How Do You Want To Be Remembered?

[VBall]

I have told the wife that I fancy something akin to The Vikings but with a little twist.

Coffin to be carried down to the water's edge on the shoulders of a group of stunningly ladies. They are topless. My mates get to them to stop every 10 feet and use ice cubes to ensure the erect nipples. Coffin gets put in a boat and sails away. An archer shoots a burning arrow into it the boat and it sinks into the loch. Everybody then goes back, has a good eat, drink and chat, remembering me by telling stories and raising their glasses.

She is not in favour of this.

[Short Man Syndrome]

I'm definitely getting taxidermied into a full "Wink / double finger pistols" pose. They can keep me under the stairs for all I care.

[Toilet Duck]

It really, really doesn't matter.

[globus]

Actually as OS has turned up, a golfing end might be appropriate.

My closest for the great hole in one was at John O'Gaunt in Bedfordshire.

Next was at Royal County Down in NI.

Might be nice to get sprinkled on the greens there.

I have knocked it in the hole once, in one. But that was at St Neots and it does not count as I had no ruddy witnesses.

I've had a hat trick in cricket though.

The Management is going to have a right Royal tour.

Hope she can afford it.

Where was your best score? Maybe there?

Ramsey. Bit boring but three under.

Could have been four but I mucked up a sandy chip.

Hit a purler on the par four 18th though. Smashed it over the stream and trees.

A tap in.

Two weeks later I played in the Royal and Sun Alliance invitation.

I tried the same shot. It apparently flew passed the green and bounced off one of the Board Director's car in the park next to the hole.

Left a dent. All I could say to him was; I hope you've got insurance.

We are friends to this day. I took him sailing in the BVI.

[globus]

You're an impressive one-stop-shop Globus, having both declared someone dead and written a funeral.

You don't know the half of it.

It's better to say "I remember when" than "I wish I'd" was drilled into me from childhood.

I was shy. So I decided to become a stand up comedian. I died in many places! One was particularly bad but I managed to catch the bottle thrown at me.

Not even got on to the pranks I played. <Headmaster> "We know it was you".

Actually I'd quite like that. My fellow students would have a quiet giggle.

I appeared in the Headmaster's study many times. The great thing was that nobody ever ratted on me.

[frillage]

You're an impressive one-stop-shop Globus, having both declared someone dead and written a funeral.

Not even got on to the pranks I played. <Headmaster> "We know it was you".

Actually I'd quite like that. My fellow students would have a quiet giggle.

I appeared in the Headmaster's study many times. The great thing was that nobody ever ratted on me.

Is that because you were taking credit for things you didn't do?

[slick]

Actually as OS has turned up, a golfing end might be appropriate.

My closest for the great hole in one was at John O'Gaunt in Bedfordshire.

Next was at Royal County Down in NI.

Might be nice to get sprinkled on the greens there.

I have knocked it in the hole once, in one. But that was at St Neots and it does not count as I had no ruddy witnesses.

I've had a hat trick in cricket though.

The Management is going to have a right Royal tour.

Hope she can afford it.

Where was your best score? Maybe there?

Ramsey. Bit boring but three under.

Could have been four but I mucked up a sandy chip.

Hit a purler on the par four 18th though. Smashed it over the stream and trees.

A tap in.

Two weeks later I played in the Royal and Sun Alliance invitation.

I tried the same shot. It apparently flew passed the green and bounced off one of the Board Director's car in the park next to the hole.

Left a dent. All I could say to him was; I hope you've got insurance.

We are friends to this day. I took him sailing in the BVI.

Oh

Best effort was 6. But it was at Ramsey.

Oh

I hung on at the Gogs in Cambridge. Not an easy course.

I did manage a par round there.

[Mog The Almighty]

Never thought about it and don't really care. We're all insignificant blips in the history of the cosmos. More important question is "how do you want to live?".

And its a good one. I'm half way through life, if I'm lucky, and still have no clue.

Some are not "insignificant" MTA. Some have made an indelible print upon humanity, history and all sorts of things, including music, art, literature and poetry.

I'm not in that league but I have the great love of a family that I have helped so much in my limited time on here.

I'll get a good send off, that's for sure. I just want it to be fun. Funerals are not like that these days, they are a "celebration of life".

Certain people only know about bits of mine, just like you, on here. I want to put it all together as I'm the only one who can do it.

I'm not leaving it to some amateur who has little idea of my life's journey, which has been extraordinary.

This entire history of the human species is a blip relative to the 14 billion year old history of the universe and the billion trillion stars that it contains. Even the most notable human made an imprint that is barely negligible.

Paradoxically, realizing this and accepting it, I believe maybe the key to true happiness and enlightenment. Do what makes you happy with zero regard or care for your legacy.

Death scares me half the time, then the other half I think like that and don't worry too much. Waiting to go full not caring much.

Death scares everyone and every living thing. For the simple fact that nothing without that instinct would survive natural selection.

In my personal experience, like any fear, once it's accepted and looked at in the eye, it loses some of its bite. But it's always there.

There's another way to look at reality though. Although statistically unlikely to be fact, the cosmic fluke combination of chemicals that gave birth to life has only happen here. And of that cosmic fluke, the majority of it is unthinking, unconscious self-replicating carbon for millions of years, and 90-something percent of it has gone extinct. Of the fraction that survives, only a tiny percent has undergone the further evolutionary fluke of developing consciousness, and of that, an even smaller percentage has developed it it any kind of capacity that allows for serious thought, happiness and suffering. Of that tiny amount, you happened to beat a few other hundred thousand sperm in a race to be born into the most privileged time in the world, in one of the most unlikely lucky societies. That's like winning the lottery a thousand times in a row.

Given that mind boggling extraordinary luck, it seems to me the wrong question to he asking, what will the other short-lived pink monkeys that happened to co-inherit your cosmic lottery win think about you for a passing blip in time after you die before they're distracted by the next ice cream truck that passes by?

More, what are you going to do with that luck while you're still capable of exploring it?

P. S. I'm not Buddha on the mountain. So far I've cashed in my winning ticket for pissing up at the pub and chasing tail. But I'm pretty sure that's the wrong thing to do with it. But maybe not. As long as you relish it and realize the extraordinary luck that put you there.


Passing thought, I really should stop lacing my pizza with DMT.

[Openside]

Actually as OS has turned up, a golfing end might be appropriate.

My closest for the great hole in one was at John O'Gaunt in Bedfordshire.

Next was at Royal County Down in NI.

Might be nice to get sprinkled on the greens there.

I have knocked it in the hole once, in one. But that was at St Neots and it does not count as I had no ruddy witnesses.

I've had a hat trick in cricket though.

The Management is going to have a right Royal tour.

Hope she can afford it.

Where was your best score? Maybe there?

Ramsey. Bit boring but three under.

Could have been four but I mucked up a sandy chip.

Hit a purler on the par four 18th though. Smashed it over the stream and trees.

A tap in.

Two weeks later I played in the Royal and Sun Alliance invitation.

I tried the same shot. It apparently flew passed the green and bounced off one of the Board Director's car in the park next to the hole.

Left a dent. All I could say to him was; I hope you've got insurance.

We are friends to this day. I took him sailing in the BVI.

Three under?? You played off about 16 if I recall

[fisgard792]

i would spare a thought for those you leave behind

after the eulogy is done, the last thing you really want, is for them having to fend off, questions of its validity, at the ceremony afterwards

[TB63]

Apart from the fact I don't want a headstone, if I have to, I want my name chipped out with my name underneath, below that should read
"They got my name wrong. ."

[globus]

Actually as OS has turned up, a golfing end might be appropriate.

My closest for the great hole in one was at John O'Gaunt in Bedfordshire.

Next was at Royal County Down in NI.

Might be nice to get sprinkled on the greens there.

I have knocked it in the hole once, in one. But that was at St Neots and it does not count as I had no ruddy witnesses.

I've had a hat trick in cricket though.

The Management is going to have a right Royal tour.

Hope she can afford it.

Where was your best score? Maybe there?

Ramsey. Bit boring but three under.

Could have been four but I mucked up a sandy chip.

Hit a purler on the par four 18th though. Smashed it over the stream and trees.

A tap in.

Two weeks later I played in the Royal and Sun Alliance invitation.

I tried the same shot. It apparently flew passed the green and bounced off one of the Board Director's car in the park next to the hole.

Left a dent. All I could say to him was; I hope you've got insurance.

We are friends to this day. I took him sailing in the BVI.

Three under?? You played off about 16 if I recall

I was about 30 years older OS, when we played in that PR comp. My lowest Ramsey handicap was around 6 as I recall and it's a flat course.

I used to play 3/4 times a week in those days.

Went down a lot when I went to the Gogs. That's a different ball game. I think I went to around 12 because I was only playing once a week, after work.

I'd struggle to play to 18 now, after the hip hop. Had nine holes last week and was protecting it so much, no flexibility. My surgeon said "you simply cannot dislocate it" but there's a lot of psychology when you take a swipe at the ball.

I do remember rattling your cage with a decent drive at the golf day. I used to be called "Animal <surname>.

Anyway. You can hit one. I recall a blast over the trees.

[slick]

[troglodiet]

Will:
If my wife outlives me, she can have everything i have. If she dies before me, or divorces me, they can sell all my belongings and donate the money thus raised to charity.


Funeral:
Cremated. They can (and probably should) flush my ashes down the toilet for all i care. Why waste space with a decaying body or an urn with ash.
No funeral service or "memorial" of any kind. If they (friends, family etc) really want to do something, they can have a braai or something and do one toast, on condition it ends with FHHD. Any money they would've wasted on a coffin, flowers, service etc should rather go to charity.


Memories:
Hopefully everybody can forget about me quickly and carry on with their lives as normal.
Anything reminding loved ones about me should be destroyed.

I detest all this hoohah some idiot decided we should do if someone dies. Only people smiling are the funeral directors, whilst prolonging the process for those who stay behind.

[Calculus]

It really, really doesn't matter.

This.

In terms of my body they can feed it to the fishes in the ocean or the big cats in the sanctuary if those big pussies will have me.

[globus]

I don't share your pessimism Trogs. (By the way, got your mail, will reply)

I'm not looking to be revered and I know that in the fullness of time, I shall be forgotten.

But I have a legacy. That is of fun and laughter.

I've bought my plot for the headstone and the urn. I get a bit of leverage on that.

When people wander through graveyards, as they do, I'd like to have them have a grin.

One of my dearest late friends is buried in the Churchyard outside the Church where Scott of the Antartic was married. I used to live on the Green.

He was a gardener. Bill. When I'm next over, I'll pop a pic up. It's lovely and I always have him in my heart. He planted out my garden. There is hopefully still the beautiful magnolia, named after my mother.

Nostalgia is very important to me.

I go to tend my mother's grave in Eaton, Norwich, this spring. As I do every year.

[troglodiet]

It really, really doesn't matter.

This.

In terms of my body they can feed it to the fishes in the ocean or the big cats in the sanctuary if those big pussies will have me.

We'll feed you to the SHARKS, as a final f-you for supporting the wrong rugby team all these years

[jolindien]

Never thought about it and don't really care. We're all insignificant blips in the history of the cosmos. More important question is "how do you want to live?".

And its a good one. I'm half way through life, if I'm lucky, and still have no clue.

Some are not "insignificant" MTA. Some have made an indelible print upon humanity, history and all sorts of things, including music, art, literature and poetry.

I'm not in that league but I have the great love of a family that I have helped so much in my limited time on here.

I'll get a good send off, that's for sure. I just want it to be fun. Funerals are not like that these days, they are a "celebration of life".

Certain people only know about bits of mine, just like you, on here. I want to put it all together as I'm the only one who can do it.

I'm not leaving it to some amateur who has little idea of my life's journey, which has been extraordinary.

This entire history of the human species is a blip relative to the 14 billion year old history of the universe and the billion trillion stars that it contains. Even the most notable human made an imprint that is barely negligible.

Paradoxically, realizing this and accepting it, I believe maybe the key to true happiness and enlightenment. Do what makes you happy with zero regard or care for your legacy.

yeah, if humanity make it another 10 000 years (very much in doubt), which 2017 fucker will still be history in 12017 ? maybe justin bieber, but that's about it.


As for this part :

I'm not in that league but I have the great love of a family that I have helped so much in my limited time on here.

I'll get a good send off, that's for sure. I just want it to be fun. Funerals are not like that these days, they are a "celebration of life".

you're geeting it all right it seems : Globus happy death party

[jolindien]

Will:
If my wife outlives me, she can have everything i have. If she dies before me, or divorces me, they can sell all my belongings and donate the money thus raised to charity.


Funeral:
Cremated. They can (and probably should) flush my ashes down the toilet for all i care. Why waste space with a decaying body or an urn with ash.
No funeral service or "memorial" of any kind. If they (friends, family etc) really want to do something, they can have a braai or something and do one toast, on condition it ends with FHHD. Any money they would've wasted on a coffin, flowers, service etc should rather go to charity.


Memories:
Hopefully everybody can forget about me quickly and carry on with their lives as normal.
Anything reminding loved ones about me should be destroyed.

I detest all this hoohah some idiot decided we should do if someone dies. Only people smiling are the funeral directors, whilst prolonging the process for those who stay behind.

you'll surely get a sticky on PR tho...

[troglodiet]

I don't share your pessimism Trogs.

It's not pessimism mate. I just feel totally different about death. In fact, I'd go as far as saying it would be a final gift to those close to me

I hate how memories of long deceased people just messes with ones mind. Those left behind should have the freedom to carry on with their lives without their minds being occupied by memories of me.

[troglodiet]

Will:
If my wife outlives me, she can have everything i have. If she dies before me, or divorces me, they can sell all my belongings and donate the money thus raised to charity.


Funeral:
Cremated. They can (and probably should) flush my ashes down the toilet for all i care. Why waste space with a decaying body or an urn with ash.
No funeral service or "memorial" of any kind. If they (friends, family etc) really want to do something, they can have a braai or something and do one toast, on condition it ends with FHHD. Any money they would've wasted on a coffin, flowers, service etc should rather go to charity.


Memories:
Hopefully everybody can forget about me quickly and carry on with their lives as normal.
Anything reminding loved ones about me should be destroyed.

I detest all this hoohah some idiot decided we should do if someone dies. Only people smiling are the funeral directors, whilst prolonging the process for those who stay behind.

you'll surely get a sticky on PR tho...

Hopefully enough people will complain about too many stickies, forcing the mods to unsticky it.

It will also obviously depend on who the mods are by then. If it's Big_Nipper or Rinkals, such a thread won't only be unstickied - it will be deleted immediately. Which ironically means they'll be doing me a favour

[grubberkick]

Just in the process of remaking wills.

I'm also writing up my funeral service and a "letter of wishes".

Looks like I'll go to the crematorium and have my ashes scattered here and there and a plaque in the local cemetery "I Am Never Wrong. Once I Thought I Was Wrong, But I Was Mistaken".

I'd like passers by to have a bit of a wry grin.

I've written over 20 funeral services for people (and a similar number of weddings).

So. Folk of this Parish. What would you like to say?

I am expecting some black humour. That's OK!

Will the bugler play the last post?

[flashman]

My Mum was a frightneningly clever woman, did an O.U degree when she retired ,then a Post Grad at Oxford when she was Seventy.
Lived to 85 and could do the Times crossword in under 15 minutes almost to the last.
We wanted to put a crossword clue on her grave stone,Not allowed.
So we settled for the following, " Deus Nobis Haec Otia Fecit "
Just so passers by would have a head scratching moment.

[paneer]

too many sky fairy believers

[Waratah]

Looks like I'll go to the crematorium and have my ashes scattered here and there and a plaque in the local cemetery "I Am Never Wrong. Once I Thought I Was Wrong, But I Was Mistaken".

I'd like passers by to have a bit of a wry grin.

Surely they'd be more impressed with something original? I'm surprised such an authentic individualist and creative wordsmith as yourself would settle for a line plagiarised from a novelty T-shirt. Why go to all this trouble only make it look as if you'd put little thought into it at all?

[Jay Cee Gee]

I hope men will say of me that I did duty by my country.

Alternatively, that they will think of me as a bit of a thicky.

[waguser]

Looks like I'll go to the crematorium and have my ashes scattered here and there and a plaque in the local cemetery "I Am Never Wrong. Once I Thought I Was Wrong, But I Was Mistaken".

I'd like passers by to have a bit of a wry grin.

Surely they'd be more impressed with something original? I'm surprised such an authentic individualist and creative wordsmith as yourself would settle for a line plagiarised from a novelty T-shirt. Why go to all this trouble only make it look as if you'd put little thought into it at all?

When you get a stalker hard on Tah

You really do follow people round like a dog with a boner.

The snide look

is not good on you

[Waratah]

The snide look

is not good on you

Why are you speaking in globus-esque sentence fragments?

[JM2K6]

Looks like I'll go to the crematorium and have my ashes scattered here and there and a plaque in the local cemetery "I Am Never Wrong. Once I Thought I Was Wrong, But I Was Mistaken".

I'd like passers by to have a bit of a wry grin.

Surely they'd be more impressed with something original? I'm surprised such an authentic individualist and creative wordsmith as yourself would settle for a line plagiarised from a novelty T-shirt. Why go to all this trouble only make it look as if you'd put little thought into it at all?

When you get a stalker hard on Tah

You really do follow people round like a dog with a boner.

The snide look

is not good on you

You'd never stoop to that would you

[Waratah]

Shurely, Globus, the most fitting epitaph for you would be, 'Google me!'

[hp18]

I have told the wife that I fancy something akin to The Vikings but with a little twist.

Coffin to be carried down to the water's edge on the shoulders of a group of stunningly ladies. They are topless. My mates get to them to stop every 10 feet and use ice cubes to ensure the erect nipples. Coffin gets put in a boat and sails away. An archer shoots a burning arrow into it the boat and it sinks into the loch. Everybody then goes back, has a good eat, drink and chat, remembering me by telling stories and raising their glasses.

She is not in favour of this.

Your funeral.

[Sensible Stephen]

I plan to have my consciousness transferred to a computer or some such.

What happens to your consciousness when you die? It disappears with your brain? How long can you be dead before it is too late to transfer it to a super computer? I need to figure this out.

[waguser]

Looks like I'll go to the crematorium and have my ashes scattered here and there and a plaque in the local cemetery "I Am Never Wrong. Once I Thought I Was Wrong, But I Was Mistaken".

I'd like passers by to have a bit of a wry grin.

Surely they'd be more impressed with something original? I'm surprised such an authentic individualist and creative wordsmith as yourself would settle for a line plagiarised from a novelty T-shirt. Why go to all this trouble only make it look as if you'd put little thought into it at all?

When you get a stalker hard on Tah

You really do follow people round like a dog with a boner.

The snide look

is not good on you

You'd never stoop to that would you

[Auckman]

"fudge off. This Grave is Full"

[waguser]

The snide look

is not good on you

Why are you speaking in globus-esque sentence fragments?

subconscious Hero worship?

[Auckman]

Shurely, Globus, the most fitting epitaph for you would be, 'Google me!'

[grubberkick]

I plan to have my consciousness transferred to a computer or some such.

What happens to your consciousness when you die? It disappears with your brain? How long can you be dead before it is too late to transfer it to a super computer? I need to figure this out.

Presumably cryogenic resurrectionists have thought of this and could be your first port of call ....

[Bokkom]

Never thought about it and don't really care. We're all insignificant blips in the history of the cosmos. More important question is "how do you want to live?".

And its a good one. I'm half way through life, if I'm lucky, and still have no clue.

Some are not "insignificant" MTA. Some have made an indelible print upon humanity, history and all sorts of things, including music, art, literature and poetry.

I'm not in that league but I have the great love of a family that I have helped so much in my limited time on here.

I'll get a good send off, that's for sure. I just want it to be fun. Funerals are not like that these days, they are a "celebration of life".

Certain people only know about bits of mine, just like you, on here. I want to put it all together as I'm the only one who can do it.

I'm not leaving it to some amateur who has little idea of my life's journey, which has been extraordinary.

This entire history of the human species is a blip relative to the 14 billion year old history of the universe and the billion trillion stars that it contains. Even the most notable human made an imprint that is barely negligible.

Paradoxically, realizing this and accepting it, I believe maybe the key to true happiness and enlightenment. Do what makes you happy with zero regard or care for your legacy.

Death scares me half the time, then the other half I think like that and don't worry too much. Waiting to go full not caring much.

Death scares everyone and every living thing. For the simple fact that nothing without that instinct would survive natural selection.

In my personal experience, like any fear, once it's accepted and looked at in the eye, it loses some of its bite. But it's always there.

There's another way to look at reality though. Although statistically unlikely to be fact, the cosmic fluke combination of chemicals that gave birth to life has only happen here. And of that cosmic fluke, the majority of it is unthinking, unconscious self-replicating carbon for millions of years, and 90-something percent of it has gone extinct. Of the fraction that survives, only a tiny percent has undergone the further evolutionary fluke of developing consciousness, and of that, an even smaller percentage has developed it it any kind of capacity that allows for serious thought, happiness and suffering. Of that tiny amount, you happened to beat a few other hundred thousand sperm in a race to be born into the most privileged time in the world, in one of the most unlikely lucky societies. That's like winning the lottery a thousand times in a row.

Given that mind boggling extraordinary luck, it seems to me the wrong question to he asking, what will the other short-lived pink monkeys that happened to co-inherit your cosmic lottery win think about you for a passing blip in time after you die before they're distracted by the next ice cream truck that passes by?

More, what are you going to do with that luck while you're still capable of exploring it?

P. S. I'm not Buddha on the mountain. So far I've cashed in my winning ticket for pissing up at the pub and chasing tail. But I'm pretty sure that's the wrong thing to do with it. But maybe not. As long as you relish it and realize the extraordinary luck that put you there.


Passing thought, I really should stop lacing my pizza with DMT.

[globus]

I don't claim to be "original". My humour and delivery is a digest of so much.

My MIL bought that plaque for me as a Christmas present. I'd never seen it before but it does convey the wonderful life I have lived and my attitude towards my death.

I've written many a two liner for a few TV shows.

I don't get the credits. But, no matter.

We shall all go at some time. I'm nearer than most, as I've found out.

I cannot conceive that I'll go without a bang or a whimper.

I've lined up who I shall haunt on here.

[Waratah]

I'm nearer than most, as I've found out.

Crohny's disease?

I've lined up who I shall haunt on here.

Future tense is probably unnecessary.

I know, given that you're having a plaque at the crematorium AND a plot at the cemetery maybe you could write, 'sorry, I didn't know a crematorium from a hole in the ground'.

Or if your wife predeceases you, you could be buried on top of her and write, 'the plot thickens!'