Worried about the old mans health

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look_spanky
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Worried about the old mans health

Post by look_spanky »

My dad is not particularly old, 57 in November, but I'm getting increasingly worried about his physical health heading in to the future. He has kidney failure (congenital), which actually isn't a major issue at the moment because he had a transplant in 2012 which seems to be holding well. However he is incredibly weak, can't even do 5 push ups. He does play squash and a bit of tennis but it's not at a level where he will get much benefit strength-wise. I have tried in vain to help him put together a work out program, keeping it very simple and mostly bodyweight exercises but to no avail. He also drinks too much beer and gets stressed at the drop of a hat. At 86kgs and 5"9 he is not obese but he could probably do with losing 10-15 kgs or so (bearing in mind how little muscle mass he has, it's mostly belly fat).

I have never met someone who is so f*cking stubborn when it comes to their health, and it's especially annoying given how emotional he gets when talking about his transplant and how he's so lucky to get a second chance only to drink too much, be stressed over pointless things and not look after his body. I don't want to be carrying him to the toilet when he's 70 and I'm sure as sh*t he doesn't want to be either. I have had some wins from a nutritional point of view which is good. Ironically his 60 year old wife is still running marathons all over the world.

So, any advice on what best approach to take on someone with this attitude? Also can highly recommend watching a doco called "saving dad" about a couple of guys who try to save their dad from type 2 diabetes.

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CrazyIslander
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by CrazyIslander »

I suggest taking him bush walking with a backpack each.

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The Native
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by The Native »

Is he retired? If not, what does he do for work? Him playing squash and tennis is good. Getting his diet sorted - just knocking the piss on the head would do wonders for his weight and health.

I wouldn't necessarily get him doing some strength stuff if he's resistant to the idea. That he drops some weight and remains active should be enough.

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guy smiley
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by guy smiley »

:shock:

errrr...

well, this is mildly embarrassing. I may have to cut back on the wine.

look_spanky
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by look_spanky »

The Native wrote:Is he retired? If not, what does he do for work? Him playing squash and tennis is good. Getting his diet sorted - just knocking the piss on the head would do wonders for his weight and health.

I wouldn't necessarily get him doing some strength stuff if he's resistant to the idea. That he drops some weight and remains active should be enough.

He works in local government, which can definitely be stressful. Yeah the alcohol is the big one as far as his weight is concerned, but that's a 40 year habit to break. I really do think he needs to do something about his general strength as he shouldn't be that weak at his age. I don't expect him to be power lifting, even some bodyweight squats twice a week would be enough. Trying to motivate him is the issue.

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shanky
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by shanky »

My tip is to use his personality against him

If he is (as you say) stubborn, then try and find a motivational method that uses that. Turn it to your advantage.

This isn't the answer, but for example, if you said "Bet you can't lose 5kgs by Summer", would that encourage him to try?

People complain about the hundreds of different diets, or the variety of ways to get people to give up smoking. Not me, I think everyone needs to find their own way of doing it, and there is no good or bad way. You just need to employ some psychology

Anyhoo, good luck with it.

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guy smiley
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by guy smiley »

look_spanky wrote:
The Native wrote:Is he retired? If not, what does he do for work? Him playing squash and tennis is good. Getting his diet sorted - just knocking the piss on the head would do wonders for his weight and health.

I wouldn't necessarily get him doing some strength stuff if he's resistant to the idea. That he drops some weight and remains active should be enough.

He works in local government, which can definitely be stressful. Yeah the alcohol is the big one as far as his weight is concerned, but that's a 40 year habit to break. I really do think he needs to do something about his general strength as he shouldn't be that weak at his age. I don't expect him to be power lifting, even some bodyweight squats twice a week would be enough. Trying to motivate him is the issue.


Absolutely... and the thing is, everyone has different interests and motivations. I understand your alarm, but he's pretty much my age and our generation have a joyful blindness to mortality. We don't like facing up to the inevitable. So you've got your work cut out in sneaking around his attitude to find a way to get him to realise he needs to do something. It's a bit like ads over here to stop kids smoking focusing on physical activity and not being able to keep up... if you really want to achieve something here you need to find a way to wake him up to his state of health. Walking is the easy way... it's not unusual to go for a walk and the lack of fitness soon shows itself and can be embarrassing.

However you do it, you're going to have to play a game of strategy and tact. Banging his head with it won't work, he'll just dig in.

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True Blue
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by True Blue »

Honestly, I suspect half the population cannot do five push ups. I can. (do 6)

obelixtim
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by obelixtim »

Take him to the local cemetery and ask him to pick out a plot, then ask him which day of the month he would like you to come and visit him there.

look_spanky
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by look_spanky »

guy smiley wrote:
look_spanky wrote:
The Native wrote:Is he retired? If not, what does he do for work? Him playing squash and tennis is good. Getting his diet sorted - just knocking the piss on the head would do wonders for his weight and health.

I wouldn't necessarily get him doing some strength stuff if he's resistant to the idea. That he drops some weight and remains active should be enough.

He works in local government, which can definitely be stressful. Yeah the alcohol is the big one as far as his weight is concerned, but that's a 40 year habit to break. I really do think he needs to do something about his general strength as he shouldn't be that weak at his age. I don't expect him to be power lifting, even some bodyweight squats twice a week would be enough. Trying to motivate him is the issue.


Absolutely... and the thing is, everyone has different interests and motivations. I understand your alarm, but he's pretty much my age and our generation have a joyful blindness to mortality. We don't like facing up to the inevitable. So you've got your work cut out in sneaking around his attitude to find a way to get him to realise he needs to do something. It's a bit like ads over here to stop kids smoking focusing on physical activity and not being able to keep up... if you really want to achieve something here you need to find a way to wake him up to his state of health. Walking is the easy way... it's not unusual to go for a walk and the lack of fitness soon shows itself and can be embarrassing.

However you do it, you're going to have to play a game of strategy and tact. Banging his head with it won't work, he'll just dig in.


Mmmm I think embarrassment is actually part of the reason why he won't do anything. He actually used to be bloody fit, walked the hills in North Canterbury every day as a ranger. Got a promotion and now he has moobs. Perhaps dry July would be a good idea.

look_spanky
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by look_spanky »

True Blue wrote:Honestly, I suspect half the population cannot do five push ups. I can. (do 6)

Well that would be a sad state of affairs if true. We are going to resemble something like boneless chickens eventually.
Image

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guy smiley
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by guy smiley »

I reckon you'd be surprised at the reality... working with or against your own body weight is unusual. I used to be able to chuck 50kg drill steels onto a shoulder and wander around with it up there but chin ups are a different story, same as press ups.

Not everyone works out. It's a reality.

The other thing here is age. You lose flexibility and strength obviously, but a lot of that is connected to underuse. I've had both shoulders operated on in the last 12 months so I've been pretty immobile. Trying to get strength back is a nightmare... years ago recovery was a given, at our age it's a serious effort. Your old man must be feeling the limits of age coming on with niggles, aches, pains and all that. It's a mental block, a hurdle... the longer you're out of fitness the harder it is to get back.

The booze is a habit though and it goes straight onto the gut. Start talking about beer guts and moobs if you think it'll help shift him.

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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by Rugby2023 »

look_spanky wrote:I have never met someone who is so f*cking stubborn when it comes to their health, and it's especially annoying given how emotional he gets when talking about his transplant and how he's so lucky to get a second chance only to drink too much, be stressed over pointless things and not look after his body. I don't want to be carrying him to the toilet when he's 70 and I'm sure as sh*t he doesn't want to be either. I have had some wins from a nutritional point of view which is good. Ironically his 60 year old wife is still running marathons all over the world.

I think it's just that generation, stuck in their ways and don't see why they should have to change (or indeed don't have the discipline). My own father is around that age and will not give up smoking despite health related difficulties with it in the past.

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sewa
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by sewa »

The Native wrote:Is he retired? If not, what does he do for work? Him playing squash and tennis is good. Getting his diet sorted - just knocking the piss on the head would do wonders for his weight and health.

I wouldn't necessarily get him doing some strength stuff if he's resistant to the idea. That he drops some weight and remains active should be enough.

He is a grown man ffs. You can't just tell him what to do. Let him fooking live his life

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DragsterDriver
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by DragsterDriver »

Doesn’t sound like he’ll be around at 70 to carry to the toilet boozing with shit kidneys. Stubborn old men are best left alone they really are funny fcukers, spend your effort on your mum and yourself (and family).

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The Native
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by The Native »

sewa wrote:
The Native wrote:Is he retired? If not, what does he do for work? Him playing squash and tennis is good. Getting his diet sorted - just knocking the piss on the head would do wonders for his weight and health.

I wouldn't necessarily get him doing some strength stuff if he's resistant to the idea. That he drops some weight and remains active should be enough.

He is a grown man ffs. You can't just tell him what to do. Let him fooking live his life

Plenty of grown men need to be told what to do for a variety of reasons. Anyway, look_spanky was after advice and some was given. Up to him what he does with it.

bigboyzduncry
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by bigboyzduncry »

he wont be around at 70 if hes still boozing after a kidney transplant. The motivation to get healthy has to come from within and you cant force him to get fit.

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guy smiley
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by guy smiley »

DragsterDriver wrote:Doesn’t sound like he’ll be around at 70 to carry to the toilet boozing with shit kidneys. Stubborn old men are best left alone they really are funny fcukers, spend your effort on your mum and yourself (and family).


56 is old?

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Sensible Stephen
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by Sensible Stephen »

guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:Doesn’t sound like he’ll be around at 70 to carry to the toilet boozing with shit kidneys. Stubborn old men are best left alone they really are funny fcukers, spend your effort on your mum and yourself (and family).


56 is old?


Yeah, yeah it is.

It sure as hell isn't the new 36 or whatever it is old people like to believe these days.

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DragsterDriver
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by DragsterDriver »

guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:Doesn’t sound like he’ll be around at 70 to carry to the toilet boozing with shit kidneys. Stubborn old men are best left alone they really are funny fcukers, spend your effort on your mum and yourself (and family).


56 is old?


It’s not young?

Stubborn old man can start early like the menapause tbf.

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guy smiley
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by guy smiley »

DragsterDriver wrote:
guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:Doesn’t sound like he’ll be around at 70 to carry to the toilet boozing with shit kidneys. Stubborn old men are best left alone they really are funny fcukers, spend your effort on your mum and yourself (and family).


56 is old?


It’s not young?

Stubborn old man can start early like the menapause tbf.


It's not young, but it's sure as shit not old :x

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wamberal99
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by wamberal99 »

You need to get him to go away for a weekend with you, camping, or something similar, where you can just spend time together, hiking, or fishing, or whatever you both like, and of course, talking.



Have you ever shared your feelings with him? Told him what he means to you?



That would be the context in which you can place your concerns about the state of his health, and your suggestions as to what he could do to improve his health.


I have absolutely no time for "diets" per se. What I do believe in is the making of permanent changes, in what we eat, and drink, and of course also in the physical activities we pursue.


At the end of the day, he has to want to make some changes. My advice without knowing anything about either of you, is that it would be worth finding exercise options that involve activities that he might enjoy. The aim would be to get him onto some sort of pattern, and also find some activities that allow him to measure his progress.


Good luck.

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DragsterDriver
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by DragsterDriver »

guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:
guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:Doesn’t sound like he’ll be around at 70 to carry to the toilet boozing with shit kidneys. Stubborn old men are best left alone they really are funny fcukers, spend your effort on your mum and yourself (and family).


56 is old?


It’s not young?

Stubborn old man can start early like the menapause tbf.


It's not young, but it's sure as shit not old :x



Don’t be stubborn :P

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sewa
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by sewa »

The Native wrote:
sewa wrote:
The Native wrote:Is he retired? If not, what does he do for work? Him playing squash and tennis is good. Getting his diet sorted - just knocking the piss on the head would do wonders for his weight and health.

I wouldn't necessarily get him doing some strength stuff if he's resistant to the idea. That he drops some weight and remains active should be enough.

He is a grown man ffs. You can't just tell him what to do. Let him fooking live his life

Plenty of grown men need to be told what to do for a variety of reasons. Anyway, look_spanky was after advice and some was given. Up to him what he does with it.

I think he was just venting as he know his dad would tell him to cop the fudge on

Rugby2023
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by Rugby2023 »

guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:
guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:Doesn’t sound like he’ll be around at 70 to carry to the toilet boozing with shit kidneys. Stubborn old men are best left alone they really are funny fcukers, spend your effort on your mum and yourself (and family).


56 is old?


It’s not young?

Stubborn old man can start early like the menapause tbf.


It's not young, but it's sure as shit not old :x

Tim Westwood (60) agrees :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGRJcVcq-YE

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guy smiley
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by guy smiley »

DragsterDriver wrote:
guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:
guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:Doesn’t sound like he’ll be around at 70 to carry to the toilet boozing with shit kidneys. Stubborn old men are best left alone they really are funny fcukers, spend your effort on your mum and yourself (and family).


56 is old?


It’s not young?

Stubborn old man can start early like the menapause tbf.


It's not young, but it's sure as shit not old :x



Don’t be stubborn :P

:lol: cnut, it got me where I am today, why change the habits of a lifetime?

dpedin
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by dpedin »

I am a year older than your old man. I go to the gym a few times a week on average, but much more in winter, and play golf (walking) a couple of times a week too. In the gym I do 30 mins aerobic and 45 mins of weights (9 stations - 60 sit ups and 8 sets of 4x8 reps of medium weights - nothing above 50kg). I strongly believe that the weight training is really important for overall fitness and health as I get older, I enjoy doing them. Believe me it gets more difficult, recovery time is an issue for me, particularly with dodgy arthritic knees. Also it is amazing how fast I lose my fitness when I have a lay off and how long it takes to get back to my target weights again.

However main motivation for me is being able to do both with my 24 year old son. I can still beat him at the golf off my 13 handicap and although we do different circuits/weights at the gym we often go together. We both invite our mates along now and again and it is a great way for both of us to keep in touch with each others friends. Most important it gives us some time together and a chance to chat in an environment that we both like. Down side is I pay for his membership for both the gym and the golf club but its a small price to pay. My advice is make it a social thing for you and your dad, do it together and use it to talk.

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Sensible Stephen
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by Sensible Stephen »

List of old people

1. look_spanky's dad
2. guy smiley
3. gandalf
4. magneto

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DragsterDriver
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by DragsterDriver »

guy smiley[quote="DragsterDriver wrote:
guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:
guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:Doesn’t sound like he’ll be around at 70 to carry to the toilet boozing with shit kidneys. Stubborn old men are best left alone they really are funny fcukers, spend your effort on your mum and yourself (and family).


56 is old?


It’s not young?

Stubborn old man can start early like the menapause tbf.


It's not young, but it's sure as shit not old :x



Don’t be stubborn :P

:lol: cnut, it got me where I am today, why change the habits of a lifetime?



Haha! There’s good And bad stubborn- some old guys just aren’t listening and all you do is piss them off and make them worse.

Doc- you need a shoulder op.

Old guy- fudge off I can bowl ten overs any day.

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guy smiley
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by guy smiley »

Sensible Stephen wrote:List of old people

1. look_spanky's dad
2. guy smiley
3. gandalf
4. magneto

:lol:
I hate you Sensei Steveo

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Mog The Almighty
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by Mog The Almighty »

56 is not old. At-least it certainly doesn't have to be. A lot depends on how well you've taken care of yourself.

Regarding your Dad, I wish you and him all the best, but honestly if having kidney transplants at 51 didn't motivate him to get his shit together, I can't think of what you could do.

Some people have a very unrealistic perception of themself (me included at times). It's a hail-mary, but maybe get a few photos of him looking particularly shit (as in fat and soft) and show him. I know in the past seeing photos of me looking fat has motivated me to lose weight. Standing up straight, looking in the mirror in the morning just doesn't capture it. But when I saw some candid photo of me sitting at a table with my gut doubled over because I was leaning forwards slightly I was like, "what in the f-ck? Is that real? Surely the way my t-shirt is hanging makes it look worse??". Nope. Lost 10kg since then.

P.S. I had always assumed smiley was about 23.

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guy smiley
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by guy smiley »

Mog The Almighty wrote:
P.S. I had always assumed smiley was about 23.



I'm a natural athlete, man.

Market Square Hero
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by Market Square Hero »

He sounds like a classic fixed mindset ...so how do you help him move to a growth mindset? Small, achievable challenges that let him see that he can do more than he thought. Build a habit of achievement. I heard recently that the body is capable of going 150% further than we think when we're tired - so you cycle 50k and feel shot, but your body could do another 75k ...it's so much about mindset and not being beaten.

Old is what you make it ...don't let some young pup tell you what the cut-off is, it's not Logan's Run!

Any grandkiddiwinks? If so, try playing the 'The kids really want to have you around to have fun with' card ...if not, then try the 'Don't you want to be around to see your grandkids?' route.

Given what you said about how sentimental/emotional he gets talking about his transplant, tugging the old heart strings might give him a nudge (don't tug too hard if he's got a dodgy ticker though).

Or be brutally frank and honest with him - you, the family, etc want him around for as long as possible, want him to enjoy a long, fruitful retirement and you're fed up, annoyed, upset watching him piss away the chance he's been given to start again.

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Winnie
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by Winnie »

Can I just say fair play to you for you looking after your old fella, good for you
I hope it all works out for you

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redderneck
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by redderneck »

"Hey Dad, probably time you got down to making sure you had your will written up and witnessed, isn't it? The absolute state of you like."

You can adlib the rest.

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MungoMan
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Re: Worried about the old mans health

Post by MungoMan »

Sensible Stephen wrote:
guy smiley wrote:
DragsterDriver wrote:Doesn’t sound like he’ll be around at 70 to carry to the toilet boozing with shit kidneys. Stubborn old men are best left alone they really are funny fcukers, spend your effort on your mum and yourself (and family).


56 is old?


Yeah, yeah it is.

It sure as hell isn't the new 36 or whatever it is old people like to believe these days.


65 is the new 61 you rude cúnt :x

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