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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:03 am 
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Week something or other but nearly there. Felt good during the week but then got my chemo infection. Same as last time about 10-14 days after chemo you are vulnerable and I have a rake of snotty kids. Temp up to 39.1, puking face off and off into Lukes. Rang them and they tried to send me to James as per weekend protocols and myself and the SHO had a frank discussion about how that wasn't happening. Turns out nurses told him there was no beds when there was two. Not sure what they were at. Anyway nearly there 8/35 radio fractions left and one big bang of chemo. Skin around neck and back quite burnt now so would imagine next week and the week after will be ouchy. Throat still not that sore so not using much morphine. They think I am being a brave little soldier as they say it looks very sore but it genuinely isn't that bad. Totally soft diet now which means soup but it's fine. They wanted to put in the feeding tube at one point but I persuaded them against it as I thought I could do without. So far so goodish. Cancer last night 8 this morning a lowly 4


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:29 am 
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I only occasionally dip into this thread. f**king hell Floppy and ER. Best wishes to both of you.

Can't even begin to imagine having to deal with that. My grandad finally succumbed to it earlier this year. Still occasionally get pangs of grief. I have absolutely no idea how my dad coped so well. Absolute hero, as was my grandad.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:35 am 
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Buddy of mine went through a rough patch a while ago after a break up. Struggled with depression on and off for a long time. He got a bike at one point and it's his new favourite past time. I was worried that he was driving way too fast and irresponsibly, worried that he was being a bit blasé about consequences.

Seems to be doing much better these days, but the other day he managed to rear end a car at speed and ended up in hospital. Nothing broken. Ruptured testicle, torn adductor, and concussion. :uhoh:

Hope to Christ he manages ok once he's back on his feet.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:49 am 
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Ruptured testicle - two words that ye just wince at Reading

Best way to get over someone, is to meet someone else. I have experience of this - however if your mate has a broken bollock I’m not sure how long he will be out of action for. Can you just imagine, pulling some stunner, back to her place, you get a boner and then all your stitches Ping out and blood rushes out of your bits instead of jizz ?


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 1:36 pm 
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This is the guy who played BF and was saying all the funny stuff!
The getting over the gf bit was ages ago, but he's struggled on and off since then. I reckon it kicked off something deeper than just getting over a relationship.

I was worried that he'd ride irresponsibly when his head wasn't right, but as fortune would have it, he hits the back of a car when he's doing ok by all accounts.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2019 2:49 pm 
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Nolanator wrote:
This is the guy who played BF and was saying all the funny stuff!
The getting over the gf bit was ages ago, but he's struggled on and off since then. I reckon it kicked off something deeper than just getting over a relationship.

I was worried that he'd ride irresponsibly when his head wasn't right, but as fortune would have it, he hits the back of a car when he's doing ok by all accounts.


I suspected it might be this guy, sex parties and “I’m coming on you now Nolanator” type WTF
Tell him to get on there tonight for some shooting therapy


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:26 pm 
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Checked myself into counselling this week. Guess it's been coming for about 15-17 years ish, so it's never too late I guess.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 10:38 pm 
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Wendigo7 wrote:
Checked myself into counselling this week. Guess it's been coming for about 15-17 years ish, so it's never too late I guess.



:thumbup: , hope it’s right time and place. Hard process but it works. Good luck .


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:56 pm 
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Wendigo7 wrote:
Checked myself into counselling this week. Guess it's been coming for about 15-17 years ish, so it's never too late I guess.


It's very difficult to convince someone to seek counselling. I think it's ultimately a decision for the person affected on their own. Sometimes this can take a long long time. I think I know 3 or 4 mates/acquaintances that could benefit from seeing a counselor, and early on I tried to subtly suggest as much to them or their partners. Now I just leave it. You can lead a horse to water...

Good for you mate. I hope it goes well. You may come out of it somewhat traumatised by what you find in some instances, however it will hopefully be better for your quality of life in the long run.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 5:46 am 
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Wendigo7 wrote:
Checked myself into counselling this week. Guess it's been coming for about 15-17 years ish, so it's never too late I guess.

Good luck Wendigo hope it all goes well for you


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:58 am 
I can’t quite get my head around how crap I feel after losing a mate to suicide a couple of weeks ago .

A dose of the flu soon after didn’t help , but I feel as weak as a kitten .

It’s very hard not to obsess about mortality and the sheer unblinking pointlessness of it all .

Thank goodness my new jobs been fantastic and I’ve been able to have the time off .


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 8:10 am 
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eugenius wrote:
I can’t quite get my head around how crap I feel after losing a mate to suicide a couple of weeks ago .

A dose of the flu soon after didn’t help , but I feel as weak as a kitten .

It’s very hard not to obsess about mortality and the sheer unblinking pointlessness of it all .

Thank goodness my new jobs been fantastic and I’ve been able to have the time off .


I think I would feel the same way bro. I hope you have people around you who you can talk to about it. No use letting those feelings simmer, it will only eat you up.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 8:25 am 
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Ive posted off and on to this thread over the years. Always makes for very sober reading. Wanna wish all of ye, in whatever headwinds you're facing, the very best of luck and fortitude to stay going.

Count my blessing every day for the good fortune I have.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 8:24 pm 
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Wignu wrote:
Thanks for your words all, have run EAP and made an appointment.

To GWO2, so sad to hear, hope your meeting with the doctor goes well and that you and your wife get the support you both need. And as someone else said make sure you look after yourself as well.

Speedracer that was a hell of a post and to be able to post it here I think speaks volumes about the good place you're in now, much respect to you and your wife. Hope it all continues on the up for you and your family.



Thanks Wignu, she has seen the doctor and the psychiatrist and has been diagnosed as having Dementia. Finding it very hard on occasions, especially when she cannot remember which channel she wants to watch on TV or even know how to switch the TV on. I seem to cope ok mainly but find it does not take much to make me weepy. I think I`ve cried more tears this last six months than I had when I was a baby, and I`m 73 now. :lol: The Upside is they have given her a tablet they believe can slow it right down and even slightly boost her as it is early.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:01 pm 
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GWO2 wrote:
Wignu wrote:
Thanks for your words all, have run EAP and made an appointment.

To GWO2, so sad to hear, hope your meeting with the doctor goes well and that you and your wife get the support you both need. And as someone else said make sure you look after yourself as well.

Speedracer that was a hell of a post and to be able to post it here I think speaks volumes about the good place you're in now, much respect to you and your wife. Hope it all continues on the up for you and your family.



Thanks Wignu, she has seen the doctor and the psychiatrist and has been diagnosed as having Dementia. Finding it very hard on occasions, especially when she cannot remember which channel she wants to watch on TV or even know how to switch the TV on. I seem to cope ok mainly but find it does not take much to make me weepy. I think I`ve cried more tears this last six months than I had when I was a baby, and I`m 73 now. :lol: The Upside is they have given her a tablet they believe can slow it right down and even slightly boost her as it is early.


Not sure if it'd make you feel better or worse, but perhaps worth looking at 'The Restaurant that makes mistakes', on Channel 4. A restaurant staffed by people with dementia, showing all the different varieties and situations. I thought it was really educational, as well as touching.

And best of luck with your situation, and don't be afraid to ask for help, share, vent or shed some tears - it's just a way of processing what is a very difficult situation; it's really hard to see someone you love change in such a way.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2019 11:17 pm 
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Winnie wrote:
Wendigo7 wrote:
Checked myself into counselling this week. Guess it's been coming for about 15-17 years ish, so it's never too late I guess.

Good luck Wendigo hope it all goes well for you

Thank you Winnie, Bimboman and Ramming Speed.

Ramming Speed - I thankfully have a sister who's perceptive enough and knows I'll listen to her. It's down to the individual to get reflective on their life and understand why things are going wrong. For X, Y or Z. The subject is material if the effect is perilous.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:23 am 
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Wendigo7 wrote:
Checked myself into counselling this week. Guess it's been coming for about 15-17 years ish, so it's never too late I guess.

Look if it doesn't work first time around, you don't feel a connection with the person you're talking about, you can go to someone else. That happens. And you need to be okay with who you're talking to.

I think they explain this to people a lot now but first person I went to was a wagon who took my moeny and told me to go back to my doctor.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:24 am 
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EverReady wrote:
Week something or other but nearly there. Felt good during the week but then got my chemo infection. Same as last time about 10-14 days after chemo you are vulnerable and I have a rake of snotty kids. Temp up to 39.1, puking face off and off into Lukes. Rang them and they tried to send me to James as per weekend protocols and myself and the SHO had a frank discussion about how that wasn't happening. Turns out nurses told him there was no beds when there was two. Not sure what they were at. Anyway nearly there 8/35 radio fractions left and one big bang of chemo. Skin around neck and back quite burnt now so would imagine next week and the week after will be ouchy. Throat still not that sore so not using much morphine. They think I am being a brave little soldier as they say it looks very sore but it genuinely isn't that bad. Totally soft diet now which means soup but it's fine. They wanted to put in the feeding tube at one point but I persuaded them against it as I thought I could do without. So far so goodish. Cancer last night 8 this morning a lowly 4

Only drop in here from time to time. You seem like you've got it under control :thumbup:


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 2:04 am 
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eugenius wrote:
I can’t quite get my head around how crap I feel after losing a mate to suicide a couple of weeks ago .

A dose of the flu soon after didn’t help , but I feel as weak as a kitten .

It’s very hard not to obsess about mortality and the sheer unblinking pointlessness of it all .

Thank goodness my new jobs been fantastic and I’ve been able to have the time off .

Get counselling, it'll really help. Speaking from experience.

Some of what you're experiencing is grief(even after so much time) and some if it is depression brought on by the grief. You'll still grieve long after he's gone particularly for events/stuff you used to do together and you just have to let that happen. Counselling will help you identify that stuff and help you work thru the rest. There's light at the end, sometimes it's a train and you need to let it pass.

It wasn't pointless. It was real, everything you shared with them, it was real and brilliant. That's why you'll always remember the best parts. It was mutual too and in time you'll realize that.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 21, 2019 6:27 am 
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as much for the art as the information...(from r/PenmanshipPorn)
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:36 am 
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I think we can all agree Râguebi has taken it next level. Any way I might as well finish this off between this and next week. Discovered on Thursday I was getting 220mg of cisplatin not 100mg. No wonder I f**king puked for Ireland. Bloods were a bit shitty as had ended up in hospital with fever again and after intially saying no chemo today they went ahead. Was delighted as that finish line is not for extending. So ropey as fudge now
Had to give my self an injection in the belly last night called Neulasta. €1100 a pop. Cause of all the Infections they have me on loads of mad expensive anti biotics leading into each other up to about day 18 post chemo. I would like to note again I injected myself like Jason Bourne. So three more radio and then the 3-4 month wait to see if I am clear. Pretty sure I am as I drank a lot of peppermint tea


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 9:59 am 
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EverReady wrote:
I think we can all agree Râguebi has taken it next level. Any way I might as well finish this off between this and next week. Discovered on Thursday I was getting 220mg of cisplatin not 100mg. No wonder I f**king puked for Ireland. Bloods were a bit shitty as had ended up in hospital with fever again and after intially saying no chemo today they went ahead. Was delighted as that finish line is not for extending. So ropey as fudge now
Had to give my self an injection in the belly last night called Neulasta. €1100 a pop. Cause of all the Infections they have me on loads of mad expensive anti biotics leading into each other up to about day 18 post chemo. I would like to note again I injected myself like Jason Bourne. So three more radio and then the 3-4 month wait to see if I am clear. Pretty sure I am as I drank a lot of peppermint tea


Keep fighting the good fight ER. Ah peppermint tea.. reminds me of the time MissI chastised F2V for not trying her aunties bonafide herbal remedy for cancer and then got all indignant when people told her to wind her neck in.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2019 10:09 am 
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HKCJ wrote:
EverReady wrote:
I think we can all agree Râguebi has taken it next level. Any way I might as well finish this off between this and next week. Discovered on Thursday I was getting 220mg of cisplatin not 100mg. No wonder I f**king puked for Ireland. Bloods were a bit shitty as had ended up in hospital with fever again and after intially saying no chemo today they went ahead. Was delighted as that finish line is not for extending. So ropey as fudge now
Had to give my self an injection in the belly last night called Neulasta. €1100 a pop. Cause of all the Infections they have me on loads of mad expensive anti biotics leading into each other up to about day 18 post chemo. I would like to note again I injected myself like Jason Bourne. So three more radio and then the 3-4 month wait to see if I am clear. Pretty sure I am as I drank a lot of peppermint tea


Keep fighting the good fight ER. Ah peppermint tea.. reminds me of the time MissI chastised F2V for not trying her aunties bonafide herbal remedy for cancer and then got all indignant when people told her to wind her neck in.


MissI: had forgotten about her. Hope she’s getting the treatment she deserves, wherever she is.

Much love to all on this thread, too.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:34 am 
Just heard I’ve lost another mate !!!


That’s two in the last 2 weeks to suicide .

Both lovely guys and both by hanging .

Reluctant to politicise this but ...


Thank goodness this government is finally acknowledging the problem .

It’s too much .


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:38 am 
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eugenius wrote:
Just heard I’ve lost another mate !!!


That’s two in the last 2 weeks to suicide .

Both lovely guys and both by hanging .

Reluctant to politicise this but ...


Thank goodness this government is finally acknowledging the problem .

It’s too much .


Jeezus, that is rough. Be strong, mate.
EDITED for major :blush: :blush:


Last edited by Kiwias on Sun Jun 23, 2019 10:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:40 am 
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eugenius wrote:
Just heard I’ve lost another mate !!!


That’s two in the last 2 weeks to suicide .

Both lovely guys and both by hanging .

Reluctant to politicise this but ...


Thank goodness this government is finally acknowledging the problem .

It’s too much .


It's rough mate.

I lost a really close friend when I was 25 and still think about him all the time.

Helping a friend in DC via Messenger is not ideal but he has only one other person he trusts nearby. His family don't care but he had to live with them to qualify for his therapy under their health coverage :(

Very draining and it's making my depression flare up.

Keep posting!


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 9:43 am 
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Kiwias wrote:
eugenius wrote:
Just heard I’ve lost another mate !!!


That’s two in the last 2 weeks to suicide .

Both lovely guys and both by hanging .

Reluctant to politicise this but ...


Thank goodness this government is finally acknowledging the problem .

It’s too much .


Jeezus, that is rough. Hang in there, mate.


:|


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 10:18 am 
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mr bungle wrote:
:|


:blush: :blush:
Retires to garden to give self huge uppercut


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:23 pm 
You’re all good bro.



Another f**king funeral !

I’m not 80 ffs .


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:28 pm 
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.wrong thrD


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:50 pm 
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eugenius wrote:
You’re all good bro.



Another f**king funeral !

I’m not 80 ffs .


Thanks, eug.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:17 am 
Truth is I’m now worried about my own mood.

I feel extremely flat .

Unusually.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 4:37 am 
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eugenius wrote:
Truth is I’m now worried about my own mood.

I feel extremely flat .

Unusually.


Sit down with a friend and talk about it. Bottling your feelings up won't help.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 10:20 pm 
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eugenius wrote:
Truth is I’m now worried about my own mood.

I feel extremely flat .

Unusually.

What do you mean extremely flat?

That's a key question. Flat as in meh, flat as in a feeling of nothing, flat as in detachment. How do you mean?


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 10:36 pm 
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My first trip.


Wow.


Best of luck and loads of strength to you all.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:28 pm 
Wendigo7 wrote:
eugenius wrote:
Truth is I’m now worried about my own mood.

I feel extremely flat .

Unusually.

What do you mean extremely flat?

That's a key question. Flat as in meh, flat as in a feeling of nothing, flat as in detachment. How do you mean?


All of the above , but improving .

New work place has been brilliant and I’m going in for a 1/2 day referesher before I go down south for the funeral .

Going to stay at Moeraki for two nights and hang with my old mate Fluer .

Always a good plan .

Thanks guys, didn’t mean to make this all about me , but I’m in uncharted territory here.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 26, 2019 12:20 am 
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Wendigo7 wrote:
Winnie wrote:
Wendigo7 wrote:
Checked myself into counselling this week. Guess it's been coming for about 15-17 years ish, so it's never too late I guess.

Good luck Wendigo hope it all goes well for you

Thank you Winnie, Bimboman and Ramming Speed.

Ramming Speed - I thankfully have a sister who's perceptive enough and knows I'll listen to her. It's down to the individual to get reflective on their life and understand why things are going wrong. For X, Y or Z. The subject is material if the effect is perilous.


Good to know.

Btw have you been talking to old ex-gf's of mine? They're the only ones who called me Ramming Speed. ;)


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:15 am 
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35/35 radio and 3/3 Cisplatin chemo done. Finished up Wednesday and as warned the pain has got worse each morning. The pain is mainly throat, tongue and mouth but drugs sort it out after about 20 mins so all sound. You sort of choke on this chewing gum mucous for about 20 mins after getting up. I do not recommend this part of the treatment and hopefully globus has some ideas. The radio stays working for 12 days so I have a few left to go. Unusually I have kept a good bit of my taste so had a quiche out with a mate yesterday. Burny but well edible. I am told 85% of patients would either be in hospital, tube fed or total soft diet so I am very grateful for that. That taste thing is what drives most patients crazy for often years so yeah thank fück. Overall a mental journey this far. They are doing my pet scan in two rather than four months as they don't like how long it took the tumour to respond. I think I mentioned before but they will just do a neck dissection then and I will look hard with a capital H.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:32 am 
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Nice piece by Greg Bateman on twitter/Instagram.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2019 10:39 am 
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DragsterDriver wrote:
Nice piece by Greg Bateman on twitter/Instagram.


Could have done with a PRO casting their eye over it a bit


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