How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Nolanator · Post by **Nolanator** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:06 pm

18ChinsOfChinatown wrote:
Nolanator wrote:
SASP wrote:
look_spanky wrote:So any tips on how to freshen things up?
Cheat on her once quarter.
Does just the tip count as quarter cheating?
Technically, it’s not really considered cheating if you're the one on the receiving end, so you may as well let him sink it right in there.

Not cheating if I only get a semi and don't push back, yeah?

Mog The Almighty · Post by **Mog The Almighty** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:06 pm

henry wrote:
18ChinsOfChinatown wrote:Sorry to hear that, look_spanky.

Relationships can be tough. They are quite similar to bread in many ways, in that both have a tendency to go stale rather quickly if they are not given adequate care.

If you genuinely want to try and preserve this relationship, you must be prepared to make some sacrifices. You must put aside any feelings you may still have for this woman and view her as she really is. A sliced pan.

With this in mind, I’d like to offer a couple of suggestions that may delay the inevitable.

Light: It is important that she be kept away from windows as the sunlight will inevitably take its toll. Where possible, confine her to a darkened room, preferably a large bread bin.

Moisture: Preventing moisture is key. You claim that your partner has gained a considerable amount of weight in recent times, so I can only assume that the chances of you both becoming intimate are rather remote. While I’ve no doubt you’d never have considered a life of celibacy previously, you must remember that her lack of moistness will most certainly delay the onset of mold and bacterial growth.

If it all seems to be getting a little too much for you and you’re contemplating throwing it all away, remember that you can always stick her in an airtight bag and store her in the freezer for a few months while you mull things over in your head.

Best of luck.

I just do not get it.

Nolanator · Post by **Nolanator** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:08 pm

DAC2016 wrote:I told her once when were we first met that if she put on too much weight I just wouldn't fancy her. "I know it's shallow but I want to feel attracted to my woman" How she laughed and playfully punched me in the arm before informing her mother and friends what a delightfully funny cad I am.

Roll forward 6 years - I'm moving into a one bedroom house on Saturday.

Told you, fatty.

Aren't you married with a kid? That's shit.

DAC2016 · Post by **DAC2016** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:09 pm

Nolanator wrote:
DAC2016 wrote:I told her once when were we first met that if she put on too much weight I just wouldn't fancy her. "I know it's shallow but I want to feel attracted to my woman" How she laughed and playfully punched me in the arm before informing her mother and friends what a delightfully funny cad I am.

Roll forward 6 years - I'm moving into a one bedroom house on Saturday.

Told you, fatty.
Aren't you married with a kid? That's shit.

Yeah. I was being glib. She feels entirely the same way. I'm 15 minutes away from my old house and the wee man will stay with me 3 nights a week.

Nolanator · Post by **Nolanator** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:11 pm

DAC2016 wrote:
Nolanator wrote:
DAC2016 wrote:I told her once when were we first met that if she put on too much weight I just wouldn't fancy her. "I know it's shallow but I want to feel attracted to my woman" How she laughed and playfully punched me in the arm before informing her mother and friends what a delightfully funny cad I am.

Roll forward 6 years - I'm moving into a one bedroom house on Saturday.

Told you, fatty.
Aren't you married with a kid? That's shit.
Yeah. I was being glib. She feels entirely the same way. I'm 15 minutes away from my old house and the wee man will stay with me 3 nights a week.

I figured you were being glib.

Could be worse, I suppose. At least the wee fella will have you around.

DAC2016 · Post by **DAC2016** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:13 pm

Nolanator wrote:
DAC2016 wrote:
Nolanator wrote:
DAC2016 wrote:I told her once when were we first met that if she put on too much weight I just wouldn't fancy her. "I know it's shallow but I want to feel attracted to my woman" How she laughed and playfully punched me in the arm before informing her mother and friends what a delightfully funny cad I am.

Roll forward 6 years - I'm moving into a one bedroom house on Saturday.

Told you, fatty.
Aren't you married with a kid? That's shit.
Yeah. I was being glib. She feels entirely the same way. I'm 15 minutes away from my old house and the wee man will stay with me 3 nights a week.
Could be worse, I suppose. At least the wee fella will have you around.

It may be wrench at first but it's for the best, can't say I'm over the moon about it but what's the point in being miserable together?

Mog The Almighty · Post by **Mog The Almighty** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:14 pm

fudge that, I totally agree.

If you were a fat beer-bellied fvcker and your woman left would you really be angry and self entitled about it?

I wouldn't. Fair enough. Who expects anyone, male or female, to remain attracted to a fat slob?

DAC2016 · Post by **DAC2016** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:14 pm

Don't get me wrong, I still love her massively, but it's like being in love with your sister. I appreciate how weird that sounds.

Nolanator · Post by **Nolanator** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:14 pm

This is all because you agreed to a Catholic wedding when you're quite clearly an unbeliever. God is punishing you for making a mockery of the sanctity of marriage.

DAC2016 · Post by **DAC2016** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:17 pm

Nolanator wrote:This is all because you agreed to a Catholic wedding when you're quite clearly an unbeliever. God is punishing you for making a mockery of the sanctity of marriage.

God should have tried being married himself before getting sanctimonious about the whole thing.

Bokkom · Post by **Bokkom** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:21 pm

DAC2016 wrote:
Nolanator wrote:This is all because you agreed to a Catholic wedding when you're quite clearly an unbeliever. God is punishing you for making a mockery of the sanctity of marriage.
God should have tried being married himself before getting sanctimonious about the whole thing.

18ChinsOfChinatown · Post by **18ChinsOfChinatown** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:23 pm

Nolanator wrote:This is all because you agreed to a Catholic wedding when you're quite clearly an unbeliever. God is punishing you for making a mockery of the sanctity of marriage.

It's all fun and games until the lord strikes your loved one down with type 2 diabetes.

GWO2 · Post by **GWO2** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:24 pm

DAC2016 wrote:
Nolanator wrote:This is all because you agreed to a Catholic wedding when you're quite clearly an unbeliever. God is punishing you for making a mockery of the sanctity of marriage.
God should have tried being married himself before getting sanctimonious about the whole thing.

Pffffft
Even he went with another man`s wife, and let the man fetch up his offspring

globus · Post by **globus** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:26 pm

All the best DAC. If you hit a certain bit of the A1, pop in.

DAC2016 · Post by **DAC2016** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:28 pm

globus wrote:All the best DAC. If you hit a certain bit of the A1, pop in.

I shall, thank you.

aitch@wasps · Post by **aitch@wasps** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:30 pm

Openside wrote:
Chuckles1188 wrote:One surefire way I have found to keep a relationship from getting stale is to allow it to turn into a nightmare scenario where she doesn't get on with any of your friends and has a very limited social life so insists you stay with her whenever you're not compelled to go out for work or whatever, constantly tries to interfere with everything you do, and occasionally threatens to commit suicide if you leave or if she's just having a bad day. Livens things right up
I hate it when they play the threatening suicide card. I was owed some money by a bloke who kept being evasive so I pressed him and he responded I am feeling suicidal. I replied I am really sorry to hear that but I need an answer, to which he replied I am feeling suicidal - I again tried a reasoned reply and received back. "Which bit of I am suicidal don't you understand?" I couldn't help myself I replied "the bit that you still seem to be alive!!"

I know I am going to hell

To the OP: End it now, get the fudge outta Dodge. It's actually cruel to continue in a relationship that's on it's way to the grave.

Cliche alert: When it's right, it wont go stale.

DAC2016 · Post by **DAC2016** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:31 pm

Hey Aitch

Nolanator · Post by **Nolanator** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:33 pm

DAC2016 wrote:Hey Aitch

Jesus, you don't hang around, do you.

happyhooker · Post by **happyhooker** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:36 pm

Nolanator wrote:
DAC2016 wrote:Hey Aitch
Jesus, you don't hang around, do you.

DAC2016 · Post by **DAC2016** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:40 pm

Openside · Post by **Openside** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 6:15 pm

Nolanator wrote:
SASP wrote:
look_spanky wrote:So any tips on how to freshen things up?
Cheat on her once quarter.
Does just the tip count as quarter cheating?

In your case three quarter cheating

Openside · Post by **Openside** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 6:22 pm

DAC2016 wrote:I told her once when were we first met that if she put on too much weight I just wouldn't fancy her. "I know it's shallow but I want to feel attracted to my woman" How she laughed and playfully punched me in the arm before informing her mother and friends what a delightfully funny cad I am.

Roll forward 6 years - I'm moving into a one bedroom house on Saturday.

Told you, fatty.

Really sorry to hear that DAC

6 years on I am still like a pig in shit I am just waiting for the eldest SD to leave home and my cup will truly have runneth over.

hp18 · Post by **hp18** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 6:22 pm

18ChinsOfChinatown wrote:Sorry to hear that, look_spanky.

Relationships can be tough. They are quite similar to bread in many ways, in that both have a tendency to go stale rather quickly if they are not given adequate care.

If you genuinely want to try and preserve this relationship, you must be prepared to make some sacrifices. You must put aside any feelings you may still have for this woman and view her as she really is. A sliced pan.

With this in mind, I’d like to offer a couple of suggestions that may delay the inevitable.

Light: It is important that she be kept away from windows as the sunlight will inevitably take its toll. Where possible, confine her to a darkened room, preferably a large bread bin.

Moisture: Preventing moisture is key. You claim that your partner has gained a considerable amount of weight in recent times, so I can only assume that the chances of you both becoming intimate are rather remote. While I’ve no doubt you’d never have considered a life of celibacy previously, you must remember that her lack of moistness will most certainly delay the onset of mold and bacterial growth.

If it all seems to be getting a little too much for you and you’re contemplating throwing it all away, remember that you can always stick her in an airtight bag and store her in the freezer for a few months while you mull things over in your head.

Best of luck.

Olo · Post by **Olo** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 6:26 pm

DAC2016 wrote:I told her once when were we first met that if she put on too much weight I just wouldn't fancy her. "I know it's shallow but I want to feel attracted to my woman" How she laughed and playfully punched me in the arm before informing her mother and friends what a delightfully funny cad I am.

Roll forward 6 years - I'm moving into a one bedroom house on Saturday.

Told you, fatty.

The Native · Post by **The Native** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 9:41 pm

look_spanky, have you actually tried talking to her? She may feel the same way and you could work out the problem together.

DAC2016 wrote:Don't get me wrong, I still love her massively, but it's like being in love with your sister. I appreciate how weird that sounds.

I think the OP knows exactly how you feel.

fatcat · Post by **fatcat** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 10:05 pm

look_spanky wrote:I have been with my partner for just over 2 years and we recently purchased our first home together. Over the last 6 months or so things have gotten really boring and it feels more like a friendship. In the last 2 months I've been quite unhappy in the relationship, although the fact that we both are bored in our jobs hasn't helped. Shes a great girl and I get along well with her family, everyone I know loves her but I just have this sibling feeling that something's not right. Plus now that we're 2 years in the obligatory nagging has started and she's put on a bit of weight which frankly has resulted in me being less attracted to her

We are meant to be heading to the uk for a couple of years and I think she may feel that it will keep things fresh but I'm not so sure. It's almost crunch time, so any tips on how to freshen things up? Or am I fücked?

I know exactly what you mean. I wasted a few years in my early twenties in a similar relationship. Get out now, as difficult as that sounds. Things won't get better.

waguser · Post by **waguser** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 10:08 pm

DAC2016 wrote:I told her once when were we first met that if she put on too much weight I just wouldn't fancy her. "I know it's shallow but I want to feel attracted to my woman" How she laughed and playfully punched me in the arm before informing her mother and friends what a delightfully funny cad I am.

Roll forward 6 years - I'm moving into a one bedroom house on Saturday.

Told you, fatty.

Sorry

EDIT

I thought you were joking..

moosehead · Post by **moosehead** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 10:23 pm

Send her on a Euro Contiki Tour by herself... for a month.

If think i remember some other dude on the BORED did that for his GF and it worked out famously.....

PS - i feel i could offer better better advice if you posted a few pics of her....... Did u say cheerleader...... ?

Heymans · Post by **Heymans** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 10:54 pm

You can only work on yourself so what attracts/attracted you to her is not the point. What attracted her to you when you met? What did she like in you?

Nolanator · Post by **Nolanator** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:14 pm

moosehead wrote:Send her on a Euro Contiki Tour by herself... for a month.

If think i remember some other dude on the BORED did that for his GF and it worked out famously.....

That was element freak. Now they're happily married.

waguser · Post by **waguser** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:21 pm

Nolanator wrote:
moosehead wrote:Send her on a Euro Contiki Tour by herself... for a month.

If think i remember some other dude on the BORED did that for his GF and it worked out famously.....
That was element freak. Now they're happily married.

Due mostly to his credulity

What a champ!

Silver · Post by **Silver** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:25 pm

look_spanky wrote:I have been with my partner for just over 2 years and we recently purchased our first home together. Over the last 6 months or so things have gotten really boring and it feels more like a friendship. In the last 2 months I've been quite unhappy in the relationship, although the fact that we both are bored in our jobs hasn't helped. Shes a great girl and I get along well with her family, everyone I know loves her but I just have this sibling feeling that something's not right. Plus now that we're 2 years in the obligatory nagging has started and she's put on a bit of weight which frankly has resulted in me being less attracted to her

We are meant to be heading to the uk for a couple of years and I think she may feel that it will keep things fresh but I'm not so sure. It's almost crunch time, so any tips on how to freshen things up? Or am I fücked?

Why don't you end it then? And why buy a house together if you felt this way before doing so?

jolindien · Post by **jolindien** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:36 pm

Silver wrote:
look_spanky wrote:I have been with my partner for just over 2 years and we recently purchased our first home together. Over the last 6 months or so things have gotten really boring and it feels more like a friendship. In the last 2 months I've been quite unhappy in the relationship, although the fact that we both are bored in our jobs hasn't helped. Shes a great girl and I get along well with her family, everyone I know loves her but I just have this sibling feeling that something's not right. Plus now that we're 2 years in the obligatory nagging has started and she's put on a bit of weight which frankly has resulted in me being less attracted to her

We are meant to be heading to the uk for a couple of years and I think she may feel that it will keep things fresh but I'm not so sure. It's almost crunch time, so any tips on how to freshen things up? Or am I fücked?
Why don't you end it then? And why buy a house together if you felt this way before doing so?

cause he thought he was a beta, but finally happen to be an alpha ?

bealonian · Post by **bealonian** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:42 pm

Cling film

jambanja · Post by **jambanja** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:50 pm

look_spanky wrote:I have been with my partner for just over 2 years and we recently purchased our first home together. Over the last 6 months or so things have gotten really boring and it feels more like a friendship. In the last 2 months I've been quite unhappy in the relationship, although the fact that we both are bored in our jobs hasn't helped. Shes a great girl and I get along well with her family, everyone I know loves her but I just have this sibling feeling that something's not right. Plus now that we're 2 years in the obligatory nagging has started and she's put on a bit of weight which frankly has resulted in me being less attracted to her

We are meant to be heading to the uk for a couple of years and I think she may feel that it will keep things fresh but I'm not so sure. It's almost crunch time, so any tips on how to freshen things up? Or am I fücked?

It seems to me the real question you should be asking is, am I prepared to go through the rigmarole that comes with separating, selling the house and dividing all the other stuff up, or is there someway that I can make this work (not likely considering how you feel) without having to go through all that bullshit

waguser · Post by **waguser** » Wed Jan 11, 2017 11:54 pm

jambanja wrote:
look_spanky wrote:I have been with my partner for just over 2 years and we recently purchased our first home together. Over the last 6 months or so things have gotten really boring and it feels more like a friendship. In the last 2 months I've been quite unhappy in the relationship, although the fact that we both are bored in our jobs hasn't helped. Shes a great girl and I get along well with her family, everyone I know loves her but I just have this sibling feeling that something's not right. Plus now that we're 2 years in the obligatory nagging has started and she's put on a bit of weight which frankly has resulted in me being less attracted to her

We are meant to be heading to the uk for a couple of years and I think she may feel that it will keep things fresh but I'm not so sure. It's almost crunch time, so any tips on how to freshen things up? Or am I fücked?
It seems to me the real question you should be asking is, am I prepared to go through the rigmarole that comes with separating, selling the house and dividing all the other stuff up, or is there someway that I can make this work (not likely considering how you feel) without having to go through all that bullshit

If the rigmarole is the only obstacle then you are sunk

terangi48 · Post by **terangi48** » Thu Jan 12, 2017 3:14 am

Hiya spanky….just read your post….
Interesting that you’ve invested two years into the relationship…..bought a house together…..acknowledged the girl as great…you’ve a great friendship…...and you’re bored!
Time to look in the mirror mate………
The relationship like the one you have embarked on, was originally hot….you couldn’t get enough of each other…and it sounds like you pulled a cool chick.
Everything sounds like it’s on track to me….whatever you were doing originally was great…..but you’ve gotten lazy…..you call it boredom. If you’re used to being the centre of attention…..and she’s not responding…..you’re not being interesting enough. Up your act and do the things you used to do when you met…..and unexpected things you think she’ll like….not weird porno stuff.
After 50 years in a relationship, one thing I have learned is that there are shitloads of ups, heaps of ordinary, and many downs…..fight through the crap is the standard approach in all relationships as the make-up sex is great! Relationships are founded on attraction, interests and fun……but enduring ones are based on mutual respect, trust, fidelity and commitment. You up for that? Some people call that love. Ladies like to be in committed relationships…
If you reckon there’s a future together…..dream up a way to propose….F*** what your mates think….there’s an old saying, “you marry you best friend.”, and drink with your acquaintances but the lady is first.
If perchance you do decide to work harder at the relationship and get married……that’ll take care of the boredom for the next 2 years…..
If you’re dropping into boredom again later……have a kid…..that’ll cure you of boredom for the next thirty years. But don’t go all crappy about the relationship being saggy…..you’ve now got shitloads to maintain: three relationships to take care of…..and six if you have two kids…..10 if you have three kids…..and 15 with four….and in my case with married kids, their partners and kids….17 people with 147 relationships churning in the family pot……epic most of the time….and diabolical when it goes tits up……but never boring or predictable…
Mate….I wouldn’t swap my life now for annual Carribbean holidays, a Ferrarri, or some movie chick who sees you as the latest toy…..that sort of life turns you into a piece of human flotsam floating on the tide of
If your crystal ball say….feck….i’m not getting into that, then……be a gentleman, fess up sort out how to end, and shoot the gap!
…..but if your crystal ball says……sounds like fun but a bloody riot of a life…..pull your finger out, take life by the curlies and get into it…..you’ll never die saying you were bored!

HKCJ · Post by **HKCJ** » Thu Jan 12, 2017 3:58 am

Chop the stale end of her, wrap her in clingfilm and stick her in the bread bin and you should get a good couple of weeks use out of her. Cut her up into small pieces if she wont fit. Ah my mistake that's stopping a baguette going stale.

HertzCat · Post by **HertzCat** » Thu Jan 12, 2017 5:08 am

I think that in all relationships there is a moment when you realise that you are no longer in the honeymoon phase. The key here is, this has made you unhappy: it may be that, whilst she is "right on paper," there is not enough to maintain the relationship.

At the risk of repeating a cliché, the key here is communication. You cannot assume that this is one-sided, as it is entirely possibly that she is having the same feelings, and that a vicious cycle has started, whereby you both feel unenthused, and take less care of yourselves and each other as a result, leading you both to feel even less enthused, and so on. There are ways to communicate kindly but directly, and nobody, male or female can be expected to read minds. Just say that you are feeling as though things have fallen into a rut, then ask whether she feels the same way, and what you can both do to change that. Your OP reads a little as though you feel that the rut is down to her: you talk about her nagging, and her weight gain, without discussing any changes in your behaviour. I am not saying that it's all your fault, but you could ask yourself how you have contributed to the situation, and if you are treating her with the same care and respect that you used to. You have to be able to show yourself to your partner at your worst, but that should not be the only face that they get. This cuts both ways, and is not intended to suggest that you are solely responsible, just that you need to ask for her point of view and try to understand it.

Mind games such as buying clothes that will not fit will only make things worse. I know that the suggestion was offered in jest, but, whether or not she figures out your intentions (spoiler: she will), you are crushing her self-esteem, which never helped anyone or any relationship. Boost her ego without lying to her: if there is an activity she has stopped that she used to enjoy, help her get back into it. Encourage her to exercise for fun and fitness, but not because "she has put on weight" and you want her to be sexy. Whatever she does, it has to be for her as much as it is for you.

Your relationship is not doomed, but you always need to keep having the "state of the union" talk. Are you both happy? What could each of you do to be happier in yourselves and support each other being happy. At the end of the day, you need to avoid cruelty and Jedi mind tricks. It may not work out, but it might, and at the very least, you can leave each other better for having known each other.

mal007 · Post by **mal007** » Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:04 am

show her your post , I'm sure that will liven things up one way or the other