could officially high jump over.

Come on you fellow useless carnts - confess!

Can't wait to see globus' contribution to this one....
One learns feck all from success Benthos. Hence your subsequent success in the muffing/vomiting ampitheatres of life 8)

Incidentally you can add the not ever learning "I before E except after C" to that list ๐Ÿ˜›
Evenin', Fraxster. So true, so true. However, where is my i-before-e solecism..? If I have thus sinned, you have no idea the shame I shall feel, and the determination with which I shall seek a revolver, a bottle and a moment of privacy. Been a long day/life/eternal spewing into corporeal form of this dysfunctional puff of ectoplasm, so I might be missing a sitter,

Or are youse gettin all snow leopard on my, er, ass..?
THere is hope for you yet
User avatar
Taranaki Snapper
Posts: 17306
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Adelaide via Sydney and Patea

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Taranaki Snapper »

Apollo 12 astronaut Alan L Bean accidentally destroyed the mission's TV camera by pointing it at the sun, left several rolls of exposed film on the moon by mistake, and was hit on the head by a 16mm film camera when the crew splashed down on Earth...
(Stole from Reddit...)
User avatar
Working Class Rugger
Posts: 3974
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: STRAYA plum!!!

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Working Class Rugger »

argus wrote:I got 9% in my statistics I exam in my first year.

As the exam was multiple choice with a,b,c,d options , and I guessed them all, statistically I should have got more than 9%.
Once managed to get 2% on a Maths test. Largely because I chose to only answer one question. My juvenile attempt to get moved out of my class. It didn't work. Teacher made me re-sit the damn thing under supervision.
User avatar
Tehui
Posts: 16320
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Tehui »

When I was 15, a friend of mine sat a biology exam. In the exam questions there was a diagram where you had to name the different parts to score marks. My friend labeled one part of the diagram as a 'leaf'. When he received his marked exam back, he was surprised to find out that the diagram was not of a plant but of a human body. And that the part was not a 'leaf' but someone's pancreas. I always remind him of that story whenever I visit his GP clinic.
eugenefraxby
Posts: 2488
Joined: Thu Jun 11, 2015 3:03 pm

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by eugenefraxby »

Benthos wrote:
eugenefraxby wrote:
Benthos wrote:I was just about to post the following on JJR's thread, but realised that being spectacularly and consistently fucking useless isn't really an achievement...

Anyway, I would 'kick' this thread off, but instead, in its true spirit, this is my rubbish miss-kick which sprained my ankle, making the whole PE class laugh at me. Again:
- I was stripped of my Sixer's rank as a Cub Scout
- Got kicked out of proper Scouts
- I was stripped of my Prefect's badge at upper school (no idea why I had one in the first place as I'd already been suspended twice)
- I was twice demoted as an Air Cadet
- Got kicked out of my first university

And if we're including sporting spasticity, I was bottom of my year for athletics points (what was that all about anyway??) for every year of upper school. I was sooooooo bad I could actually step over a higher bar than I could officially high jump over.

Come on you fellow useless carnts - confess!

Can't wait to see globus' contribution to this one....
One learns feck all from success Benthos. Hence your subsequent success in the muffing/vomiting ampitheatres of life 8)

Incidentally you can add the not ever learning "I before E except after C" to that list ๐Ÿ˜›
Evenin', Fraxster. So true, so true. However, where is my i-before-e solecism..? If I have thus sinned, you have no idea the shame I shall feel, and the determination with which I shall seek a revolver, a bottle and a moment of privacy. Been a long day/life/eternal spewing into corporeal form of this dysfunctional puff of ectoplasm, so I might be missing a sitter,

Or are youse gettin all snow leopard on my, er, ass..?
Dear old hare, it's in the thread title!
User avatar
Sandstorm
Posts: 28560
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Chickenrunning...

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Sandstorm »

In one cricket match in High School I made a duck batting, dropped 4 catches, got hit in the nuts backing up another fielder and then dropped the team chocolate cake at tea-time. I was 12th man the following week.
User avatar
globus
Posts: 52689
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Oundle

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by globus »

I slept with a stunner, way back, after a party. We never kissed, cuddled or shared bodily juices.

I brought her a boiled egg and soldiers for brekkies. I have no idea why I did not leap on her.

Too well brought up, I reckon.

Her name was Luba D. Shouldn't let that slip through your fingers, as it were.
User avatar
fatcat
Posts: 14488
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by fatcat »

Sandstorm wrote:In one cricket match in High School I made a duck batting, dropped 4 catches, got hit in the nuts backing up another fielder and then dropped the team chocolate cake at tea-time. I was 12th man the following week.
:lol: Top effort!
Killer Rabbit
Posts: 51
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Caerbannog

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Killer Rabbit »

I once spent so long talking to a Hari Krishna that he made excuses and left.


KR
User avatar
Spell
Posts: 831
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Spell »

I mystifyingly failed GCSE RE. In upper sixth a teacher told us to take our coursework home or it would be thrown out. So I dig it out for curiosity sake to find id forgotten to put my name on it.
User avatar
Sandstorm
Posts: 28560
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Chickenrunning...

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Sandstorm »

Killer Rabbit wrote:I once spent so long talking to a Hari Krishna that he made excuses and left.


KR
That's a great achievement actually. :lol:
argus
Posts: 5689
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Florida

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by argus »

Sandstorm wrote:In one cricket match in High School I made a duck batting, dropped 4 catches, got hit in the nuts backing up another fielder and then dropped the team chocolate cake at tea-time. I was 12th man the following week.
Chocolate cake for tea !!!

We used to get half an orange and a bengel juice if we were lucky
chart_monkey
Posts: 131
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2016 1:36 pm

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by chart_monkey »

First competitive rugby match (3rds or maybe even 4ths, can't remember, I won't mention the club), confidently started at scrum half but had been unceremoniously moved out of the way to the wing after about 20 minutes, where I couldn't 'do any further harm'. On one of the few forays into the opposition 22 later in the match, I cut back in on a fantastic diagonal, hit the line at pace... and dropped the pass :blush:

I think I only ever appeared as the backs sub after that.
User avatar
jdogscoop
Posts: 13635
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Melbourne

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by jdogscoop »

argus wrote:I got 9% in my statistics I exam in my first year.

As the exam was multiple choice with a,b,c,d options , and I guessed them all, statistically I should have got more than 9%.
Reminds me of 6th form economics. My mate Hamish scored about 22% on a multi-choice test and the teacher, a fantastic middle aged bugger who we all thought hilarious, went off on a brilliant bit about how monkeys would have beaten him scoring the test randomly. We were crying with laughter by the end of it.
User avatar
Insane_Homer
Posts: 12145
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Leafy Surrey, UK

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Insane_Homer »

I got to within 2 subjects of completely my b.comm and quit.
User avatar
Torquemada 1420
Posts: 29067
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Hut 8

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by Torquemada 1420 »

globus wrote:I slept with a stunner, way back, after a party. We never kissed, cuddled or shared bodily juices.

I brought her a boiled egg and soldiers for brekkies. I have no idea why I did not leap on her.

Too well brought up, I reckon.

Her name was Luba D. Shouldn't let that slip through your fingers, as it were.
Errrr... 2 things.
1) Rule 1.
2) Hand in your man card.
User avatar
globus
Posts: 52689
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Location: Oundle

Re: Remarkable underacheivements

Post by globus »

Torquemada 1420 wrote:
globus wrote:I slept with a stunner, way back, after a party. We never kissed, cuddled or shared bodily juices.

I brought her a boiled egg and soldiers for brekkies. I have no idea why I did not leap on her.

Too well brought up, I reckon.

Her name was Luba D. Shouldn't let that slip through your fingers, as it were.
Errrr... 2 things.
1) Rule 1.
2) Hand in your man card.
1 No chance.
2 Handed it in ages ago.
Post Reply