When your eldest child leaves home?

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Ali's Choice
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When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Ali's Choice »

In a couple of weeks my eldest child will be leaving home to go to university. And I have to say I'm absolutely gutted. Whilst I have always known that this day would come around eventually, I don't think anything can prepare you for when it actually happens. It only seems like yesterday that we brought her home as a newborn and now she's off to make her own way in the world. It's going to be very sad to not have her around the house on a a day to day basis.

I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
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Winnie
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Winnie »

We only have one and he left for uni last year
His mother was in bits as we left him at the halls.
I was excited for him, jealous of his opportunity and sad to see him go.

You have to let them go and live their life.
It will enhance your relationship with them, we are much closer now and when he comes home at the holidays we do much more together than we did when he was living with us.
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Bindi
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Bindi »

Send a cyborg back in time to stop them from ever being born.
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Ali's Choice
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Ali's Choice »

Winnie wrote:We only have one and he left for uni last year
His mother was in bits as we left him at the halls.
I was excited for him, jealous of his opportunity and sad to see him go.

You have to let them go and live their life.
It will enhance your relationship with them, we are much closer now and when he comes home at the holidays we do much more together than we did when he was living with us.
I am worried about my wife being distraught as her and my daughter are basically best friends. They get on extremely well and spend lots of time together. It's an extremely sad time for all of us but it's not the type of grief that you hear much about.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by MungoMan »

Ali's Choice wrote:In a couple of weeks my eldest child will be leaving home to go to university. And I have to say I'm absolutely gutted. Whilst I have always known that this day would come around eventually, I don't think anything can prepare you for when it actually happens. It only seems like yesterday that we brought her home as a newborn and now she's off to make her own way in the world. It's going to be very sad to not have her around the house on a a day to day basis.

I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
It’s shit, truth be told. I miss my son and younger daughter’s company round the place even now and they’ve been gone for years!

It certainly makes one appreciate seeing / hearing from them.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by MungoMan »

Bindi wrote:Send a cyborg back in time to stop them from ever being born.
Always looking for the hi-tech solution...
ovalball
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by ovalball »

Ali's Choice wrote:In a couple of weeks my eldest child will be leaving home to go to university. And I have to say I'm absolutely gutted. Whilst I have always known that this day would come around eventually, I don't think anything can prepare you for when it actually happens. It only seems like yesterday that we brought her home as a newborn and now she's off to make her own way in the world. It's going to be very sad to not have her around the house on a a day to day basis.

I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
It's tough but you get through it knowing that you've successfully helped them reach such a great milestone. And you know it's an important step in their development. It's just a different stage in your relationship and it is still immensely rewarding.

You have the advantage, over previous generations, that communications are now so great that you can still converse with them every day via so many different channels.

In truth, there's no easy way to cope, other than to move on with your own goals. It won't be long until the Grandkids come along and they're even more fun. Our 6th made her appearance yesterday :D
bimboman
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by bimboman »

Congrats though on getting them there and Uni bound.
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Ali's Choice
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Ali's Choice »

bimboman wrote:Congrats though on getting them there and Uni bound.
:thumbup:
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Ali's Choice
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Ali's Choice »

ovalball wrote:
Ali's Choice wrote:In a couple of weeks my eldest child will be leaving home to go to university. And I have to say I'm absolutely gutted. Whilst I have always known that this day would come around eventually, I don't think anything can prepare you for when it actually happens. It only seems like yesterday that we brought her home as a newborn and now she's off to make her own way in the world. It's going to be very sad to not have her around the house on a a day to day basis.

I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
It's tough but you get through it knowing that you've successfully helped them reach such a great milestone. And you know it's an important step in their development. It's just a different stage in your relationship and it is still immensely rewarding.

You have the advantage, over previous generations, that communications are now so great that you can still converse with them every day via so many different channels.

In truth, there's no easy way to cope, other than to move on with your own goals. It won't be long until the Grandkids come along and they're even more fun. Our 6th made her appearance yesterday :D
Yes ready access to telecommunications is going to make life easier. I expect there will be lots of phone calls in both directions in the first few weeks/months.

I'm trying to be positive. I have a friend who is a bit older who has a child who is the same age as mine. His child has a disability and may not ever be able to leave home. I am happy that my daughter has the option and opportunity to leave home and attend university. Still very sad though.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Winnie »

ovalball wrote:
Ali's Choice wrote:In a couple of weeks my eldest child will be leaving home to go to university. And I have to say I'm absolutely gutted. Whilst I have always known that this day would come around eventually, I don't think anything can prepare you for when it actually happens. It only seems like yesterday that we brought her home as a newborn and now she's off to make her own way in the world. It's going to be very sad to not have her around the house on a a day to day basis.

I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
It's tough but you get through it knowing that you've successfully helped them reach such a great milestone. And you know it's an important step in their development. It's just a different stage in your relationship and it is still immensely rewarding.

You have the advantage, over previous generations, that communications are now so great that you can still converse with them every day via so many different channels.

In truth, there's no easy way to cope, other than to move on with your own goals. It won't be long until the Grandkids come along and they're even more fun. Our 6th made her appearance yesterday :D
Congrats Ovalball

You also make a good point communications are so good these days
We can facetime him regularly so still get to see his face

I remember in my time at uni I had to go to a payphone to speak to people
I still wrote letters
Mobile phones werent around :blush:
ovalball
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by ovalball »

Ali's Choice wrote:
ovalball wrote:
Ali's Choice wrote:In a couple of weeks my eldest child will be leaving home to go to university. And I have to say I'm absolutely gutted. Whilst I have always known that this day would come around eventually, I don't think anything can prepare you for when it actually happens. It only seems like yesterday that we brought her home as a newborn and now she's off to make her own way in the world. It's going to be very sad to not have her around the house on a a day to day basis.

I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
It's tough but you get through it knowing that you've successfully helped them reach such a great milestone. And you know it's an important step in their development. It's just a different stage in your relationship and it is still immensely rewarding.

You have the advantage, over previous generations, that communications are now so great that you can still converse with them every day via so many different channels.

In truth, there's no easy way to cope, other than to move on with your own goals. It won't be long until the Grandkids come along and they're even more fun. Our 6th made her appearance yesterday :D
Yes ready access to telecommunications is going to make life easier. I expect there will be lots of phone calls in both directions in the first few weeks/months.

I'm trying to be positive. I have a friend who is a bit older who has a child who is the same age as mine. His child has a disability and may not ever be able to leave home. I am happy that my daughter has the option and opportunity to leave home and attend university. Still very sad though.
I know what you mean - but I don't think sad is quite the right word. It's a bit upsetting - but it's also exciting and a happy event which should be celebrated. It can also be a bit traumatic for the youngster - she may well need lots of support from you, particularly over the 1st term - I know a lot of my nieces/nephews have found it difficult to adapt and took a while to start enjoying the courses they were doing.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by OomStruisbaai »

Ali's Choice wrote:I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
You are not far from Granny status. Hope this help.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Tez »

Mine left 20+ years ago but I remember it well. You should focus on the positives.
There will be significantly less clutter in the house.
When you go to the fridge for food or a beer you will find both, they never think to tell you they have cleaned it out.
You have full control of your TV can find a seat which is not occupied by their friends.
You are no longer a doorman for said friends because your kids are in the bedrooms and don’t hear the doorbell.
When you go to the car there is every chance of it having some petrol.
You no longer worry why they’re not home at 3am.
You can go away for weekends and find your house in the same condition you left it.
I’m sure there are more positives but having said that it’s worth it and I still miss them and now they bring the grandkids to visit which is a bonus.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Ali's Choice »

OomPB wrote:
Ali's Choice wrote:I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
You are not far from Granny status. Hope this help.
I'm 40. Maybe that's a common age for Grannies on the Highveld.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by OomStruisbaai »

Ali's Choice wrote:
OomPB wrote:
Ali's Choice wrote:I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
You are not far from Granny status. Hope this help.
I'm 40. Maybe that's a common age for Grannies on the Highveld.
That age I scored a try in xtra time (laat lammetjie)
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Jimcardiff »

change the locks
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Winnie
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Winnie »

Tez wrote:Mine left 20+ years ago but I remember it well. You should focus on the positives.
There will be significantly less clutter in the house.
When you go to the fridge for food or a beer you will find both, they never think to tell you they have cleaned it out.
You have full control of your TV can find a seat which is not occupied by their friends.
You are no longer a doorman for said friends because your kids are in the bedrooms and don’t hear the doorbell.
When you go to the car there is every chance of it having some petrol.
You no longer worry why they’re not home at 3am.
You can go away for weekends and find your house in the same condition you left it.
I’m sure there are more positives but having said that it’s worth it and I still miss them and now they bring the grandkids to visit which is a bonus.
This is a great point
My wife couldnt sleep soundly while he was out and he lived at home
Now he is away she doesnt know what he is up to and is more relaxed!
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Spyglass »

Ali's Choice wrote:In a couple of weeks my eldest child will be leaving home to go to university. And I have to say I'm absolutely gutted. Whilst I have always known that this day would come around eventually, I don't think anything can prepare you for when it actually happens. It only seems like yesterday that we brought her home as a newborn and now she's off to make her own way in the world. It's going to be very sad to not have her around the house on a a day to day basis.

I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
I was delighted when my eldest left for university.....on a serious note, the last summer before he left was tough on all of us, he'd finished school and was partying, doing what he wanted and generally being an inconsiderate SOB. He was ready to spread is wings and we were ready for him to go. We've talked about it since and he now recognizes how hard he was to live with during that period of time, also he now appreciates home more :roll:
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Cozzer »

Ali's Choice wrote:In a couple of weeks my eldest child will be leaving home to go to university. And I have to say I'm absolutely gutted. Whilst I have always known that this day would come around eventually, I don't think anything can prepare you for when it actually happens. It only seems like yesterday that we brought her home as a newborn and now she's off to make her own way in the world. It's going to be very sad to not have her around the house on a a day to day basis.

I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
It was tough. Leaving the lad at York Uni was harder on his mother and I than it was for him. We were bereft for a while .. constantly wandering in and out of his bedroom as if expecting him to have suddenly teleported home :roll: His younger brother was similarly affected. It was like he'd lost his best mate, which I suppose he had.

End of first term in UK was around mid December. His arrival home was the best Christmas present and we had a joyful time, him relating all his exploits and us just enjoying his presence.

It does, of course, get easier with time although you never stop worrying about stupid stuff like is he eating properly and can he operate any of the launderette machinery :lol:

And eight years later .. he's nearing the end of his phD and I'm now a bit worried about whether he will land back in the nest while he goes job hunting. I suspect not as he is in a long term relationship and he cannot abide to be away from his girlfriend (whew!).

I don't envy you. But if you're a tight family you'll be fine. Put it another way: you didn't have children to have them stay beyond the 'natural' lifespan. I couldn't imagine anything more sad than a bloke, or woman for that matter, being in the family home beyond mid 20s. Clearly economics sometimes necessitate a short stay back at the homestead, but once they are adults they should be off on their own adventures.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Mr. Very Popular »

Only have the 1 and he moved out about 3 weeks ago, it's bliss.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by VBall »

My daughter left 2 years ago. My son is due to go this year. The exact question has been on my mind too.
I am in mid 50's (kids came later in life) so when my son goes, we are looking at retirement. Luckily we can afford the costs if we stop working.

I so look forward to my daughter coming home and hate it when she leaves. My wife is not as soft as me. I am always looking for a reason to go to Edinburgh to see her.

As for making it easier, none really. It is their life and while you have spent years (and money) getting them to this point, they need to go and face the world. However make sure they know their is always a place back at home for them.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by ovalball »

Winnie wrote:
Tez wrote:Mine left 20+ years ago but I remember it well. You should focus on the positives.
There will be significantly less clutter in the house.
When you go to the fridge for food or a beer you will find both, they never think to tell you they have cleaned it out.
You have full control of your TV can find a seat which is not occupied by their friends.
You are no longer a doorman for said friends because your kids are in the bedrooms and don’t hear the doorbell.
When you go to the car there is every chance of it having some petrol.
You no longer worry why they’re not home at 3am.
You can go away for weekends and find your house in the same condition you left it.
I’m sure there are more positives but having said that it’s worth it and I still miss them and now they bring the grandkids to visit which is a bonus.
This is a great point
My wife couldnt sleep soundly while he was out and he lived at home
Now he is away she doesnt know what he is up to and is more relaxed!
And - that Study/music room/man cave, you've always wanted................
NickC
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by NickC »

Lat year both of our boy's were at Uni and that was a bit weird as the whole house dynamic changed. As a couple we actually had time to do things together and not worry about where the boy's were or what they were up to. Noitced a difference when they came back for half-terms, they had definitely grown up.
My wife has a Uber account they both used which used to ping when the boy's used it, normally at stupid o'clock in the morning. Broke our sleep patterns but my wife felt happier that she knew they were ok. As someone else mentioned, mobiles - if they don't lose them - are a great way of keeping in touch.
ovalball
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by ovalball »

Winnie wrote:
ovalball wrote:
Ali's Choice wrote:In a couple of weeks my eldest child will be leaving home to go to university. And I have to say I'm absolutely gutted. Whilst I have always known that this day would come around eventually, I don't think anything can prepare you for when it actually happens. It only seems like yesterday that we brought her home as a newborn and now she's off to make her own way in the world. It's going to be very sad to not have her around the house on a a day to day basis.

I assume many other Boredies have gone through a similar experience. How did you guys manage this process and do you have any tips for making it easier?
It's tough but you get through it knowing that you've successfully helped them reach such a great milestone. And you know it's an important step in their development. It's just a different stage in your relationship and it is still immensely rewarding.

You have the advantage, over previous generations, that communications are now so great that you can still converse with them every day via so many different channels.

In truth, there's no easy way to cope, other than to move on with your own goals. It won't be long until the Grandkids come along and they're even more fun. Our 6th made her appearance yesterday :D
Congrats Ovalball

You also make a good point communications are so good these days
We can facetime him regularly so still get to see his face

I remember in my time at uni I had to go to a payphone to speak to people
I still wrote letters
Mobile phones werent around :blush:
We also bought our son a new car - so he had no excuse for not making regular visits back home - and the added incentive that each visit would get them a tank of fuel and a full boot of groceries.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Tez »

As my daughter says we have to be good to her as chances are she might well be picking our nursing home!
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Enzedder »

Don't worry about when they do go - that means you have done your job right.

However, when they don't go ... :x :x :x
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by SaintK »

Enzedder wrote:Don't worry about when they do go - that means you have done your job right.

However, when they don't go ... :x :x :x
................or when they come back!!!
Thankfully it was only temporarily :nod:
Fortunately both kids live close enough for us to see them most weeks..............and the grandkids
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by CrazyIslander »

Congratulation man. Luckily we have Messenger, whatsapp etc. No one is ever that far away. You could talk to her face to face everyday if you want.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by LandOTurk »

Ali's Choice wrote:
Winnie wrote:We only have one and he left for uni last year
His mother was in bits as we left him at the halls.
I was excited for him, jealous of his opportunity and sad to see him go.

You have to let them go and live their life.
It will enhance your relationship with them, we are much closer now and when he comes home at the holidays we do much more together than we did when he was living with us.
I am worried about my wife being distraught as her and my daughter are basically best friends. They get on extremely well and spend lots of time together. It's an extremely sad time for all of us but it's not the type of grief that you hear much about.

Nice OP mate.
We had 2 boys and then had 2 girls. I always wanted a larger family, my wife was unsure. Because after 2 we didn't have girls, my wife appreciated that if/when grandkids came along they would spend more time at the daughter-in-laws home, she wanted to get her fair share of grandkid time. So we tried for a couple more and fortunately got 2 girls. I do not look forward to the time when they leave but understand that we will have joyous times with their kids in the next 10-20 years or so. The interlude which will take another decade to fully play out will be our time to retire, travel, chillax in anticipation of round 2 of the family. Can't wait.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by henry »

I can’t believe how old some of you plums are/how young you must have had children.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Frodder »

My eldest is close to completing his internship and he (at 21) is still a wee one in my eyes. My other two from next Mrs Frodder being 8 and 10 means I've got time to get over the trauma of watching my eldest move away
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Maniototo Man »

How far away is she going AC?

My eldest couldn't wait to get away from us but that actually ended up being a case of, at age 17, moving in with some older friends of hers about two blocks away.

A year and a bit later she moved cities and I found that really tough. Ten years on she is doing well in life, has a great partner and they own their own business employing seven or eight people. Plus she is going to present me with my first grandchild later in the year. :)

Life moves on and you've gotta roll with it - but it sounds like you've set your girl on a good path, so have faith in that.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by ovalball »

henry wrote:I can’t believe how old some of you plums are/how young you must have had children.
I was 25 when we had our 1st, 27 for the 2nd - it certainly wasn't considered young at the time. But it's great that we were still 'relatively' young when the Grandkids came along - and have a sporting chance of making it to 'Great' Grand Parent status 8)
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Ali's Choice »

henry wrote:I can’t believe how old some of you plums are/how young you must have had children.
I was 22 when we had our eldest (a month away from 23) and 26 with number two. I agree very young, some of my same-age mates still have babies in nappies or no kids at all. In saying that, there is a good chance I will be an empty nester at 44.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by J Man »

Winnie wrote:
Tez wrote: You no longer worry why they’re not home at 3am.
This is a great point
My wife couldnt sleep soundly while he was out and he lived at home
Now he is away she doesnt know what he is up to and is more relaxed!
I'm 33, but when I visit my parents and go out at night, I'm still expected to notify my mum when I get home. Otherwise she lies awake all night worrying.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by bimboman »

Ali's Choice wrote:
henry wrote:I can’t believe how old some of you plums are/how young you must have had children.
I was 22 when we had our eldest (a month away from 23) and 26 with number two. I agree very young, some of my same-age mates still have babies in nappies or no kids at all. In saying that, there is a good chance I will be an empty nester at 44.

44 and empty nest.... :thumbup: lucky bastard. I’ll be over 60.
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Frodder »

bimboman wrote:
Ali's Choice wrote:
henry wrote:I can’t believe how old some of you plums are/how young you must have had children.
I was 22 when we had our eldest (a month away from 23) and 26 with number two. I agree very young, some of my same-age mates still have babies in nappies or no kids at all. In saying that, there is a good chance I will be an empty nester at 44.

44 and empty nest.... :thumbup: lucky bastard. I’ll be over 60.
Same here Bimbo and as my daughter has special needs I don't think I ever will be
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by Ramming Speed »

Worse when the youngest leaves. Worst of all if/when one moves back in.
bimboman
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Re: When your eldest child leaves home?

Post by bimboman »

Frodder wrote:
bimboman wrote:
Ali's Choice wrote:
henry wrote:I can’t believe how old some of you plums are/how young you must have had children.
I was 22 when we had our eldest (a month away from 23) and 26 with number two. I agree very young, some of my same-age mates still have babies in nappies or no kids at all. In saying that, there is a good chance I will be an empty nester at 44.

44 and empty nest.... :thumbup: lucky bastard. I’ll be over 60.
Same here Bimbo and as my daughter has special needs I don't think I ever will be

Take care then. Can others care for her , for breaks and stuff ? My youngest can’t really be looked after by grandparents or friends easily so I understand a little bit of the ties.
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