Lads, think I am dying please help(Grim reading of symptoms)

[houtkabouter]

Sounds like you're writing an article for Breitbart.

[paddyor]

Next time don't run to the jacks. Just clinch up really tight and hold it in. That's the cure. You'll be fine!

For Christ's sake, ignore this fool! The last time I was laid up with similar, I tried to hold on, farted and shat the bed.

Ruined it

[True Blue]

I went through a spate of gastro in 2012 for some reason. Had it 4 or so times that year. Never had it before or after. I remember just sitting in the shower vomiting and shitting at the same time. Basically felt like a regular weekend after watching the Blues lose again, but with less depression.

[DragonKhan]

I went through a spate of gastro in 2012 for some reason. Had it 4 or so times that year. Never had it before or after. I remember just sitting in the shower vomiting and shitting at the same time. Basically felt like a regular weekend after watching the Blues lose again, but with less depression.

I had food poisoning before - there was the end of the pork that had been in the fridge a few days and changed slightly in colour... i ate it like a greedy moron and I have never had cramps like that

[Jeff the Bear]

As people are reminisicing about their worse times, I'll juts post this here (taken from a post I did on the Holidays from Hell thread):

1. Similar to the above, I had finished doing the Inca trail and was celebrating back in Cusco with a pizza...a guinea pig pizza. At 3 o clock the next morning I started shitting and spewing at the same time, and then continued to do the same every 30 minutes for the next 4 hours. I had to fly home that morning, which was probably the most unconformable 24 hours of my life covering three flights from Cucso to Lima, Lima to Madrid and Madrid to London.

2. Went to Sharm El Shits for my honeymoon, and managed to avoid the lurgy for the most part, but as sods law would have it I got the squits the morning of our excursion to Cairo to see the pyramids. Most depressing part...having to rush back and forth the toilets at the Eqyptian Museum and having to hand over money for each and every square of toilet paper. The cunt had a heart of stone and no matter how much a pleaded, he wouldn't give a man clearly in need, any extra toilet paper.

3. Not quite a holiday, but I was working in Kathmandu and after a long day I decided that I would try some of the local cuisine as the combination of booze and tiredness had left me somewhat open to making poor decisions (previous experiences had taught me well, and so I had up to that point stuck resolutely to a fairly western diet). So tired and drunk was I that I didn't notice the twat had served me what was essentially raw chicken kebabs. The usual ensued (out of both ends). Probably my finest hour was putting in a solid 12 hours of work the next day (while shitting myself at regular intervals)...with my crowning achievement being able to to walk past the open sewer that was so wonderfully placed between the hotel and my place of work and managing to not spew/shit myself at the stench.

4. Last year went to a wedding in eastern Slovakia. The day after the wedding we decided to do some site seeing at the Tatras mountain. I don't know whether it was the combination of a (minor altitude) combined with a hangover, or the 'meat' platter I had at the foot of the mountains, but it f**k me up good and proper. In an escalation on the usual, I got disentry instead of the bog standard gastroenteritis, where I was shitting blood and running a high fever (felt like someone was stabbing me in the gut). While this was all going on, I had to catch a 6 hour train journey back to Vienna, and then a couple of hour flight from Vienna back to the UK. At one point on the flight home (I assume through a combination of a lack of fluids and a high temperature) I had a 'turn' where I thought I was going to pass out/die as my heart rate went into overdrive and could barely catch my breath.

So, in summary, I have the dubious honour of having serious doses of the shits on every continent on the planet (have had the shits in NZ as well), except for North America (Antarctica doesn't count!). I'm planning on visiting America in the next two years!

[DragonKhan]

Those are some brilliant shit stories

[Nolanator]

Food poisoning?

I haven't had anything mad to eat that I don't normally. Had chicken nuggets, peas and sweetcorn for dinner as I was in a rush but twas all cooked. It's the horrible brown water I'd never seen before!

You're a grown man ffs

Who chose to love in Hull.

[Nolanator]

In relation to the OP, it's probably just one of those vomiting bugs. I got one a couple of years ago. Spend a day shitting rusty water while dry heaving into a bucket. It eventually passes.

[BlackMac]

Considering your job involves "doing the weekends backup charts", I would say yes, you are dying, very, very slowly.

[SilverGrin]

It's what we doctors call the shits.

It's what we laymen also call the shits.

[Laurent]

It's what we doctors call the shits.

It's what we laymen also call the shits.

in another word la Chiasse.

[sewa]

I went through a spate of gastro in 2012 for some reason. Had it 4 or so times that year. Never had it before or after. I remember just sitting in the shower vomiting and shitting at the same time. Basically felt like a regular weekend after watching the Blues lose again, but with less depression.

I had food poisoning before - there was the end of the pork that had been in the fridge a few days and changed slightly in colour... i ate it like a greedy moron and I have never had cramps like that

That's why they typically don't eat pig meat in hot countries, it goes off real quick and gets real poisonous. Got sweet FA to do with religion.

[aitch@wasps]

I can't eat or drink anything without throwing up. I played football last night, got in and had a print of blackcurrant squash after to rehydrate which is the norm. Went to bed 10:20. Woke at 5 with a bit of a pain in my stomach, thought nothing of it. Went back to sleep.

Woke at 6:30 and had to run faster than Usain Bolt to get to the toilet. Oh boy was it grim. It was like I was pissing brown water out of my ass. It exploded and I did that a couple of times before going to work (I had to as I open up our offices and I do the early morning support).

Got into work feeling like a bag of wrenches had been dropped on my head, I ignored an soldiered on and did the weekends backups chart and grimly hung on for an hour and a bit until someone else on the hardware team came in, in between I had another couple of episodes of exploding brown water from the auld rectum. Called the boss and she said yeah its fine go home, thanks for opening up (we rarely if ever get calls early but this morning there were three of them when I have barely taken three before 9 in the last year!). I walk to the bus stop, all energy is gone, completely sapped of energy and manage to get home without shitting myself. Get in, think I probably need to eat something

WRONG! Take three bites of an apple (it's a fricking apple for crying out loud) and have to leg it to the bathroom, absolutely puke my ring up. I feel better and give it an hour before trying some toast. I eat half a piece of toast and drink some 7UP. All is good. 10 minutes later - puking my ring up again and it smells like 7UP and I see the lovely grainy bread

I try to get some sleep as well as partially rehydrate. Wake up 15 minutes later and my stomach is still in bits. I have a Frijj milkshake in the fridge. I try that and five seconds later I am puking my ring up again and it is a little red (no idea what it is). I have been waiting another 6 hours but my stomach is still doing somersaults and I can barely keep fluids down without gagging,

Am I dying

Congratulations on your first (yes, there will be more) bout of norovirus. Once it's in your system, it'll come back regularly, about every two years in my case.

Get yourself some Pepto Bismol (chewable are easiest and you can carry them around with you) ready for next time.

Last time I had it, I couldn't eat for three days. Mineral water was my only friend...

[LeGrenouile]

I can't eat or drink anything without throwing up. I played football last night, got in and had a print of blackcurrant squash after to rehydrate which is the norm. Went to bed 10:20. Woke at 5 with a bit of a pain in my stomach, thought nothing of it. Went back to sleep.

Woke at 6:30 and had to run faster than Usain Bolt to get to the toilet. Oh boy was it grim. It was like I was pissing brown water out of my ass. It exploded and I did that a couple of times before going to work (I had to as I open up our offices and I do the early morning support).

Got into work feeling like a bag of wrenches had been dropped on my head, I ignored an soldiered on and did the weekends backups chart and grimly hung on for an hour and a bit until someone else on the hardware team came in, in between I had another couple of episodes of exploding brown water from the auld rectum. Called the boss and she said yeah its fine go home, thanks for opening up (we rarely if ever get calls early but this morning there were three of them when I have barely taken three before 9 in the last year!). I walk to the bus stop, all energy is gone, completely sapped of energy and manage to get home without shitting myself. Get in, think I probably need to eat something

WRONG! Take three bites of an apple (it's a fricking apple for crying out loud) and have to leg it to the bathroom, absolutely puke my ring up. I feel better and give it an hour before trying some toast. I eat half a piece of toast and drink some 7UP. All is good. 10 minutes later - puking my ring up again and it smells like 7UP and I see the lovely grainy bread

I try to get some sleep as well as partially rehydrate. Wake up 15 minutes later and my stomach is still in bits. I have a Frijj milkshake in the fridge. I try that and five seconds later I am puking my ring up again and it is a little red (no idea what it is). I have been waiting another 6 hours but my stomach is still doing somersaults and I can barely keep fluids down without gagging,

Am I dying

WhAT A VERY SILLY POST PLEASE DO DIE. When i do think of friends who have died this is a post of a person who is a really badly used lady part

[frillage]

I went through a spate of gastro in 2012 for some reason. Had it 4 or so times that year. Never had it before or after. I remember just sitting in the shower vomiting and shitting at the same time. Basically felt like a regular weekend after watching the Blues lose again, but with less depression.

I had food poisoning before - there was the end of the pork that had been in the fridge a few days and changed slightly in colour... i ate it like a greedy moron and I have never had cramps like that

That's why they typically don't eat pig meat in hot countries, it goes off real quick and gets real poisonous. Got sweet FA to do with religion.

Pig meat (and chicken) was no different from all meat the issues with it have arisen through farming, feed and slaughter. You can eat certain types of chicken and pork rare or raw still of go to right place.
You may well be right the farming predates the religious beliefs like so many things and so many holidays that have been (mis)appropriated.

[Puma]

This thread shows one of the reasons why hardly anyone ever leaves this place.