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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:40 pm 
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globus wrote:
You clearly do not know how life works in reality.


Depends upon which reality you exist in. The one most of the rest of us inhabit, or one of your own design....


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:47 pm 
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KnuckleDragger wrote:
globus wrote:
You clearly do not know how life works in reality.


Depends upon which reality you exist in. The one most of the rest of us inhabit, or one of your own design....

Yep. I designed it. Works for me.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:47 pm 
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happyhooker wrote:
globus wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
globus wrote:
Samantha has to nip out to spend time with her new gentleman friend. They’re off on a driving tour of Wales. She says he’s looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van.

That's literally the first gag that comes up if you Google "I'm sorry I haven't a clue Samantha"

I can state quite honestly that I typed that up from memory, which is fading a bit.

Now. Find the ice-cream man.

I wrote a terrible joke years ago. It's about somewhere. But I am a busy bloke today and cannot be bothered to find the link.

As you may well know, Samantha never existed. Jon Naismiths apologies are well recorded. (I got his Christian name wrong.)

Samantha has to nip out to spend time with her new gentleman friend. They’re off on a driving tour of Wales. She says he’s looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van.

I've just copied and pasted this from the article in the link below. You've got it word for word identical, including punctuation which I find remarkable, especially given your normal idiosyncratic use of commas.

I was aware of the ice cream joke as I said above, but for your edification it's in the same article.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.indepe ... html%3famp


Oh dear. Oh dear.

Are you really still saying it's just a coincidence? Oh dear.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:51 pm 
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globus wrote:
KnuckleDragger wrote:
globus wrote:
You clearly do not know how life works in reality.


Depends upon which reality you exist in. The one most of the rest of us inhabit, or one of your own design....

Yep. I designed it. Works for me.



Slick - QED......


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 3:57 pm 
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slick wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
globus wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
globus wrote:
Samantha has to nip out to spend time with her new gentleman friend. They’re off on a driving tour of Wales. She says he’s looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van.

That's literally the first gag that comes up if you Google "I'm sorry I haven't a clue Samantha"

I can state quite honestly that I typed that up from memory, which is fading a bit.

Now. Find the ice-cream man.

I wrote a terrible joke years ago. It's about somewhere. But I am a busy bloke today and cannot be bothered to find the link.

As you may well know, Samantha never existed. Jon Naismiths apologies are well recorded. (I got his Christian name wrong.)

Samantha has to nip out to spend time with her new gentleman friend. They’re off on a driving tour of Wales. She says he’s looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van.

I've just copied and pasted this from the article in the link below. You've got it word for word identical, including punctuation which I find remarkable, especially given your normal idiosyncratic use of commas.

I was aware of the ice cream joke as I said above, but for your edification it's in the same article.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/www.indepe ... html%3famp


Oh dear. Oh dear.

Are you really still saying it's just a coincidence? Oh dear.

No. I wrote that. I just picked it off the ISIHAC site when I was looking for links to Humph. I was wondering about buying a trumpet.

Now, clever-clogs, see if you can pick up my relationship with Chris Barber.

It's not a direct one but it is there nevertheless.

I do get utterly fed up with those on here who just want a pop or so.

Got quite a few more but doubt you'd be interested.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:02 pm 
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globus wrote:
I'm still about and I challenge those who choose to have a go.

Up to you but really there must be teenagers out there.

What a load of codswallop.

You don't need to be a teenager to realise that most of what you post is bullshit...


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:02 pm 
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You didn't. And no, I will not be guessing anything about your made up world.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:19 pm 
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HurricaneWasp wrote:
globus wrote:
I'm still about and I challenge those who choose to have a go.

Up to you but really there must be teenagers out there.

What a load of codswallop.

You don't need to be a teenager to realise that most of what you post is bullshit...

Jolly good. But wrong. Have a better go at attacking a fellow poster. Post my bullshit.
I'm fascinated.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:21 pm 
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slick wrote:
You didn't. And no, I will not be guessing anything about your made up world.

Will you just try and post about what you have done.

Looks like a bit of a zero there.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:24 pm 
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globus wrote:
I can state quite honestly that I typed that up from memory, which is fading a bit.


No. I wrote that. I just picked it off the ISIHAC site when I was looking for links to Humph.



Oh dear


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:29 pm 
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happyhooker wrote:
globus wrote:
I can state quite honestly that I typed that up from memory, which is fading a bit.


No. I wrote that. I just picked it off the ISIHAC site when I was looking for links to Humph.



Oh dear

Oh dear what?

Off you go to the liar sandpit for me. Pretty poor. Just piss off.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:33 pm 
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I'm confused.

Did globus write the Bangor joke?


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:35 pm 
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globus wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
globus wrote:
I can state quite honestly that I typed that up from memory, which is fading a bit.


No. I wrote that. I just picked it off the ISIHAC site when I was looking for links to Humph.



Oh dear

Oh dear what?

Off you go to the liar sandpit for me. Pretty poor. Just piss off.

You really cannot see how those two statements of yours are contradictory, can you.

'liar sandpit', oh the fûcking ironing.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:42 pm 
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globus wrote:
slick wrote:
You didn't. And no, I will not be guessing anything about your made up world.

Will you just try and post about what you have done.

Looks like a bit of a zero there.


No one else feels the need to post about what they have done. Why do you?


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:50 pm 
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MaccTaff wrote:
I'm confused.

Did globus write the Bangor joke?

Not really. I sent in a bit of a possibility as I was a huge fan of the show.

It was embellished. Got paid nothing for that attempt but there are quite a few of my warblings on the internet site.

I am quite proud of a few of them!

But, on here, I am a liar apparently, so do not believe anything I say.

But I got 1a in the DT crossword within milliseconds. Read out to me by the Management who was on the lav.

If you can do 11D you get the blue riband.

Author's name inside one tickles my fancy (6, 7)


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:54 pm 
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Did you like Terry Wogan's Janet and John stories globus? To my shame I used to have tears streaming down my face listening to Terry tell them. I do miss Terry.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:55 pm 
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globus wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
I'm confused.

Did globus write the Bangor joke?

Not really. I sent in a bit of a possibility as I was a huge fan of the show.

It was embellished. Got paid nothing for that attempt but there are quite a few of my warblings on the internet site.

I am quite proud of a few of them!

But, on here, I am a liar apparently, so do not believe anything I say.

But I got 1a in the DT crossword within milliseconds. Read out to me by the Management who was on the lav.

If you can do 11D you get the blue riband.

Author's name inside one tickles my fancy (6, 7)

Lemony Snicket

You're not the only person who can do crosswords globby. And I'm just a builder, not a lofty lift engineer.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:56 pm 
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slick wrote:
globus wrote:
slick wrote:
You didn't. And no, I will not be guessing anything about your made up world.

Will you just try and post about what you have done.

Looks like a bit of a zero there.


No one else feels the need to post about what they have done. Why do you?

Because I'm bored with types like you. And I just natter.

What insolence to assume "no one else". You are way off key here. I post whatever I like, as long as it's not offensive.

But you have just become offensive. Do try to curtain the way you think you can post like that.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:57 pm 
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globus wrote:
slick wrote:
globus wrote:
slick wrote:
You didn't. And no, I will not be guessing anything about your made up world.

Will you just try and post about what you have done.

Looks like a bit of a zero there.


No one else feels the need to post about what they have done. Why do you?

Because I'm bored with types like you. And I just natter.

What insolence to assume "no one else". You are way off key here. I post whatever I like, as long as it's not offensive.

But you have just become offensive. Do try to curtain the way you think you can post like that.

Shall we draw a veil over that remark?


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:03 pm 
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happyhooker wrote:
globus wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
I'm confused.

Did globus write the Bangor joke?

Not really. I sent in a bit of a possibility as I was a huge fan of the show.

It was embellished. Got paid nothing for that attempt but there are quite a few of my warblings on the internet site.

I am quite proud of a few of them!

But, on here, I am a liar apparently, so do not believe anything I say.

But I got 1a in the DT crossword within milliseconds. Read out to me by the Management who was on the lav.

If you can do 11D you get the blue riband.

Author's name inside one tickles my fancy (6, 7)

Lemony Snicket

You're not the only person who can do crosswords globby. And I'm just a builder, not a lofty lift engineer.

I know. I just post them.

I was a lift engineer for a while. I am proud to say I put some really good stuff here and there, before I went into the banking industry. The tale of that is probably not appropriate in this age.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:04 pm 
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happyhooker wrote:
globus wrote:
slick wrote:
globus wrote:
slick wrote:
You didn't. And no, I will not be guessing anything about your made up world.

Will you just try and post about what you have done.

Looks like a bit of a zero there.


No one else feels the need to post about what they have done. Why do you?

Because I'm bored with types like you. And I just natter.

What insolence to assume "no one else". You are way off key here. I post whatever I like, as long as it's not offensive.

But you have just become offensive. Do try to curtain the way you think you can post like that.

Shall we draw a veil over that remark?

Ha!


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:06 pm 
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globus wrote:
happyhooker wrote:
globus wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
I'm confused.

Did globus write the Bangor joke?

Not really. I sent in a bit of a possibility as I was a huge fan of the show.

It was embellished. Got paid nothing for that attempt but there are quite a few of my warblings on the internet site.

I am quite proud of a few of them!

But, on here, I am a liar apparently, so do not believe anything I say.

But I got 1a in the DT crossword within milliseconds. Read out to me by the Management who was on the lav.

If you can do 11D you get the blue riband.

Author's name inside one tickles my fancy (6, 7)

Lemony Snicket

You're not the only person who can do crosswords globby. And I'm just a builder, not a lofty lift engineer.

I know. I just post them.

I was a lift engineer for a while. I am proud to say I put some really good stuff here and there, before I went into the banking industry. The tale of that is probably not appropriate in this age.


Who makes the best lifts out of Kone, Otis, ThyssenKrupp and Shindler?


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:29 pm 
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MaccTaff wrote:
Did you like Terry Wogan's Janet and John stories globus? To my shame I used to have tears streaming down my face listening to Terry tell them. I do miss Terry.


Now I actually ask him a question about himself - nothing!


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:29 pm 
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Don't know anymore. Schindler tend to make hydraulic lifts for use in hospitals etc.

Otis undercut us for lifts in car parks. We had a service contract for them.

You would not seriously believe the pile of tin they put in a certain place in Manchester.

I was up there with clothes pegs to short out the relays. The lift was going mental.

I had no mobile phone in those days, so having thought I'd sorted it out, I headed back to Northampton.

I arrive and get a call to go back. My former wife is heavily pregnant.

Then there was the accident up the road.

I've posted about that, but certain individuals have done a call out.

I rescued two parents of the bride and groom at the Courthouse here.

The ladies' cosmetics were melting. The blast of hot air when I managed to get the doors open was quite something.

We got them there before the wedding. The Management and I zoomed down to Amps and bought a bottle of shampoo to apologise.

But. I am a proven liar, it would appear. That's another in the bag.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:31 pm 
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MaccTaff wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
Did you like Terry Wogan's Janet and John stories globus? To my shame I used to have tears streaming down my face listening to Terry tell them. I do miss Terry.


Now I actually ask him a question about himself - nothing!

I have no idea where you are going with this.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:32 pm 
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globus wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
Did you like Terry Wogan's Janet and John stories globus? To my shame I used to have tears streaming down my face listening to Terry tell them. I do miss Terry.


Now I actually ask him a question about himself - nothing!

I have no idea where you are going with this.


The Samantha/Bangor line was very like Terry's Janet and John stories I felt. If you wrote/inspired that I would imagine you would have liked those too. That's all.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:41 pm 
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MaccTaff wrote:
globus wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
Did you like Terry Wogan's Janet and John stories globus? To my shame I used to have tears streaming down my face listening to Terry tell them. I do miss Terry.


Now I actually ask him a question about himself - nothing!

I have no idea where you are going with this.


The Samantha/Bangor line was very like Terry's Janet and John stories I felt. If you wrote/inspired that I would imagine you would have liked those too. That's all.

Janet and John was the staple diet of me as a child.

I still have the books.

Along with three versions of Noddy, one of which is a bit dodgy. My grand-daughter's parents may not want me to relate "Noddy and His Magic Rubber" to my kiddiwinks.

At the time, it was completely harmless, nowadays it's not possibly all right.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:55 pm 
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Erm, that's lovely but doesn't answer my Terry Wogan question.

Not to worry!


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 6:06 pm 
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globus wrote:
Don't know anymore. Schindler tend to make hydraulic lifts for use in hospitals etc.

Otis undercut us for lifts in car parks. We had a service contract for them.

You would not seriously believe the pile of tin they put in a certain place in Manchester.

I was up there with clothes pegs to short out the relays. The lift was going mental.

I had no mobile phone in those days, so having thought I'd sorted it out, I headed back to Northampton.

I arrive and get a call to go back. My former wife is heavily pregnant.

Then there was the accident up the road.

I've posted about that, but certain individuals have done a call out.

I rescued two parents of the bride and groom at the Courthouse here.

The ladies' cosmetics were melting. The blast of hot air when I managed to get the doors open was quite something.

We got them there before the wedding. The Management and I zoomed down to Amps and bought a bottle of shampoo to apologise.

But. I am a proven liar, it would appear. That's another in the bag.


:thumbup:

I've also heard bad things about Otis.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:25 pm 
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Zakar wrote:
globus wrote:
Don't know anymore. Schindler tend to make hydraulic lifts for use in hospitals etc.

Otis undercut us for lifts in car parks. We had a service contract for them.

You would not seriously believe the pile of tin they put in a certain place in Manchester.

I was up there with clothes pegs to short out the relays. The lift was going mental.

I had no mobile phone in those days, so having thought I'd sorted it out, I headed back to Northampton.

I arrive and get a call to go back. My former wife is heavily pregnant.

Then there was the accident up the road.

I've posted about that, but certain individuals have done a call out.

I rescued two parents of the bride and groom at the Courthouse here.

The ladies' cosmetics were melting. The blast of hot air when I managed to get the doors open was quite something.

We got them there before the wedding. The Management and I zoomed down to Amps and bought a bottle of shampoo to apologise.

But. I am a proven liar, it would appear. That's another in the bag.


:thumbup:

I've also heard bad things about Otis.


Especially in the largest town in Berkshire


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:51 pm 
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Otis basically owned the market when I worked in Reading.

And Schindler's lifts were pretty history making when they came out.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:52 pm 
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backrow wrote:
Zakar wrote:
globus wrote:
Don't know anymore. Schindler tend to make hydraulic lifts for use in hospitals etc.

Otis undercut us for lifts in car parks. We had a service contract for them.

You would not seriously believe the pile of tin they put in a certain place in Manchester.

I was up there with clothes pegs to short out the relays. The lift was going mental.

I had no mobile phone in those days, so having thought I'd sorted it out, I headed back to Northampton.

I arrive and get a call to go back. My former wife is heavily pregnant.

Then there was the accident up the road.

I've posted about that, but certain individuals have done a call out.

I rescued two parents of the bride and groom at the Courthouse here.

The ladies' cosmetics were melting. The blast of hot air when I managed to get the doors open was quite something.

We got them there before the wedding. The Management and I zoomed down to Amps and bought a bottle of shampoo to apologise.

But. I am a proven liar, it would appear. That's another in the bag.


:thumbup:

I've also heard bad things about Otis.


Especially in the largest town in Berkshire


Grrr... I was too busy surfing other websites to hit post in time!


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:55 pm 
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pjm1 wrote:
Otis basically owned the market when I worked in Reading.

And Schindler's lifts were pretty history making when they came out.



It's a great name.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 10:45 pm 
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Zakar wrote:
pjm1 wrote:
Otis basically owned the market when I worked in Reading.

And Schindler's lifts were pretty history making when they came out.



It's a great name.


The Best Otis


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:17 am 
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globus wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
I'm confused.

Did globus write the Bangor joke?

Not really. I sent in a bit of a possibility as I was a huge fan of the show.

It was embellished. Got paid nothing for that attempt but there are quite a few of my warblings on the internet site.

)



So you wrote a shit Bangor joke and a completely different one appeared on the show at some point in the future and you claim credit for it?


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:56 am 
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Twelve Finches.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:39 am 
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pjm1 wrote:
backrow wrote:
Zakar wrote:
globus wrote:
Don't know anymore. Schindler tend to make hydraulic lifts for use in hospitals etc.

Otis undercut us for lifts in car parks. We had a service contract for them.

You would not seriously believe the pile of tin they put in a certain place in Manchester.

I was up there with clothes pegs to short out the relays. The lift was going mental.

I had no mobile phone in those days, so having thought I'd sorted it out, I headed back to Northampton.

I arrive and get a call to go back. My former wife is heavily pregnant.

Then there was the accident up the road.

I've posted about that, but certain individuals have done a call out.

I rescued two parents of the bride and groom at the Courthouse here.

The ladies' cosmetics were melting. The blast of hot air when I managed to get the doors open was quite something.

We got them there before the wedding. The Management and I zoomed down to Amps and bought a bottle of shampoo to apologise.

But. I am a proven liar, it would appear. That's another in the bag.


:thumbup:

I've also heard bad things about Otis.


Especially in the largest town in Berkshire


Grrr... I was too busy surfing other websites to hit post in time!


unlucky, its called a Quip, not a Slowp !

also, I did try and make it a bit Oblique, you actually mentioned Reading


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:41 am 
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globus wrote:
I am a proven liar, it would appear. That's another in the bag.


Yep. On this very thread no less.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 10:29 am 
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frillage wrote:
globus wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
I'm confused.

Did globus write the Bangor joke?

Not really. I sent in a bit of a possibility as I was a huge fan of the show.

It was embellished. Got paid nothing for that attempt but there are quite a few of my warblings on the internet site.

)



So you wrote a shit Bangor joke and a completely different one appeared on the show at some point in the future and you claim credit for it?

No.


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 Post subject: Re: Height
PostPosted: Wed Sep 13, 2017 3:05 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Posts: 6663
globus wrote:
frillage wrote:
globus wrote:
MaccTaff wrote:
I'm confused.

Did globus write the Bangor joke?

Not really. I sent in a bit of a possibility as I was a huge fan of the show.

It was embellished. Got paid nothing for that attempt but there are quite a few of my warblings on the internet site.

)



So you wrote a shit Bangor joke and a completely different one appeared on the show at some point in the future and you claim credit for it?

No.


Well I am afraid that is exactly how it sounds. Maybe just in your head it was your joke, did you receive at least a thanks for it?


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