How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

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Silver
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Re: How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Post by Silver »

mal007 wrote:show her your post , I'm sure that will liven things up one way or the other
Sure would. But from the tone of the first post it time to end it and move on. But from not having meet either who the f++k knows

TBH I'm unsure why he's making such a big deal about it. Hes not married and there are no kids

and there is now even a serious PR thread to help now

http://forum.planetrugby.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=76932
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jdogscoop
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Re: How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Post by jdogscoop »

HertzCat wrote:I think that in all relationships there is a moment when you realise that you are no longer in the honeymoon phase. The key here is, this has made you unhappy: it may be that, whilst she is "right on paper," there is not enough to maintain the relationship.

At the risk of repeating a cliché, the key here is communication. You cannot assume that this is one-sided, as it is entirely possibly that she is having the same feelings, and that a vicious cycle has started, whereby you both feel unenthused, and take less care of yourselves and each other as a result, leading you both to feel even less enthused, and so on. There are ways to communicate kindly but directly, and nobody, male or female can be expected to read minds. Just say that you are feeling as though things have fallen into a rut, then ask whether she feels the same way, and what you can both do to change that. Your OP reads a little as though you feel that the rut is down to her: you talk about her nagging, and her weight gain, without discussing any changes in your behaviour. I am not saying that it's all your fault, but you could ask yourself how you have contributed to the situation, and if you are treating her with the same care and respect that you used to. You have to be able to show yourself to your partner at your worst, but that should not be the only face that they get. This cuts both ways, and is not intended to suggest that you are solely responsible, just that you need to ask for her point of view and try to understand it.

Mind games such as buying clothes that will not fit will only make things worse. I know that the suggestion was offered in jest, but, whether or not she figures out your intentions (spoiler: she will), you are crushing her self-esteem, which never helped anyone or any relationship. Boost her ego without lying to her: if there is an activity she has stopped that she used to enjoy, help her get back into it. Encourage her to exercise for fun and fitness, but not because "she has put on weight" and you want her to be sexy. Whatever she does, it has to be for her as much as it is for you.

Your relationship is not doomed, but you always need to keep having the "state of the union" talk. Are you both happy? What could each of you do to be happier in yourselves and support each other being happy. At the end of the day, you need to avoid cruelty and Jedi mind tricks. It may not work out, but it might, and at the very least, you can leave each other better for having known each other.
* Audience applause *
aitch@wasps
Posts: 272
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Re: How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Post by aitch@wasps »

DAC2016 wrote:Hey Aitch :)
Wotcha DAC!
We're sorry to hear your news... :? Please get in touch if you feel so inclined - our contact details are still the same.
Last edited by aitch@wasps on Thu Jan 12, 2017 10:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Flametop
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Re: How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Post by Flametop »

The OP mentioned that he recently bought a house with his missus.

Death, divorce and moving house.
I'm a firm believer that all three can be managed in one day.
themaddog
Posts: 4924
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Re: How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Post by themaddog »

FFS I only opened the thread because I thought the OP's username was a reference to his sexual predilection.
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Openside
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Re: How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Post by Openside »

HKCJ wrote:Chop the stale end of her, wrap her in clingfilm and stick her in the bread bin and you should get a good couple of weeks use out of her. Cut her up into small pieces if she wont fit. Ah my mistake that's stopping a baguette going stale.

You weren't giving tips to that banker in HK were you??
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Openside
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Re: How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Post by Openside »

jdogscoop wrote:
HertzCat wrote:I think that in all relationships there is a moment when you realise that you are no longer in the honeymoon phase. The key here is, this has made you unhappy: it may be that, whilst she is "right on paper," there is not enough to maintain the relationship.

At the risk of repeating a cliché, the key here is communication. You cannot assume that this is one-sided, as it is entirely possibly that she is having the same feelings, and that a vicious cycle has started, whereby you both feel unenthused, and take less care of yourselves and each other as a result, leading you both to feel even less enthused, and so on. There are ways to communicate kindly but directly, and nobody, male or female can be expected to read minds. Just say that you are feeling as though things have fallen into a rut, then ask whether she feels the same way, and what you can both do to change that. Your OP reads a little as though you feel that the rut is down to her: you talk about her nagging, and her weight gain, without discussing any changes in your behaviour. I am not saying that it's all your fault, but you could ask yourself how you have contributed to the situation, and if you are treating her with the same care and respect that you used to. You have to be able to show yourself to your partner at your worst, but that should not be the only face that they get. This cuts both ways, and is not intended to suggest that you are solely responsible, just that you need to ask for her point of view and try to understand it.

Mind games such as buying clothes that will not fit will only make things worse. I know that the suggestion was offered in jest, but, whether or not she figures out your intentions (spoiler: she will), you are crushing her self-esteem, which never helped anyone or any relationship. Boost her ego without lying to her: if there is an activity she has stopped that she used to enjoy, help her get back into it. Encourage her to exercise for fun and fitness, but not because "she has put on weight" and you want her to be sexy. Whatever she does, it has to be for her as much as it is for you.

Your relationship is not doomed, but you always need to keep having the "state of the union" talk. Are you both happy? What could each of you do to be happier in yourselves and support each other being happy. At the end of the day, you need to avoid cruelty and Jedi mind tricks. It may not work out, but it might, and at the very least, you can leave each other better for having known each other.
* Audience applause *

Yup, good post. You should always be asking yourself "how easy am I to live with"
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Chuckles1188
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Re: How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Post by Chuckles1188 »

Superb post HC
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Openside's Butler
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Re: How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Post by Openside's Butler »

Openside wrote:
jdogscoop wrote:
HertzCat wrote:I think that in all relationships there is a moment when you realise that you are no longer in the honeymoon phase. The key here is, this has made you unhappy: it may be that, whilst she is "right on paper," there is not enough to maintain the relationship.

At the risk of repeating a cliché, the key here is communication. You cannot assume that this is one-sided, as it is entirely possibly that she is having the same feelings, and that a vicious cycle has started, whereby you both feel unenthused, and take less care of yourselves and each other as a result, leading you both to feel even less enthused, and so on. There are ways to communicate kindly but directly, and nobody, male or female can be expected to read minds. Just say that you are feeling as though things have fallen into a rut, then ask whether she feels the same way, and what you can both do to change that. Your OP reads a little as though you feel that the rut is down to her: you talk about her nagging, and her weight gain, without discussing any changes in your behaviour. I am not saying that it's all your fault, but you could ask yourself how you have contributed to the situation, and if you are treating her with the same care and respect that you used to. You have to be able to show yourself to your partner at your worst, but that should not be the only face that they get. This cuts both ways, and is not intended to suggest that you are solely responsible, just that you need to ask for her point of view and try to understand it.

Mind games such as buying clothes that will not fit will only make things worse. I know that the suggestion was offered in jest, but, whether or not she figures out your intentions (spoiler: she will), you are crushing her self-esteem, which never helped anyone or any relationship. Boost her ego without lying to her: if there is an activity she has stopped that she used to enjoy, help her get back into it. Encourage her to exercise for fun and fitness, but not because "she has put on weight" and you want her to be sexy. Whatever she does, it has to be for her as much as it is for you.

Your relationship is not doomed, but you always need to keep having the "state of the union" talk. Are you both happy? What could each of you do to be happier in yourselves and support each other being happy. At the end of the day, you need to avoid cruelty and Jedi mind tricks. It may not work out, but it might, and at the very least, you can leave each other better for having known each other.
* Audience applause *

Yup, good post. You should always be asking yourself "how easy am I to live with"
Indeed one should Sir.
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Openside
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Re: How have you stopped your relationship getting stale?

Post by Openside »

Openside's Butler wrote:
Openside wrote:
jdogscoop wrote:
HertzCat wrote:I think that in all relationships there is a moment when you realise that you are no longer in the honeymoon phase. The key here is, this has made you unhappy: it may be that, whilst she is "right on paper," there is not enough to maintain the relationship.

At the risk of repeating a cliché, the key here is communication. You cannot assume that this is one-sided, as it is entirely possibly that she is having the same feelings, and that a vicious cycle has started, whereby you both feel unenthused, and take less care of yourselves and each other as a result, leading you both to feel even less enthused, and so on. There are ways to communicate kindly but directly, and nobody, male or female can be expected to read minds. Just say that you are feeling as though things have fallen into a rut, then ask whether she feels the same way, and what you can both do to change that. Your OP reads a little as though you feel that the rut is down to her: you talk about her nagging, and her weight gain, without discussing any changes in your behaviour. I am not saying that it's all your fault, but you could ask yourself how you have contributed to the situation, and if you are treating her with the same care and respect that you used to. You have to be able to show yourself to your partner at your worst, but that should not be the only face that they get. This cuts both ways, and is not intended to suggest that you are solely responsible, just that you need to ask for her point of view and try to understand it.

Mind games such as buying clothes that will not fit will only make things worse. I know that the suggestion was offered in jest, but, whether or not she figures out your intentions (spoiler: she will), you are crushing her self-esteem, which never helped anyone or any relationship. Boost her ego without lying to her: if there is an activity she has stopped that she used to enjoy, help her get back into it. Encourage her to exercise for fun and fitness, but not because "she has put on weight" and you want her to be sexy. Whatever she does, it has to be for her as much as it is for you.

Your relationship is not doomed, but you always need to keep having the "state of the union" talk. Are you both happy? What could each of you do to be happier in yourselves and support each other being happy. At the end of the day, you need to avoid cruelty and Jedi mind tricks. It may not work out, but it might, and at the very least, you can leave each other better for having known each other.
* Audience applause *

Yup, good post. You should always be asking yourself "how easy am I to live with"
Indeed one should Sir.
Get back below stairs, staff's opinions are irrelevant!! :x
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