Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of symptoms)

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DragonKhan
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Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of symptoms)

Post by DragonKhan »

I can't eat or drink anything without throwing up. I played football last night, got in and had a print of blackcurrant squash after to rehydrate which is the norm. Went to bed 10:20. Woke at 5 with a bit of a pain in my stomach, thought nothing of it. Went back to sleep.

Woke at 6:30 and had to run faster than Usain Bolt to get to the toilet. Oh boy was it grim. It was like I was pissing brown water out of my ass. It exploded and I did that a couple of times before going to work (I had to as I open up our offices and I do the early morning support).

Got into work feeling like a bag of wrenches had been dropped on my head, I ignored an soldiered on and did the weekends backups chart and grimly hung on for an hour and a bit until someone else on the hardware team came in, in between I had another couple of episodes of exploding brown water from the auld rectum. Called the boss and she said yeah its fine go home, thanks for opening up (we rarely if ever get calls early but this morning there were three of them when I have barely taken three before 9 in the last year!). I walk to the bus stop, all energy is gone, completely sapped of energy and manage to get home without shitting myself. Get in, think I probably need to eat something

WRONG! Take three bites of an apple (it's a fricking apple for crying out loud) and have to leg it to the bathroom, absolutely puke my ring up. I feel better and give it an hour before trying some toast. I eat half a piece of toast and drink some 7UP. All is good. 10 minutes later - puking my ring up again and it smells like 7UP and I see the lovely grainy bread :lol:

I try to get some sleep as well as partially rehydrate. Wake up 15 minutes later and my stomach is still in bits. I have a Frijj milkshake in the fridge. I try that and five seconds later I am puking my ring up again and it is a little red (no idea what it is). I have been waiting another 6 hours but my stomach is still doing somersaults and I can barely keep fluids down without gagging,

Am I dying :lol: :blush:
C69
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by C69 »

:lol: :lol:
LEMSIP AND A WANK
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MrJonno
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by MrJonno »

DragonKhan wrote:I can't eat or drink anything without throwing up. I played football last night, got in and had a print of blackcurrant squash after to rehydrate which is the norm. Went to bed 10:20. Woke at 5 with a bit of a pain in my stomach, thought nothing of it. Went back to sleep.

Woke at 6:30 and had to run faster than Usain Bolt to get to the toilet. Oh boy was it grim. It was like I was pissing brown water out of my ass. It exploded and I did that a couple of times before going to work (I had to as I open up our offices and I do the early morning support).

Got into work feeling like a bag of wrenches had been dropped on my head, I ignored an soldiered on and did the weekends backups chart and grimly hung on for an hour and a bit until someone else on the hardware team came in, in between I had another couple of episodes of exploding brown water from the auld rectum. Called the boss and she said yeah its fine go home, thanks for opening up (we rarely if ever get calls early but this morning there were three of them when I have barely taken three before 9 in the last year!). I walk to the bus stop, all energy is gone, completely sapped of energy and manage to get home without shitting myself. Get in, think I probably need to eat something

WRONG! Take three bites of an apple (it's a fricking apple for crying out loud) and have to leg it to the bathroom, absolutely puke my ring up. I feel better and give it an hour before trying some toast. I eat half a piece of toast and drink some 7UP. All is good. 10 minutes later - puking my ring up again and it smells like 7UP and I see the lovely grainy bread :lol:

I try to get some sleep as well as partially rehydrate. Wake up 15 minutes later and my stomach is still in bits. I have a Frijj milkshake in the fridge. I try that and five seconds later I am puking my ring up again and it is a little red (no idea what it is). I have been waiting another 6 hours but my stomach is still doing somersaults and I can barely keep fluids down without gagging,

Am I dying :lol: :blush:
Give it a couple of days and whoever relieved you will be able to sympathize.
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DragonKhan
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by DragonKhan »

c69 wrote::lol: :lol:
LEMSIP AND A WANK
Even the urge to wank has gone :x :lol:
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Leinsterman
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Leinsterman »

FFS, it's just a stomach bug
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DragonKhan
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by DragonKhan »

Leinsterman wrote:FFS, it's just a stomach bug
The title is a bit tongue in cheek, I don't actually think I am dying though at times today I would have embraced it
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Diego
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Diego »

Food poisoning?
argus
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by argus »

Should have played rugby
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DragonKhan
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by DragonKhan »

Diego wrote:Food poisoning?
I haven't had anything mad to eat that I don't normally. Had chicken nuggets, peas and sweetcorn for dinner as I was in a rush but twas all cooked. It's the horrible brown water I'd never seen before!
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Diego
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Diego »

DragonKhan wrote:
Diego wrote:Food poisoning?
I haven't had anything mad to eat that I don't normally. Had chicken nuggets, peas and sweetcorn for dinner as I was in a rush but twas all cooked. It's the horrible brown water I'd never seen before!
You're a grown man ffs :lol:
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Leinsterman
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Leinsterman »

Diego wrote:Food poisoning?
No, he would have seen the symptoms earlier.
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Insane_Homer
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Insane_Homer »

Sounds like bad aids,

Flat coke will keep you hydrated without it going straight through you.

Rip
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DragonKhan
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by DragonKhan »

Diego wrote:
DragonKhan wrote:
Diego wrote:Food poisoning?
I haven't had anything mad to eat that I don't normally. Had chicken nuggets, peas and sweetcorn for dinner as I was in a rush but twas all cooked. It's the horrible brown water I'd never seen before!
You're a grown man ffs :lol:
Excuse me, I like to be a hysterical bitch when I am ill without being judged :x
argus
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by argus »

Leinsterman wrote:
Diego wrote:Food poisoning?
No, he would have seen the symptoms earlier.
Probably a twisted bowel then

Like the one the Gibb brother died from...
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Laurent
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Laurent »

DragonKhan wrote:
c69 wrote::lol: :lol:
LEMSIP AND A WANK
Even the urge to wank has gone :x :lol:
Good old bongo mag on the bog...
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JM2K6
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by JM2K6 »

RIP
Gwenno
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Gwenno »

It's what we doctors call the shits.
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YOYO
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by YOYO »

This thead is a bit of an insult to the posters that do have serious illness. DK, you'll get my sympathy if you are diagnosed with something more serious.
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True Blue
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by True Blue »

Anal plague. I strongly suggest you inject your brown eye with a dose of antibiotics otherwise you'll get gangrene.
Mick Mannock
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Mick Mannock »

Might it be due to the dye/pigments in the print?
ZappaMan
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by ZappaMan »

Gwenno wrote:It's what we doctors call the shits.
:lol:
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Jeff the Bear
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Jeff the Bear »

When it's coming out of both ends like that, it's usually food poisoning. I have considerable experience with this.
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terryfinch
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by terryfinch »

RIP :((
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paddyor
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by paddyor »

Next time don't run to the jacks. Just clinch up really tight and hold it in. That's the cure. You'll be fine!
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Diego
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Diego »

paddyor wrote:Next time don't run to the jacks. Just clinch up really tight and hold it in. That's the cure. You'll be fine!
Image
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paddyor
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by paddyor »

Jeff the Bear wrote:When it's coming out of both ends like that, it's usually food poisoning. I have considerable experience with this.
Or baby germs. When my nephew was a few months old he gave about 10 people the shits in the space of about 6 hours.
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Mog The Almighty
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Mog The Almighty »

Has the phrase, "take a teaspoon of concrete and harden up, son", ever been more applicable? Both mentally and poo-wise?

fudge me that was a long, gross hypercondriachal story for someone who just has (admittedly a pretty bad sounding) case of the runs. Man up and keep it to yourself in future.
Mick Mannock
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Mick Mannock »

Go for a nice long walk.
dpedin
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by dpedin »

Norovirus. Rehydrate, don't go out and spread your germs and grow a pair nancy boy! 48 hours max.
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Winnie
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Winnie »

Sounds like bad AIDS to me





*might also be a touch of food poisoning
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Diego
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Diego »

I still can't believe an actual adult with a job eats chicken nuggets, sweetcorn and peas for his dinner :lol:
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Enzedder
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Enzedder »

Nah, not food poisoning - he wouldn't have made it to midnight, let alone the next morning.

Tis just a bug that has taken a liking to you. Sip on flat soft drinks for 24 hours and be careful how you wipe your arse cos you'll be doing it a fair bit.
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DragonKhan
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by DragonKhan »

Diego wrote:I still can't believe an actual adult with a job eats chicken nuggets, sweetcorn and peas for his dinner :lol:
I was in a rush :lol:
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CrazyIslander
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by CrazyIslander »

I prescribe drinking some beer. Old home remedy.
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DragonKhan
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by DragonKhan »

Symptoms do match up with Norovirus tbf. A couple days off work so
argus
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by argus »

DragonKhan wrote:
Diego wrote:I still can't believe an actual adult with a job eats chicken nuggets, sweetcorn and peas for his dinner :lol:
I was in a rush :lol:
Were they out of lunchables?
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The Man Without Fear
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by The Man Without Fear »

paddyor wrote:Next time don't run to the jacks. Just clinch up really tight and hold it in. That's the cure. You'll be fine!
For Christ's sake, ignore this fool! The last time I was laid up with similar, I tried to hold on, farted and shat the bed.
Morgan14
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Morgan14 »

Definitely aidscancer
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Leinsterman
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Leinsterman »

Jeff the Bear wrote:When it's coming out of both ends like that, it's usually food poisoning. I have considerable experience with this.
Considerable experience eh? Your wife's cooking is absolutely dire?
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Diego
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Re: Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of sympt

Post by Diego »

The Man Without Fear wrote:
paddyor wrote:Next time don't run to the jacks. Just clinch up really tight and hold it in. That's the cure. You'll be fine!
For Christ's sake, ignore this fool! The last time I was laid up with similar, I tried to hold on, farted and shat the bed.
:lol:
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