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PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 4:22 pm 
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booji boy wrote:
Tehui wrote:
booji boy wrote:
Tehui wrote:
I agree that it would need to be handled sensitively to avoid creating resentment. However, we do work in a place where people 'hot desk' and move around a lot so it's not that unusual.

I've just spend the entire night tossing & turning and I can't get to sleep. I think i better schedule an appointment with the doctor. I've never experienced anything quite like this before.


I suffer this quite a bit when going through stressful periods at work so I don't think it's that unusual. But seeing your doctor is the smart thing to do as your next step. Good luck and keep us posted. :thumbup:


I saw a doctor today who has prescribed me sleep medication. He suspects most of my symptoms are due to major sleep deprivation. I probably mentioned this in an earlier post, but I've been averaging about 1 hour of sleep a week for the last week. He says that sleep deprivation can do some strange things to people. My heart tests came out normal so that was pleasing.

We'll see how I feel tomorrow after a decent sleep. Thanks to everyone for their constructive feedback.


:thumbup: Hope it does the trick.


Sleeping tablets should be a very short term solution only, be careful with them.

If available where you are I highly recommend CBD oil instead. It helped me tremendously under similar circumstances (work/family stress and insomnia). I took it regularly for about 6 months but now don't use it all all.


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PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 11:12 pm 
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I feel the deepest sympathies with the posts on this thread, I have been fortunate all my life to have an attitude (rightly or wrongly) that it`s not worth worrying about things that might not happen.
But, this evening all that went by the board and I burst into tears (in front of my wife) when she called me, and asked what is this?
I have to go back to late last year to explain, she fell in the street and had a nasty bang to her head. We weren`t too worried at the time, but, she then started having memory lapses. We went to the doctor who refered her to be assessed at a memory clinic.
An appointment was then made to see a consultant as there was a possibility that she had the early onset of Alzheimers disease. The consultant saw her and thought that she appeared to be a lot better than the assessment showed and made an appointment to see her in three months (two weeks time)
She has deteriorated a bit these last few months, but this evening really broke me. When the woman you have been with for fifty five years and has handled all the household finances through all our married life asked me what is this and held up a £10 note (she didn`t know the difference between a £1 coin and a £10 note) and said she always gave our grand daughters £1 when she sees them (although she gives them £10) I had to explain the difference between £1 coins and £10 and £20 notes, I just couldn`t take it.
It really upset her seeing me in tears but I just couldn`t help myself. I`m in tears typing this and dreading the future.


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 1:48 am 
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GW02

That is hard to read.


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 2:04 am 
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GWO2 wrote:
I feel the deepest sympathies with the posts on this thread, I have been fortunate all my life to have an attitude (rightly or wrongly) that it`s not worth worrying about things that might not happen.
But, this evening all that went by the board and I burst into tears (in front of my wife) when she called me, and asked what is this?
I have to go back to late last year to explain, she fell in the street and had a nasty bang to her head. We weren`t too worried at the time, but, she then started having memory lapses. We went to the doctor who refered her to be assessed at a memory clinic.
An appointment was then made to see a consultant as there was a possibility that she had the early onset of Alzheimers disease. The consultant saw her and thought that she appeared to be a lot better than the assessment showed and made an appointment to see her in three months (two weeks time)
She has deteriorated a bit these last few months, but this evening really broke me. When the woman you have been with for fifty five years and has handled all the household finances through all our married life asked me what is this and held up a £10 note (she didn`t know the difference between a £1 coin and a £10 note) and said she always gave our grand daughters £1 when she sees them (although she gives them £10) I had to explain the difference between £1 coins and £10 and £20 notes, I just couldn`t take it.
It really upset her seeing me in tears but I just couldn`t help myself. I`m in tears typing this and dreading the future.

That is so sad
I lost both my grandfathers to Alzheimers, its a bastard of a thing
Make sure you look after yourself too


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 3:38 am 
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Seeing as we're sharing.

I've suffered depression since my mid-teenage years. Of course I didn't know that's what it was at the time, not until I was formally diagnosed in my mid-20's, which was a bit like a bright light suddenly turning on as far as recognition of my behaviour up until then and discovering there were actually ways to alleviate it, both medical and therapeutic.

What spurred me to go to the GP at that point was my inability to walk without bumping into something. Navigating a footpath downtown became a nightmare. A consistent struggle to avoid objects both moving and inanimate. I had to see the family doc to ask him what was wrong with me. Unexpectedly he asked me questions about how I felt. I told him I was sad nearly all the time. That I had no place I wanted to be, and an innate sense of emptiness, like a hollow container. He told me there and then that I had serious depression and arranged for me to see a therapist from the NZ Mental Health Service immediately. This was the early 90s and I knew absolutely nothing about depression, but as he rattled that list of symptoms off it became clear to me that it hadn’t begun the moment I started bumping into trashcans.

So I got treatment and then I lived happily ever after.



No. Not remotely.



Since then I’ve spent a small fortune on psychiatrists, therapists, psychologists and medicine. I’ve been escorted from my home under police guard for presenting a danger to myself. I’ve had long multiple stays in the secure wing of the local mental hospital, sometimes voluntarily, often under protest. Most antidepressants I’ve taken over the last 25 years have failed however Lovan seems to be able to moderate my brain the best of all of them.

The last time I was checked in to the mental hospital was about 2 years ago. It was during that stay that for the first time I was diagnosed with having a form of PTSD. I had a violent upbringing from about age 6 onwards. My Dad (actually my stepdad but that’s irrelevant to me) was a disciplinarian whose first recourse for meting out punishment was either the first hard object at hand or (usually) his fist.

Do you know how much it hurts to get punched in your 6 year old head by the clamped fist of a physically strong 28 year old man? Let alone what it does to the brain of a child that age.

It didn’t take anything at all to incur punishment. A broken cup, a bad report, a misplaced response. It’s the point that I learned that lying to get out of a situation was the first course of action rather than be beaten for losing one cent from the change on the way home from the shop. Up until then I was as innocently honest as the sky is blue.

This only got worse as I got older, the hits got harder, the anger heavier and of course I wasn’t the only one that was the focus of his rage. My brothers got it too though I can’t recall if I got it worse than they did, as I was focused on trying not to trigger a beating, and if someone else was getting hit then all the better because at least it wasn’t me. It was all about survival of the self.

The most malicious thing though was the permeation of that type behaviour into us. We would fight between ourselves as kids which became even worse as teenagers. Full on violence. His behaviour became our behaviour. The fights escalated, particularly between myself and the second oldest. We’d throw fists, he’d get a kitchen knife, I’d get a heavy post. That sort of shit became normal. I have the image of my mother, my sister and my youngest brothers being absolutely terrified seared into my brain (or at least a bit left that works). Cop cars outside the house yet again. Simply f**king horrible.

It got better, eventually. Seriously, it did. Starting about the time the first grandchildren appeared. They weren’t us. They were better. They deserved better. So we all, subconsciously, tried to be better. For them. Including my Dad.

But despite that. The trauma we all carry has still f**ked us up, some of us in different ways.

Is it the main reason I’m f**ked up? I think it’s one of them. I have gaps in my memory of other instances that I just can’t recall and I’m rather little fearful of what I would find if I suddenly did. Maybe I’m best not knowing? They will probably require deep hypnosis of some sort to bring to light. I have a genuine feeling that none of them are going to be good.

Anyway, at this phase in life I’m the best that I can be and the best that I have been for a very very long time. I still have low moments but I have developed ways to mitigate the majority of them. I have restarted therapy again in order to continue working to resolve the PTSD aspect of my depression. I’m 50 years old and I’ve let go things that are no longer important to me regarding career and goals. The best “medicine” of all has been the woman who’s stood by me for the last 22 years. Never giving up, despite the toll on her own wellbeing (OK, she’s had to take sabbaticals away from me at least twice during that time just to build her strength back up, and that doesn’t include the occasions she’s had me committed into hospital for months at a time). She has stopped me from harming myself. She has stopped me from killing myself. Without her I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be building our new home. I wouldn’t be contemplating how much f**king superannuation to invest so I can actually retire in 17 years when I’m supposed to.

I hope that I have not reached peak wellbeing and that there are even better times ahead. but if it is it’s still a shitload better than where I’ve been. Now I’m actually trying to be here for someone else because that someone means something to me.

And there you go.

Btw sorry this is so badly written. I'm at work guiding a major release right now so I've writing this during the gaps between getting reports from the team spread across the globe.


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 4:17 am 
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Sounds like you have a fine woman behind you
Being in a strong relationship were you can talk and share even your most horrible feelings is lucky, it took me a while to open up to my wife about my issues but she has also been my rock.
Good luck in your ongoing recovery, everyone on here is rooting for you


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 4:35 am 
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Speed Racer

That is a tough but inspiring read. Utter respect for your honesty and courage, and the same for your woman.


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 6:22 am 
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GW02, my heart goes out to you, I hope your Mrs gets the help she needs.

Speedracer, fair play for putting that all down. I can empathize with the upbringing side, and the battle royals with your brother.


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 12:15 pm 
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Good to see you posting again Speedy :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 12:20 pm 
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Blimey sending love speed racer. I hope the therapy works quickly.


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 12:22 pm 
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Wignu wrote:
Lost my younger brother just over a week ago, totally unexpected was talking to him on the phone the night before, and have just got back from his funeral down south. He was 51 & had a young family 18 down to 4. Feeling shattered and not sure I've even processed it properly. Having trouble sleeping and have no real will to do anything. Feel selfish posting this as I'm not going through even a tenth of his wife & kids but just needed to type it out I guess.

Our work has EAP so may give them a call when I get back to work.



Condolences, and make the call.


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PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 12:27 pm 
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Kiwias wrote:
Speed Racer

That is a tough but inspiring read. Utter respect for your honesty and courage, and the same for your woman.


+1 Speedy :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2019 10:35 pm 
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Thanks for your words all, have run EAP and made an appointment.

To GWO2, so sad to hear, hope your meeting with the doctor goes well and that you and your wife get the support you both need. And as someone else said make sure you look after yourself as well.

Speedracer that was a hell of a post and to be able to post it here I think speaks volumes about the good place you're in now, much respect to you and your wife. Hope it all continues on the up for you and your family.


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PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2019 11:10 pm 
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:thumbup:

This is a fundamentally decent old spot when all is said and done. Shitfights and diametrically opposed viewpoints notwithstanding. Just a bunch of lads getting on with getting on. Good luck to all.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 6:28 am 
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Insane_Homer wrote:
booji boy wrote:
Tehui wrote:
booji boy wrote:
Tehui wrote:
I agree that it would need to be handled sensitively to avoid creating resentment. However, we do work in a place where people 'hot desk' and move around a lot so it's not that unusual.

I've just spend the entire night tossing & turning and I can't get to sleep. I think i better schedule an appointment with the doctor. I've never experienced anything quite like this before.


I suffer this quite a bit when going through stressful periods at work so I don't think it's that unusual. But seeing your doctor is the smart thing to do as your next step. Good luck and keep us posted. :thumbup:


I saw a doctor today who has prescribed me sleep medication. He suspects most of my symptoms are due to major sleep deprivation. I probably mentioned this in an earlier post, but I've been averaging about 1 hour of sleep a week for the last week. He says that sleep deprivation can do some strange things to people. My heart tests came out normal so that was pleasing.

We'll see how I feel tomorrow after a decent sleep. Thanks to everyone for their constructive feedback.


:thumbup: Hope it does the trick.


Sleeping tablets should be a very short term solution only, be careful with them.

If available where you are I highly recommend CBD oil instead. It helped me tremendously under similar circumstances (work/family stress and insomnia). I took it regularly for about 6 months but now don't use it all all.


Yep, I've already bought natural sleeping aids, and I'll start taking them when the sleeping tablets are completed. I took the week off work as I need to get myself right before I get inundated with work shortly. I'm feeling a lot better physically. I don't know how people can live with chronic anxiety, my short experience of having it was just awful.

I still have to address the problem at work when I return. My health issues were a symptom of what's happened at work, and I can't expect things to be different for me if I don't seek changes there.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 3:46 pm 
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Fvck me

Haven't checked this thread in a while!

Massive sympathy love and solidarity to everyone on here.

A particular shout to EverReady and Salanya.

Don't let the bastarding world grind ye down.

Having Survived a Tier one brush with death myself in the last year myself I know I am a very lucky man.


(ER make sure you take Zapps up on his paying for Porter. I will be drinking really expensive whiskey as I am now on Rations and Zapps is Richer than God)


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 7:19 pm 
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Thanks lads and seriously good look to those with their own recent travails. It sucks but as Krishnamurti said 'this too shall pass'. I used to think that it was a bit trite but it's been true for me day to day. Didn't realise you had a scare wags. Glad to hear all good. I keep ringing Zappa but somebody called Pussy Galore told me he is tending to his sharks. Sure he'll get back to me :thumbup:

Heading into week 5 with 13 radio and one big bang of chemo left. The big bang of chemo last week fūcked me up but nowhere near as bad as the first. Weight loss is a bit chronic though as in 12 kilos so thinking of putting one of those feeding tubes in my nose for the last few weeks. The mask can't get loose hence the need to keep the weight up. I never got control of the vomiting as in I do it every day a fair bit so the tube bypasses the crap in your throat. We'll see Monday about the tube but overall doing well. Symptoms wise I have the normal weakness, no taste/ things taste rotten, dry mouth, lack of appetite and those thick secretions that clog your throat up but once you puke them up in the am you only need to do it again maybe once in the evening. Pretty manageable to be honest. Pain is grand. They have given me morphine but honestly I don't need it yet. Probably a lull before the last few weeks of storms but yeah this is all pretty grand for the moment. To be honest if one of you want to lick my cancer and try it out it is ok if you want time off work


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 8:41 pm 
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Tough week ER, sorry mate. Chin up :)


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 10:40 pm 
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Honest to baby Jesus I am pretty Zen these days praise Allah.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 10:53 pm 
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I had colon cancer two years ago ER but it was early stage, was very lucky and didn't need any radiation or chemo. Just surgery where they removed some of the colon and a week in hospital. Still getting regular scans though and will be out of cancer patient process in 3 months.

You're a brave man ER and you're going to beat it.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 11:02 pm 
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Good to hear you’re fighting the good fight ER. I know cancer is common as hell and all that but seems an awful lot of PR posters have been blighted.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 11:11 pm 
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HKCJ wrote:
Good to hear you’re fighting the good fight ER. I know cancer is common as hell and all that but seems an awful lot of PR posters have been blighted.


The scary thing is like you say, it's very common and at least 1/2 of the posters here on PR will get some form of it in their lifetime.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 11:25 pm 
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Keep fighting ER; if anyone has enough humour to get through such an ordeal, it's you :thumbup:

And thanks for the shout Wag, it's appreciated.

Starting a new job in 5 weeks (a maternity cover, but still), and should move into a new place with the dog in 2 weeks.
Though I've quite enjoyed being a jobless nomad, also now I don't have to worry about job applications anymore (just have to mind the pennies).
And I have got a week of seaside walks coming up in Pembrokeshire, so feeling a bit better at the mo. Though I know I'm in hiding, rather than being recovered, but it's still better than things were.

Keep fighting the good fight everybody, even if it's just sharing your thoughts here!


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 11:44 pm 
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Salanya wrote:
Keep fighting ER; if anyone has enough humour to get through such an ordeal, it's you :thumbup:

And thanks for the shout Wag, it's appreciated.

Starting a new job in 5 weeks (a maternity cover, but still), and should move into a new place with the dog in 2 weeks.
Though I've quite enjoyed being a jobless nomad, also now I don't have to worry about job applications anymore (just have to mind the pennies).
And I have got a week of seaside walks coming up in Pembrokeshire, so feeling a bit better at the mo. Though I know I'm in hiding, rather than being recovered, but it's still better than things were.

Keep fighting the good fight everybody, even if it's just sharing your thoughts here!


You should be happy. Netherlands thrashed England last night. ;)


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 11:56 pm 
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iarmhiman wrote:
Salanya wrote:
Keep fighting ER; if anyone has enough humour to get through such an ordeal, it's you :thumbup:

And thanks for the shout Wag, it's appreciated.

Starting a new job in 5 weeks (a maternity cover, but still), and should move into a new place with the dog in 2 weeks.
Though I've quite enjoyed being a jobless nomad, also now I don't have to worry about job applications anymore (just have to mind the pennies).
And I have got a week of seaside walks coming up in Pembrokeshire, so feeling a bit better at the mo. Though I know I'm in hiding, rather than being recovered, but it's still better than things were.

Keep fighting the good fight everybody, even if it's just sharing your thoughts here!


You should be happy. Netherlands thrashed England last night. ;)


Not my idea of a thrashing, more of a Muttley-style chuckle on some of the occasions when the English defenders couldn't kick a ball ;)


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 1:48 am 
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EverReady wrote:
Honest to baby Jesus I am pretty Zen these days praise Allah.


Nice, hedge your bets!
As little as it helps, some absolute plum off the internet are rooting for you and if could take some off the suffering for you we would. I’ll have hair loss (half bald anyway so no skin off my nose)


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 4:42 am 
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I understand that ER may be somewhat anxious, but he’s railroaded this hugely important depression/suicidal thread and made it all about his supposed fucking head cancer. Can’t he start his own ‘on the way out’ Fruit&2Veg homage thread? I’m so fucking close to reporting this.

For the record I wish ER the speediest of recoveries. He’s seems to be in good spirits and coping well. Much love. Kia Kaha.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:32 am 
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Apologies bungle. I did think it risked me becoming the Kanye West of the bored and I am pretty disappointed I let it happen. From here on in I will just give a simple score e.g.

Cancer 4 Me 6


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:42 am 
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EverReady wrote:
Apologies bungle. I did think it risked me becoming the Kanye West of the bored and I am pretty disappointed I let it happen. From here on in I will just give a simple score e.g.

Cancer 4 Me 6

Feck em mate you post wtf you want.
All the best :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 11:07 am 
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EverReady wrote:
Apologies bungle. I did think it risked me becoming the Kanye West of the bored and I am pretty disappointed I let it happen. From here on in I will just give a simple score e.g.

Cancer 4 Me 6


:lol: :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:21 am 
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mr bungle wrote:
I understand that ER may be somewhat anxious, but he’s railroaded this hugely important depression/suicidal thread and made it all about his supposed fucking head cancer. Can’t he start his own ‘on the way out’ Fruit&2Veg homage thread? I’m so fucking close to reporting this.

For the record I wish ER the speediest of recoveries. He’s seems to be in good spirits and coping well. Much love. Kia Kaha.


His Cancer is all in his head, so it counts! In any case, I had some issues with anxiety when I has my brush with Prostate Cancer, and had some counselling as well. It brought a number of issues to a head including some workplace issues.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:24 am 
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kiwidutchie wrote:
mr bungle wrote:
I understand that ER may be somewhat anxious, but he’s railroaded this hugely important depression/suicidal thread and made it all about his supposed fucking head cancer. Can’t he start his own ‘on the way out’ Fruit&2Veg homage thread? I’m so fucking close to reporting this.

For the record I wish ER the speediest of recoveries. He’s seems to be in good spirits and coping well. Much love. Kia Kaha.


His Cancer is all in his head, so it counts! In any case, I had some issues with anxiety when I has my brush with Prostate Cancer, and had some counselling as well. It brought a number of issues to a head including some workplace issues.


Thank you for your earnest response.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:29 am 
Should have seen this thread .

Bit all over the place at the moment.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:35 am 
Should have seen this thread .

Bit all over the place at the moment.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2019 4:43 am 
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eugenius wrote:
Should have seen this thread .

Bit all over the place at the moment.



Yah, your even repeating yourself........ WTF ?


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 12:10 am 
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kiwidutchie wrote:
mr bungle wrote:
I understand that ER may be somewhat anxious, but he’s railroaded this hugely important depression/suicidal thread and made it all about his supposed fucking head cancer. Can’t he start his own ‘on the way out’ Fruit&2Veg homage thread? I’m so fucking close to reporting this.

For the record I wish ER the speediest of recoveries. He’s seems to be in good spirits and coping well. Much love. Kia Kaha.


His Cancer is all in his head, so it counts! In any case, I had some issues with anxiety when I has my brush with Prostate Cancer, and had some counselling as well. It brought a number of issues to a head including some workplace issues.


Similar to me actually. I am having a ding dong battle with work over entitlements. HR people are subhuman really


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2019 12:17 am 
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EverReady wrote:
kiwidutchie wrote:
mr bungle wrote:
I understand that ER may be somewhat anxious, but he’s railroaded this hugely important depression/suicidal thread and made it all about his supposed fucking head cancer. Can’t he start his own ‘on the way out’ Fruit&2Veg homage thread? I’m so fucking close to reporting this.

For the record I wish ER the speediest of recoveries. He’s seems to be in good spirits and coping well. Much love. Kia Kaha.


His Cancer is all in his head, so it counts! In any case, I had some issues with anxiety when I has my brush with Prostate Cancer, and had some counselling as well. It brought a number of issues to a head including some workplace issues.


Similar to me actually. I am having a ding dong battle with work over entitlements. HR people are subhuman really


Or occupational health people. Most of them profess themselves to be 'doctors', and get paid accordingly. Wankers.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:03 am 
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Week something or other but nearly there. Felt good during the week but then got my chemo infection. Same as last time about 10-14 days after chemo you are vulnerable and I have a rake of snotty kids. Temp up to 39.1, puking face off and off into Lukes. Rang them and they tried to send me to James as per weekend protocols and myself and the SHO had a frank discussion about how that wasn't happening. Turns out nurses told him there was no beds when there was two. Not sure what they were at. Anyway nearly there 8/35 radio fractions left and one big bang of chemo. Skin around neck and back quite burnt now so would imagine next week and the week after will be ouchy. Throat still not that sore so not using much morphine. They think I am being a brave little soldier as they say it looks very sore but it genuinely isn't that bad. Totally soft diet now which means soup but it's fine. They wanted to put in the feeding tube at one point but I persuaded them against it as I thought I could do without. So far so goodish. Cancer last night 8 this morning a lowly 4


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:29 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Posts: 37451
Location: Pigdogistan
I only occasionally dip into this thread. f**king hell Floppy and ER. Best wishes to both of you.

Can't even begin to imagine having to deal with that. My grandad finally succumbed to it earlier this year. Still occasionally get pangs of grief. I have absolutely no idea how my dad coped so well. Absolute hero, as was my grandad.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:35 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:05 am
Posts: 37451
Location: Pigdogistan
Buddy of mine went through a rough patch a while ago after a break up. Struggled with depression on and off for a long time. He got a bike at one point and it's his new favourite past time. I was worried that he was driving way too fast and irresponsibly, worried that he was being a bit blasé about consequences.

Seems to be doing much better these days, but the other day he managed to rear end a car at speed and ended up in hospital. Nothing broken. Ruptured testicle, torn adductor, and concussion. :uhoh:

Hope to Christ he manages ok once he's back on his feet.


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